Super big joke! !

1. One day in class, the teacher asked Xiao Ming: "Xiao Ming, 1+1=?"

Xiao Ming said: "I don't know."

Teacher Let Xiao Ming go home and ask his family.

When Xiao Ming came home and saw his mother cooking, he asked: "Mom, 1+1=?" Mom said: "Go away, go away, don't bother me." Xiao Ming went to ask his father, who was watching the game and said: "Good ball, good ball." Xiao Ming went to ask his sister, who was watching the news and said: "How pitiful! The principal is dead." Xiao Ming went to ask his sister again, who had just After finishing his homework, he said: "That's good."

The next day, the teacher asked Xiao Ming 1+1=? , Xiao Ming said: "Go away, go away, don't bother me." The teacher kicked Xiao Ming out and asked Xiao Ming 1+1=? , Xiao Ming said: "Good shot, good shot." Teacher Xiao Ming came to the principal's office and asked Xiao Ming 1+1=? , Xiao Ming said: "How pitiful! The principal is dead." The principal fired Xiao Ming. Xiao Ming said: "That's good."

2.

The school started roll call, and there was a class teacher. Be creative and say to the students: "I'm going to read my student number. Please tell me your name so that everyone can get to know each other, okay?"

"No. 001!"

"Report to the teacher "My surname is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little confused and asked: "Who gave this to you?" "My father." "What does your father do?" p>

"He runs a breeding pig factory!"

"No. 002!"

A girl stood up and said: "Teacher, my surname is Zhang, and my name is Zhang Dekai."< /p>

"No. 003!"

"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang Bukai." "Who named this to you?"

"It's my dad. He sells pliers." The teacher quickly took a drink of water.

"No. 004!"

"Report to the teacher, my surname is Ou (the character is pronounced "Ou") and my name is Ou Ye (oh yeah). This is the name given to me by my mother. She said that she had just played a computer game when she gave birth to me. "The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.

"No. 005!"

"Report to teacher, Ganniang!" "Why are you swearing?!"

"No! Teacher, I My surname is Gan, my name is Ganniang, and my father is a wine maker." The teacher took a pill.

No. 006! "

"Teacher, my surname is Gou, and my name is Goubuli. ”

“Your father runs a bun shop, right? ! ”

“Teacher, you are so smart! "The teacher is already a little unsteady.

"No. 007! ”

“My surname is Kuai (pronounce it quickly and pronounce it in the third tone.) My name is Kuai Huo. ”

“Don’t tell me that your dad runs a warehouse. "

"Teacher, you are so old-fashioned, my dad is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the corners of the teacher's mouth.

"No. 008! " 0

"Teacher, go to hell! " "What? What did you say? ! "

"I mean my surname is Ni, and my name is Ni going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. My name is interesting, right? ”

“Interesting, interesting. "The teacher was about to cry.

"No. 009! ”

“Teacher, I’ll talk about it next time. "Why do you have to say it next time? You say it now!" "

"No! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. "The teacher is already feeling dizzy.

"No. 010! ”

“Teacher, my surname is Gao, and my name is Gao Wan. "

"My surname is Mei, and my name is Mei Liangliang. "

"My surname is Wu, and my name is Wu Qing. "

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong. ".........

The teacher looked up to the sky and roared: "Oh my god, what kind of students did I meet! The teacher spurted blood from his mouth and fell to the ground. "My surname is Wu, and my name is Wu Qing." "

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong.

"…………

3. One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went for a drive.

The car was almost out of gas, so they went to refuel.

Suddenly there was a gust of wind. Her boyfriend's hat was scratched away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her: I'm going to pick up the hat, you help me.

As soon as her boyfriend ran away, he heard Xiaomei shouted behind him: Come on! Come on!

4. Fat lady: I ??hate electronic scales that automatically report my weight!

Q: Why?

< p>Fat Lady: It screams only for one person at a time.

5. A woman was following the night shift and a man was following her with evil intentions. The woman was afraid. When she passed by the cemetery, she had an idea and said to the grave: Dad , I'm back, open the door. The man was scared and screamed and ran away. The woman was relieved and was about to leave. Suddenly, a gloomy voice came from the tomb: Girl, you forgot to bring the key again. The woman was horrified and screamed. Running away. At this time, a tomb robber emerged from the grave and said: "Damn, it will delay my work and scare you to death!" As soon as the tomb robber finished speaking, he found an old man carving a tombstone with a chisel next to him. He was curious and asked about it. The old man said angrily: "NND, they etched my name wrongly..." The tomb robber was so afraid that he screamed. flee. The old man sneered: "Damn, you dare to compete with me for business, you are still young..." As he was talking, he accidentally dropped the chisel on the ground. The old man was about to pick it up. When he bent down, he found a chisel in the grass. In his hand, the old man was surprised when suddenly a voice said: "You are looking for death! Change my house number randomly!!". The old man peed and rolled down the hillside! At this time, a scavenger crawled out of the grass and said, "Damn it, it takes so much effort to get a piece of iron!"