Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Degang Guo, are you under pressure?

Degang Guo, are you under pressure?

Guo: Thank you, thank you for your applause.

Y: applause from two people on the stage and one person from you.

Guo: I'll shoot it for you again (applause). Thank you again for your applause. I'm so happy to say it. I'm kidding.

Yes

Guo: My brother and I have been working together for six years. If Degang Guo has achieved so much, it is entirely because of myself (Yu Qian) and my own efforts.

Y: I want to discuss something with you. If you don't want to introduce me in the future, don't compare with me, ok?

Guo: I'm not finished yet.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: A single filament does not make a line, and a single tree does not make a forest. How many nails are full? Can we have today without the help of others?

Y: I dare not.

Guo: Thanks to my wife for her help.

Y: Is there me here or not?

Guo: I have you.

Y: Hey, tell me about me.

Guo: Without you.

Y: A。

Guo: I have long been popular.

Y: Ah, I've been confused, haven't I?

Guo: Are you kidding?

Y: Just kidding.

Guo: Where did I leave you?

Yes

Guo: In cross talk, I am the A.

Y: Hey, I'm the best,

Guo: Just kidding.

Y: I am the champion.

Guo: For example, I am a star in the sky.

Y: and I am?

Guo: I am the sun.

Y: You said it again.

Guo: If I say insulin,

Y: what about me?

Guo: Your blood sugar is on the high side.

Y: There is such a match.

Guo: If I am Pleasant Goat, you are Big Wolf.

Y: All the cartoons have come out.

Guo: This is; & gt

Y: what about me?

Guo:>

Two movies.

Guo: If I am an orange in Guangyuan, you are Sanlu's milk.

Y: I can't sell it.

Guo: If I were.

Y: Oh, I'm not Cecilia Cheung.

Guo: You are your son. Your name is uncle.

Y: There is no such metaphor.

Guo: Tell a few jokes.

Y: A。

Guo: If you don't talk, you won't laugh, you won't be lively, and Li Er won't smile crooked.

Yu: Tullier

Guo: Just smile.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: Eliminate all the depression in people's hearts.

Y: Let it be.

Guo: Well, actually, to tell the truth.

Y: A。

Guo: I have a question I especially want to ask my teacher.

Y: ask me?

Guo: I'm afraid you're not happy.

Y: Then what's the matter?

Guo: The level is limited.

Y: that's all right.

Guo: I have a cold. Let me ask you a question.

Y: oh.

Guo: Should I take the liberty?

Y: hey.

Guo: Let me ask you a question.

Y: you said

Guo: Hehe, you (ahem), you are under great pressure.

Y: Can we cut the crap? Are you playing dumb and swearing?

Guo: Oh? Shanghai people also know this?

Y: nonsense! Now promote putonghua.

K: Oh, I'm sorry. Speak some Beijing dialect and solve the case.

Y: There is no such problem.

Guo: Are you under pressure?

Y: there must be.

Guo: Tell me about it.

Y: Well, for example, you have to publish a new book next to it every year.

Guo: Well, there is some pressure.

Y: Whether the audience accepts or not after the work comes out is another pressure.

Guo: It's true. How uncomfortable are these pressures? You have to work hard. You say these unhappy things, which makes us very happy.

Y: What kind of mentality? Le Er, right?

Guo: No, we are in the same boat.

Y: You too?

Guo: No one understands. Look at the platform Oh, it's dazzling, laughing and cursing.

Yes

Guo: It's all pressure.

Y: Everyone is under pressure.

Guo: Oh, well said, the audience scolded the street, well said, the peers scolded the street.

You are totally cursing the street.

Guo: It's easy to become popular, and a bunch of shameless people sue you.

Oh, great, you made it.

Guo: It's all about things. Fortunately, you are a good actor, thinking of the people.

Yu: I also think of the people.

Guo: You stand here and say cross talk. I hope everyone likes you.

Y: it's all like this.

Guo: There is still a gap between you and mainstream actors.

Y: Am I different from them?

Guo: Yes, you live on box office income.

Y: that's right.

Guo: The mainstream actors are genetically modified.

Y: Wow, actors are genetically modified, too.

Guo: You are different from them.

Y: There is a difference.

Guo: It's a good life.

Y: hey.

Guo: Go your own way.

Yes

Guo: To tell you the truth, I am also under great pressure. I am a strong person.

Y: I can see that

Guo: I have done a lot of work.

Y: oh.

Guo: None of them are very satisfied.

What did you do?

Guo: Hey, it's a long story. Sometimes I feel like I can't hold it in my stomach.

Y: I also said.

Guo: I am under great pressure. I am very strong. I really want to show my value. I especially hope that everyone can help me and give me a love. I'll return your one-night stand.

Y: nonsense.

Guo: Wrong.

Y: Isn't that right? You can't talk nonsense like that.

Guo: It's me ... Help me. I'm under too much pressure. How many setbacks have I encountered in these years? Fortunately, I have always been strong inside.

