Who can explain the word "pretending to be forced" in detail?

There are always so many people who like to pretend to be B in the world, which is also the reason why this manual is incomplete. Why not finish it? Because the art of dressing is manifested in all aspects of your life, I will only discuss a few questions about dressing B in reading.

Zhang Wei, a non-famous poet in Tang Dynasty, once said with emotion that "Liu Xiang didn't study". If people like Liu Bang and Xiang are so awesome, there is no need to learn to pretend to be forced, but a society can only accommodate one such awesome person at the same time, and it is impossible to realize everyone's desire to pretend to be B, which is not conducive to the establishment of a harmonious society, so it is not recommended here.

Adults always educate their children, read and pretend to be B, study hard for 20 years, and then come out to pretend.

But is this interesting?

I feel bored. After studying for 20 years, you are already awesome. What's the fun of pretending?

Cut the crap and get to the point.

First, classical literature is a must. It can be disguised as a person's depth. Dante's Divine Comedy, Goethe's Faust, decameron by Bugatti or XXX can get some bookshelves. Whether you like the content or not, and whether you agree with the author's point of view or not, few people actually read these books these days, so don't worry that someone will really discuss the works with you. But remember one thing, don't buy a large set of complete works of Shakespeare in hardcover. It's upstart B. It's better not to pretend. Shakespeare's books must not be bought in hardcover. Only superficial people will care about the cover of the book and don't buy the whole set. This only shows that you are still an entry-level reader. To be the highest level of B, you only need to buy a few paperbacks, but you can't buy books like The Merchant of Venice and Romeo and Juliet that even the sweeping lady knows, so you can only buy books that others have never heard of. This is taste.

Imagine that one day, a little B came to your house and saw some Shakespeare books on the shelf. He originally wanted to release a handful of literary youth, but he took it down and looked at Anthony and Cleopatra. Then he pretended to turn over a few pages and saw the bookmark you accidentally caught in it, the opera ticket of a certain day in the last century, which didn't shake him to the ground. Just a few times, without saying anything, you have already pulled away from the ordinary little B for several levels.

In addition, there must be a little dust on this book, which is the historical thickness, at least indicating that this book is not just bought and developed, but it should not be too thick. We must also grasp the balance between old and new books. Brand-new books are definitely not good. They are the bookshelves of the nouveau riche, but they should not be too old. After all, it is a literary book, not a reference book, so a tattered book can only show that you don't cherish it when reading. The best way to pretend to be B is to keep the book new, and then inadvertently (be careful, be sure to inadvertently) fold a corner on a page.

Well, now your attainments in classical literature have reached the level of assistant professor in the Chinese Department of a famous university. You can bid farewell to the superficial title of literary youth forever.

Second, professional books. In addition to profound knowledge of classical literature, an awesome person also needs to master several professional skills (literature can't be eaten as a meal), so it is also essential to get some professional-looking books as props. First of all, we should draw a clear line with those books such as introduction to xx, xxDIY and xx elementary guide. Always remind yourself that you are a great professional now. What you want to read is the kind of book that non-professionals get dizzy at the sight of the title and ordinary professionals vomit as soon as they turn over the content.

Pay attention to several points when choosing books, and don't buy books that people who have just graduated are reading (you can't open the gap); The books that everyone bought are all in English; Don't choose a book with the same content and the name of xx set. A book is just a tool. If you look too high, it will only show that your level is low. In a pile of reference books, at least one of them must be original and classic (even if it is produced by 1985, it doesn't matter), only theoretical and not practical. This book will represent the maximum height you can hold, so you must choose carefully.

Finally, once again, it must be professional.

Third, popular books. People who belong to cattle are not out-of-touch people (who can you show them to if you are divorced from the masses), so you must keep a certain distance from social popular literature. Confucius said, "Only women are difficult to raise. If you are near, you are inferior. If you are far away, you will complain." That's it. You have to keep a certain distance. For example, the Analects of Confucius, which is very popular now. You can put an original copy of The Analects of Confucius at the bedside, which shows that you are also a very fashionable person, but you must not put a vernacular or Yu Dan's essays; Yi Zhongtian is so popular that you can't buy his new book. It's too vulgar. If you want to buy it, you have to buy it before he becomes famous, such as going to school. This is a degree to be maintained.

Fourth, talk about the placement of books. Serious classical literature must be put on the bookshelf or desk in an appropriate way, and never thrown on the sofa unless you want to pretend to be a rebel. You can throw a few magazines on the sofa at will to reflect your daily taste.

