Do you have any super funny little jokes? Thanks.

The beauty of knowledge lies in making people confused; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; the beauty of women lies in being so stupid that they have no regrets; the beauty of men lies in lying so that they can see ghosts in daylight.

I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? Look, little boy. Stun you!

One day, there was a gummy walking down the street.

As she was walking, she suddenly said: "Ah! My legs are so weak!"

Once upon a time, there was a person named Yu.

One day he When I was hungry,

I ate myself....

A classmate named Xiao Cai was walking on the road when he was suddenly picked up...

There was a Mr. Banana who was on a date with his girlfriend. They were walking on the street. It was very hot, so Mr. Banana took off his clothes, and then his girlfriend fell down

One day A polar bear and a penguin were playing together. The penguin pulled out the hairs on his body one by one. After pulling out, he said to the polar bear: "It's so cold!"

The polar bear listened and also He pulled out the hairs on his body one by one, turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!"

One day, Mung Bean committed suicide by jumping off the fifth floor. He bled a lot and became It turned into red beans; the pus kept flowing, and turned into soybeans; the wound became scarred, and finally turned into black beans.

One day, while Dousha Bao was walking on the road, he suddenly got into a car accident and his belly was broken. Before he died, he looked at his belly and said: "Oh, it turns out I am Dousha Bao." ”

Suddenly, Matchstick felt his head itch, so he stretched out his hand to scratch it, and he burned himself to death while scratching it.

Xiao Ming got a new haircut. When he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair is shaped like a kite! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved and ran outside to cry. As he cried, he flew up...

Once upon a time there was a bird

He would pass by a cornfield every day

But unfortunately

One day there was a fire in the corn field

All the corn turned into popcorn

After the bird flew over...

I thought it was snowing, so I was so cold...

There was a guy who looked like an onion, and he cried while walking...

Little Penguin One day he asked his grandma, "Grandma, grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, daddy, am I a penguin?" "Yes. Ah, you are a penguin, what’s wrong?” “But, why do I feel so cold?”

There is a hide-and-seek club, and their leader has not been found yet.

On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl: "Why doesn't the plane hit the stars when it flies so high?"

The little girl replied: "I know, because the stars will" Flash'ah!"

A pair of corns fell in love

So they decided to get married

On the wedding day

One corn could not find the other A corn

The corn asked the popcorn next to him: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, is she wearing a wedding dress?

One day, a medium-rare steak was walking on the street, and suddenly he saw a medium-rare steak in front of him. Steak, but ignored him

Ask: Why didn’t they say hello?

Answer: Because they were unfamiliar..

Excuse me:

Who is Mi's mother?

——It’s a flower because of “peanuts”.

Who is Mi’s father?

——It is a butterfly, and the country is "Butterfly Loves Flowers".

Who is Mi’s grandmother?

——It is a wonderful pen, because "a wonderful pen produces flowers".

There was a fat man...

Jumped from a tall building...

The result became... ..

Damn fat man..

One day a green apple went shopping and suddenly saw a red apple, so he said to the red apple...

You have a crush on me, otherwise why would you be blushing...

In the music class, the teacher played a piece by Beethoven

Xiao Ming asked Xiao Hua: "Do you know music? "

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano. ”

Xiaohong asked: When stirring coffee, do you use your right hand or your left hand

Xiaomei said: Right hand

Xiaohong said: Oh, you are so awesome. , are not afraid of being burned, like I use a spoon.

Little A said to little B: Digging...it’s raining outside! ! Did you see it?

Little B was very excited: Yes, I saw you

Xiao Ming has been begging his mother to let him become an artist.

My mother said, "At your age We're still young, let's talk about it later." Xiao Ming didn't give up and kept begging his mother.

Finally, his mother couldn't bear it anymore and said: "We are born red beans, so we can't become artists. (Ji Ren) Give up!

The little snake asked the big snake in a panic..."Brother, are we poisonous?" The big snake said: "Why do you ask?" The little snake said, "I accidentally bit my tongue just now." ”

Once upon a time, Tomato A and Tomato B went shopping together

Then one day suddenly a truck rushed out

Pushing Tomato A over

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Tomato B pointed at Tomato A and laughed

[Ha. Ha. Ha. Ketchup~]

Chocolate and tomatoes fought, and chocolate won.

Why?

Because of the chocolate bar~

The tortoise and the hare... the hare quickly ran to the front..

The turtle saw a snail crawling very slowly... and said to him: Come up, I will carry you...

Then... the snail came up...

After a while, the turtle saw another ant and said to him: Come up too.

So the ant also came up.

