What are the 25 jokes that make you cramp?

1, Dog and Cui Hua are a loving couple, but they have been married for more than two years, but they have never been pregnant. My mother-in-law is worried because the dog is the only child in the family.

On this day, the mother-in-law gave the dog several hundred dollars and sent the dog and his wife to the hospital in the city. Is there a problem? Why have they never been pregnant? Mother-in-law was anxious to have grandchildren, and the dog was a filial eldest son, so she took her daughter-in-law to the hospital in the city.

Two people hung up the number and waited outside, until the doctor called Jiao two dog, and two dog rubbed his body and led his daughter-in-law in. After going in, the doctor asked, what do you two want to see? Two dog said, Doctor, we have been married for more than two years. Why haven't we had any children yet?

The doctor looked up at two dog and said, Are husband and wife living normally? Two dog said: This is normal. We have a good relationship and never quarrel.

The doctor said, that's not what I meant. Have you two slept together? Two dog said: Of course we share a room. Where can I sleep in different rooms? There is one in our house, one in my mother's room and one in my wife's room.

The doctor simply smiled and said angrily, I said sexual intercourse. Is your sex life normal? Two dog said: Yes, my surname is Jiao, my father's surname is Jiao, my grandfather's surname is Jiao, and our family's surname is Jiao.

Later, two dog's examination results came out, and his daughter-in-law was Huang Hua's eldest daughter. Doctors were overjoyed and popularized reproductive knowledge in succession.

That's true. It's terrible to have no culture

2. A woman with a child is doing business in a bank, and the child in her arms keeps stuffing bread at the teller. The teller smiled happily: thank you, little friend, but aunt won't eat it.

The woman said shyly to the teller, I'm really sorry, he just went to the zoo today.

The son said to his father, Dad, there is a new band in our school. I want to join, but I need to bring my own musical instrument.

Without saying anything, my father handed me a chopstick and said, Go and be a conductor.

4. Guest: Hello, front desk. I live in room 8 16. The quilt in my room is a little damp.

Front Desk: Thank you for your compliment, sir. You have a good eye. This is indeed our latest quilt this year.

The guest fainted.

The baby took a rag and ran to his mother happily, saying, mom, mom, I learned to wipe things.

Mother asked him gently: What did you learn to wipe? The baby said, first I cleaned the toilet, then I wiped the table, and now I am going to wash the dishes.

6. A tiger caught a cold and wanted to eat a panda. The panda cried, why do you want to eat me when you have a cold? The tiger said: It is said in the advertisement that if you have a cold, you should eat black for free.

7. A man persevered with a pack of heart-shaped biscuits and a bottle of milk every morning, and finally caught up with his sweetheart. One morning, he took the heart-shaped biscuits to see his girlfriend.

His girlfriend asked him: Where did you buy this biscuit? I went to many supermarkets, but I can't buy this shape. He proudly said, of course not, I chewed it myself.

8. Little boy: I want to buy a sanitary towel.

Attendant: Did your mother ask you to buy it?

Little boy: No.

Attendant: Is that your sister?

Little boy: No, I want to buy it myself.

Attendant: Why buy sanitary napkins?

Little boy: TV says, "With it, you can swim, skate and play tennis."

9. My wife is cooking. I saw her busy in the kitchen. Suddenly very moved, married such a good wife and mother! I couldn't help lying in her ear and whispered, "wife, I love you!" " "Then I reached into my wife's trouser pocket, and suddenly it stung, and I shrank back immediately!

Press your bleeding finger. I looked at my daughter-in-law's trouser pocket in surprise. The daughter-in-law proudly poured out a thumbtack from her trouser pocket and said, "Don't think that I didn't know that you wanted to steal my money and I caught you."

10. On a remote mountain road, a girl stopped a car and wanted a lift.

The driver said, "Let me see your lifeline."

The girl held out her hand and the driver looked at it carefully. "Well, your lifeline is very long. Get on the bus. "

The girl doesn't understand: "Why do you want to see my life-saving straw?"

Driver: "The brakes are broken.

1 1. I caught a cold a few days ago. My girlfriend comes to see me in the dormitory every day, and my roommates are envious. One day one of my roommates asked me, "Did you kiss your girlfriend when you caught a cold?" I replied doubtfully, "No, I'm afraid I'll infect her." "Oh, I'm relieved." My roommate really cares about me. Alas, I feel so happy.

25 cramp jokes.

25 cramp jokes:

1. Once I borrowed money from a female classmate, I wanted to say "I'll pay you back when I get the money" and "I'll take you there when I have money".

2. A buddy gets married and gives a red envelope. My buddy said politely that I don't need to say: that won't work, once a year, you must bring it.

The nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, so she went over and whispered to him, "Little darling!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby."

4. Sister: Brother, what is Zen? Big Brother: I have chicken legs here. Do you want to eat? Sister: Yes. Big Brother: This is called greed.

When I have a son named Shuai, others will say "handsome dad" when they see me.

6. The panda met a kangaroo who came out of the supermarket angrily and asked, "Why are you so angry?" The kangaroo gasped, "They won't let me in. I have to save the bag first."

