Blue sky joke

Tommy: Johnny, how is your little brother? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played a game to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

He won

Tom: Johnny, how is your little brother?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He's hurt.

Tom: That's too bad. What happened?

Johnny: We played a game to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

I have his ears in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a bloody nose. His mother asked, "What happened?"

"A child bit me," Ivan replied.

"Can you recognize him if you see him again?" His mother asked.

"I know where he is," Ivan said. "His ears are in my pocket."

His ear is in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a nosebleed. His mother asked, "What's the matter?"

"A boy bit me," Ivan said.

"Can you recognize him when you see him again?" Mom asked.

"I can recognize him wherever he goes," Ivan said. "His ears are still in my pocket."

A good boy.

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You are a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old woman? "

"She is a candy seller."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he replied. "You are such a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? "

"She sells sweets."

drink

One day, a father and his little son came home. At this age, boys are interested in all kinds of things and always ask questions. Now, he asked, "Dad, what does the word' drunk' mean?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are two policemen standing there. If I think two policemen are four, then I am drunk. "

"But, Dad," said the boy, "there is only one policeman!"

Drunk

One day, the father came home with his youngest son. The child is at the age of being interested in everything and always has endless questions. He asked his father, "Dad, what does the word' drunk' mean?" "Well, son," the father replied, "Look, there are two policemen standing there. If I see that they are four, then I am drunk. " "But, Dad," said the child, "there is only one policeman there!"

treat cordially

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest because there was no cheese in the apple pie she served. The little boy of this family quietly left the room and went to Amo. When he came back, he took a piece of cheese and put it on the guest's plate. The guest smiled, put the cheese in his mouth and said, "Son, your eyes are definitely better than your mother's. Where did you find the cheese? " "In the rat trap, sir," the boy replied.

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to the guests because there was no cheese at home when they ate apple pie. The little boy in this family left home quietly. After a while, he returned to his room with a piece of cheese and put it on the guest's plate. The guest smiled and put the cheese in his mouth and said, "Son, your eyes are just better than your mother's. Where did you find the cheese? " "On the mousetrap, sir." The little boy said.

English jokes

Last Friday, I wore an Adidas dress to play ball. An American saw it and laughed at me and said, "Really!

Do you know what this means? It means I dream about sex all day. I've been thinking about it all day

Sex, abbreviated as Adidas) "I'm surprised how he reacted so quickly. When Lenovo was so rich, he was there.

An American helped me out. He said that there is a famous Korn choir, and one of their signature songs is

A.D.I.D.A.S (Dreaming about sex all day) So, this story is familiar to many Americans.

Can be detailed! It's your turn to make fun of America next time. God promised me.

Once god comes to me. Promise me a wish. I ask for world peace. That's impossible, he said.

Once, God came to me and granted me a wish. I said I wanted world peace. "That's impossible," he said.

Then I asked him to give you the brain. He said, "Let me try world peace".

Then I ask you to be smart. He said, "You'd better let me try to make the world peaceful." 1. Tom: William borrowed five pounds from me. Was it right for me to lend it to him?

Jack: Of course.

Tom: Why?

Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.

Tom: William borrowed five pounds from me. Should I lend it to him?

Jack: Of course.

Tom: Why?

Jack: Otherwise, he should borrow it from me.

I accompany my husband on business trip. He took his laptop with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the box. The door was locked, and the man waited patiently while my embarrassed spouse tried to remember the password. At last he succeeded.

"Why are you so nervous?" I asked him.

These figures are the dates of our wedding anniversary. My husband admitted it.

I accompanied my husband on a business trip, and he took his laptop. The inspector at the airport exit asked him to open his bag. He waited patiently for my embarrassed husband to try to remember the combination of hidden locks. At last he remembered.

"Why are you so nervous?" I asked him.

"This password is our wedding anniversary." He admitted.

Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?

Tom: I just took some medicine, but I forgot to shake the bottle.

Mom: Why do you keep jumping up and down?

Tom: I just took the medicine, but I forgot to shake the bottle first.

One night, I drove my husband's car to the shopping center.

When I came back, I noticed that his car was covered with dust, so I cleaned it up. When I finally entered the house, I called out. The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.

My husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"

One night, I drove my husband's car to go shopping. When I came back, I found the car was covered with dust, so I scrubbed it for a while. When I finally entered the room, I shouted, "The woman who loves you the most in the world just scrubbed your headlights and windshield."

The husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"

Mary hates her husband smoking very much, so she complained to him one day.

I hope all cigarette factories will catch fire one day.

Don't worry, honey. All cigarettes will catch fire sooner or later. He said with a smile.

Mary hated her husband's smoking so much that she complained to him one day, "I hope all cigarette factories will catch fire one day."

"Don't worry, dear, all the cigarettes will be lit sooner or later." He said with a smile. Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You are a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old woman? "

"She is a candy seller."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he replied. "You are such a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? "

"She sells sweets."

Nest and hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. One of her students told her that a bird has built its nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What bird?" My sister asked.

"I don't see any birds, madam, only a bird's nest," the child replied.

"Then, can you describe this bird's nest for us?" My sister encouraged her.

"Well, madam, it's like your hair."

Precautions:

(1) notify v.

(2) nest n. nest; nesting

3. Description

(4) Encourage

(5) reassemble v. similarity; similar

18. Nest and hair

My sister is a primary school teacher. Once, a student told her that a bird had built a nest in a tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird is it?" Sister asked her.

"Teacher, I don't see any birds, only a bird's nest." The child replied.

"So, can you describe this bird's nest for us?" My sister encouraged her.

"Oh, teacher, just like your hair."

I just bit my tongue.

"Are we poisonous?" The young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just bit my tongue!"

Precautions:

Poisonous

Because I just bit my tongue because I just bit my tongue. Cause in the sentence is the abbreviation of cause.

I just bit my tongue.

"Are we poisonous?" A young snake asked its mother.

"Yes, dear," she answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just bit my tongue."

A woman who fell down

It was rush hour, and I rushed to a train at new york Central Station. As I approached the gate, a plump middle-aged woman rushed up from behind, lost her foothold on the smooth marble floor and slipped on her back. Her momentum brought her close to my shoes. However, before I could help her, she had climbed up. She calmed down, winked at me and said, "Do you always let beautiful women fall at your feet?"

A depraved woman

During the rush hour, I hurried to new york Luxury Center Station to catch the train. Near the door, a chubby middle-aged woman rushed from behind, only to find that she slipped on the smooth marble floor and slipped on her back. Her inertia brought her close to my feet. I was going to help her, but she stood up by herself. She calmed down, raised my eyebrows and said, "Do beautiful women always fall at your feet?"

English jokes (1)

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: Monkeys can have fleas, but fleas cannot have monkeys.

What's the difference between monkeys and fleas? You may directly think that they are a big one and a small one. But besides, monkeys can have fleas, but fleas can't have monkeys. Is this an interesting answer?

Q: How can you irritate a farmer best?

Step on his corn?

If you step on a farmer's corn or grain, he will definitely get angry; And if you step on the corns of farmers' feet, they will be more angry. Corn can refer to both "corn/grain" and "corn".

Q: What is the strongest creature in the world?

A: Snails. It carries the house on its back.

Because snails always carry a house on their backs, it is not surprising that snails are the strongest creatures in the world. What did you say?/Sorry?

Q: What do people do in watch factories?

They make faces all day.

When you see this sentence, don't think that people who work in a watch factory make faces all day! Because in addition to this meaning, it can be literally understood as making a clock face.

Q: How to stop sleepwalkers from walking in their sleep?

Keep him awake.

How can we stop sleepwalkers from walking in their sleep? The easiest way is not to let him sleep. Although this is not a treatment, if the sleepwalker is awake, he will not sleepwalk.

English jokes (2)

He is really a big shot.

-My uncle has 1000 people.

-He's really something. What does he do?

-The maintenance man in the cemetery.

He is really a big shot.

There are 1000 people under my uncle.

-He's really a big shot. What do you do?

Graveyard keeper.

English jokes (3)

Shortly after an old lady from China came back from visiting her daughter in the United States, she went to a city bank to deposit the dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk carefully checked every bill to see if it was true. This made the old lady impatient.

Finally, she couldn't hold on any longer and said. "Believe me, Sir, believe in money. They are real dollars. They are directly from the United States. "

They were brought directly from America.

An old lady from China came back from visiting her daughter in the United States and went to a city bank to deposit the dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the bank clerk carefully checked every banknote to see if it was fake.