After the ant came up. .Seeing the snail above, I said "Hello" to him

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said: Hold on tight, this turtle is so fast. ..

Someone looked like a sweet potato and fell down while walking..

Do you know why penguins live in Antarctica?

Because it is there? It's colder...

Two people fell into a trap. The dead are called dead people, but what are the living people called?

A: Call for help!

Xiao Ming said: "Akang, let me ask you, "A shark ate a mung bean, and what did it become?"

Akang said: "I don't know, what is the answer? ”

Xiao Ming said: “The answer is “mung bean paste (mung bean shark)”, you are very stupid! ”

Q: A rabbit and a fast runner Tortoise race, guess who wins?

A: Rabbit~~

Q: Wrong~! It's a tortoise. It was said earlier that it's a tortoise that runs very fast. It runs very fast~~

Q: The rabbit was unwilling to give in and raced with a tortoise wearing sunglasses again. Who is this time? Win pull?

A: Yes. .

Rabbit Bar

Q: Wrong~~! That turtle took off his sunglasses, too! It’s that fast turtle again ^O^

A man and a woman were having dinner

The girl kept asking the boy: Do you love me?

The boy glanced at the girl and continued to eat dinner

The girl was very angry and asked again: Do you love me?

The boy finally said: Yes

The girl asked again: How do you prove it?

Suddenly the boy took thirty yuan out of his pocket.

Ask the girl: Do you have ten yuan?

The girl took ten yuan and gave it to the boy...

The boy put forty yuan on the table

After a while...

The girl asked the boy angrily: Do you want to prove that you love me?

The boy said that I have already proved it!!!

Smart student

In the physics class, the teacher was talking about vibration and vibration. In order to let the students understand, the teacher asked: "What will happen if I throw a stone at the fish pond?" The students answered in unison. : "Fine 5 yuan!"

Drop out of school

Teacher: "You have just finished your first half of high school, why did you drop out of school?"

Student: "Because of consideration My current academic level has surpassed that of Mr. Hua Luogeng, and I no longer need to go to school."

Xu Ziyan

One day, the teacher taught "The Analects of Confucius" to Li Gang and Wei Li. When talking about the sentence "Confucius said: Isn't it a pleasure to learn and practice from time to time?", the teacher explained: "Confucius, Confucius; said, study; study, and, the empty word; time, often, practice "Review; zhi" means "virtual"; "joy" means "happy"; "hu" means "virtual". "After speaking, the teacher asked:

"Do you understand?" "I understand!" Li Gang and Wei Liqi. answered in a voice.

The teacher was very happy after hearing this, and said to Li Gang: "Then you can talk about it again."

Li Gang stood up, shook his body and preached: "Confucius said, learn to be imaginary. Words, always review virtual words, virtual words, virtual words, happy words!"

Wu Zetian is a great mathematician

History teacher: "Do you know who Wu Zetian is? ?”

Student: “Wu Zetian is a mathematician. He is the great mathematician who invented rounding.”

That’s right

The teacher pointed to the word "confused" written on the blackboard and said, "Classmate Han Wei, please tell me the meaning of this idiom."

Han Wei stood up, pushed up his highly myopic glasses on the bridge of his nose, looked at the blackboard carefully for a while, and said helplessly: "I can't see clearly."

Teacher: "Han Wei is right, please sit down." "

Pictures and Belly

A kindergarten teacher spoke Mandarin, but her pronunciation was not accurate. During class, she took out a picture and said: "Children, take the picture given to you. come out. "

The children misunderstood "picture" as "belly", and lifted up their clothes one by one to reveal their bellies.

The teacher asked: "What is on this picture?"

The children responded in unison: "Belly button." ”

The motivation for giving up the pear

In a Chinese class in a primary school, the teacher told the story of "Kong Rong gave up the pear", and then asked the students to write down Kong Rong's motivation for giving up the pear.

In the answer sheet submitted, the answers can be mainly divided into four categories:

1. The pear is rotten;

2. Kong Rong had a toothache at that time;

3. This will make the person holding the pear help him with his homework;

4. In order to become famous, the teacher is disappointed. >Tiaohu Lishan

Teacher: "What is 'Tiaohu Lishan'?" ”

Student: “For example, during an exam, the principal suddenly calls the teacher out of the classroom. This is called ‘calling the tiger away from the mountain’.

”

Test question

Fill in the blank: Wring out the ink

Students answered like this:

A: Wring out the ink.

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B: Wring out the milk.

C: Wring out the juice.

D: Wring out the soup.

