How many "jokes" are there in the New Three Kingdoms?

Funny China homophonic joke 1. A Chinese teacher with a strong dialect read an ancient poem named "Wochun" to the students for dictation. The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows: (A student dictated in brackets) "Wo Chun" ("I'm stupid") I heard flowers in the dark (I have no education), and I fell on a branch and hurt my roots (I have a low IQ). I heard that I was lying like water (ask who I am), and I could easily touch Chun Lv (a big donkey). 2. The leader of a certain unit loves to drink. Once he was addicted to a dinner. He overdosed and passed out on the spot. A man joked, "You are a great man who has been tested by alcohol." You were full of anger (bad), experienced a protracted (drinking) war, experienced a battle to defend (fill your stomach), and died (like dead) after the research (smoking) (drinking) meeting in No.5 Middle School (No.9 Middle School) that you just attended! There is also: in the early years, soldiers had to go through political examination, so it is impossible for a person with impure family background to be admitted. One person wrote in the political review form: My father is a greedy farmer (poor), who grew up from snack candy (chaff) and made a living by playing firewood all day. A woman went out to work and sent a letter to her home: It rains every day here, and all her colleagues take umbrellas. Otherwise, I will buy my life (umbrella) with money. When I am at home, my stomach (gallbladder) is very small. After coming here, with the help of my boyfriends, my stomach (gallbladder) is getting bigger day by day. One day, a foreign friend and I went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi. The beautiful waitress came to ask. Friends always miss any opportunity to practice Chinese and say, "How much is it to sleep?" The young lady was embarrassed, so she was angry. I quickly explained that he was asking jiaozi how much money. Miss ..................................................................................................................................................... said cheerfully, "Yes, what program do you want?" "It's yellow ..." When a leader of Chaoshan area warmly welcomed guests from other provinces on board, he said seriously, "Today, it's a big storm. Or take some birth control pills (drug name "no dizziness") to avoid dizziness. " Everyone blushed. Then, the leader warmly greeted everyone: "Come on. Please go to the bedside (bow) and sit by the bedside (. Two Yunnan people went to Beijing to play. They heard that Beijing roast duck is very famous, so they decided to eat it. As soon as they sat down, one of them said to the waiter, "Go and dump those two roast ducks!" " After a while, they saw the waiter waving a roast duck in front of them and left. One of them couldn't wait, so he called the waiter and asked him why he didn't serve them roast duck. The waiter said, "didn't you ask me to bring a roast duck?" Note: ("shuai shuai" means "eat" in Yunnan dialect) Lao Dong came to the south for breakfast from Henan. As soon as he entered the door, he asked, "Miss, how much is it to sleep (bowl) in jiaozi for one night? "The waiter was very unhappy and said," No, only steamed bread. " Old Dong said, "Oh, it's okay to touch the steamed bread." The waiter was so angry that he scolded, "rogue! Old Dong was surprised: "Sixty cents?" It's too cheap! "A soldier was captured in Sichuan, and the officer promised to grant him three wishes before killing him. The soldier said I wanted to say a few words to my horse. The enemy agreed. The next day, the horse came back and brought back a beautiful woman. The officer said he had two wishes, and the soldier said I had a few words with my horse. The enemy agreed. The next day, the horse returned. I brought back another beautiful woman. The soldier spent another night with the beautiful woman. The officer said you had one last wish. The soldier still said I wanted to talk to my horse. The officer was very surprised and went to the stable to eavesdrop. He saw the soldier holding the horse's ear and shouted, "I told you to take a woman (brigade), not a woman!" "Some people in Guangxi speak Mandarin, their pronunciation is inaccurate, and they often have obvious local accents! What is common is: empty reading becomes a public, mouth reading becomes a dog, and wind reading is crazy, which leads to the following joke: friends are far away, and eating usually requires a plate of snails, and the owner picks up one and says, public! He abandoned it, picked up the other one and said, it's a male again! Mouth is not short: it's a man again! My friend was surprised and thought: awesome! Guangxi people are too powerful! Even the male and female snails can see it! I also invited my friends to dinner. People in Guangxi have a little cold and find themselves sitting under the air outlet of the air conditioner. They said, I have a cold and can't sit next to a mad dog. After that, I changed seats. On New Year's Eve, my friend took two international students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is cautious. During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then he raised his glass to propose a toast to everyone, raised his head and gulped it down, then said, "I'm from