A complete collection of positive jokes

A complete collection of positive jokes

Nine times out of ten, there are unpleasant things in life and work, which will inevitably lead to some negative emotions. Now I will share some positive jokes with you. I hope you can be positive and work smoothly after reading them. 1

1. In physics class, the physics teacher is talking about the paper

"Look at this problem, look at it carefully, look at it carefully"

Then everyone starts to read carefully, frowning and thinking hard. After a few minutes.

The teacher said, "This is a wrong question. Let's cross it out!"

2. On the road, I saw a boy with dirty copy, staring at a bag of milk in the hand of the little girl in front. After drinking it, the little girl threw the bag on the ground. He quickly squatted down to pick up the milk bag on the ground and put it in his mouth. My nose was sour. Just when I wanted to pull it up, I saw him put the bag on the ground and slammed it down. "Bang", I was shocked. This Xiong Haizi!

3. That night, my girlfriend told me to play a game in which whoever takes care of the other side first loses. I excitedly agreed. . It's been a year and a half. There is no news. . . Oh, my god Did she dump me? Mother-in-law tests three sons-in-law zhi.

First, I invited my eldest son-in-law for a walk. When I crossed the bridge, I suddenly jumped down. My eldest son-in-law was rescued by diving, and my mother-in-law gave him a Guangben car. Mother-in-law did the same thing, tested her second son-in-law, and was rescued. The injured second son-in-law was given an Audi.

She tried her third son-in-law, who couldn't swim and couldn't save her, and her mother-in-law drowned. The next day, his father-in-law gave him a Mercedes.

4. One day in a mental hospital, the dean wanted to see the recovery of three patients, so he put a white rabbit in front of each of them. The first patient sat on top of the white rabbit, grabbed the rabbit's ears and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head.

The second man turned his back on the white rabbit and patted its ass and said, "Chase it for me". The dean sighed. I saw the third squatting there touching the white rabbit. After the dean looked at it, he nodded with satisfaction. He only heard him say, "Sample, let you go 3 meters, and I will chase you after I clean the car!" The dean fell to the ground and fainted ...

A complete collection of positive jokes 2

1. A local tyrant, who was worried about theft at home every time he went out, wanted to buy a German shepherd and bolt it to the front of the hospital, but he didn't want to hire someone to feed the dog and waste money.

after thinking hard for a long time, I finally got a solution: change the wifi to no password before going out every time, and then go out with confidence.

Every time I come back, I can see more than a dozen people squatting in front of my house with their mobile phones, and I have no worries since then.

nursing homes don't necessarily buy dogs. In the Internet age, traditional thinking should be broken everywhere.

2. Someone broke into the house, just entered the house, and the hostess came back. He hid under the bed and was still found, so he resisted arrest and fled and was caught. This situation should be classified as burglary according to law, with a sentence of at least ten years.

Later, I found a law student and told him the conviction and sentencing of theft, robbery and forced rape respectively. As a result, he changed his confession and said that he wanted to force rape at that time. Finally, he was tried for three years because forced rape had nothing to do with not entering the house.

Later, this boy found a doctor of criminal law, and the doctor told him that you should say this. When you want to force rape, you find that the woman is extremely ugly and run away. Finally, you can be deemed to stop forcing rape, and you may be exempted from criminal punishment because there is no harmful consequence.

Later, he found a postdoctoral fellow in criminal law, and the postdoctoral fellow taught him to say this: He took a fancy to the host and wanted to bully him, but he didn't expect the hostess to come back first. Because the criminal law does not stipulate that raping a man is a crime, the boy was acquitted in the second instance.

knowledge changes fate-hooligans are not terrible, but they are afraid of being educated!

3. I'm so angry! Just now, I joined a doctoral group by mistake.

Someone asked: A drop of water falls freely from a very high place. Will it hurt people if it hits them? Or hit to death?

The group immediately became lively, and all kinds of formulas, assumptions, calculations of resistance, gravity and acceleration were fully discussed for nearly an hour.