This made the old woman very impatient. Finally, she couldn't help saying, "Trust me, sir, and please trust these bills, too. These are real dollars, and they are brought directly from the United States. "

English joke (4) My puppy can't read.

Mrs. Brown: Oh, dear, I have lost my beloved dog!

Mrs Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My little dog can't read.

My dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh,

Honey, I lost my precious puppy!

Mrs Smith: But you should put an advertisement in the newspaper!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use. My puppy can't read. "

English jokes (5) bring me winners

Waiter, this lobster has only one paw.

-I'm sorry, sir. It must be fighting.

-Well, then bring me the winner.

Give me the winner.

Waiter,

This lobster has only one claw.

Sorry, sir, but this one must have been in a fight.

Oh, then give me the winner.

English joke (6) The party of mean men.

The notorious cheapskate finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Go up to 5 meters and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it with your foot. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Oh, dear," he replied, "you won't come empty-handed, will you?"

The miser's treat.

A notorious miser finally decided to invite a guest. Explaining to a friend how to find his home, he said, "You go up to the fifth floor, find the middle door, and then ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push it open with your feet. "

"Why use my elbows and feet?"

"Your hand has been taken as a gift. God, you won't come empty-handed, will you? " The miser replied.

English Jokes (7) Advice for "Children"

Give some advice to people who are about to retire. If you are only 65 years old, never move to a retirement community. Everyone else is in their 70s, 80s or 90s. So, when something needs to be moved, lifted or loaded, they will shout, "Take the child away."

Advice for "young people"

Here I want to give some advice to those who are about to retire. If you are only 65 years old,

Never go to a retirement community. Because everyone there is seventy or eighty years old or eighty or ninety years old. Whenever they want to move, lift or load something, they shout, "Let the little one do it."

English joke (8) Which woman?

One night, I drove my husband's car to the shopping center.

When I came back, I noticed that his car was covered with dust, so I cleaned it up. When I finally entered the house, I called out. "The woman who loves you the most in the world just wiped your headlights and windshield."

The husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"

Which woman?

One night, I drove my husband's car to go shopping. When I came back, I found the car was covered with dust, so I scrubbed it for a while. When I finally entered the room, I shouted, "The woman who loves you the most in the world just scrubbed your headlights and windshield."

The husband looked up and said, "Is mom here?"

The doctor lives downstairs.

"Doctor," she cried, skipping into the room, "I want you to tell me frankly what's wrong with me."

He looked at her from head to toe. "Madam," he said at last, "I have only three things to tell you. First, you need to lose nearly 50 pounds. Secondly, if you use one tenth of rouge and lipstick, your beauty will be improved. Third, I am an artist-the doctor lives downstairs. "

The doctor lives downstairs.

"Doctor," she shouted after rushing into the house.

"I want you to tell me frankly what happened to me."

He looked at her from head to toe, and then loudly said, "Madam, I have three things to tell you." First of all, you need to lose about 50 pounds; Secondly, if you use one tenth of rouge and lipstick, your beauty will change. Third, I am a painter-the doctor lives downstairs. "

English joke (10) There is one engine left

A 747 plane was on its way across the Atlantic when the captain's voice came from the loudspeaker: "Attention, passengers. We lost one engine, but we can definitely use the remaining three to get to London. Unfortunately, we will be one hour late. "

After a while, the passengers heard the captain's voice again. "Guess what, guys. We just lost the third engine, but please rest assured that we can fly with only one engine. We will arrive in London three hours late. "

At this point, a passenger became very angry. "For God's sake," he shouted, "if we lose another engine, we will stay here all night!"

There is only one engine left.

A 747 passenger plane was crossing the Atlantic when the captain's voice came from the loudspeaker: "Attention, passengers, one of our four engines is missing. But the remaining three engines will take us to London. It's just that we will be an hour late. " After a while, the passengers heard the captain's voice again: "Ladies and gentlemen, guess what? We just lost the third engine. But please believe me. We can fly with only one engine, but it will be three hours late. " Just then, a passenger said angrily, "For God's sake, if we lose another engine, we will stay in the sky all night."

Respondent: love my dream- senior manager level 7-5 10:08

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Comments on the best answer

Very good!

Narrator: YABNV- magic apprentice 1 level

There are two other answers.

logical inference

A fourth-grade teacher is giving her students a logic lesson.