Y: that's all right.

Guo: Lie down if you fall.

Y: I haven't got up since then. I fell down. I can get up from where I fell.

Guo: Where you fall, you fall and get up.

Y: Dad, get up again? Can you use anyone arrested here?

Guo: Get up from where you fell.

Y: I made myself clear.

Guo: Sometimes I can't sleep all night. Alas, I dreamed of trekking to climb the Himalayas.

Y: I'm tired

Guo: Climb Mount Everest.

Yu: the highest

Guo: Climb Mount Everest step by step. "How can I go down? ! "

Y: Your dream is really realistic.

Guo: Thank you for your encouragement. Well, I'm a restaurant.

Y: Oh, I've also done catering.

Guo: Open a restaurant.

Y: oh.

Guo: The hotel is called Qin Hang.

Yes

Guo: Not if you are not diligent.

Y: right.

Guo: How difficult is it? Why does the whole family go to your house for dinner?

Y: it must be distinctive.

Guo: I was ambitious at that time. I want to be a leader in the catering industry.

Y: it's too idealistic.

Guo: I will be Guo Laoda in the future. The hotel I run is called "Guo Laoda Hotel".

Y: It's really hard to say.

Guo: Sit in the room after opening it.

Y: A。

Guo: Come to dinner: "This is Mrs. Guo's restaurant."

Y: Well, this eye is not good, and it has cataracts.

Guo: Look at these two people. I am so angry. I have a can of coke in my hand, and it comes out when I shake it.

Y: wow.

Guo: Put your mouth together quickly, and the coke will come out down your nose.

Y: spit water.

Guo: Where is nonsense?

Y: What is this image?

Guo: Bang.

Y: There's enough pressure.

Guo: I don't think so.

Y: A。

Guo: It's embarrassing. Wow (vomiting), what do you want to eat?

Y: Who else can eat here? !

Guo: He didn't speak.

Y: right.

Guo: Take off your shoes and come to me.

Y: ok?

Guo: Oh, you think I'm Bush.

Y: hehe.

Guo: Sichuan cuisine, Shandong cuisine and Cantonese cuisine are all cooked by people. Should I get something that others don't?

Y: I wish this function came out.

Guo: I thought about it. I sell Henan food.

Y: Are there any cuisines in Henan?

Guo: Henan cuisine is very popular in Guangyuan. I sell Kaifeng dishes.

Yu: Kaifeng restaurant

Guo: I made it full of foreign flavor.

Y: How foreign?

Guo: You can't write Kaifeng dishes. Take the first word of the English alphabet, open, k, seal, f, dish, c.

Y: Listen to these three letters.

Guo: OK, write KFC.

Y: oh.

Guo: Let's take a picture of my grandfather wearing glasses (everyone is very happy) and then eat here.

Y: who is it?

Guo: Not so many diners came in.

Yes

Guo: But I heard from KFC that they all came out to spit on me.

Y: Do you know that you stole someone else's name?

Guo: Otherwise, make real western food.

Y: What is real western food?

Guo: Zhajiang Noodles, Old London.

Y: I haven't heard of it. Is there a river in London?

Guo: Old Tansanik steamed and fried buns, while old Tansanik electroplated Nicia.

Y: electroplating Nicia?

Guo: What's your name?

Yu: Indonesia

Guo: Ah, I was wrong. I don't make money.

Y: I don't make money.

Guo: Selling pizza.

Y: Oh, yes.

Guo: Call it a loser.

Y: It's too unrequited.

Guo: If diners don't come in, they will say it's unlucky.

Y: How fresh is it?

Guo: Why don't I sell Korean food?

Y: Oh, Korean food.

Guo: There is a Korean restaurant called "The Moon is 3,000 Li" that sells Korean food.

Y: oh.

Guo: Barbecue.

Y: right.

Guo: Why is it called three thousand li?

Y: Well, people have three thousand miles.

Guo: Ah, our Chinese civilization has a history of five thousand years. It's called three thousand Li, and mine is five thousand years.

Y: People are fighting with each other.

K: It's called.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: For confrontation, Ming is right, Ming is right, and the moon is right.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: He is the Bright Moon Three Thousand Li.

Y: and you are?

Guo: Five thousand years in the daytime.

Y: At that time, you even had to pay people.

Guo: Why?

Y: why?

Guo: The police station called me. "Your hotel is indecent."

Y: Who got up for you?

Guo: I worked in several restaurants, but I spent almost all my money and didn't make any money. What should I do?

Y: huh?

Guo: Gee, later a friend told me that you were going to dump some antique jade articles.

Y: selling antiques.

Guo: This makes a lot of money, but selling vegetables makes limited money.

Y: that's true.

Guo: An antique can fetch a lot of money.

Y: you can make a lot of money.

Guo: Oh, go home and look for it.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: Let's see what antiques we have at home.

Y: Is there anything to see?

Guo: There are many things.

Y: what's the matter

Guo: These are my uncle's slippers.

