Any jokes? Please tell a few jokes. Thank you.

1. A toad pursued a swan, and the swan said disdainfully, if I grew up like you, I would have died! Toad refused to accept, and said why the pig was still alive! The pig feels very wronged. I was just reading the post. Who did I piss off? 2. A man kept a pig. He was annoyed with it and wanted to throw it away, but the pig knew the way home and threw it many times without success. One day, the man abandoned the pig by car. I called his wife that night and asked, "Is the pig back?" His wife said, "I'm back." The man was very angry and shouted, "put it on the phone quickly, I'm lost." There is a farmer's armor and a sow on the top of the mountain. Farmer B at the foot of the mountain has a wild boar. On the first day, farmer A called farmer B: Dude, my sow is in heat, so I'll lend it to your boar. I'll give you two as a reward after giving birth to piglets. So farmer B pushed the wild boar to the top of the mountain with a trolley ... The next day farmer A called again: Dude, you can have a piglet without insurance. How about adding another dose today? So it happened again. On the third day, farmer B got up and opened the door, and saw the boar sitting on the cart with a smile on his face. 4. The pig asked God for rebirth. God asked: Do you want to be a worker? A: Too tired! God asked: Do you want to be a farmer? A: It's too bitter! God asked: Do you want to do business? A: It's too difficult! God asked: What exactly do you want to do? A: You can eat, drink and gamble! God is furious: dogs should be national cadres! A farmer bought some pigs, hoping to raise them and eat the toad and bacon in the cave. A few weeks later, he found that none of the pigs were pregnant, so he called the vet for help. The vet told him to use artificial insemination. The farmer had no idea what that meant, but he didn't want others to see his ignorance, so he just asked the vet how he could tell that the pig was pregnant. The vet said, "As long as you see pigs rolling in the mud, it means they are pregnant." The farmer hung up the phone, thought about it, and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination is to let him fertilize these pigs. So he loaded all these pigs into the truck, pulled them into the Woods, cleaned them one by one, and then pulled them all back. When he woke up the next day, the farmer came to the pigsty and saw the pigs still standing there one by one. He thought it must be the first time that he didn't succeed, so he pulled the pig into the Woods with a truck again. This time, for the sake of safety, he tried to wash them twice. On the third morning, he got up and went to the pigsty. He found the pig still standing there, without any movement. He thought, let's try again, so he loaded the pig into the truck and pulled it into the Woods. It took a whole day, and they went home one by one. They were so tired that they fell on the bed and fainted. The fourth day, he could hardly get out of bed, so he asked his wife to see if all the pigs were lying in the mud. His wife came back and told him, "No, all the pigs ran to the truck, and one of them was still honking his horn impatiently." 6. A little boy went to the country to spend his holiday with his relatives. His relatives live on a farm, and the children have a good time and see many things they have never seen in the park. After returning home, he told his mother everything. He said that what impressed him was a sow with a piglet. "What do sows do?" "Hey, the pig is chasing it," said the child. "They turned it over and began to tear the buttons on its belly." 7. One day, a man walked into a bar, followed by a pig. The pig lost all four legs and replaced them with four wooden sticks as artificial limbs. The bartender in the shop asked the man, your pig is really strange. Why does it have no feet? The man replied: My pig is very powerful. I thought our family was still poor and lived in a hut. As a result, pigs sniffed around in the backyard and found oil, which made me rich, built a house and built a swimming pool. The bartender was too surprised to speak. After a while, he asked again, by the way, what happened to his foot? The man said: You know, my pig is very powerful. One day, my five-year-old child drowned alone in the swimming pool. As a result, he jumped into the swimming pool, took my son out and gave him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! The bartender was even more surprised and asked, "What about his feet?" ...？ The man began to get a little impatient: I told you, this is a very powerful pig. One midnight, our kitchen caught fire. It woke up the whole family and put out the fire alone! ! Bartender: Sir! I mean, why doesn't your pig have feet? The man replied with an unhappy face: if you have such a powerful pig ... Will you eat it all at once? The biology teacher is describing the appearance of African wild boar on the stage with great interest. Occasionally, she swept her eyes from the stage and found that most students were dozing off. So he was furious and shouted, "Look at me! Don't look at me, how do you know what African wild boar looks like? " 9. The husband and wife had a quarrel, and when they got home, their wife was livid. The husband went to tease the cat. The wife roared, "What are you doing with that pig?" The husband said in surprise, "This is a cat, not a pig." The wife took it again: "I'm talking to the cat." What do you want to say? " 10. On the busy Shanghai-Nanjing Expressway, a policeman stopped a van because he found a pet pig sitting next to the driver. "How can you let the pig sit in this position?" The policeman asked in surprise. "No?" The driver seems to be confused about this problem. "impossible." The police solemnly declared: "If you do this, you will be fined." "But I don't know!" The driver argued. "Where are you going?" The policeman asked again. "Go to Shanghai." "Well, I won't punish you this time." This policeman is really accommodating. "However, when you arrive in Shanghai, you must take the pig to the zoo at once." "Yes, officer!" The driver is also relieved. He knows that if he is fined on the highway, the number must be very large. However, less than two weeks later, the same policeman stopped the same driver because the same pig was still sitting next to him. "Didn't I tell you to take him to the zoo when you got to Shanghai?" "Yes, we had a good time, so this time I'm going to take it to Suzhou Amusement Park!" 1 1. A farmer in a county fed pig swill every day and was fined by the Animal Protection Association for cruelty to animals 1 10,000 yuan. Later, the farmer changed to feed the pigs with Saussurea involucrata, and was fined 1 10,000 yuan by the Animal Protection Association for wasting food. ? One day, the leader visited again and asked the farmers what to feed the pigs. The farmer said, "I don't know what to feed." Now I give it 100 yuan every day and let it go out to eat by itself. " 12. A group of animals crossed the river until the boat in the middle of the river began to enter the water, and some of them had to go into the water. The clever monkey came up with an idea for everyone to tell a joke. If the joke doesn't make everyone laugh, he must throw the speaker into the water. So we began to draw lots, and the result was that the cat was the first, followed by the monkey and the chicken. . . The cat tried to tell a joke, and everyone laughed except the pig. But the animals had to throw the cat into the water. The monkey's jokes make people laugh their heads off, but the pig still doesn't laugh, and the monkey has to feed the fish. Chickens are afraid, even the cleverest monkeys can't escape this fate. . . Unexpectedly, the pig smiled at this time, and all the animals said strangely, why did you laugh before the chicken spoke? The pig said, the cat joke is really funny. . .