Yangon. At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management. He said: "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong; Don't be an official! "There is a family named Pan, and the elders in the family passed away. At the family festival, an old gentleman with a strong accent was invited to be the master of ceremonies. The obituary reads: Filial piety: Pan Genke's filial daughter-in-law: Chi's filial granddaughter: Pan Liangci's filial grandson: Pan Daoshi, but this old gentleman is blind and his pronunciation is not standard. When he called the roll according to the obituary, anyone who literally had three points of water or left the capital missed it. So I read it to him like this: "filial piety, flip ... and fight ..." Xiao Wen felt very strange, but he was afraid to ask, so he turned a somersault. Then he said, "filial daughter-in-law, it is ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… So the filial daughter-in-law also turned a somersault. Again: "Filial piety granddaughter, turn it over twice. Hearing this, the filial granddaughter thinks that my parents have turned over, and I want to turn over! So I turned two somersaults. At this time, Sun Xiao thought to herself, "Mom and Dad turned it over once, and my sister turned it over twice. How many times should I turn it over?" I started to get nervous when I thought about it: "What should I do? I saw the old man read aloud at the top of his voice: "dutiful son … when the manager received the telegram, he thought it was an" opportunity "to clinch a deal and immediately called back:" Take it if you can. " When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket expenses on the grounds that he was not qualified and would not be reimbursed by plane. The salesman took out the manager's call back and the manager was dumbfounded. On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more formal. During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then raise your glass to toast everyone, raise your head and drink it off, and then say, "I'm from Yangon." 6. The headmaster was angry and homophonic. There were homophonic jokes in Chinese. About homophonic jokes in Chinese. The headmaster was furious at the final school meeting about the inefficiency of personnel administration. He said: "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong; Don't be an official! "7. A foreign girl married to China. At breakfast, she was pointed out that she couldn't eat fried dough sticks: "You dip them in. She stood up at once and was told, "Take a dip!" Confused, she said indignantly, "Let me eat standing up. I have stood up. Where should I stand? "Rabbit said," My mother called me Little Rabbit. It's nice! " "The pig said," My mother calls me a pig, which is nice! " "The dog said," My mother called me a puppy, which is also very nice! "The chicken said," You talk, I'll go first! " The rabbit said, "I am a son of a bitch rabbit!" " ! "The pig said," I'm a son of a bitch! " The chicken said, "I'm a son of a bitch!" "The dog said," You talk, I'll go first! " "No.0 sparring partner said," outsiders call me zero sparring partner, nice! "1 sparring partner said," It's good to have an outsider! " No.2 sparring partner said, "It's good for outsiders to call me Second Escort! "No.3 sparring partner said," You talk, I'll go first! " The cat said to me, "I'm your grandmother's cat. It's beautiful! "The dog said to me," I'm your grandmother's dog. It sounds nice! " "The fish said to me," I'm your grandmother's fish. It sounds nice! "The bear said," You talk, I'll go first! " Lang Ke said: "People call me a ronin, which is very nice!" ! "The samurai said," It's nice that people call me a samurai! "The expert said," It's nice to be called an expert! "The swordsman said," You talk, I'll go first! " Jane Zhang said: "My fans say my idol is Ying." He Jie said, "My fans say my idol is Jay." Said, "My fans say my idol is Chang." Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!" The senior math teacher said: I teach senior math this semester, and the college physics teacher said: I teach big things this semester. The analog electronics teacher said: I teach analog electronics this semester, and the socialist economy teacher said: You talk, I'll go first. Peking University said: I am from Peking University. Tianjin University said: I am older. Shanghai University said: I went to college. Xiamen University said: You talk, I'll go first! General Li Zongren said: I am a benevolent man! General fu said to him: I am just! General Zuo Quan said: I have this right! General Huo Qubing said: You talk, I'll go first! Lao Li's door is made of plastic. Lao Li said: My door is made of plastic. Lao Zhang's door is made of wicker. Lao Zhang said: My door is made of wood. Lao Wang's door is made of brick. Lao Wang said: My door is made of bricks. Lao Liu's door is made of steel. Lao Liu said: you talk, I'll go first! Bai Yu said: My name is White. Jade jade said, my name is jasper. Redjade said, My name is Redjade. Xing Yu said: You talk, I'll go first! Teachers' College students said: I am a student of Railway Institute. Teachers' College students said: I am a student of Vocational College of Iron Institute. I am a student of Technical College of Vocational College. You can talk. I'll go first.