Jokes: Make your girlfriend happy.

1. Send a message to my girlfriend at night: Come to my house, there is no one at night. Girlfriend: I have my period. Me: Nothing, I miss you. Hot spicy dip together. Girlfriend: It's too spicy. Hemorrhoids have been committed recently. Me: Come and watch a movie together. Girlfriend: Well, I just got braces today, just to show you. Me: Maybe some other time. I suddenly have something to do. 2. I went out to run Didi at night and pulled a beautiful girl. After getting on the bus, she said, "Brother, just run!" I said girl, this is Didi, not a taxi. Girl Hao Heng: "Brother, I am not short of money, so come and listen to me!" " "I suddenly got angry and dragged the girl along the wall. An hour later, I kindly reminded: "Sister, it's 300! ""The girl looked at it and said, "Brother, are you going around? You dragged me from the south gate of the city wall to the Big Wild Goose Pagoda. How did you get so much money? "I immediately became wary:" Sister, you said you were running around casually. " The girl was unhappy and said, "If you can prove that I said those words, I will marry you!" " "I said I couldn't prove it, so I was unlucky and didn't want money. The girl was anxious: "Brother, the drip car recorded the whole process. Please check it. You must have said that. You'll know as soon as you check! "I am more and more vigilant, even if I post three hundred, it can't prove it. Do you think I did the right thing? 3. I wanted to have a barbecue, and my husband immediately took me to a barbecue shop. When eating, he put the barbecue in my bowl and said sweetly, be careful. After the sister at the next table saw it, the spoiled boyfriend said, you see people are still afraid of burning, and you don't care about me! Her boyfriend calmly said: Your IQ is higher than her. On this day, a man in rags came to the company for an interview. I asked him, "Why are your clothes untidy and you still smell of oil smoke?" The man said awkwardly, "I'm sorry, my wife collapsed in the window, and I have to take care of her because my home is quite far from here." After I finished cooking and feeding her, I couldn't eat a few mouthfuls, and I didn't have time to take a shower and clean up. It's really rude! "I was very moved after hearing this:" If we hire you, who will take care of your wife in the future? The man thought for a moment and said, "If your company hires me, I will have a stable income, so I can find a beautiful young new wife!"! ""5. After my father-in-law died of cancer, my mother-in-law met a new boyfriend who was 12 years younger than herself by dancing in the square dance. He is a lottery player and goes to the store to buy lotto every day! Mother-in-law: "What are your plans if you win the lottery?" Boyfriend: "If I can win 200,000 yuan, I will open a tea shop near your home." Mother-in-law: "What if I win 5 million?" Boyfriend: "Then I will play all over the great rivers and mountains of the motherland until there are 200 thousand left, and then open a tea shop near your home!" " "Mother-in-law:? 6. After eating the buffet, a local tyrant was about to get up and leave when he was stopped by the waiter and had to ask the local tyrant to make up the difference. The local tyrant was very angry: "I didn't leave any leftovers here." Why should I make up the difference? " The waiter said, "Yes, sir, you didn't waste it, but! "We have buffet hotpot in 25 yuan. You didn't eat anything. When you come, just drink two boxes of our drinks and one box of yogurt. Do you want to make up the difference? " 7. A local tyrant goes to charge the phone bill. The waitress in the business hall asked, "How much do you charge?" The local tyrant said domineering: "Give it to me!" The waitress paused and said with a gentle smile, "How old are you?" The local tyrant said, "42!" The waitress took out the computer: "Your monthly fee is 1280, and one year is 15360. Well, I believe you will live a long life, so there is a monthly fee of 58 years, which is ***890880. Do you think you will pay by credit card or cash? Aunt Zhang introduced me to a boy, and we made an appointment to meet in the restaurant. Boys are very gentlemanly. I pretend to be gentle when I speak. I had a good impression of him after the whole dinner. Aunt Zhang came to my house the next day and said that men thought I was too sensible! I was confused at once. I went. Being too rational is a mistake. My mother comforted me that it was all an excuse. Maybe people think you are ugly! 9. The tonic I made in the teahouse is often stolen. I can't find who it is, and the group says it's useless. . . So I secretly added pepper noodles and. Chili powder, trying to catch the stolen drink, then I generously went to the workshop and took a walk before I came back to have a look. It was poured out. I went back to the office to see which one I got, but no one got it. I was so depressed that I picked up a cup to drink water, and my mouth was so spicy that I swollen into Donald Duck. I want to scold someone who made a fool of me. . . At this time, the front desk came running to me and said, * Sister, just now I saw Aunt Cleaning cleaning the tea set and poured out your tonic, so I poured you a cup. . . . . ? 10, I went on a business trip. When I came back, I sat in a hard seat on the train all night, feeling all kinds of discomfort and fatigue. I went to the toilet and passed the smoking area. I just yawned and stretched. Suddenly I feel that my outstretched hand is very hot, and the back of my hand is still stuck with soot! My little temper is about to get angry. Turned to look at me, bearded, with a blank face. I have a cigarette in my forefinger and middle finger. My mouth was half open and a cigarette stuck in my nostril.