Teacher’s comment: Wring out the juice. I didn’t even write about racking my brains

Children’s Truth

A young teacher had just finished telling the story of a sheep to a little boy in her class. Because it left the flock and was eaten by wolves

“You see,” she said, “if the sheep was honest and didn’t leave the flock, it wouldn’t be eaten by the wolves, right? ? ”

“Yes, teacher. The little boy replied: "But it will be eaten by us in the future." "

Arithmetic is even worse

Teacher: "Your marks for learning calligraphy are too few. I asked you to write 100 pieces and bring them, but you only wrote 75. ”

Student: “It shows that my arithmetic is even worse. "

Banana peel

Mathematics teacher: "One banana, three children want to eat it. As a result, two children grabbed it and shared it. Do you know what the remaining child will gain? "

Student: "There is..."

Teacher was surprised: "What is there? ”

Student: “Banana peel. ”

Exercise questions

Student: “I have done this question 6 times. ”

Teacher: “Great. ”

Student: “Here are 6 answers. ”

Scare the Birds

Ming Zheng was a naughty child. He was most afraid of drawing pictures, especially birds. One day, the drawing teacher drew a picture on the blackboard There was a bird standing on a branch, making specimens for the students. Mingzheng painted left and right, but it didn't look like the old paintings. When he saw that the students had all handed in their papers, he also handed it over to the drawing teacher in a daze. Unconsciously, he slapped his pointer on the podium and said, "Where did the bird you drew go? Mingzheng quickly replied: "I'm scared away by your pointer." "

The Story of Cockroach

One of my classmates was named Zhang. One day he was alone with a girl he had admired for a long time. They were eating snacks and chatting. Suddenly, the girl Calling "Zhang Lang", he almost fainted with happiness.

He woke up quickly from his sweet dream. The girl said that there was half a cockroach on the biscuit he was holding!

Arithmetic is even worse

Teacher: “Your marks for learning calligraphy are too few. I asked you to write 100 pieces and bring them, but you only wrote 75. ”

Student: “It shows that my arithmetic is even worse.” "

Banana peel

Mathematics teacher: "One banana, three children want to eat it. As a result, two children grabbed it and shared it. Do you know what the remaining child will gain? "

Student: "There is..."

Teacher was surprised: "What is there? ”

Student: “Banana peel. ”

Exercise questions

Student: “I have done this question 6 times. ”

Teacher: “Great. ”

Student: “Here are 6 answers. ”

Scare the Birds

Ming Zheng was a naughty child. He was most afraid of drawing pictures, especially birds. One day, the drawing teacher drew a picture on the blackboard There was a bird standing on a branch, making specimens for the students. Mingzheng painted left and right, but it didn't look like the old paintings. When he saw that the students had all handed in their papers, he also handed it over to the drawing teacher in a daze. Unconsciously, he slapped his pointer on the podium and said, "Where did the bird you drew go? Mingzheng quickly replied: "I'm scared away by your pointer." ”

The Story of Cockroach

One of my classmates was named Zhang. One day he was alone with a girl he had admired for a long time. The two of them were eating snacks and chatting. Suddenly, the girl After calling "Zhang Lang", he almost fainted with happiness.

I woke up quickly from my sweet dream. What the girl said was that there was half a cockroach on the biscuit he was holding!

Succinct and to the point

My middle school classmate is famous for his concise and to the point. One day there was a group meeting in the class, which was unbearably long.

Finally, everyone was asked for their opinion. When asked, he replied: "I feel like peeing."

Students from the Department of Fossil Geology were doing field practice, and one student happened to find a large piece of fossil. Lecturer A said it was a tree fossil, while Lecturer B insisted it was a dinosaur leg bone. Both sides argued endlessly. The students didn't know who was right, but they knew that both lecturers were going to grade their internship reports, so a smart classmate wrote on the report that what he found was the wooden legs of a dinosaur.

Electric shock

In the medical class, the male student asked: "How can I move your heart?"

Female student: "Didn't the teacher teach you this? Do you want to use electric shock? ”

Learn and apply it

One day I was taking a test on criminal law in an American law school.

The first question the professor asked the students was: "What is fraud?"

A student replied: "If you don't let me pass the exam, I will commit fraud. ”

The professor was very surprised: “How do you explain this problem?”

“According to the criminal law, anyone who takes advantage of others’ ignorance and causes them to suffer losses commits fraud.”

Sir

Son: "Today the teacher taught us to say, yes, sir," and "no, sir."

Father: "Have you learned it?" ?"

Son: "No, sir."

Father: "Don't call me sir."

Son: "Yes, sir."

Answer

During the exam, one of the questions was: Who was Lu Xun?

A careless student did not review carefully before the exam. He misunderstood the word "tree" in Lu Xun's original name "Zhou Shuren".

