If you can’t answer, just say you don’t know, and no one will laugh at you! !

A naked girl ran into a taxi, and the driver covered her with his whole body. The girl cursed: "What are you looking at? Have you never seen a naked woman?!!" The driver said: "I want to see where your money comes from!"

Once upon a time, there was a scholar who had a stupid son. One day, a friend came to visit him. In order to show his talent, he decided to let his son entertain guests, and specially taught him a few words: "If a guest asks you why our peach tree is gone, just say 'let me cut it down and sell it';"

If he asks you why our fence is so messy, you say 'it's a mess';

If he asks you why our family has so much money, you say 'dad Mom's hard work';

If he asks you why you are so smart, just say, 'Of course, our family has been like this for generations.'"

So, the son went to entertain the guests. The guest asked: "Where is your father?" The son replied: "Let me cut it and sell it!"

The guest was surprised and asked where is your mother? The son replied: "The army is in chaos!" ”

The guest asked again: “Is there so much cow dung in front of your house?” The son said proudly: "Mom and dad worked hard to earn it!" "

The guest asked angrily: "Why do you say that! "

The son said proudly: "Of course, our family has been like this for generations! "

On a passenger plane, a person put a parrot on the seat. The attendant on the plane happened to pass by and pour water for the passengers. The parrot said: "**~Give me a glass of water~" The waiter thought: "Why is a parrot yelling? It's too rude to get angry with it." So, the waiter ignored the parrot and continued to walk forward. At this time, the young man sitting in front of the parrot thought: "A broken parrot dares to scold him, no! I have to scold him a few words." He casually said to the waiter: "**, give me a glass of water~". This time the waiter was really anxious~~ picked up the parrot and the young man and threw them out of the plane. ~~~(The parrot smiled and said to the young man in the air: "Haha~ It's okay... I can fly...")

The teacher asked the students to stay at home at night After watching three episodes of a juvenile TV series, Xiao Ming did not watch the TV series. The next day, he wrote a two-word essay: "Power outage!"

The teacher saw him and said he was lying. , there was no power outage, so I asked him to watch the second episode in the evening and then write an article. Xiao Ming still didn’t watch it and wrote a five-word essay: “The TV is broken. "

The highest mountain

During the geography exam, there was a fill-in-the-blank question in the test paper that read: "The highest mountain in our country is (). Xiaoyong filled in "Erlang Mountain" without thinking. On the day when the test paper was being reviewed, the geography teacher called Xiao Yong up: "During class, I told you that Mount Everest is 8848.3 meters high and is the highest peak in the world. Don't you know?"

Xiao Yong said: " I know. But a few days ago I heard a song saying, "Erlang Mountain is so tall." I calculated carefully that it is more than 30,000 meters tall, which is higher than Mount Everest. Too many!"

The Genius Who Was Attacked

The composition text was sent back. Aguang read it and said angrily: "Why did I get a big X? It's so unfair! It's such an era. The ancients could write "Time flies like an arrow." Why can't I write "Time flies like a cannonball?"

New Discovery

Teacher: "What do you think of Li Bai's bed?" What do you think of these two poems: "There is bright moonlight in front of me, but I suspect there is frost on the ground."

Student: "Li Bai must be short-sighted."

Advantages of being a teacher

Xiao Ming: "It's great to be a teacher."

Teacher: "What's so good about it?"

Xiao Ming: "You don't have to spend money to read comics or play video games, as long as you confiscate it to the students Just do it!”

The birthplace of the Han River

During the geography class, Xiao Ming’s mind wandered. The teacher asked him: "Where does the Han River, the first tributary of the Yangtze River, originate?"

Xiao Ming was so anxious that his head was sweating. This gave him an idea, and he replied: "Sweat originates from the head. .

