Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - A short story about the modern history of China.

A short story about the modern history of China.

1, "Qianlong turned out to be such an emperor"

Qianlong was the proudest emperor in China's modern history, calling himself "the perfect old man".

Traditionally, in China, the emperor is the political authority, the authority of ideological theory is Confucius, and the scholar-officials are responsible for interpretation.

But in Qianlong, he thought that scholars were not qualified to explain classics, and he wanted to do it himself.

Then a group of literati kowtowed and said, the emperor is wise and the emperor is right.

Gan Long considers himself a master of literature, and wrote 465,438+0,863 poems in his life, which is close to the total number of all Tang poems.

(More than 48,000 poems by more than 2,200 authors), but none of them have been remembered or recited by future generations …

I have hunted many times in the north and south of the Yangtze River and traveled around.

Because Qianlong was too arrogant and extravagant, the state treasury was in serious deficit at the end of his reign.

So later generations, such as Emperor Jiaqing, immediately became very frugal, didn't go anywhere and didn't want to spend a penny.

Daoguang took the lead in putting on patched clothes.

2、

"The Opium War should be called the Tea War"

After the commercial exchanges between China and the West, the British imported the most tea from China in 100 years. Tea has gradually spread from the earliest luxury goods in Britain to the working people. In the end, everyone will have afternoon tea, and even have to have afternoon tea. In the afternoon, everyone in Britain will stop working to have tea.

British people buy more and more tea, but the only place to trade is Guangzhou, and the quality of tea is getting worse and worse. At first, China people sold tea honestly. Later, they added dirt and sand to tea, which made the British miserable. Even Britain has specially developed a kind of tea set called "Basket" to screen the dirt and sand in tea, otherwise they can't drink it, and there must be a procedure for washing tea.

However, China has little demand for British goods, which leads to a serious trade deficit.

So the British thought of opium. Although this kind of thing has always existed in India and Myanmar, and the locals use it to treat diseases and refresh themselves, opium is extremely addictive, so it was imported into China.

A whole set of opium-smoking culture has been gradually developed in China.

Smoking opium was a very noticeable thing at that time, so everyone began to smoke.

Soon, the silver imported from opium offset the profit from exporting tea.

At that time, China's monetary system was based on silver, and everything was settled in silver. Once the total amount of silver is reduced, the monetary system will be in trouble. When silver is expensive, copper coins will depreciate, and more copper coins will be used in daily life, leading to soaring prices.

When you clean up, you panic, which is the primary reason for banning smoking.

Moreover, at that time, a large number of soldiers and officials were smoking opium, and their combat effectiveness declined seriously. Some people realized the seriousness of the problem and began to advocate smoking ban.

At that time, there were two anti-smoking factions in the court: the forbidden faction and the liberal faction.

Akasaka believes that it can't be banned at once, so they think of other tricks, such as planting their own?

But people import opium paste, and there are no seeds. Opium is made of poppy seeds, and poppy is a flower. You need to sow, blossom, build bones, cut bones, shed juice, collect and turn black into opium.

It is not so easy to grow opium by yourself, and it will not solve the problem in a short time.

Therefore, Daoguang tends to hold the view that sending people is forbidden.

Later, Daoguang chose Lin Zexu to ban smoking, so I won't say much about what happened afterwards. Everyone should know.

3. As the last emperor of China, Puyi did two things that caused a sensation in the world:

One is to be a puppet for the Japanese and become a running dog of the Japanese; The second is to allow Shu Fei Wenxiu's divorce request.

The concubine asked for a divorce from the emperor, which is unprecedented in the history of China, because the ancestors didn't have this provision and it was not allowed.

As a result, I promised her and signed her letter asking for a divorce.

Become the first emperor divorce case in China history! ?

It was a day in late August of 193 1. The eunuch hurried in and took out a letter from his sleeve and presented it to me.

I opened it and was surprised. I haven't spoken for a long time.

It turns out that Shu Fei publicly asked me for a divorce.

The next day, when I was out of the palace, the eunuch handed me a Guoqiang Daily.

When I opened it, it read: "Shu Feiwen embroidery was unbearable to be abused by the emperor, threatened by eunuchs, attempted suicide, and designed to escape."

Ask a lawyer for divorce.

This is an unprecedented concubine revolution in the palace for thousands of years. "

After this matter was made public, the society was in an uproar.