I remember a reporter interviewed Sister Furong. Sister Furong said that she was reading a book now, so the reporter asked, "What book? Readers? A bosom friend? "

Sister Furong said, "No, it's deep."

Therefore, even magazines should pay attention to taste and depth. If you really don't know what magazine to choose, I suggest you choose a shallow magazine with beautiful men, beautiful women and beautiful cars instead of a retarded publication like Friends. The former will be despised by others at most because of your appreciation, while the latter will be despised by others because of IQ.

The bedside is also an important place to put books, which can reflect your extraordinary taste in bed. If you put a Playboy on the bedside. .....

Therefore, I suggest that everyone bear with it, put a book by Laozi and Zhuangzi, pretend to think about the big problem of the reincarnation of all things in the universe, or put a book on Das Kapital, and think about whether it is necessary to use Marx's wisdom to make up the position before going to bed every day.

There is another place that people who pretend to be B can't forget. I once saw a friend's toilet, and there was a copy of October on the toilet. Look, how it looks!

End of this paragraph, end-

Second, the way to write B.

"Now I am used to numb my words on the cold bookshelf, which enables me not only to avoid torturing my soul, but also to express my flattering respect and respect for all reality firmly and irreversibly."

"On New Year's Eve in 2006, my rapidly aging parents and I sat in the reinforced concrete of 1926, enjoying the laughter and laughter of the Spring Festival Evening on TV."

"The musical factor of China culture is profound, and the charm pursued by wisdom is ethereal, floating in our sky."

For those who love to pretend to be forced, just look at the title of teacher Zhang Yazhe's article below, and you should be "in awe" of a brave, diligent and willing soul.

■ About those dark memories —— When Polanski met Dickens 2006-03-06 19:07:07

■ Cruel Discourse Hegemony and Chen Kaige's Fear Memory 2006-02-2018:19: 48

The self-anger of an angry critic

■ Victory Declaration in the Face of Fierce Rogue Debate 2006-01-1820: 48:14

■ The spiritual history of China youth can't end here 2006-01-1418: 52:15.

■ 2006-0 1- 1 1 12: 39: 1 1.

■ This is our glory. Shanghai 2006-0 1-0509:54:30?

■ China Private Education Hallelujah 2005-12-2116:1:00.

■ What is the passion and betrayal of a chicken feather 2005-12-0113: 51:57

As long as the understanding is not too bad, after reading these essays of Mr. Zhang Yazhe (that is, pretending to write words), you can basically get started pretending to create. Those friends who are good at writing, if they know computer programming, can import all the words on Mr. Zhang Yazhe's blog into the computer for analysis. I believe they can easily create a crash software written by force. In order to force, we never give the software a Chinese name, but call it zbf made easy 1.0 beta 3 Professional Edition. If you pretend to be mysterious and don't explain the meaning of the software name, you can also let those who don't know the inside story think about whether ZBF is crazy, really angry or preparing meals. At this time, if you continue to smile slyly without giving any explanation, they will surely accuse you angrily and say, "Damn, what a pretender!" "

People who have poor understanding ability, can't get this kind of software, and insist on becoming compulsive criminals can analyze the characteristics of this kind of compulsive articles with me. Although it takes some talent to be a good pretending writer, it is relatively easy and can be completed quickly if your goal is just to get a place in the ancient costume world like Mr. Zhang Yazhe.

First of all, if you want to pretend that you have a good foundation in Chinese, you should try to use written language, at least the old-fashioned spoken language, especially "wandering", "wandering", "wandering", "estrangement", "hesitation" and "resentment", which can show that you are particularly thoughtful and thus extremely distressed.

Onomatopoeia should be used in a way that people absolutely don't need nowadays, such as "peeling off the rustling sound and making it sound like rustling sound" and pretending to be proud. If you can't help laughing, you can't be "haha" and "dumb". If you want to pretend to be a dog with a deep knowledge of Chinese studies, don't bark, but be stubborn.

If you want to be Lu Xun or the May 4th Movement, write "Go" as "Go", and call "She" Yi ","Or "or" If "instead of" If "."For example "means" Example "and" Because "means" Because ". This is not for exquisiteness, but for exquisiteness, which has been put in this position, so "already" is changed to "already" and "often" has to be "often".