Y: hey.

Guo: My grandmother pickled sauerkraut.

Y: oh.

Guo: The medicinal liquor made by my grandfather is very powerful.

Yes

Guo: My second uncle drank it to death.

Y: huh? You dare to sell this?

Guo: The formula of forensic autopsy is the same as arsenic.

Y: it's poison. Selling things is not available to others.

Guo: I know.

Y: what's this?

Guo: Uncle's ashes.

Y: who wants it?

Guo: Grab one and try it.

Yu: Nonsense, has anyone tasted the ashes?

Guo: Later people said

Y: A。

Guo: Do you want to get rid of antiques, jade, calligraphy and painting?

Y: A。

Guo: Shanxi and Shaanxi.

Y: That's the ancient city.

Guo: I can't go to Shanxi.

Y: really?

Guo: I really went there with a shovel to dig, dig, dig, and dig into a small coal mine. If I die there again, it's not worth Shaanxi, is it?

Y: ah, yes.

Guo: Shaanxi is very good. The snacks in Shanxi are called mutton and bread pieces in soup.

Y: A。

Guo: In the future, I will be in the ocean of making buns.

Y: That's not afraid of boiling soup.

Guo: Find something and get the money ready.

Y: A。

Guo: Let's drive my BMW.

Y: Er, OK, OK, wait a minute. Li Xia of BMW, what kind of car is this?

Guo: The BMW logo was put on it.

Y: Hey, what nonsense?

Guo: I am creative.

Y: you.

Guo: BMW brands buy apples to eat. I did all this. When I was driving out, someone stopped me and patted my window. I knew her at first sight.

Y: hey.

Guo: Your father, your father Mr. Yu Degang.

Yu: Wait, my father Yu Degang.

Guo: Hmm.

Y: The full name is Degang.

Guo: Beautiful you.

Y: What am I using? What is there to see?

Guo: Ah, your father's name is Yu Deshui.

Y: How fresh is it?

Guo: Water runs away easily.

Y: oh.

K: Put that cylinder on.

Y: What do you think? This is?

Guo: This is your father's idea.

Y: Drink, don't talk nonsense.

Guo: Bang bang, Degang (turning his head) Degang.

Y: hey! Two Germans have just met.

Guo: Our relationship is very good. We forgot to make friends, like brothers and sisters.

Y: hand, foot and mouth? ! Feel related to sb.

Guo: Foot-and-mouth disease.

Y: huh?

Guo: Get on the bus and slide the door to the co-pilot. "This car is too small and narrow."

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: "Look at this space, too. Are there eight dishes and two bottles of beer here? ""let it go ""okay, bang! ! "

Did you throw up here? !

Guo: Look, he is not telling the truth.

Y: A。

Guo: Here's another bowl of rice.

Y: it's delicious.

Guo: Open the door. He left.

Y: Just because you threw up? ! Use your car as a trash can, right?

Guo: This man is so wicked. I'll take care of him after he leaves.

Y: A。

Guo: I can't clean it up.

Yu: Youville.

Guo: I could smell the wine from Erli, and I was stopped by the police on the expressway. "How much to drink, your car looks at the top."

Y: Hey, how did the police find out?

Guo: I'm not in a hurry. I have to hurry. Look at my car, zher, turn on the alarm, engaged, engaged ~ ~ ~ ~

Y: Let's go.

Guo: The police are happy. Get down, get down.

Y: no

Guo: Private people are not allowed to install this. Take it off! Doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle, doodle.

Y: A。

Guo: No, it's embarrassing to sit here. The window is open.

Y: mm-hmm

Guo: Engen Gengen.

Y: You do it yourself, right?

Guo: I can't speak when I shout to Shaanxi.

Y: I'm hoarse.

Guo: They are all purple.

Y: hey.

Guo: Oh, let's go shopping first.

Y: What's good?

Guo: Antique calligraphy and painting are really good things to buy.

Y: is there?

Guo: Buy some new paintings.

Y: Wow, then you can copy it.

Guo: The works of naturalists in the Tang Dynasty.

Y: it's very precious.

Guo: Oh, beauty.

Y: Hey, draw this for him.

Guo: Mountains and rivers.

Y: He is good at it.

Guo: Fuwa

Y: huh? Tang Bohu painted Fuwa?

K: A set of five.

Y: Hey, what a fool!

Guo: I also bought Wang Xizhi's handwriting.

Y: that's not bad either.

Guo: It was written by the great calligrapher Wang Xizhi.

What did you write?

Guo: One world, one dream.

Y: Oh, I must work hard.

Guo: I appreciate it.

Y: and you?

Guo: I also bought a good fan, which was written during the Qianlong period.

Y: good.

Guo: Qianlong imperial pen

Y: what to write?

Guo: Four big characters.

Y: A。

Guo: Hide secrets and discharge oil.

Y: Oh, don't hold back.

Outer city wall

..... words are not allowed.

Y: Where are you waiting?