Looking back now, I feel guilty for Wen Xiu, too.

I haven't been able to live a married life with her since she 14 entered the palace. In addition, I turned a blind eye to Wanrong's abuse and abuse of her, and I didn't stop it. Wenxiu doesn't know how many times she cried and how many tears she shed.

I want to make up with her and apologize to her.

However, it's already late.

She has hired a good lawyer and been interviewed, and her scandal has been exposed! Soon, I saw another letter from the lawyer, which read:

"Nine years of the emperor's life, not blessed, alone, sad tears, abused.

I hereby request a separation.

Pu should go to live together every few days ... otherwise, divorce ... "

I can't promise her request.

I leave this matter to some ministers to discuss, and there is no good plan.

When Wanrong learned of this incident, she added fuel to the fire and urged to agree to divorce Wen Xiu as soon as possible.

Desperate, and witnessed the crisis of the national situation at that time, I thought, anyway, I am a timid emperor, and I agreed to Wen Xiu's divorce request against my will.

4. 197 1 year, Dr. Kissinger secretly visited China to restore diplomatic relations between China and the United States.

Before the formal negotiations began, Kissinger suddenly made a request to Premier Zhou Enlai:

"Dear Prime Minister, the excavation results of Mawangdui No.1 Han Tomb in your country shocked the world. Woman corpse is really a rare treasure in the world! I was entrusted by a famous person in the scientific community in China, and wanted to exchange charcoal around some female corpses with a substance that is not found on the earth. I wonder if your country is willing? "

Premier Zhou Enlai casually asked, "Sir, I wonder what your country will exchange?" Kissinger said: "The lunar soil is the soil brought back from the moon by our spacecraft, which should be regarded as something that does not exist on the earth!" "

Premier Zhou smiled: "What is my Tao? It turned out to be something at the feet of our ancestors.

"Kissinger was surprised and asked doubtfully," why? One of you went to the moon a long time ago. What time? Why not publish it? "

Premier Zhou Enlai smiled and pointed to a the Goddess Chang'e flying to the moon tooth carving on the coffee table and said to Kissinger seriously, "Why didn't we announce it earlier?" ? As early as 5000 years ago, we had a Chang 'e who flew to the moon, built the Guanghan Palace on the moon and lived there. Don't believe me, we will send someone to see her! Why don't you China experts know these things that are well known to women and children in our country? "

Premier Zhou Enlai's humorous answer made the learned Dr. Kissinger laugh.

5. Zhu De's pole.

1928, Comrade Zhu De led the Red Army team to Jinggangshan to meet with Chairman Mao.

On the mountain is the Red Army, and not far below is the enemy.

There is not much grain produced in Jinggangshan, so people are often taken out to Mao Ping at the foot of the mountain to pick grain.

It's five or six miles from Jinggangshan to Mao Ping. The mountain is high and the road is steep, so it is difficult to walk.

But every time we choose food, everyone wants to go.

Comrade Zhu De also went to pick food with the soldiers.

Wearing straw sandals and a hat, he stirred up a car full of food and climbed the mountain with everyone.

Picky food during the day and often stay up all night at night to study how to fight the enemy.

Everyone was distressed and hid their poles.

Unexpectedly, Comrade Zhu De found another pole and wrote in eight big letters, "Don't take Zhu De poles around".

Everyone saw that Comrade Zhu De loved him more and more, but he was embarrassed to hide his pole.

Extended data:

The modern history of China is a history from the first Opium War (1840) to the collapse of the Nanjing regime (1949) and the establishment of People's Republic of China (PRC).

The semi-colonial and semi-feudal society in China was gradually formed and disintegrated during the late Qing Dynasty, the temporary period of the Republic of China, the period of the Northern Warlords and the period of the National Government.

The modern history of China is a history of humiliation full of disasters, backwardness and beatings, a history of China people's exploration of saving the country and realizing freedom and democracy, and a history of China people's struggle against aggression, overthrowing imperialism and realizing national liberation and feudalism and people's prosperity.

The modern history of China can be divided into two stages.

The first stage was from the Opium War in 1840 to the eve of the May 4th Movement in19/9, which was the stage of the old democratic revolution. The second stage is from the May 4th Movement in 19 19 to the eve of the founding of People's Republic of China (PRC) in 1949, which is the stage of new-democratic revolution.