Who has English jokes?

In the middle of the night, there is no light in the toilet. You go to relieve yourself, fall into the toilet, fight maggots, compete with shit, no one saves you, die heroically, live a great life, and die silently. In memory of you, the toilet is equipped with lights! When you smile, the wolf will hang himself. When you scream, the chicken flies and the dog jumps. When you stop, that smell permeates your whole body. Lice is a disaster when you sweat. Uglier than a ghost when you're not dressed. As soon as you dress up, the ghost becomes paralyzed! 3. One day, Cao Cao went to visit Jiang Gan, held Jiang Gan's hand and said enthusiastically, "Fuck, how is your mother?" Jiang Gan fainted and didn't wake up for a long time. He said excitedly, "Fuck, how is your family?" Cao Cao immediately vomited blood and died! The fool stole the beggar's wallet, and the blind man saw it. The mute gave a roar, which startled the deaf. Camels come forward and lame people fly. Asako said, "Look at my face." The madman said, "that is, people should be rational!" " "5. In a military exercise, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to look at it found that the shells landed in the farmland, and you stood in the field, dressed in rags and with a dark face. You said with tears in your eyes, "I just stole a cabbage." Is it necessary to shell? "Am I easy for me?" 6. Love is empty, love is empty, I wander in the street; People are empty, money is empty, and a single bad karma is at work; Things are different, business is empty, and it is crazy to think about it; The mobile phone is empty, there is no money to charge, and life is not easy. Anyway, all four are empty! 7. Just graduated: Brothers, see you soon! One year after graduation: brothers, there will be wives in the future! Later: Brothers, regret marrying a wife! Later: Brothers, there will be a stepmother! Finally: Brothers, repent and turn over a new leaf, and marry! 8. A farmer was stopped by the police for driving into the city. Reason: No license plate! The farmer found a woman's board, wrote a card and hung it up. The police fainted immediately after reading it! ! The brand number reads: Niu B-74 1 10!

Toilet. In the middle of the night, there is no light, you go to relieve yourself, fall into the pit, and fight with maggots for dung. No one saves you. You die heroically, and you are born great and die silently. In memory of you, the toilet and the safety light! You laughed, the wolf died, you screamed, the building was empty, your dragon, the air was filled with bad smell, and you were covered with sweat and lice. You were uglier than a ghost if you didn't dress up, and the ghost was paralyzed with fear when you dressed up. One day, Cao Cao went to visit Jiang Gan, held Jiang Gan's hand and said enthusiastically, "Fuck, is your mother okay?" Jiang Gan collapsed for a long time before waking up and said excitedly, "Fuck you and your family, okay?" Cao Cao immediately vomited blood and died! The fool stole the beggar's wallet. When the blind man saw it, the dumb man gave a loud cry and was startled. The deaf man hunched forward and the lame man kicked him. Asako said, "Look at my face, I forgot." Madman, "that is, people have reason!" " 5. In a military exercise, a shell deviated far away, and the soldiers sent to check it found that the shell landed in the field, and you were standing in the field, and the ragged woman was dark. With tears in her eyes, she said, "I stole a cabbage. Do I need to use it to shell it?" Easy to handle? " 6. Love is empty, love is empty, and I am wandering in the street; People are empty, money is empty, and singles are hard-working; Empty things, empty industry, thinking about the past and then going crazy; The phone number is empty, there is no money for charging, and it is not easy to live. In short, nothing was done! Just graduated: Brothers meet again! Graduation year: brother, then wife! Later: Brothers, regret marrying a wife! Then: Brothers, there will be a second wife! Finally: Brothers, regret having a wife! A peasant coachman was stopped by the police when he entered the city. The reason was that there was no license plate! The farmer got a woman's wooden sign and fainted immediately after hanging it. Look, police! ! Grade writing: Niu B-74. 1 1 thousand!

(1) Four surgeons sit around and talk about who they like to operate on. The first doctor said, "I like operating on librarians best." When you open their bodies, everything in them is arranged alphabetically. " The second doctor said, "I like operating on accountants best." When you open their bodies, everything is arranged in numerical order. " The third doctor said, "I like operating on electricians best." When you open their bodies, everything is color coded. " The fourth doctor said, "I like operating on Japanese best." The other three doctors looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked what. The fourth doctor said, because they have no heart and no spine, and their butts and heads are interchangeable.

(2) A man called a Japanese businessman and said, "I'm looking for Mr. Taro." The operator said, "I'm sorry, he died last week." The next day, the man called again and wanted to speak to Kazutaro. This time the operator was a little annoyed and said, "I always told you that he died last week." Why are you calling? " The man said, "Because I just like listening."

