Selected jokes?

Lead: Duanzi originally refers to a paragraph or an artistic content in cross talk works, but with the frequent use of the word Duanzi, its connotation has quietly changed, and now it mainly refers to a story or joke. Next, I carefully prepared "Joke Selection" for you. Welcome to watch!

Cold jokes and jokes selection * * * Hot articles * * *

1. After a leader became the head of a certain place, his brother started a construction company. At first, no one knew who his brother was and ran into a wall everywhere. One day, a local cadre meeting was held, and a leader patted the table on the stage: "Don't think that someone is my brother, just because they violate the principle, they will be lenient, otherwise they will be investigated together and will never be tolerated!" After the meeting, his brother got lucky and made a fortune. . .

2. The night is beautiful, drinking with the goddess at the seaside, and she is lying in my arms and slightly drunk. I heard that women like to be kissed on the wall, and I wanted to try it, so I carried her for 2 kilometers and finally found a wall. * * * Professor Yin * * *

3. Students who don't study after junior high school, luxury cars, luxury houses, wives, lovers, secretaries ... students who don't study after senior high school, students who have a house and a car and have an affair with their wives ... college graduates, renting houses, crowding buses, doing things ... undergraduate graduates, renting beds, pedaling bicycles, relying on fast broadcast ... graduate students, high or low, career, marriage and family are the worst! ..... Has China entered an era when the more knowledge there is, the more depressed it is?

I knew a female classmate when I was in college. She asked me to fetch water every day. Later I found out that he had a boyfriend. I asked her why you had a boyfriend and asked me to fetch you water. She said it was to give her boyfriend a rest! I dragged her to the dormitory without saying anything after listening, and then pa ... dad ... dad. Then she cried and asked me why I did this to her. I said I wanted to give your boyfriend a rest. Did I do the right thing?

5. The wife asked: What drink can make * * * plump up immediately? I answered: wine and coffee, e cup and e cup.

6. The eagle said: My eyes are extremely sharp, and human beings created the word eagle eye according to my characteristics; The bee said: My eye structure is extremely complicated, and human beings created the word bee eye according to my characteristics; Ma said: Human beings are fucking * * *.

7. An old subordinate whom I haven't seen for years brought a new wife to pay a New Year call to me. In fact, he wanted to be euphemistic, calling his daughter-in-law "wife" or even "wife". When he got excited, he introduced him to me and said, "Brother! This is my home. " Say that finish three people all leng.

8. Xiaohong was wearing low-cut clothes, and suddenly she heard someone whisper, "I think it's B." "No, it must be A." Xiaohong was angry and went over and spat, "Don't answer the exam!" "

9. I just saw an immoral comment of Sochi Winter Olympics: British girl Christie not only slipped herself, but also shoveled the Italian, and finally pulled a Korean before leaving to ensure that Li Jianrou won the championship. She is more interesting than the American shooter emmons who missed his last shot and gave up the gold medal. This is equivalent to not only missing the target herself, but also killing all the other players. * * * Sister Xiao Ye learns to spit * * *

10. On the road today, I saw a girl squatting there crying like a pear in the rain. I asked her what happened, and she told me sadly, "I'm so sad!" My wallet was just stolen on the bus, blare blare ... "I was very unhappy and anxious, so I touched her head and told her with concern:" If you are sad, find a place where no one cries, you are in my way! "

Selected jokes and jokes * * * Classic articles * * *

1. A male friend of mine sent me a WeChat: I'm tired. Let's reduce contact in the future. Me: Big Brother, I haven't talked to you for almost a year, have I? Recipient: Good. I am his wife. I'm screening one by one. .....

2. Zhang, a temporary worker from Bird Blanket Factory, met Liu, a migrant worker and unemployed youth from Henan, in the Internet cafe. On the evening of February 12, Zhang invited Liu to his rented room for a drink. In the meantime, Liu lamented that "there are too many rich people", and Zhang said that "it is better to spend some money" and immediately responded. The three then went to Liu's temporary residence to prepare tools. The monitoring probe of Jiefang Road showed that at 5: 26 in the morning, their breakfast stall was set up.

I have decided to sell glutinous rice balls in the morning of the 15th day of the first month, roses at noon, movie tickets at night, condoms at night and birth control pills the next morning. I'm so excited to think about it.

