I am in urgent need of N hilarious jokes! ! Please! !

There were two cows eating grass. Cow A asked cow B, "What does your grass taste like?" Cow B replied, "Strawberry flavor." Cow A went over and took a bite and said, "You lied to me!" Niu B said, "Idiot! I said grass has no taste!" One day, Xiao Ming's grandfather brought back a box of sweet potatoes. Later, Xiao Ming was very puzzled, so he asked his grandfather: "Grandpa, you grow sweet potatoes!" ? Grandpa said angrily: You are the only one who grows sweet potatoes! Xiao Ming was puzzled again, so he ran to the kitchen and asked his mother: Mom... Grandpa grows sweet potatoes! ? Mom said angrily: Who said that! You just grow sweet potatoes! Don't talk nonsense! ! ! Xiao Ming is really confused~ What did I say wrong? Grandpa is planting sweet potatoes~ Did I say something wrong? Later, a few days later, grandpa passed away suddenly. Xiao Ming, Xiao Ming’s parents, Xiao Ming’s sister and brother were very sad... So Xiao Ming said in front of his grandpa’s grave: Grandpa, I feel sorry for you. I’ll plant sweet potatoes until now. He died, so pitiful~ Wow... then the crow passed by... quack quack... Xiao Ming's mother said: Xiao Ming! Why are you so rude! come over! Xiao Ming replied: Mom~ have you forgotten? A few days ago, grandpa brought a box of sweet potatoes back to plant, and it took a few days for the current situation to appear. Do you think grandpa is miserable? I said poor grandpa. The whole family: speechless... .......(This fact tells us, never grow sweet potatoes) Whatever your identity, you have an ID card. Is that the turning point? It's clearly the fracture point. Counting sheep was done by foreigners because sheep and sleep are homophones, so dumplings should be counted. "It is the duty of every citizen to despise you." Zi Qiao: It was still when I was in high school. One day I dreamed that I was taking an exam. , I suddenly woke up after that, and something even more frightening happened. It turned out that I was really testing. My advantages are: I am very handsome; but my shortcomings are: I am not very handsome. I am really not a celebrity, I am just a human being. A gentleman hides his balls, but a villain hides his penis! The four great tragedies: drinking soup and peeing on his crotch, peeing and wetting his shoes, shitting and tearing paper, and farting and exploding feces. 1 A fish asked the guy next to him: "What kind of fish are you?" What's your name? Why does it look so weird?" The guy next to me said: "First, I'm not a fish, I'm a human; second, my name is Qu Yuan and I'm about to fucking drown; third, I talked to you seven seconds ago. I told you once, don’t fucking bother me!” 2. A big man in black came to the hotel and shouted to the waiter: “Waiter, bring all the good food and wine, otherwise, I’ll take your dog.” Life!" "Yes, sir." The waiter died because he mistook "wine and vegetables" as "leeks." There is a hide-and-seek club, and their leader has not yet been found. There was a man who looked like an onion and cried as he walked. On a hot afternoon, a match head itched, scratched and scratched, and then caught fire. So he went to the hospital to get a bandage, and when he came out, it turned into a cotton swab. Why doesn't medium-rare steak say hello to medium-rare? Because they are not familiar with it. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. Banana, who was walking in front, suddenly felt very hot. He said, "It's so hot. I need to take off my clothes." As a result, he peeled off the skin. As a result, the banana behind fell down. Once upon a time, there was a bun who felt hungry while walking on the road and ate himself. Once upon a time there was a loaf of bread walking down the street. He felt hungry and ate himself. Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball for a long time. He said, "I'm so tired. I feel like my whole body has softened." Once upon a time, there was a bird. He would pass by a cornfield every day, but unfortunately Yes, one day there was a fire in that cornfield and all the corn turned into popcorn! After the bird flew over... I thought it was snowing and was freezing to death. Xiao Ming got a new haircut. When he came to school the next day, his classmates saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiao Ming, your hair looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved, so he ran outside and cried. As he cried, he flew up. The fish said: "I keep my eyes open all the time because I don't want to leave you." The water said: "I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and pick you up." The pot said: "It's so damn fast. He’s so stubborn even after he’s matured.” Xiaobai looks a lot like his brother, do you know why? Because: He’s really like Dabai.