(3) A Japanese eats in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a panlong shrimp, the Japanese asked, what should I do with the remaining shrimp shells? ""Of course, "said the waiter." Don't! Don't! Don't! "The Japanese shook his head and said," In Japan, the leftover shrimp shells are sent to the factory to make shrimp cakes, and then they are sold to you in China. "After a while, the waiter brought a plate of fruit, and the Japanese pointed to one of the lemons and asked," What should I do with the remaining lemon peel? ""Of course, "said the waiter." Don't! Don't! Don't! The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, the leftover lemon peel is sent to the factory and then sold to you in China. "When checking out, the Japanese asked the waiter with a smile while chewing gum," What should I do with the remaining gum? ""Of course I threw up, "said the waiter." Don't! Don't! Don't! "The Japanese shook his head and said proudly," In Japan, chewed gum is sent to the factory to make condoms and then sold to you in China. The waiter asked impatiently, "Do you know how to deal with used condoms in China?" "Throw it away, of course. "Japanese humanity. The waiter shook his head and said, "No! Don't! Don't! In China, used condoms are sent to factories, made into chewing gum and then sold to you. "

4) A taxi is driving on the way to Chicago airport, and a Japanese tourist is riding on it. At this moment, a taxi passed by and the Japanese shouted, "Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast! " After a while, another taxi passed by. "Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! It's too early! " Another taxi passed by. "ah! It's Mitsubishi made in Japan! Very fast! " Taxi drivers are 100% American. Seeing that so many Japanese cars have surpassed their American cars, coupled with the arrogant language of the Japanese, he is a little annoyed. When another taxi overtook it, the taxi pulled into the airport parking lot. "It's Honda! Made in Japan! Very fast! There is no medicine to save! " The taxi driver stopped and pointed angrily at the meter and said, "1500 dollars." "So close to 1500 dollars? ! ""forget it! Made in Japan! Very fast! There is no medicine to save! "

There is an American, a German, a Japanese and an American on the plane. Halfway through, the plane suddenly ran out of gas. The captain announced that someone had to jump off the plane to reduce the weight, so the American showed personal heroism and went to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live America and other countries! ! Then I jumped! The plane continued to fly ... at this moment, the captain announced that the weight was still too heavy, and one person had to jump! So the Germans stood up, walked to the door of the plane and shouted: Long live the German Empire! Jumped down, too The plane continued to fly ... At this moment, the captain announced: No, it's still heavy, and one more person must jump! China glanced at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the hatch of the plane. The Japanese rushed to hold China's hand: Good brother, I won't forget you! The people of China shouted: Long live the people and country of China! ! Then I kicked the Japanese down with one foot! ! ......

(1) Four surgeons sit together and talk about who they like to operate on. The first doctor said, "My favorite librarian operation. When you open their bodies, everything inside is arranged alphabetically. " The second doctor said, "I like when you operate on accountants, you open their bodies and everything goes in numerical order." The third doctor said, "My favorite thing is that when you operate on electricians, you open their bodies and code everything with color." The fourth doctor said, "What I like best is the operation in Japan. The other three doctors looked at each other with a grain of salt, and one asked what. The fourth doctor said, because they have no heart, no spine, and their hips and heads have been exchanged.

(2) A man called a Japanese businessman and said, "I'm looking for Taro." The operator said, "I'm sorry, he died last week." The next day, the man called again and wanted to talk to Taro Aso. The operator was a little tired and said, "I always told you that he died last week." Why do you call it? " The man said, "Because I like to hear it."

(3) Japanese dinners in Chinese restaurants. When the waiter brought a panlong shrimp, the Japanese asked, I asked you what to do with the leftover shrimp. "Of course, it's drained," said the waiter. "no! Don't! No! " The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, the leftover shrimp is sent to the factory, made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you." After a while, the waiter brought another fruit, and the Japanese pointed to a lemon and asked, "I asked you what to do with the remaining lemon peel?" "Of course it's drained," the waiter said, "No! Don't! Don't! "The Japanese shook his head and said," In Japan, we send leftover lemon peel to the factory, make it into a national treasure, and then sell it to you. When checking out, the Japanese chewed gum and asked the waiter with a smile, "What do you do with the leftover gum?" Tucao, of course! "Waiter Road." Don't! Don't! Don't! "The Japanese shook his head and said proudly," In our Japan, chewing gum is sent to the factory to make condoms and then sold to you. The waiter asked impatiently, "Do you know what we do with used condoms in China?" "Of course I threw it away!" The road to Japan. The waiter shook his head and said, "No! Don't! Don't! In China, we use condoms sent to the factory, made of gum, and then sell them to you in Japan. "

4) A taxi was driving on the highway to Chicago Airport, and there was a Japanese tourist on board. At this moment, a taxi drove by and the Japanese shouted, "Look, Toyota! Made in Japan! How fast! " After a while, another taxi passed by. "Look, Nissan! It was made in Japan too fast! " A taxi drove by. "ah! Mitsubishi! Made in Japan! Quick, I'll tell you! " Taxi drivers are 100% of Americans are a little annoyed to see that so many Japanese cars surpass American cars. The taxi pulled into the parking lot of the airport. This time, another taxi drove by. Honda! Made in Japan is fast, I tell you it can't be cured! The taxi driver stopped, and the angry child pointed to the meter and said, "1500 dollars." "Is it necessary to $ 1 0,500 so close?" Made in Japan! Come on, I'll tell you! Not rule! "

5) An American, a German, a Japanese and an American were sitting on a plane, and the plane suddenly ran out of gas in the middle of the flight. The captain announced that there must be a travel order to reduce the weight, so that Americans could use their personal heroism to run to the hatch of the plane and shout: Long live the United States of China! Then jump! The plane continued to fly ... Then the captain announced that it was too heavy and had to jump off the next plane, so the Germans stood out and walked to the hatch of the plane, shouting: Long live the German Empire! Jump after it! The plane continued to fly ... Then the captain announced: No, it's still heavier. You must jump off a China and see a Japanese, stand up and walk to the hatch of the plane. The Japanese quickly came over and took the hand of the China: Good brother, I won't forget you! China people shouted: Long live People's Republic of China (PRC)! ! Then kick the Japanese down with one foot! ! ......