”

The end of get out of class bell

In physics class, the teacher was sick, so the principal asked a teacher from another class to take over the class. Naturally, the students became a mess, and the teacher threatened and lured the class. We still didn't take it seriously. Just as the class was about to end, the teacher said softly: "If you talk any more, you won't hear the bell!" The classroom was silent.

Qiao Debate

The teacher scolded the class. The student on duty said: "The blackboard is so dirty, the rag is dry, and the globe..." He wiped it with his hand, "It's all dust. "

"Oh, teacher," the student on duty said, "the place you wiped happened to be the Sahara Desert. "

The son came home tremblingly: "Dad, I only got 60 points in today's exam." The father was very angry: "Next time if you get a low grade in the exam, don't call me dad! "The son came back the next day: "I'm sorry, brother!"

At night, the daughter anxiously called her mother: "Mom! If he hasn't come back yet, there must be another woman! "My mother comforted me softly: "Silly boy, be good, don't think of the worst, maybe you were in a car accident! "

A boss got drunk and slept with the lady. The cell phone rang, and the lady answered: "I'm sorry, the user you called is drunk, please call again tomorrow! The next day, the leader's wife yelled: "How much did you drink yesterday?" China Mobile knows it. . .

A millionaire was told that he had only half a year to live with a terminal illness. He was so sad that he found a killer and asked him to kill him when he was happiest. A few days later, the millionaire was notified of the misdiagnosis. He was smiling happily when he was killed by the killer.

Afu, a crew member who has been at sea for more than two years, finally returned to his hometown. But when he got home, he found an extra baby! Ah Fu excitedly asked his wife, "Who did this good thing? Is it the dumb guy next door?" "No." His wife replied, "Is it my friend Agua?" "No." "It must be Xiao Wang, I deserve to die." "You're so annoying!" my wife shouted, "Don't I have any friends of my own?" Fifty cents, then we can have one piece! When everyone was envious, the other woman said: You six cents and I have six cents, we can have two for one piece... Then the other woman received: You seven cents and I have seven cents, let's do it! They can die together..."

Wife: "Husband, I just heard a report that there is a car driving the wrong way on the highway. You must be careful!" Husband: "One? There are more than a few cars!”

Three years after graduating from college, several classmates were chatting in the class group, and they were all talking about technology, java, xml and the like. Another classmate opened a factory at home and became a manager early. He couldn't say anything and felt very unhappy. After a long time, he added: Due to business expansion, our company is recruiting a driver. The requirement is: 4 years of Java development experience! Suddenly the group became quiet. . .

When I was a child, my teacher told me: There is a hard-working person and a lazy person in the human body. When you hesitate, they will fight. In elementary school, the diligent guy often defeated the lazy guy. In junior high school, it was a tie. In high school, the lazy guy often won. But when I got to college, I suddenly discovered that they stopped fighting, and the damn hard-working guy was beaten to death. . . .

Ten years later, we met again inadvertently, and she asked me in a low voice: "How have you been these years? She has been good to you." I was very sad and said: "I'm not married yet. I've been waiting for you." Her eyes were red and she said, "Come to the hotel to see me at 7pm." On the Chinese Valentine's Day night, the moon was like a hook. I came to the hotel half an hour early with flowers in my hand, and she welcomed me in and said hello. I sat down and quietly asked: "Have you heard of Amway?"...

I picked up a mobile phone today and wanted to return it to the owner, so I found a number in his mobile phone and called it ( It’s the owner’s sister). After the other party got through, he said: Brother, what’s the matter? I said: Are you the sister of the owner of this mobile phone? I found your brother’s cell phone! After hearing this, she said: Oh, wait a minute. Then he hung up the phone. About a minute later. The phone rang, and as soon as I answered it, I heard a woman on the other end say: Brother, your phone number has been found!

This year’s Hunan Province college entrance examination Chinese essay topic was "Morning". Everyone was talking about it after coming out of the examination room. Suddenly one person exclaimed: "Morning? Isn’t it a drought? Collapse..."

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