A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze. When he was bored, he started to pluck out his own hair. One... two... three... Finally, no hair was left, and then he died of cold. Make a V with two fingers, what is it? Yes! The hand trembles and reaches down, what is it? It’s fallen leaves! Stretch out four fingers. How many are they? FOUR, bend four fingers, what is it? WONDERFUL! (Curved FOUR) When the millionaire was driving a luxury Lincoln sedan through a village, he saw two beggars pulling grass to eat on the side of the road. The millionaire immediately stopped the car. "Why are you eating grass?" "We really have no money..." a beggar replied. "Really, get in the car and go to my house." "I still have a wife and two children at home..." a beggar muttered. "Call them here." The rich man pointed to the other beggar. "And you, call your family members." "My family is quite large. In addition to my wife, I have five children." Another beggar said. "It doesn't matter, call them all, go quickly!" Just like that, the two beggars and their families got into the car. Fortunately, it was an extended car. During the trip, a beggar's wife said gratefully: "Boss, you are so kind. You can even invite poor people like us to your home." The millionaire replied: "It's nothing. I just came back from abroad, and my house has been closed." No one is taking care of it, and the lawn in the yard may be more than one meter high. You can eat as much as you want. "Who among the wolves, tigers, and lions will definitely be eliminated from the game? Wolf, because: Momotaro (eliminating the wolf). Once upon a time there was a little lamb. One day he went out to play and met a big bad wolf. The big bad wolf said: "I'm going to eat you!" Guess what happened? As a result, the big bad wolf ate the lamb. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by the big bad wolf. The big bad wolf effortlessly destroyed the thatched house, the wooden house, and the brick house. The three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but they were still caught up by the big bad wolf. The three little pigs said desperately, "It's up to you." We give up, do whatever you want. At this time, the big bad wolf smiled evilly and said with saliva: "Then tell me where is Little Red Riding Hood?" The stone and the rice cake fought, and when he was angry, he kicked the rice cake into the sea. Later, there was a couple who made a private life-long commitment, but the man had to serve in the military abroad. Before leaving, he gave her a ring and agreed to meet here three years later with the ring. Three years later, the woman did not find the man, so she threw the ring into the sea in sadness. In fact, it was the woman who remembered the wrong place. When the man came back, he couldn't find the woman and was fishing sadly at the beach. Suddenly he caught something. Guess what it was, it was rice cakes. Later, he finally caught a fish and bit something hard while eating it. What do you think it was? It's fish bones. Once upon a time, a man was fishing and caught a squid. Squid begged him: Please let me go! The man said: Okay, then let me test you with a few questions. Squid was very happy and said: You take the test! Then people grilled the squid. The diver's move was very difficult. He did a triple twist, a triple front flip, a triple triple half flip, and a back flip for a month. Reasons why I don’t want to be a teacher: The best student When I first started going to class, I liked to go to school smoking. Especially when you smoke into school, you will attract the attention of many students. A few days after entering the school, several students admired me very much: "Brother, you have such a temper! You dare to smoke into the school. What is your name? We will follow you from now on!" He replied: "My name is teacher!" They suddenly dispersed and I was depressed for 20 minutes! The most awesome student was smoking outside the office that day, and he was happily smoking. Suddenly his cigarette was snatched away by someone, "Which class are you a student in? You are so brave! You actually smoked in front of the office door!" I was extremely depressed and took out my cigarette. Two cigarettes came, "Come on, teacher! Don't tell the principal!" The teacher was stunned! Several other teachers laughed so hard that they fell under the table. Best Undercover On the first day of class, I went very early and went to the classroom to get to know the students.

