Love humor jokes daquan

1, men are semi-finished products 20, finished products 30, fine products 40, best products 50, top products 60, waste products 70 and souvenirs 80.

2. I really want to go with you all my life, and * * * rushes into all the lakes and four continents; I really want to spend my life with you. I won't be alone. My heart cares for you, my tears flow for you, and you will always be mine.

Snowflakes are floating in the blue sky, and beautiful leather shoes are leaking. Your acquaintance with me is a myth. Please call me back gently!

4. You are the cup when I drink water-kiss you; Sleeping pillow-love (touch) you. The stars in the sky are the eyes that shed tears when I miss you, and the waning moon is the heart that splits in two when I miss you!

5. I miss that you broke the telephone line, burned the mobile phone card, emptied your wallet and took all the sleeping pills. Alas! But I still want to see you.

6. You are my cotton-padded jacket in winter and ice cream in summer. You are the Apollo in my life. I am willing to pull a scooter and collect junk for you! I hope I can walk side by side with you, and Qian Shan will certainly walk!

7. I am lonely without you. I'm disappointed not to see you. I am not qualified to say I love you. How much I miss you, a little too much! See you, touch hard ... touch yourself in the south wind!

8. Kiss you sweetly, kiss you deeply, touch you gently and hug you. Please remember that I love you.

Dear, please listen to me: "For you, I can go to the moon for nine days and go to five oceans to catch turtles!" " Because: that "moon" is you, and that "turtle" is you!

10 I find you more and more beautiful. It turns out that our ancestors have long said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The ancestors also said: there are heroes in the eyes of scholars, and the hero in your eyes refers to me.

1 1, I exchange my infatuation for your sincerity; I gave my love to my chest; Don't be careless with me, but stay with me forever.

12, love is a brick, and love is a mountain. If there are not many bricks, you need one. If the mountain is not high, just keep it for a lifetime. Love is a poisoned wine. If you don't want to pour your life into it, don't drink it, because there is no antidote.

13, the male classmate stood on my left, the female classmate stood on my right, and everyone else stood still ... As a result, he didn't move.

14, dear, for you, I will cross the ocean and jump into the abyss without hesitation. I will overcome any difficulties! If it doesn't rain, I will find you on time on Sunday!

15, love you for ten thousand years, exaggerated! Love you for five thousand years, hopeless! Love you for a thousand years, ridiculous! Love you for a hundred years, too long! Loving you for 70 years in a row is my strength!

16, Yimei in the mountains, who do you love? I want to get along with you, no one can stop me! I turn yellow as soon as I go to bed. I'm so crazy. I will do it when it is yellow. I am so cool!

17. If the whole Yellow River is poured out, the flame of my love for you will go out. Can all the water in the Yellow River be poured out? No So I still love you.

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19, meimeimeimei I love you, just like mice love rice. You are my bread when I am hungry, my fruit knife when I am hungry, my heart, my liver and three quarters of my life!

20. I prayed in front of the Buddha for 500 years, just to be a blooming little flower on your only road.

2 1, 7 to 8 said, "Baby, let's get married! Just make up an idiom' seven ups and eight downs'. "

22. Professor of Accounting: Kissing is a kind of credit loan, because it is profitable when it is repaid.

23. Actively respond to the call of "Six Eggs". You can only look at your wife's face, kiss her face before going out and sleep next to her face. When I get old, I will never call her a pervert again. My wife calls me an "asshole" and I am a "soft egg".

24. Do you know what I am doing? Give you five choices: A, miss you B, miss you C, miss you D, miss you E, all of the above.

25. What is happiness? Happiness is that cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Altman hits small monsters!

26. When the ninth letter falls in love with 2 1, will you accept me? (that is, when I fell in love with you)

27. Woman: "I didn't expect Cupid to shoot me." Man: "Where is Cupid from? Tell me and I'll teach him a lesson. Touch my woman.

28. I hate myself for waiting for your news for a long time, and the result is "Oh". Do you think I'm telling a story or a joke?

