The highest state of etiquette is to make others feel comfortable

? Etiquette is not like the law. There are unified rules. There is no requirement to strictly implement them, and there are no severe punishments for non-compliance with the law. Of course, there is no absolute standard etiquette. The ultimate goal of etiquette should be to make others feel respected and treated with tenderness. The essence of etiquette does not lie in the specific form of expression. For example, whether it is a handshake or a hug, a bow or a kiss on the cheek, there is no absolutely unified form. If it truly expresses respect and friendship, no matter what etiquette method is used, the other party will be able to praise the host from the bottom of his heart and feel the comfort of being at home. This is the true meaning of etiquette.

? Etiquette is not customizable, so please don’t worry too much about the details. Just like the etiquette expressions of Chinese and Western tableware etiquette, whether it is a left-hand knife and a right-fork, or a left-hand fork and a right knife, they are common norms gradually formed by people within a certain time and space based on their practical habits and their own convenience. or behavior. In reality, many people are accustomed to doing things with their right hand. Gradually, the right hand becomes more flexible and more convenient. Since then, everyone has recognized that writing with the right hand is etiquette, and then shaking hands with the right hand. As a result, doing some things with the left hand is considered alien and unusual. Those who did not follow etiquette were criticized and even violently forced to change their left-handed behavior. In fact, we also know very well that people who are left-handed can still do things flexibly. We even find that those with physical disabilities in society who have lost their hands use their legs and feet to eat and dress flexibly.

? Etiquette is standardized within a certain time and space, and etiquette will be different in different time and space. Etiquette changes over time, first of all. For a long time in ancient times, we required women to "never leave the front door and never step out of the second door" as etiquette. We even used foot binding as etiquette, and even ridiculed women with big feet. Binding the feet was considered ceremonial in ancient times, but in modern times it has become an object of criticism. There is no doubt that etiquette also varies greatly from region to region. As the saying goes, "The sky is different even within ten miles, and the customs are different within a hundred miles." This means that there are regional differences in etiquette. Just like when you are a guest in the grasslands of Inner Mongolia, the tea the host treats you to should be milk tea; when you are a guest in Tibetan areas, the tea the host treats you to is butter tea; when you are a guest in the central region, the tea the host treats you to is poached eggs; When you are a guest in the western region, the tea your host invites you to drink should be a bowl of noodles... Not to mention the different provinces and regions across the country, the customs and etiquette of just one prefecture-level city or town are different.

? In modern society, it seems that we have made etiquette more refined, systematic and standardized, but in fact it is just our wishful thinking. Everyone should be familiar with the etiquette of riding in a car. Today's car etiquette teaches us that, taking a five-seater car as an example, the seat behind the co-pilot is the most prestigious. If there are guests, they should be arranged to sit in this seat. The co-pilot position in a car has the lowest status. It is generally considered that the seat behind the co-pilot is the most prestigious. Members facilitate serving the distinguished. The above is the so-called standard etiquette. In fact, it is just a case of car etiquette. It would be a joke or even rude to stick to this etiquette under other circumstances. If the guest sits directly behind the driver when riding in the car, the person accompanying the host should sit behind the co-pilot, which facilitates communication and talks on the road; if the guest sits directly in the front passenger seat when riding in the car, So the host should not insist on sitting in the back seat, but should sit in the driver's seat and drive the car in person. This facilitates communication and communication, and can shorten the distance between the host and the guest without too much restraint and inconvenience. I remember that a head of state of a great power hosted a banquet for a tribal chief who was visiting from an African country. Before the banquet started, the service staff brought a basin of water to each diner. Maybe the basin filled with water was too delicate or the tribe’s He had a habit of drinking water before meals. The chief took up the basin and drank it all in one gulp. At this time, the service staff all looked sideways. It turned out that the basin of water was used to wash hands before meals. It was too late and the head of state was not there. He calmly picked up the water basin in front of him and drank it all in one gulp, and told the chief that it was a good drink, deftly resolving an awkward situation and making the other party not feel strange. This is the highest state of etiquette.

The ancients said: "The way you deal with things is also the art of adapting to changes. How can you be paranoid about one end of the world? The same is true for the way of using military force. The most important thing is to adapt to changes in circumstances." After thinking deeply, I couldn't help but suddenly realized that the way to deal with things is actually, The essence of military use and etiquette are exactly the same.

There is no customization of law, and there is no customization of etiquette. It changes randomly. Doing as the Romans do is the normal state of etiquette. Letting others be respected and feel comfortable is the highest state of etiquette.