If you are tired of copying the May 4th style, you can also invent words or phrases, such as "stop rebellion" and "Guo Meng" if you are bold, huh? Someone's already done that? Then turn the mire into a mire, and then twist the slaughter into slaughter. To show your personality, you should use different words for different reasons. For example, since everyone says it's dark at night, you might as well say it's dark with sauce like teacher Zhang Yazhe, even if it sounds lame. What matters is not whether the effect is good or not, but that it is different from others.

Third, China music in B key.

Do you still listen to Jolin Tsai, Stephanie, Angela Zhang, Cyndi Wang and Fish Leong? How dare you say hello to people when you go out ~ ~ ~ So I specially wrote this article to benefit the vast number of young people who are forced to pretend to be forced. First of all, this paper is aimed at Chinese, that is, songs interpreted by people from three places on both sides of the Taiwan Strait in Chinese, which is more appropriate as a starting point. From the beginning, I directly engaged in calla lily, radical face, blonde hair, windmill, calf and so on abroad. I'm afraid the number of segments is too high and my internal strength is not enough. Besides, we are trying to force this. It's embarrassing to throw out a few names that no one around has heard of. Well, you are embarrassed when you want to force it. Secondly, this article is elementary. The singers and albums mentioned are easy to find, and some are even more popular than the mainstream. These songs are in Baidu's popular mp3 download list. When you get all this done, you will find that you can show off to girls, idiots, followers, parents, teachers and principals. When you can show off to the world, don't be complacent, don't be satisfied, and then find more advanced materials to continue pretending.

Listening to fashion is not pretending, so what should I listen to? Listen to independence, the term is indie (look, don't say independence, China soil! Saying independence is too long. Four syllables, the tongue will roll, and the stress will be wrong if you are not careful. So I only read the first half, indie. I feel so lazy. Independent singers must write their own lyrics, arrange their own music, organize their own groups, record their own videos and publish their own videos. They must take the band around and introduce them one by one in the middle of the performance. "This is the drummer, guitar, bass and keyboard." The songs you write can't be affectionate forever, otherwise you are a creative pop singer at best. Write about life, small things, ideals, small temper, small temper, seaside, loneliness, and really write about love. This is narcissism. This is what I call petty bourgeoisie sentiment ~

If you want to do a good job, you must sharpen your tools first. First of all, you should use douban. You can find many pretenders on douban. You can learn together and make progress together. The row of English names I listed just now were all randomly selected on douban. Are you shocked? In fact, I have never heard of any of them, so watercress is a good thing and a must. The most popular discussion group there is about actors, not Takeshi Kaneshiro, not Tom, but Johnny Depp; ; Here, if I say Johnny Depp, it will be a cliche. I just demonstrated it. Students with high understanding probably summed up the first trick of pretending to be forced: never translate the names of foreigners into Chinese. If it's English, type it honestly. If it is Japanese, it is the spelling of hiragana and katakana. Someone asked, if it is Italian and French, how to install fonts? Are you stupid? Can't you copy and paste? Someone wants to ask again, so I'm learning China music now. What if there are no foreigners? Don't worry, we have other ways. It will be said later that the wisdom of forcing people is infinite. ) The director is not Zhang Yimou or Spielberg, but ぃわぃゅんじ (this is Shunji Iwai, I don't know if it is written correctly, and I don't understand Japanese); Not Jay Chou, not Chris Lee, but Chen Qizhen.

Well, the word "Chen Qizhen" has finally appeared, and the basic work is over. I began to make a carpet introduction (a comment). I have no right to speak without investigation. I have listened to every album below, and I will never fool you:

the meaning of travel/Travel is Meaningful

CD/ Good Cheap Music Studio /2006 Spring Shepherd Hunting Limited Edition/Chen Qizhen

Chen Qizhen, independent connotation, popular style, literary tone, petty bourgeoisie temperament. Shit, it doesn't mean anything. This song "The Meaning of Travel" is very nice and easy to sing. You can order at KTV. It's rare to sing in the private room of the till. You have face! "I've seen a lot of scenery, I've seen a lot of beautiful women ..."

Chen Qizhen (1998-2005)/ Chen Qizhen (1998-2005)/ Chen Qizhen (1998-2005).

CD/ China Kangyi Audio-Visual Publishing House/Chen Qizhen

She has many albums, so I won't list them one by one. Add an anthology and listen to it yourself. If you are not used to listening to her songs, I'm sorry, you have no talent for pretending. Go back and listen to street songs honestly ~

The Sweet Life

CD/ Qianweiyuan Record Company /2007- 1 1-08/ Taiwan Province Edition/Wei Ruxuan/Doll /waa

When a woman has dysmenorrhea, you can sing it. That's brilliant. Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god.