29. Men in love like "all hands and feet"; After marriage, men become "without hands and feet."

Whether you hate or love, whether you are bitter or happy, I will leave you the warmest and most beautiful place in my heart. As long as you are knocking at the door, I will hold you in my arms, because I love you forever.

3 1, I miss you so much, I miss thieves so much, I miss you so much, I want to sleep with you, I miss your kiss, I miss your smile, I miss your white rabbit hair and the faint smell of grass in your mouth …

32. A first-class man has a home outside his home; There are flowers outside the second-class men's house; Third-class men find a home among flowers; Fourth-class family members go home from work; The wife of a fifth-class man is not at home; A sixth-class man has no wife and no home.

Marry me, I will flush your toilet with oil, bathe you with Pepsi, and pick you up from work with Boeing 777. Promise me?

34. An unmarried woman lamented: Why do all good men become husbands? She was reminded that a wife cultivates a good husband by self-production and self-sale, and no man can learn by himself.

35. I am not afraid of anything, I am afraid that the teacher will come to my house. Sitting on my pier and drinking my tea, my mother beat me as soon as the teacher left.

36, lovely you stole my love, stole my heart, I decided to sue you to the court, what should I sentence you? The judge searched all criminal records and cases, and finally the jury unanimously passed: I sentence you to be mine for life.

Chairman Mao, the great leader, taught us that if we want to know the taste of pears, we must taste them ourselves. This is an absolute truth that is universally applicable. Want to know the taste of love? Let's have a taste together.

38. Five hundred years ago, you were a regular worker in our family. I fell in love with you the other day when I peeked at your posture of cutting vegetables in the window. Don't blame me for not telling you! Because there were no text messages at that time!

I was born to smile and touch my heart. I really chased you all my life. I'm worried that being chased by others will make me distracted from my work. I will always be the most sincere to you and never change my mind.

40. In the shade of the hospital, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it and went over to the man and said, "You are so confused. You should put her flat on the ground for artificial respiration. Go away and let me do it. "

4 1, dear, you always say that I love to brag, so please listen to me: "For you, I can spend nine days on the moon, but I can go to the five oceans to catch turtles!" Because: that "moon" is you, and that "turtle" is you!

42. Time is a chain and happiness is a bead. String beads on a chain and hang them on your chest, and you can be happy all your life. Happiness is a stone, and trouble is sand. If you miss the sand with a sieve, the stone will accompany you all your life.

43. Think of me when you are lonely, and come to see me when you miss me. When you see me, pick up fruits, oranges, bananas and apples. Oranges mean you love me, bananas mean you miss me, and apples mean you love me.

44. Weather forecast: I will miss you sometimes in the early morning and during the day, but I will become crazy in the afternoon, and my mood will be reduced by five degrees in the early stage. Affected by the continuous low pressure, it is predicted that such weather will continue to you.

45. After a farewell, the two places miss you for only three or four minutes, but after five or six hours, eight-part essay can't be passed down. In 1999, there were long people, and there were I love you in Shili Pavilion!

Lovely you stole my love and my heart. I decided to go to court. What should I convict you of? After the judge searched all the records and cases, the jury unanimously passed: sentence you to accompany me for life!

47. The fish said to the water: You can't see my tears because I am in the water. Water said: I can feel your tears because you are in my heart.

48. A zero mark in the exam is called a duck egg, a bad person for doing bad things, an idiot for being empty-headed, a fuck-off for being fired, an asshole for swearing, and a fool for reading text messages.

49. I love you To me, you are bread in the morning, banana in the evening, garlic in Shandong and pepper in Sichuan.

50. I fell in love at first sight and bid farewell to infatuation. I want to win my heart all day long and take pains to urge my heart. Don't you understand my heart!

5 1, before marriage, "lies" are "love stories"; "Love words" after marriage are all "nonsense".

No matter how long the love story is, I can't tell you how I feel. No matter how cool autumn wind is, it can't cool my madness. No matter how busy I am at work, I can't delay my thoughts. Send a short message to express my feelings. Would you like to stay with me forever?