The Frenchman said again: "I also want a beautiful woman!" The fairy also satisfied him and gave him a beautiful woman. The French finally said: "Send me back to France." After the fairy sent the French back to China, he asked the Chinese what they wanted. The Chinese said: "Let's have a bottle of Erguotou first." The god gave it to him. Ask him what his second wish is. The Chinese said: "Another bottle of Erguotou!" The god asked him what his third wish was. The Chinese said: "I miss the French and Americans very much. Please bring them back." The French and Americans were extremely popular, but they had no choice but to continue walking. While walking, I saw another bottle. After opening the stopper, another person appeared. The person said: "I am the younger brother of the fairy just now. My magic power is not as strong as his, so I can only grant two wishes for each of you." France The people and the Americans agreed that it would be better to let the Chinese speak first, lest they come back later. So the Chinese said: "Then let's have a bottle of Erguotou first." The god fulfilled his wish. The French and Americans urged the Chinese to express their second wish quickly. After drinking Erguotou, the Chinese said to the gods calmly: "Okay, it's okay, you can go away." An American, a Japanese, and a Chinese were exploring in the jungle. As a result, they were all captured by the cannibal tribe. But the tribal chief said: "I am in a good mood today and I will not eat you, but you will all have to suffer a hundred blows, but before you get a blow, you can have one wish come true." The Americans were the first to suffer the blow. He said: "Before I hit the board, put a cushion on my butt." After putting it on, the boards fell like raindrops. At first, 70 boards were okay, but after 70 boards, the cushion was smashed, and then the boards were bloody... After the beating... , the United States walked away touching its butt. When the Japanese saw this, they asked for 10 mattresses. After 1, 2, 3...100 beatings, the Japanese stood up, patted their butts, and said it was fine; then they boasted about their ability to imitate and recreate, and wanted to sit back and watch the Chinese show. The Chinese slowly lay down and said leisurely: "Come on, put the Japanese on my mat."... Snakes, ants, spiders, and centipedes were playing mahjong at home. After 8 laps, the cigarette was finished. Let's discuss who should buy cigarettes. The snake said: I have no legs, I won't go, let the ants go. The ant said: The spider has eight legs, which are more than mine. Let the spider go. The spider said: No matter how many legs I have, I can't compare to the centipede. Let the centipede go. The centipede was helpless and thought: There is no way, who let me have more legs? So Centipede went out to buy cigarettes... More than an hour later, Centipede didn't come back. Two hours later, Centipede didn't come back to buy cigarettes. So everyone asked Spider to go out and take a look. As soon as Spider went out, he saw Centipede sitting at the door. Spider was very angry and asked: Why don't you go? Everyone is waiting. Centipede was also anxious and said: Nonsense! You have to wait until I put on my shoes! ! Let others see his smile. Our math teacher loves to laugh and make others see his smile. One day, in a math class, the math teacher grinned, pointed at his smile, and said: "Students, please use an idiom to describe my smile!" At this time, a classmate below blurted out: "Smiling nine springs. "To prevent him from failing the exam, God will give him a great job. He must first steal his chat tools, block his Weibo, confiscate his computer, and seize his mobile phone. This will make him anxious and bored, and he can only focus on studying, so that he will not be distracted. Failed! I am a popsicle sausage. I felt very cold when I was locked in the refrigerator. Then I looked at the other popsicle next to me and felt a little comforted. I said, "Look at you, you are frozen like this. Your whole body is covered with ice!" That one said: " Sorry, I'm Popsicle. "You're the bad guy. One day you go home on vacation. I took the train back to save money. It was almost midnight when we arrived at our destination. We had no choice but to take a taxi home. So I stopped a taxi and asked the price. The driver said it would be ten yuan. I said I would only give eight yuan, and finally we agreed on eight yuan. Before getting in the car, I weakly asked, "Are you a bad guy?" The driver looked at me and calmly replied, "You are the bad guy... Just give me eight yuan for taking a taxi so late..." My son said : "Many people are publishing books now, can you publish one too?" I shook my head and said, "Your dad and I don't have much ink, so I'm afraid this matter won't be easy to handle.

