Any short jokes you can provide here?

1. Difference

The teacher in the biology class asked: What is the difference between a frog and a toad?

Zhang San replied: The frog is a conservative, sitting in a well and looking at the sky; while the toad is a reformist, wanting to eat swan meat.

2. Share the pain

The teacher asked the students: How to explain "Sharing the pain with others will reduce the pain by half?"

Xiao Lun replied: "If my father beats me, I will beat his cat!"

3. Appearance

The teacher assigned a question: Please summarize your appearance in four words. After the papers were collected,

the students’ answers were divided into several categories:

The answers from the critical group included: occasionally correct, terrible to look at, I hate the sky, I want to live in the next life, etc.

Answers of the realist school include: amphibians, orangutans, ape piracy, atavism, etc.

Modern ones include: Wonderful Craftsmanship, Ask My Wife, etc.

And the only Surrealist answer is-it turns out to be human beings.

4. The principal is even darker

New students are reviewed by the principal when they enter military training.

"Hello, classmates!"

"Hello, Principal!"

"Good work, classmates!"

"Serving the people !”

“My classmates are tanned!”

The freshmen were speechless and didn’t know how to answer. After a moment of silence, a boy replied loudly:

"The principal is even darker!"

5. Grammar conversion

Teacher: "Please run away from the horse." 'This sentence is converted into a question."

Little Ivan: "Can the horse run?"

Teacher: "Correct! Now convert it into an imperative sentence. ”

Little Ivan: “Drive!”

6. Untitled

My roommate is short-sighted, often occupies the first row of seats, and suffers from the high math teacher talking. The mouth foam is splashing,

It’s hard to resist. One day she said to me: When the senior mathematics teacher lowered his head to teach, the tables in the first row were all wet;

The senior mathematics teacher raised his head to teach, and the tables in the second row were all wet. I fainted on the spot.

7. Political Prisoner

The head teacher Zhang walked into the classroom angrily and said sternly: "You call me Chinese Zhang,

I can't bear it; new Teacher Fan, the political teacher here, why do you call her political prisoner (Fan)?”

8. Nickname for the dormitory

Xiao Lei visited the university with a high school classmate who came to see him. Dormitory, he pointed to the dormitory buildings on the left side of the road

and said: "This is the girls' dormitory area, called the Vega Galaxy." Pointing to the dormitory buildings on the right side of the road, he said:

" That's the boys' dormitory area, called Cowherd Galaxy." He pointed to the road at his feet and said, "This road is called Galaxy Road." At this time, the female teacher in charge of the student dormitory passed by with an expressionless face. Xiao Lei whispered:

"This is the Queen Mother."

9. Wall clock

There is a classroom in the university, and there is something wrong with the wall clock inside. If you are hit by something, you will move faster and faster.

If you hit it once, you will move faster by 5 minutes. One day, the professor was in class and found that his classmates were throwing erasers at the clock while he was writing on the blackboard. However, the professor kept silent and continued to ring the bell to start and finish class. Not long after, the final exam came. Everyone was immersed in the exam, only to see the professor practicing throwing clocks with a blackboard eraser.

10. Change the world

The geography teacher asked Lian Ni: Why didn’t he complete the world map drawing assignment?

Lian Ni lowered his head and replied: I'm afraid that the map I drew will change the world.

11. Curiosity

The teacher asked: "Children, do you want to know how the first person appeared?"

Little Ivan He stood up from the back row and replied: "Madam, actually we are more interested in how the third person came out of the world."

”

12. Personal insurance

The teacher teaching economics is talking about the relationship between the insured and the beneficiary. In order to be more vivid

He gave an example: "For example, if I have personal insurance, and one day I am unfortunately hit by a car and die, your wife can get the compensation. She is the beneficiary, so who am I

? "A classmate replied: "Dead people. ”

13. Not a problem

A professor said to a young boy with precocious intelligence: “When is your birthday?” "

Answer: "April 8"

The professor said: "Which year. ”

Answer: “Every year. ”

14. Insurance measures

The chemistry experiment has just been handed out, and the students are scrambling to read the teacher’s comments. Just listen to A pick up B’s and read:

When concentrated sulfuric acid drips onto the skin, you should first wipe it dry with a cloth, then rinse with plenty of water, then wipe it dry with a cloth

, then spray some perfume, and then apply a layer of corn oil for skin care. Cream."

The teacher instructed: "Do you want a sauna or a massage?"

15. Take notes

Everyone hastened to take the CET-4 exam. I studied English so hard that I had to take some notes in other professional classes. One day, the history teacher was surprised to find that Sheng Sheng was very busy in the audience.

So he walked down from the podium and quietly went to check on him. The student was busy for a while and felt that the atmosphere was not right. He looked up suddenly and saw the teacher smiling and saying to him: "Do you think you can remember it faster when taking notes in English than in Chinese?"

16. Third Grade

After the exam, the three classmates complained together.

A said: "I didn't do well in the Chinese language class, and the teacher said I was a waste."

B said: "I couldn't keep up in the physical education class, and the teacher said I was a waste. ."

C said: "I failed the political class, the teacher said I was a dangerous material."

17. Wonderful explanation

In a Chinese class, The teacher explained to the students four idioms: "frightened," "unintelligible," "relieved," and "as always." It happened that a certain student was fast asleep. The professor slammed the table.

The student immediately sat up, picked up the book and started reading. The teacher said, "This is panic." Then, the teacher asked him to answer the question. He stood up and hesitated for a long time. At this time, the teacher said: "This is what I don't understand. Please sit down!" The classmate let out a long sigh of relief and sat down. The teacher said again: "This is such a relief." When the teacher came to the podium, the student lay down to sleep again. The teacher suddenly turned around, pointed

at him and said: "This is the same as always."

18. Homework

After class, the teacher said to Ivan : "Ask your grandpa to come to school." Ivan asked the teacher: "Teacher, don't you need to ask my dad to come?" Teacher: "No, Ivan, just ask your grandpa to come. .

I want to tell him that his son answered a lot of questions in your homework wrong. ”

19. Count to one hundred before class. . The teacher stood with his back to the stove and said to the students: "Think twice before speaking, and count to at least

fifty, and for important things, count to 100."

The students rushed to count, and finally burst out in unison, "Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred

. Teacher, your clothes are on fire."

20. Flowers in full bloom

The teacher asked Zhou Yuan: "What does it mean that bees add life to the garden?"

Zhou Yuan answered: "Bees steal flowers, which makes the flowers angry!"

Everyone laughed loudly. Zhou Yuan argued: "If the flowers are not angry,

Where can the 'flowers in full bloom' come from?"