You know, I hate you, because you stole my heart, my love and my feelings, and will occupy the rest of my life. What I hate most is that you waste another dime of my mobile phone fee!

54, eat fat, pretend to be fat, have big ears, strong limbs, bring a pen, can't settle accounts, buy a computer, can't surf the Internet, sleep at night, and definitely pee!

If you want a lovely baby, if you are still hesitating about it, then I will give you a little advice-marry me!

56. Please stop looking down and turn it off! There's really nothing to see, please! Do you really want to see it? No regrets? All right! Is that what you want to see? I love you so much!

57. Lanaha, once a thief, was in front of my eyes. I didn't take it lightly. Now I regret it! I want to shout out now: love tiger oil!

58. As God is my witness, my shadow follows you all the time, and my eyes are watching you all the time ... damn it, I mean-except when you take a shower!

59. Will you marry me? Will you marry me? Will you marry me? Just waiting for your words. If you agree, we will get married. If you don't agree, we will divorce.

60, you are a halo, I am an idiot; You are exquisite, I am rustic; Your fragrance, my alcohol; You're angry, and I'm angry. Everything is only for your satisfaction.

6 1, a pair of men and women who met online felt that the time was ripe and met on the third bench by the bridge. The man said, really ... here? The woman said, you damn fool! I told you to pick up girls online!

62. A man's biggest secret is often told to his confidante, not to the same sex, family or wife. When the confidante became a wife, this part of her power was immediately revoked. This is called gain and loss.

I can only describe your beauty as a vegetable. Face is "melon seeds". The waist is willow. Eyebrows are willow leaves, eyes are longan, mouth is cherry and hands are lotus roots.

64. When a man raises a woman outside, it is called "the golden house hides the charming". Women raise men outside, called "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon".

65. Greeting cards express my feelings, and the network conveys my feelings; Southeast and northwest meet, and there are bosom friends thousands of miles away.

66. Experiencing love is like eating chocolate. Even if you don't have to pay for chocolate, you have to pay for weight loss.

67, boy, just follow your aunt! Tell me all your bank cards, credit cards, medical insurance, all your cards and passwords, and let me take care of them for you, including your people.

68. I met you by chance, paid attention to you after two meetings, missed you for three times and four dates, and 90% should like you. I'm sure I love you.

69. Feelings are in arrears, love stops, promises are empty, trust is closed, care is not connected, beauty is not in the service area, everything is suspended, and life is completely frozen!

70. In the past, people regarded married life as a "lifetime"; Modern people regard married life as "a period of time".

7 1, two people send text messages to convey affection, which is called faith and love. They are narcissistic if they only accept it, unrequited love if they only accept it, love if they accept it, and love if they often accept it.

72. It's easy to quit smoking, but it's too difficult to quit you. When the virus of love comes quietly, when you put the first kiss downloaded from my heart in the recycling bin, I decided to lower my love and format my memories. Do you know my heart is crying?

Marry me, and I will flush your toilet with oil, take a bubble bath with remy martin XO, and send you to work with Boeing 777. Use Zhao Wei as your maid.

74. Do you want roses? I won't give it to you! Do you want to eat chocolate? I am greedy for you! Want me to kiss you? Beautiful! Oh? Dear, don't be angry, I just miss you in Doby!

75. Hello, dear! Sorry, I have to stand you up again. The Monkey King, Friar Sand and Tang Priest and I went to the Western Heaven to learn Buddhist scriptures. It may take three or five years to come back. Wait for me!

76. I am Baiyun, shielding you from the scorching sun; I am a breeze, singing softly for you; I am the rain and dew, nourishing your face; I am a meteor, wishing for you!

77. If I meet you again, I will drag you to the bedroom, lock the door, push you down on the bed crazily, cover your head with a quilt, open my arm and fold my sleeve to tell you: Look, my watch is luminous!