Resource recovery

Audio CD/ Sunshine Record Store/Album/Nature Volume

When you meet a girl of Lori type, don't push her down in a hurry. Listen to "Bow Down" in this album and make sure her answer is: "It's so kawaii!"

This is life.

CD/ sunshine record store/nature volume

The nature scroll consists of Chico and a doll (that is, Wei Ruxuan in the third picture). Chico is also a musician from Chen Qizhen and Yang Naiwen. You can't just listen to music. These behind-the-scenes materials should be remembered as common sense, and then casually thrown out when appropriate. Pretending is not that easy.

We can't quit smoking in hot and depressing summer/we can't quit smoking in depressed summer/we can't quit smoking when we are sick.

Audio CD/ Victoria Harbour Music /2007- 10- 10/ My Small Airport

I'm sorry if you don't add it. The title of the album, the man show is the ultimate.

Disappearing light year

CD/ Jiuzhou Audio and Video Publishing Company /2007-07- 12/ First Edition Commemorative Edition/Daqiao Xiaoqiao

In the mainland, an uncle with a small basin friend is very literary in himself. See the album introduction: "Her uncle will listen to Zhong Lifeng in the quiet morning, and Xiao Qiao is still sleeping with her teddy bear. She dreamed of white clouds and kites, and we were as busy as a bee. "

Just because I'm so nervous.

Victoria Harbour Records/My Small Airport

I didn't know who Osamu Dazai was before listening to this album, so pretending to be forced is the same. Let's make a book about human disqualification and have a look.

What you can do on Sunday afternoon is to go for a walk in the zoo.

CD/ Compact Disc /2004-08-07/ Imported Edition/My Small Airport

The sentence "XXXX is the serious thing" was very popular for a while, and the source is in this album. Cantonese sounds very emotional ~

Wishful way

CD/ Shanghai Audio-Visual Publishing House/Import/Hopscotch

Tian Yuan is my junior high school alumnus, in the next class ... But I don't know her, and she doesn't know me.

break through

Fish are eating grass/August 2007-15/EP/Mavis Fan&; 100% orchestra

Xuan has rebounded badly recently. The mainland's announcements are dense. There are more and more fans who have been shouting "I like her for more than ten years". In fact, they can live for 20 years as soon as they are * * *, which is really good ~

My life will ...

Audio CD/ Sony boardman Music Entertainment Co., Ltd./Import/Zhang Xuan

I want to say one more thing about Malemo, which means I'm not strong enough.

Meet me

CD/ Dream Music, Ti You Culture, Xingyu/65438+February 2005/[Citation ]/ICY

This song is not boring at all. The song is catchy, and everyone is blessed. Thank Miss Cao Fang quickly, so that the pretender need not be too depressed.

2007 Xiaocaodi Grade 2 Concert/Grass Music Alumni Association

CD/ Tacit Music /2007-05-25/ Variety Artists

A string of strings, pretending to force a cult meeting. . . Remember the names quickly, and then find each singer's own album to listen to!

Honey and white primrose/dew 1 1 series

CD/Deweleven/June 5438, 2007+10/October/Independent Release/Various Artists

Ditto, it's the second time to meet ~ at least let's give it to * * * to convey more spirit and force the society. . .

Close to Tanya Chua/Original x Tanya Demo

Shen Ya Music CD/2007- 10-03/ Tanya Chua

Demo must not be missed. indie is there, and the mainstream will not appear. Once released, it will be a limited edition of hardcover deluxe edition.

OK/ Missing is a disease.

Music CD/ Rolling Stone /2007-07-06/ Album/Zhang Zhenyue

Zhang Zhenyue has also moved from mainstream to non-mainstream. This album is so awesome that I began to regret the ridicule and contempt for the tone of this list.

Can only talk about love, not love.

Brand: Wasabi Studio/ "Just Talk about Love, Don't Talk about Love" is a novel, which is a conceptual record of novel soundtrack, music+theme song/various artists.

What is more literary than putting monologues, music scores and several songs together?

Thinking about life/Chetlam's private life

CD/LYFE/ Warner/Lin Yifeng

What do you mean, "The songs you write should be about life"? Look at the names of every song in this album and you will understand.

Incomparable beauty

CD/ Lin Bangzhe Music Club /2007- 10/ Album/Sodagreen

Both employers and employees have heard this guy's third album, but they don't know if it's a man or a woman. Looking back at this list, more than 80% are women. . . Who can tell me whether there are more women or men in the pretenders?