At this moment, I asked silently: Have you never been caught in the rain? There was a sudden dead silence in the group ... Then, then I was kicked out of the group.

it's terrible to have culture!

knowledge can bring you more ways of thinking, but experience can help you solve problems faster.

4. In the year of college entrance examination, I got 2 points, while my mother's friend's child got 68 points. The child went to a key university, but I had to work.

nine years later, the child's mother boasted to me and her mother that her son had applied for a project manager with a monthly salary of over 1, yuan ...

But I was thinking: Should I hire him? -dedicated to all the children with poor grades

You can skip college! But you, absolutely can't not fight!

5. A wife wants her husband to go home early, so she stipulates that she should lock the door when she comes home later than 11 o'clock.

the first week worked, and the next week, the husband came home late, and the wife locked the door according to the system, so the husband simply didn't go home.

my wife was depressed, and then she was instructed by an expert to modify the rules: if I don't go home before 23 o'clock, I will sleep with the door open. The husband was frightened and went home on time.

it can be seen that the essence of the system lies not in coercion, but in pulling the interests of the executed.

6.

The old monk asked the young monk, "What should you do if you step forward and die?"

Without hesitation, the young monk said, "I'm going to the side."

when you encounter a dilemma, think from another angle, and you may understand that there is still a road next to the road.

7. A lady called the architect and said that her bed would shake whenever the train passed by. "This is nonsense," replied the architect. "Let me have a look." After the architect arrived, his wife suggested that he lie on the bed and experience the feeling when the train passed by.

As soon as the architect went to bed, his wife's husband came back. Seeing this, he snapped, "What are you doing in my wife's bed?"

The architect replied with trepidation, "I said I was waiting for the train. Would you believe it?"

some words are true, but they sound false; Some words are false, but there is no doubt about it.

8. An English gentleman shared a box with a French woman. The woman tried to seduce the Englishman. After she undressed and lay down, she complained that she was cold. Mr. Wang gave her his quilt, but she kept saying it was cold.

"How else can I help you?" Mr. Wang asked in dismay. "When I was a child, my mother always used her body to keep me warm."

"Miss, I can't help you. I can't jump off the train to find your mother, can I? "

a man who understands amorous feelings is a good man, and a man who doesn't understand amorous feelings is a good man.

9. In the dining room, an extremely humble person timidly touched another customer, who was wearing a coat.

"Excuse me, are you Mr. Pierre?" "No, I'm not." The man replied.

"Ah," he breathed a sigh of relief, "then I am not mistaken. I am him. You are wearing his coat."

it is not easy to be confident. Straightforward people tend to humble themselves; And the person who is unreasonable is as heroic as an ox.

1. A Scotsman went to London and wanted to visit an old friend, but he forgot his address, so he sent a telegram to my father, "Do you know Thomas' address? On the day of the quick report, he received an urgent call back: "I know."

when we finally found the most correct answer, we found it was the most useless. A complete book of positive jokes 3

1. When I was a child, I watched Huang Feihong and wondered why a doctor should be so good at kung fu. Now I find that this is of profound practical significance.

2. There is a person in our village who likes playing mahjong. One day playing is on the rise. Suddenly his wife barged in. Pointing at his nose, he scolded: "I don't cook rice, I don't feed pigs, and I only know how to play mahjong all day long." Then a burst of scolding. . . The man dropped back in despair. Watching her husband go away. His wife sat down and asked, "Whose house is it?"

3. I have been picking up the car for more than a year. Today, I went to the traffic police team to check the violation records. I saw the service staff give me a faint look and said, Brother, you can go to Tsinghua this minute! I was in a mess.

4. My friend and I came to a fork in the road, and we said goodbye with a song: "I'll send you away, thousands of miles away." So, "thousands of miles away" went away.

5. Sister Chang 'e was having dinner when suddenly there was a flash outside. Chang 'e was surprised and went out to watch. Come back and breathe a sigh of relief; Yang Liwei.