So he answered: Lu Xun is Zhou Shuren. Village people.

The exam is over

Wang You’s final exam results were not satisfactory. So I sent a telegram to my brother, asking my father to be mentally prepared.

Soon the younger brother called back: "Father is ready, please be mentally prepared now."

Eliminate discord

A school launched a family problem Discussion class.

In a classroom, the teacher asked the students: "What do you think is the best way to eliminate the discord between parents and students?"

A classmate stood up boldly , said to the teacher: "The best way is: you fill in all 5 points on my academic report card."

Who burned Yuan Mingyuan

Teacher Ask Xiaoqiang: "Who burned the Yuanmingyuan?"

Xiaoqiang said aggrievedly: "Teacher, no, no, I didn't burn it."

"What? You You, you. Call your dad," the teacher said angrily.

After school, Xiaoqiang’s father came, and the teacher said to him: “Today I asked your son who burned Yuan Mingyuan, and he actually said he didn’t burn it. Isn’t this ridiculous?”

Xiaoqiang's father blinked and said hesitantly: "Teacher, it's really...not him. Burning, our children will not do this."

"Otherwise... …, let’s… compensate, okay?”

The Pig Killer

Jia Sheng is a diligent and studious student who works part-time during the winter and summer vacations to earn tuition. During the day, he cut meat for a butcher, and at night he worked in the hospital.

One night, an old woman needed surgery due to emergency, and the surgeon pushed her into the operating room on a gurney.

The old woman glanced at Jiasheng and suddenly shouted in panic: "Oh my God! You are the pig killer, where are you going to push me?"

Stand up

A class monitor fell asleep in class and asked his classmates to call him after class. The classmate made a prank and said A: "Get up, get out of class is over!"

The monitor rubbed his eyes: "Stand up!"

At this time, I only saw A dozen classmates stood up sleepily and said: "Thank you, teacher!"

Interesting facts about vending machines

I have passed the final exam, and I always stay up late and go to bed late at night. I am hungry, of course. Eating instant noodles is the most convenient...

There is an instant noodle vending machine in the dormitory. I was thinking about whether "pork soup noodles" or "sesame oil chicken noodles" are more delicious. After thinking about it, I just clicked on both. , let’s see which one falls! The result was:

"Black pepper beef noodles."

Geography test

During the geography test, the teacher asked the students to briefly describe the following places: Arabia , Singapore, Cape of Good Hope, Rome, Nagoya, Macau.

Xiao Ming wrote this: Once upon a time, there was an old father-in-law, everyone called him Arabia. One day he went out to climb the mountains. When he climbed to Singapore, he suddenly saw a Roman with a Cape of Good Hope on its head rushing towards him. He was so frightened that he ran into Nagoya and quickly closed Macau.

The King of Beasts

"Students, who is the King of Beasts?" the teacher asked. "The director of the zoo," answered Little John.

Answer

In the English class, the teacher was talking about the differences between Chinese and Western languages.

A student raised his hand and asked: "Teacher, how does "dumpling" mean in English? "Say?" The teacher looked sullen and shouted: "Ignorant people!"

Can't find it

"Teacher, you told us about the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom" "Bar? "Yes, I told you."

"Then why can't I find it on the map?"

How do Tsinghua students get 100 points with a blank paper

In the final exam, a boy from Tsinghua University was faced with a very difficult physics question given by Professor Yang Zhenning. He had no idea how to start, so he walked straight to the podium and said to the invigilator Yang Zhenning! "I really can't answer the question you asked, but if I ask a question, you may not be able to answer it. If you can't answer my question, can you give me 100 points?"

Yang Zhenning touched his beardless chin and thought to himself, just you - a Tsinghua idiot who spends all day hanging out with girls from Renmin University - how difficult a question can you ask to defeat me? I am a Nobel Prize winner! Then he replied: "Okay!"

The Tsinghua boy asked: "What is legal but not reasonable?

What is legal but not legal? What is not reasonable? Illegal? Brackets: These three things are intrinsically related.”

Professor Yang couldn’t figure it out, so he happily scored 100 points on the blank paper and asked the answer

Tsinghua University boy said : "Since you have already scored, let me tell you."

"Your 82-year-old man married a 28-year-old young wife. This is legal but unreasonable."

"Your young and beautiful wife has found another young student outside. This is reasonable but illegal."

At this time, Yang Zhenning's yellow face turned green with anger. Face, said angrily:

"Then what are you saying is neither reasonable nor legal?"

………………

The student was proud Said: "You just gave a perfect score on the white paper of your newly married young wife's young lover. This is neither reasonable nor legal."