Go and listen, don't listen for nothing, be sure to write a comment.

When you meet Chen Qizhen, you should say, "Her voice is always clear and makes me tremble."

When you meet Mavis Fan, you should say, "I like such a sensitive, tenacious and rebellious woman."

If you don't know how to comment on albums and singers, write about yourself. As for the song, just play it casually. For example, "My year 2007 was as calm as running water. It was this album that accompanied me through every sleepless night. It was this singer who gave me the courage and strength to live. Thank you. "

You can't do that, so I'll teach you everything. At least you can say, "I bought this album because of its cover. I liked it at first sight in the CD shop. " (Even if you are a bt thunderbolt donkey, you don't even know where there is a video store nearby ...)

A thousand exhortations, don't write the singer's original name when writing comments! It's too low-level. You have to show that you are familiar with the singer. Independent singers all use English names, such as cheer, mavis and Tanya. If you don't know the English name, at least you should omit the surname, such as (simply call Xuan, better),, Ayue and so on. It would be better to know the nickname. Call Mr. Chen. The layman doesn't know who you are talking about, and then you explain slowly. What a sense of accomplishment ~

Fourth, Starbucks B Guide

Performance art is inseparable from props. The following is a list of props I have drawn up for you.

First, you must bring a magazine. What? Readers? Bah, you only deserve to go to Hankou Railway Station to buy a cup of soybean milk and squat down to drink it. All chinese magazine passed! It must be in the original English! What? Reader's Digest? I said, are you finished? ! According to paul fussell's Class, a petty bourgeoisie bible, even magazines like National Geographic and Time will only expose your vulgar middle-class style. It's funny, we always say that someone is on the cover of the times, and at least an economist is needed, or the Chinese versions of the last two magazines can be applied for free.

If you have a mobile phone, you have to bring an Iphone. Even the most difficult version will be cracked into Arabic or Hebrew. You have face. When the phone rings, say Bonjour first! Besides, Guten tag! If you say hello, you are embarrassed to say hello to others.

You have to bring a notebook, Lu. After answering the phone, you take out Montblanc's pen and write in it with a frown.

You have to bring a laptop. Women use Imac or Ibook, and men use IBM. Anyway, Starbucks has wireless WIFI, so turn on all BT and electric donkeys, which takes up a lot of network bandwidth and makes you surf the Internet alone, making others jealous! Remember to install Kingsoft in your computer before you go, or you won't be able to read English magazines ~ ~ ~

Never use the coffee cup in the shop, just a big porcelain cup and one for Emmaus Hermes. When I arrived at the store, I handed the cup to me and said politely to the young lady, please drink coffee with this cup. I'm not used to other cups. ...

Coffee must be freshly brewed, and it is placed in front of you like a hot pot, which is a kind of taste.

Sit down and throw the car keys on the table first, either Mercedes or BMW, and Audi for the last time. When throwing them, you should throw them hard to scare everyone, and then say to yourself loudly: This German product is of good quality, and it won't be bad if you throw it so hard (friendly reminder, can't you afford a car or a key? Go to Taobao)

Don't wear a suit and tie to make people laugh. What you want is a casual temperament. Wear a long-sleeved POLO shirt first, then a long-sleeved corduroy shirt, and then a Scottish plaid shirt. What is style? The more collars, the more stylish. With slippers on your feet, you look like an aristocrat who stays in an air-conditioned room forever.

Then I went to the bank and changed dozens of Zhang Yiyuan banknotes. When I left, I threw them on the table. After passing the hall, I heard the waiter shout at the back: Sir, you forgot to take the money! This is what I want. Turn around slowly, smile at her and say, oh, I'm used to tipping coffee in America. Keep it!

So you can walk out of Starbucks with admiration. The sky is so blue and the air is so fresh. What a perfect act of pretending to be b!

V. comprehensive B.

I am a working class. The following are some superficial experiences of pretending to be B for many years. I want to share it with other working-class B-wearers. I hope this article can play a role in attracting jade, so as to learn from each other's strong points and learn from each other's strong points, and be more pragmatic, diligent and creative in my future work and life. The lives of white-collar workers and rich people are far away from me. I don't know how to pretend to be b, and I don't like it even if I do. After all, the economic base determines the superstructure. Don't try to pretend to be B by leaps and bounds without surpassing the wisdom of ordinary people, so as not to pretend to be B.