Please give some very interesting jokes.

In fact, I don't know LZ jokes either, so I can only find more to see if there is anything you want. This is not available on Baidu. I collected it myself.

1. Today I met an old leader whose son just finished the college entrance examination this year.

"Teacher Zhang, what's your son's score in the college entrance examination?"

""TMD, the total score is not as high as Lao tze's blood pressure! "

Just pinch me to internal injuries!

When talking about male left and female right, I stood in the middle unconsciously.

3. God: Say your wish and I will help you realize it? Mortal: I've never flown before. I want a pair of wings.

God: Do you want honey juice spicy, slightly spicy or abnormal spicy?

4. Once a classmate in the class was scolded by the teacher, then he wrapped the excrement in paper, poured alcohol on the surface of the paper, lit it in front of the teacher who scolded him, knocked on the door and ran away immediately. When the teacher came out and saw no one, the ground lit up. He stepped on it for a while ... Don't forget to click the lower left corner when laughing.

Xiaoming series:

One day, Xiao Ming, who works in a company, is playing games on the computer.

The chewing gum boss walked beside him.

As soon as I saw the computer screen, I shook my head and said, "Xiao Ming, I didn't mean you." Although I approved the computer for you, you can't keep it for yourself! " 」

So, at the request of the boss,

Xiaoming is very helpless.

I had to change the "My Computer" icon on the computer "desktop" to "Company Computer"!

Xiao Ming: "It's good to be a teacher. 」

Teacher: "What's so good about it? 」

Xiao Ming: "Reading comics and playing video games don't cost money, just' confiscating' students' things. "

3. Mom: "Xiao Ming, if a boy wants to have backbone, how can he kneel for mercy just to borrow an electric toy?" . 」

Xiao Ming: "What does it matter? Then he will kneel down and beg me to pay him back. "

4. Mom: "Which do you choose, electric toys or 100 points? 」

Xiao Ming: "100"

Mom: "You are still quite progressive."

Xiaoming: "Dad said that if I got 100, I would get an electric toy."

5. Mom: "Xiaoming, you turned on the TV again."

Xiaoming: "It's not that I want to watch TV."

Mom: "Then what are you doing? 」

Xiao Ming: "I'm checking whether the TV program in the newspaper is printed wrong."

6. Mom: "Xiao Ming, have you picked up 10 times this semester? 」

Xiao Ming: "No, I only found it once."

Mom: "Then how come there are ten honor cards that can't hide money?" ? 」

Xiao Ming: "I changed the 100 yuan I found into 10 copper coins."

7. Mom: "I thought you were doing your homework, but you were playing video games."

Xiao Ming: "It's not my fault."

Mom: "Is it my fault? 」

Xiao Ming: "Yes, who told you to walk so lightly?"

8. Dad: "You see how touching the story of twenty-four filial piety is. Can you do it? " 」

Xiao Ming: "At least I can do the same thing and sell my body to bury my father."

9. Mom: "Xiao Ming, I want you to make up your English. I hope you won't lose at the starting point."

Xiaoming: "I lost at the starting point a long time ago."

Mom: "What did you lose? 」

Xiaoming: "Inheritance"

10. Teacher: "Xiao Ming, your mistake is the improper use of words. Now let me test you ... use an idiom to describe the teacher as happy. "

Xiao Ming: Laughing at Jiuquan

1 1. Teacher: "Xiao Ming, please make a sentence with" dilemma "."

Xiao Ming: "I was in a dilemma during the exam."

Teacher: "is it because you can't answer the question that you are in a dilemma?" 」

Xiao Ming: "No, it's that the students' answers are different, which makes me in a dilemma."

Teacher: "Xiao Ming, how did you steal your classmate's eraser?" Don't you think about your parents when you do such a thing? 」

Xiao Ming: "I did it after thinking about it. So you don't have to spend your parents' money. "

12. Xiaoming: "Mom, there is a poor Obasan in the park, and I want to help her."

Mom: "Xiao Ming is so sweet, just give it to her 10 yuan!" " 」

Mom: "Hey! Why did you buy sausages? 」

Xiao Ming: "She only sells sausages! 」

13. Kitten: "My mother is a master and my father is a doctor. 」

Xiao Ming: "What a big deal! 」

Kitten: "Who are your parents? 」

Xiao Ming: "My father is a man and my mother is a woman. 」

14. Mom: "Mom and Dad have something to do tonight, and they will be back very late."

Xiao Ming: "Then I will be very tired!" " ! 」

Mom: "Why? 」

Xiaoming: "I will get tired of watching TV."

15. Teacher: "Xiaoming, you have done a good job recently."

Xiao Ming: "This is all due to the police's anti-vice."

Teacher: "What does sweeping pornography have to do with homework? 」

Xiaoming: "My dad has nowhere to go at night, so he has to stare at me at home and do my homework."

16. Dad: "What? Xiao Ming, you are looking at pictures of naked women. Were you like this when you were a kid? Say! Where did these photos come from? 」

Xiao Ming: "I took it in your drawer."