78. After a farewell, I missed you in two places. However, after three or four minutes, who knows that five or six hours of seven hearts and eight minds are like carrying water, and it is impossible for the eight-character script to be passed down. 1999 Long life, Shiliting loves you!

79. How can you be so stupid? You have to stand behind me when you meet anything in the future, okay?

80. I walked alone in the street that day. It rained heavily and the ground was slippery. I accidentally fell and hurt my heart. Your name is on it.

8 1, mud is a nest! Mud is the dream of the Bird's Nest! I looked at the mud in dismay! I want to say to mud, I lack mud! Please read aloud in ascending and descending tones.

82. When I met you, I was the rain in early spring. Looking at you, I am the shade of midsummer. When I am near you, I am a star in late autumn. When I have you, I am the sun in the middle of winter.

83. Hope: the leader follows you, the car lets you, the money sticks to you, the court dotes on you, the official transportation accompanies you, the school depends on you, the real estate depends on you, and the lover loves you!

84. The lips proposed to the tongue, and the tongue looked disdainful: you are a gun, I am a sword, and I can't fight you every day.

85. Are you secretly thinking about me? Are you really thinking about me secretly? If you really miss me, just tell me. I won't let you miss me. Be reasonable. I miss you too!

86. Everything goes well, life is better, playing cards is better, taste is better, the younger you live, the more handsome you are, the gold is at home and the money is on the wall.

87. I really want to hold your hand and walk together on the road. How can I express my love? Don't think I am ugly!

88. If you are a lovely red apple, I would like to be a slacker and chew you!

89. With the sun, the earth turns, with the earth, the moon turns, and with the starlight of the moon, it is so brilliant. With you, my world is so rich and romantic.

90. I can't eat in the morning because I miss you; I can't eat at noon because I miss you more; I can't eat at night because I miss you crazily; I can't sleep at night because ... I'm hungry.

9 1, I fell in love with my bed, but the alarm clock was jealous and always wanted to separate me from the bed.

92, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, he may be a Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird.

93, my love is like the stars in the sky, countless; My feelings are like cabbage gangs, which can't be cooked badly; You treated me like a beggar, left some affection behind and ran away. Please love more.

94, you are the sun in the sky, I am the mountain on the ground; You are the moon in the sky, and I am the ocean on the ground; You are a crow flying in the sky, and I am a dog chasing on the ground.

95. Since you have lived in my heart for several years without paying the rent, and since I stayed with you in my dream and didn't get enough sleep, honey, you can promise to be my girlfriend!

96. I have always regarded money as dirt. After you marry me, you won't have worries about your life-I contracted 13 public toilets in the city to ensure that I don't worry about eating and drinking.

97. The flowers in the wall are red outside, so it is impossible to pick flowers. If you want to spend, you have to thank, and a joy is empty.

98. My heart is split in two! Half is you! The other half is for you! Let us be like vines and trees. When necessary, one side is the tree of the other. Let's join hands and move towards a better tomorrow.

99. Seriously implement the principle of "four sons", treat your wife as a grandson, treat your mother-in-law as a dutiful son, eat like a mosquito and work like a donkey.

100, Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the question, and the classmate was in a daze and couldn't say anything ... The teacher said, "Is that okay?" You won't scream too! " Classmate: "Zhi."

10 1. Listen, it's all because of you. You always compare women to water. Water resources are scarce now.

102, before marriage, men often consult with women; After marriage, men only tell women the conclusion.

103, I have been wandering in the vast sea of people, dragging my household registration book and 9 yuan in my pocket, and then I met you and led you into the Civil Affairs Bureau. I love you, wife!

104, I want to send you roses, but the price is too expensive; I want to comfort you, but I haven't learned it yet; I want to kneel to you, but the ring is still in the safe; I can only send you a short message.

105, four flowers in the hospital: queuing for registration, dizziness; The doctor diagnosed that the goddess scattered flowers; Drug charges, looking at flowers in the fog; If it doesn't heal for a long time, the cost of medicine will be wasted. ;