Ask a joke that can make girls happy.

Humorous dialogue makes girls happy: 1, male: We want to be together, female: Why? M: For the sake of world peace, I want you to be me, Woman on the Tip of the Tongue, and I can stay up with you and advise you to go to bed early. "But the best state is that we sleep together." 4. "Do you think there is anything special about my hands?" "Not special." "It's certainly not special that I haven't been hugged by you." 5. "Do you know why crows like camels?" Because crows like camels as much as I like you, which doesn't make sense. 6. Do you want to eat candy? Yes, it will be sweeter if you eat sugar. No, it's true. After all, you are so sweet. 7. "Why did you hit me?" "When did I hit you?" "You touched my heart?" I have never been courting girls, but I am regarded as a good man. I spent a lot of energy and money, but I couldn't get the love of girls. Later, I systematically learned a lot of girls' picking-up skills in "Mountain Love Network", which completely made me a lover. It turns out that a woman is not chasing you, but needs all kinds of routines to make her chase you.

Ask for a complete joke book. Am I telling it to others?

An old man came home drunk and went into a pigsty by mistake. He lay next to the sow and said, "Wife, give me a glass of water." The sow snorted, and the old man said, "If you don't fall, you won't fall. Don't be charming. " Feel it casually and say, "Buy leather or double-breasted." The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked, "Do you want to measure light, backlight or full light?" Grandpa said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? " One day, a barber hit a sugar-coated gourd seller. Arriving at the police station, the policeman asked the barber: Why did you hit the sugar-coated gourd dealer? The barber said, TMD, I am perming my hair in the house, and he is shouting "perm" outside. A man was constipated when he suddenly saw a man rush in. Suddenly a storm began to fall. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "I envy you, I haven't had time to take off my pants yet!" When a foreigner was traveling in Laiwu, Shandong Province, he met an old lady teasing her cat and asked in blunt Chinese, "What are you doing, old lady?" The old lady replied, "playing with the cat!" " "Foreigners are so scared that even old people can speak English! She gave her a piece of dark chocolate. The old lady thought it was dried sweet potatoes and said, "I have it in Laiwu!" " "Foreigners dizzy! .

Jokes: Make your girlfriend happy.

1, the husband took an orchid bowl and said solemnly to his wife, "You can't break the bowl again. This bowl was left by your mother. There are only two left at the moment, and you have to break the others. " The wife gave her husband a white look and said, "Then don't be angry with me in the future. I was dumped by my mother, too. 2. Sleeping in class: Students sleep in class and are found by teachers. Teacher: "Why do you sleep in class? "Student:" I didn't sleep! ""Teacher: "Then why do you close your eyes?" Student: "I am meditating!" " "Teacher:" Then why did you nod? "Student:" What you just said is very reasonable! " "Teacher:" Then why are you drooling? " Student: "Teacher, you speak with relish!" " A beautiful woman in the community opened an animal clinic. A buddy and I couldn't help chatting up: Hello, is this for animals? She smiled and replied: Yes! The elder brothers lie in the hospital bed first: Please help me check, I am Cheng! Not to be outdone, I immediately lay down next to him: Please check me, too. I'm single dog! After a heavy rain, I went home by taxi. I didn't take two steps to get off the bus and found that my mobile phone was missing. I wondered if I left it on the bus. I hurried back and found that the car was leaving, so I shouted a few words, "Master, stop!" " "Suddenly found the phone in my hand. I looked up and found that the car had stopped. The master poked his head out and asked me what it was. I used my quick wits and shouted, "It's raining heavily, so drive slowly!"! "Say that finish, I turned away. I still can't imagine his expression at that time. I went out to eat a McDonald's yesterday. They all arrived at the door of the store and were told that they could only place orders with the US delegation. Then I stood at the door and placed an order. I also gave a delivery fee of 9 yuan and assigned a takeaway brother. I stood at the door side by side with the takeaway brother, waiting. The clerk took it out and handed it to him. He handed it to me. This action cost me 9 yuan. The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. One of them passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two! 7. Someone keeps a pig and hates it, but it's useless for the pig to know the way home. One day, he drove a lot of cars and abandoned the pig. He called home late at night and asked, "Is the pig coming back?" Answer: "I have come back!" " It growled, "put it on the phone, I'm lost!" 8. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant's nest, and the ant crawled on the elephant. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted "strangle it". 9. One morning in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon was all dead." At this time, many students said, "We are dead, too." Then the teacher asked, "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up and said, "I'm not dead yet!" " "The teacher said strangely," the whole class is dead. Why don't you die? "10. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

Girlfriend is unhappy. Are there any funny jokes?

You can borrow an interesting book from the library, which may be helpful. Use and make sentences. A: The train is really fast. Besides, besides, besides. . . . . .