"Here's the thing," she said. "A man was standing on a boat in the middle of the river fishing. He lost his balance, fell into the water and started splashing and shouting.

G for help. His wife heard the commotion and knew that he couldn't swim, so she ran to the shore. Why do you think she ran to the bank? "

A girl raised her hand and asked, "Do you want to withdraw all his savings?"

logical inference

The teacher in the fourth grade of primary school is giving a logic lesson to the students. She gave an example like this: "There was a case where a man was fishing on a boat in the middle of a river and suddenly lost his center of gravity and fell into the water. So he began to struggle and shouted for help. His wife heard his cry and knew that he couldn't swim, so she hurried to the river. Who can tell me why? " A girl raised her hand and answered, "Are you going to withdraw his deposit?"

[Note] In English, besides the familiar "bank", bank also means "river bank".

Have you stopped hitting your wife? Did you stop hitting your wife?

This story is about an aggressive lawyer who habitually tries to intimidate his opponent's witnesses.

A witness tends to give a lengthy explanation before answering.

"I want' yes' or' no'," thundered the lawyer. You don't need to argue about it! "

"But some questions can't be answered with' yes' or' no'," the witness replied gently.

"None!" The lawyer snapped.

"Oh," said the witness, "then answer this question:" Have you stopped hitting your wife? "

This story is about an aggressive defense lawyer who is used to trying to intimidate opposing witnesses.

A witness is a little inclined to give a lengthy explanation before answering questions.

"I want you to answer yes or no," the defense lawyer thundered. "You don't need to argue about this question."

"But some questions cannot be answered with' yes' or' no'." The witness responded to him gently.

"There is no such problem!" The lawyer snapped at him.

"Oh," said the witness, "then please answer this question:" Have you stopped hitting your wife? "

Two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, and the other is a sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow, and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

Two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a sparrow. Who can point out which is the swallow and which is the sparrow?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer

Teacher: Please talk about it.

Student: The sparrow is next to the swallow, and the swallow is next to the sparrow.

"Can you tell me what fishing nets are made of, Ann?"

"Many small holes tied together with ropes," the little girl replied.

fishnet

"Ann, can you tell me what the fishing net is made of?" The teacher asked.

"Fishing nets are made of many small holes tied together with ropes," the little girl replied.

My parents performed "mixed doubles" last night.

PE teacher: Have you ever seen mixed doubles, children?

PE teacher: Have you ever seen mixed doubles, children?

Nick: Yes, sir. One tenth. I saw it just last night.

Nick: Yes, sir, often. I just saw it last night!

Teacher: Please tell us something about it.

Teacher: Then tell us something about the situation at that time.

Nick: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. My father always said, "Wash your dirty linen in public."

Nick: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. My father always said, "Wash your dirty linen in public." (

1. Who and who are the two of us?

Who's with who?

How are you? How old are you?

Why you? Why are you always there?

You have seed, I will give you some color to see see, brothers! Let's go together

You have seed, I will give you some color to see see, brothers, together!

4. Until you die

How far is it, how far is it! ! ! !

Hello everyone! If you have something to say, say it! If you have nothing to say, go home! !

If you have something to fight, you will retreat.

6. You, me, you and me

You too

7. Stop! !

Don't move.

Knowing is knowing, and not knowing is not knowing.

Knowing is knowing, not knowing is not knowing …

9. Hand cousin

Cousin of the same age (or cousin)

Dragon begets dragon, phoenix begets phoenix, and mouse's son can make holes! ! Dragon begets dragon, phoenix begets phoenix, and mouse's son can make holes!

1 1 .. I give you face, you are shameless, you lose face, I turn my face.

Give you face, you are shameless, you lose face, I turn my face.

A car came, a car left, two cars Pumbaa, someone died.

(Description of accident scene)

13. Be elated

be as happy as a lark

Go through an error-free past

Pass by and don't miss it.

Xiaoming: Sorry!

Foreigner: I'm sorry too!

Xiaoming: Sorry for three people!

Foreigner: Why do you apologize?

Xiao Ming: I'm sorry!

16. If you want money, I don't have it; If you want to live, I have one!

Do you want money? This is fatal.

17. My name is Li Laoda. I am 25 years old this year.

My name is Li Laoda, and I'm 25 years old.

You have two skills.

You have two skills.

19. study hard and make progress every day:

Study hard and make progress every day!

A sea of people!

A sea of people.