"My husband said to me in a pretentious manner: "Why do you say we don't have ink? A few years ago, we jointly published a book! The son was surprised: "You have also jointly published a book?" The husband said drunkenly: "We jointly published a marriage certificate!" "The principal and the English teacher visited a middle school in France. The principal spoke in the auditorium, and the English teacher translated. Principal: "Dear teachers and classmates! "English teacher: "ladies and gentlemen!" "Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen! "English teacher -_-! thought for a moment and said: "Good morning! "Principal:" Good morning! "English teacher:... ==" As for Han Xiaoming, he has to take the exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night. Xiaoming's mother asked worriedly: Have you finished reading all the books? There is an exam tomorrow. Xiao Ming replied readily: Mom, I have finished reading. Xiao Ming's mother happily praised Xiao Ming: "Good boy, you will do well in the exam tomorrow." Xiao Ming cried and said: "Mom, I mean, 'Mom, I see, it's over.'" One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountains to pick fruits. He announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together." All the children ran to pick the fruits. When the gathering time came, all the children gathered. Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick?" Xiaohua: "I am washing apples, because I picked apples." Teacher: "Where are you, Xiaomei?" Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes, because I picked apples. Tomatoes." Teacher: "The kids are great! What about you, A Ming?" A Ming: "I'm washing my shoes because I stepped on poop." Tang Seng: I should find a shortcut for this lesson! Wukong: Flying is faster than riding a horse! Bajie: Shenliu is faster! Sha Monk took out a gun: I heard that this thing will be sent to the West immediately. A man was about to starve to death in the desert, when he picked up the magic lamp. Magic Lamp: "I can only grant you one wish, tell me quickly, I'm in a hurry." Man: "I want a wife..." The Magic Lamp immediately transformed into a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully: "I'm almost starving to death. Covetous for beauty! How sad!” After that, he disappeared. Person: "...cake." (Wife cake is a kind of pastry) A man who rides a motorcycle likes to wear his clothes backwards, that is, buttoning them at the back to block the wind. One day he was driving drunk, overturned, and fell on the side of the road. When the police arrived... Police Officer A: What a serious car accident. Police Officer B: Yes, my head was hit in the back. Police Officer A: Well, he’s still breathing. Let’s help him turn his head back. Police Officer B: Okay... One or two times of hard work, it turned back. Police Officer A: Well, I’m not breathing... 25. Xiao Li needs to socialize a lot due to work. Although he goes home early every day, his wife still complains constantly. Why? Because Xiao Li comes home early every morning. 26. Pangpang is a famous diver, but one day, he stood on the springboard but did not dare to jump off. Why is this? Because there is no water underneath. 27. A taxi was driving normally on the road without violating any traffic rules, but it was stopped by a police officer. Why? Pol.ice requires a taxi. On 28th, a plane crashed and a serious explosion occurred. The staff was cleaning up the wreckage but no one was found injured. Why? All dead 29. There are two children who look exactly the same and have exactly the same birthday. I asked them if they were sisters and they said yes. I asked them if they were twins and they said no. Why? They are 30-year-old twins. There is a woman in a swimsuit walking on the soft beach. Although everything is normal, you will find that there are no footprints behind her. Why? She was walking backwards 31. Xiao Wang and his parents traveled abroad for the first time. Due to the language barrier, he seemed at a loss. Xiao Wang did not understand foreign languages, but he felt like he was at home and did not feel any inconvenience. Why? Xiao Wang is a baby 32. What are cloth and paper afraid of? Cloth (not) afraid of 10,000, paper (only) afraid of 10,000. 33. What does China produce in the mainland? "Jade" 34. How can I find the lost thumbtack immediately? Stepping barefoot on the ground 35, any part of a woman's body can be touched twice by her father, once by her boyfriend, but not once by her husband.

Lips, when saying the words "dad", "boyfriend" and "husband" 36. What is something smaller than bacteria? The Son of Bacteria 37. Which book has the most mistakes? Medical book 38, what animals can be posted on the wall? Seal (newspaper) 40. Who is Hongdou’s child? Southern Country (Red beans give birth to Southern Country) 41. What is the first thing people do when they wake up in the morning? Open your eyes 42, what chicken has no wings? Frog 43, what can you hit that is both effortless and comfortable? Doze off 44, what water should be distributed as planned? Salary 45, what is a product that has a manufacturing date that is the same as its expiry date? Newspaper 46. What color are the teeth of babies born to black and white people? Toothless 47, is there something that people don’t like to eat? Suffer 48. The whole body of a pig is a treasure and has many uses. What other uses does a pig have for humans? Swearing 49. What books can’t be bought in the bookstore? Suicide note 50. What flower blooms all year round? Plastic Flower 51. The diameter of a round hole is only 1 cm, but an object with a volume of 100 cubic meters can pass through this hole smoothly. What is it? Water 52. What animal has no sense of direction? Elk (lost) 53. Vixens are best at bewitching men, so what kind of "spirits" can bewitch men and women together? Alcohol 54, which ancient man ran the fastest? Cao Cao (Say Cao Cao and Cao Cao will arrive)