17. Mom: "It's good to swim."

Xiaoming: "Mom, you are more and more like a fish."

Mom: "You mean like a mermaid? 」

Xiao Ming: "No, you have more and more crow's feet."

18. Xiaoming: "Mom, you said you must finish everything, and you can't give up halfway, right?" 」

Mom: "That's right"

Xiao Ming: "Well, today is the last chapter of the series. You can't stop me from watching. "

19. Sister: "Brother, what should we do if a bad teenager blackmails us?" 」

Xiao Ming: "Chase him"

Sister: "Can you beat them? 」

Xiao Ming: "I just need to hit you."

20. Teacher: "Xiao Ming, your beautiful works are so good that the school will send you to participate in the city-wide competition tomorrow. 」

Xiao Ming: "No"

Teacher: "Why? 」?

Xiaoming: "My father did the work. He will go to work tomorrow."

2 1. Mom: "Don't go to school alone, lest you be blackmailed by bad teenagers."

Xiao Ming: "But none of my classmates will go with me."

Mom: "Why? 」

Sister: "They are afraid of being blackmailed by their brother."

22. Xiaoming: "Mom, I lost the fight with the kitten last time, and I won this time."

Mom: "Why did you call twice in a row? 」

Xiao Ming: "Didn't you teach me to stand up when I fell down?" ! 」

23. Mom: "Xiao Ming, look, my sister got 100, and you only got 50."

Xiao Ming: "I did as you said."

Mom: "What did I say? 」

Xiao Ming: "You said I wish I had half my sister."

24. Sister: "Brother, you are the cleanest person I have ever seen."

Xiao Ming: "I'm flattered." "How did you see that? 」

Sister: "Anyway, you totally push."

25. Xiaoming: "Teacher, I want to go to the toilet."

Teacher: "No, it's class time." "Why don't you go after class just now? 」

Xiaoming: "The time after class is so precious, what a pity to use it to go to the toilet!" " ! 」

26. Teacher: "Boys and girls will have secondary sexual characteristics when they reach puberty, and girls' flat breasts will bulge, just like ..."

Xiao Ming: "I like double airbags"

27. Mom: "I have to go home as soon as the summer cram school is over. Why not listen? " I hate people who don't come home on time ... "

Xiao Ming: "Why are you so angry? I'm not angry that you didn't go home to cook immediately after work! 」

28. Xiaoming: "Sister, why do you study so hard? 」

Sister: "All because of you"?

Xiao Ming: "Me? 」

Sister: "Yes, someone in our family must be promising!" " ! 」

29. Teacher: "First aid class now" "Someone is injured, what should I do first? 」

Xiao Ming: "I know" and "Ask him if he wants organ donation? 」

Teacher: "

Now in the first aid class, do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation first, and then repeat. What will happen? 」

Xiaoming: "Someone will sue you for sexual harassment."

30. Xiaoming went to buy glasses, and the clerk asked if you had a history of glasses. Xiao Ming felt sick, but he took out the mirror and looked at it, then said there was no chewing gum! ! !

3 1. It is said that once there was a big fat man who jumped from the twentieth floor. As a result, he became. . . . What?

Fat man! ! ! ?

There is another one:?

One day, Xiao Ming and Xiao Hong had a fight. Xiao Ming was beaten by Xiao Hong, so Xiao Ming thought, "I am so depressed that I can't even beat a girl!" " "The more I think about it, the more angry I get, the more I think about it. As a result, I jumped from the classroom window . . ?

But why didn't he die?

Answer: Because he fell on the fat man. . . . ?

The next day?

Xiaohong felt guilty about Xiaoming jumping off the building, so she jumped off the building along that window, but why did she die? ?

Because it has been too long, the dead fat body has rotted and has no elasticity. . . . . ?

32. Xiaoming owes 200,000 yuan to the underground bank. Xiao Ming begged him to stay a few more days.

The person in the bank said: Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers; The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; the third day ...

Xiaoming: Is it necessary to return it?

Banker: No, then you will become a tinker bell.

Whenever your face changes, my heart will break, but you never know. There are always a few grandfathers every month. His face changed from red to green, then to yellow, then to blue, then to purple, then to blue, and finally left me …

34. A China teacher read an ancient poem named Lu You to her students and asked them to dictate.

The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows

A student dictated the following

Wo Chun/I am stupid

Mume smells the flowers./I have no culture.

Lying on a branch hurts my ass,/I have a low IQ,

I'm lying in the distance like water,/asking who I am,

Eduardo Chun Lv. /A big donkey.

The coast is green,/I am a donkey,

The coast seems to be green,/I am a donkey,

The coast is like a dark green. /I'm an ass/

Nowadays, the film and television works are getting more and more vulgar, and there are roughly three results. 1: Good people kill bad people and live a happy life from now on. The bad guy finally repented, became a good guy and lived a happy life. 3. Good guys and bad guys mutually assured destruction ...

I have been looking for the landlord for more than half an hour. Take a look. I found all these myself. See if it works. If it works, please ask the landlord to give me some. I'm not busy for half an hour. Thank you!