4. Just now, a master Shen of tvb said stocks in five lines. This year, stocks in fire-related industries such as electronics, electricity and oil will be good, while torches are burning, soil is not good, and real estate stocks will not be good. I estimate that the hit probability of this magical stick stock market will be much higher than some people. * * * Villain Valley Jiang Xiaoyu * * *

5. Let me introduce a Japanese character, "鏖", which * * * has studied five pseudonyms-"みなごろし ",which means" kill them all "*

6. A female colleague insisted on wearing a backless dress to work. I was curious and asked her, "Why do you always wear so little?" "Hey, it's not. Don't talk nonsense, "she replied shyly. "I did it for Manager Zhang, not Manager He ..." * * * This dream * * * *

7. "The biggest shortcoming in my life is that I like black people when I have nothing to do. Otherwise, the mouth itches. " God replied, "I think the yellow race is also quite good."

8. Last night, one of the parties arrested by the Dongguan police suddenly roared at the CCTV camera: "Shit, the World Cup is yours! You are exclusive to the Olympic Games! The Winter Olympics is your exclusive! This * * * Dongguan unannounced visit you also want to exclusive! I am an unannounced reporter from Shanghai Wenguang! Will you let the local TV station broadcast live? ! ""Yes, I won't stop you! " A group of customers stood up and said, "We all came from local stations for unannounced visits."

9. I have to say that the United States really respects other people's cultures-* * * says it doesn't welcome any non-* * to enter Afghanistan and Pakistan, so the United States really only sends drones to bomb. * * * Encyclopedia of English tasteless jokes * * *

10. My joke is getting lower and lower.

Joke selection and joke * * * article selection * * *

1. A friend who runs a hotel revealed that Dongguan has been dying in recent years, and a large number of high-quality teams have long been strategically transferred to Hainan. Sanya is now a sex capital. * * * Eight leaders * * *

2. The first feeling of eating during the New Year is that the uncles who usually move bricks at the dinner table suddenly become politicians, strategists, economists, sociologists and senior film critics; Aunt and mother became senior critics, senior nutrition lecturers, intimate friend story writers and folk anecdote talk show hosts in the entertainment circle.

3. When I met a beggar who kept pestering me, my mother asked me to throw one or two pieces casually and let him go. I gave him a piece, but he still refused to leave. I thought about throwing two more pieces, and he was even more presumptuous. I gritted my teeth and had to throw more pieces in succession. The policeman on the side of the road can't stand it any longer. He came up and shouted, "Come here! Yes, that's you! The one who threw the stone! "

It was lonely on the way to the thin man, but fortunately there were many restaurants along the way.

5. After watching TV with my wife in the evening, I was ready for bed ... After lying down, my wife didn't respond at all! In a rage, I asked her, are you a No.8 bus? The wife replied: no, I said, since it is not the Eighth Route Army, why should we resist Japan?

6. American movies are all over the world, while China people have been filming for 5,000 years. Koreans can't shoot the third ring, but the Japanese shoot at home!

7. I am writing a manuscript in a coffee shop, and a man and a woman are dating next to me. After the introducer and relatives left, they complained to each other that they were forced by their families to have a blind date, which greatly knocked over the bitter water of forced marriage during the Spring Festival. The woman said to help each other, and the family in the province can arrange it. The man said yes, remember to take a photo with your mobile phone later. The more they talked, the more excited they became. What you said and I said were all about the detailed planning of how to pretend to be a couple. I wish you get married, what a match ... * * * Ma Boyong * * *

8. Speaking of snowball fights, the snow is not thick and people are anxious. When they see a layer of snow on the back window of the car, they will scrape it off carefully ... then they see a woman lying in the back seat, a man riding on it, and the two of them look at me silently.

9. A buddy dated a female classmate and sat on the lawn in the sun. This is really nothing to talk about. In order to avoid embarrassment, the female classmate asked him: Who is more beautiful, me or Yun? As a result, he didn't even think about it, so he came to the sentence: one is in the sky and the other is underground.

10. The cowherd roared at the Weaver Girl, "Can you only weave? Can you cook? Do only this one thing from morning till night every day! Then why should I marry you? " The Weaver Girl looked up with tears in her eyes. Cowherd regretted it, so he turned to the yard and caught a chicken. After slaughtering and plucking, give it to the Weaver Girl and say, "I'm afraid you are tired, too. Come on, take this chicken to mend it. " The Weaver Girl was very moved and spent the whole night patching the chicken.