7. When I was a child, my father watched me write a composition. There is a simple mistake in writing. The father smiled and said to his mother, "I find your son very stupid." I was in a hurry and said loudly to my father, "Your son is so stupid!"

8. Teacher: "As the monitor, you saw someone playing chess in the self-study class. Why not stop it? " Monitor: "Because chess is not a real gentleman!" " "

9. "Your Majesty, to whom are you going to pass the throne?" "There are too many doctors." Then the ambitious prince killed the doctor, and the first doctor-patient dispute occurred in history.

10, my Xiong Haizi is still doing his homework at ten o'clock in the evening. I: It is too late. Write it tomorrow! Xiong Haizi: No! If my female classmate is delayed copying tomorrow, she won't like me.

1 1. A fool wanted to trade an apple for my ZTE phone, and I immediately agreed. Then, I gave him my mobile phone, and he took out a round and big red Fuji from his bag and gave it to me!

12. When I got home, I saw my eldest son beating my youngest son. I stopped shouting, grabbed my eldest son by the ear and asked, why did you hit your brother? The eldest son said unconvinced, I'll help you practice the trumpet.

13, actually, I like math very much. It has no circuitous language, English grammar, historical and political complexity and information, but it just can't, can't, can't.

14, Bajie followed the master to learn the scriptures, but he didn't lose weight after eating so many vegetarian dishes, which shows that vegetarians can't lose weight.

15, it is said that in front of the person you like, your IQ will get lower. Can't I fall in love with the math teacher?

16, Dayu didn't enter the house for three times, but his wife sang at home every day and missed him: Dayu missed him in those years, and missed him in those years of love.

17, Erjiaozi got married and woke up the next day. Jiaozi found a meatball lying next to her and asked the meatball: Where is my daughter-in-law? The meatball said, damn it, you can't recognize him naked!

18, I just saw a news that a five-or six-year-old boy will be kicked out by a woman when he enters the women's bathroom. I still don't believe it. I just tried it. It's true. My son and I were kicked out as soon as we entered the door.

19, I want to ask a girl out that day. It took a long time to make a phone call. As a result, her father answered the phone I said excitedly: hello, uncle, is aunt at home? I want to ask her out to play.

20. Walking the dog downstairs, a little girl ran to the dog and asked me, "Aunt, can you touch the dog?" Me: "Call Sister!" Little girl: "Aunt, can you touch your sister?"

2 1. In the classroom, Amin put his lunch box in front of Hua next door and said, "Try my meal." Hua scooped up a spoonful and fed it into his mouth. "Did you see it?" Amin added.

22. I didn't play well in the glory of the king before, and my friends always scolded me. Then I practiced hard for a season, and he couldn't scold me.

When I was a child, my mother taught me to use chopsticks. She will hit me if she can't learn for a long time. Now that I'm grown up, I teach my mother how to use a mobile phone, but she can't learn for a long time and still hit me.

24. A friend came to my house to see that my goldfish was well kept and asked me the secret. After all, he is my good friend, so I told him my six-word secret of raising fish: change more water and change fish frequently!

25. When I was shopping, the security guard at the door called me, "Wait a minute, what's in your bulging clothes?" I lifted my coat angrily and shouted, "it's meat, it's meat!" My own. "

A funny joke.

1。 During World War II, there were four people in a train carriage: an old lady, a young girl, a Romanian and a German officer. When the train entered a dark tunnel, nothing was seen in the carriage, only a kiss was heard, followed by a loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, I saw the German officer sitting there with five red handprints on his face. 1 This German is out of line. How dare he bully that girl in the dark? Serve you right! The German was up to no good. He must have wanted to kiss me, and he kissed the old lady. Serve you right! ○3 This Romanian is out of line. He kissed this girl and quickly hid, causing me to be beaten for him. This girl is too hard. It really hurts! ○4 I kissed the back of my hand and slapped the German. It was terrible. Once my parents quarreled, my mother said angrily, get out of here. Father said angrily, "I want to leave here!" " "3。 A friend of mine has just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes, and he is very interested in "fighting the dog to win the battle" and often plays jokes on others. One day, as usual, he. Kicked someone and shouted "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks! " " 4。 When I was in college, it was a common practice to arch pigs in my class, and I would arch them every night. People who start to lose use their noses to arch cards, drill tables and drink cold water. It's been playing for a long time, and it's not fresh. So someone suggested that if someone lost again, they would shout "I am a pig" in the corridor. After a long time, they changed their methods and asked two people to shout together. The first person shouted "I am a pig" and the second person shouted "I am a pig". But I didn't expect the man who proposed to marry me to lose twice in a row, so he shouted at the corridor: "I am a pig, I am really a pig." The others laughed their heads off. A friend of mine told me it was even more ridiculous! The loser wants to call the girls in the class and sincerely says, "You know, there are three things I've always wanted to say to you, but it's hard to say, but I'm afraid I won't have a chance if I don't say it again." . . Me. . . I am a pig! "Our place is worse. The winner designates a person, and then the loser grabs him by the collar and says, "You are a pig!" " "Also, the loser has to run to the telephone pole with an advertisement for a certain disease and shout," I'm cured! " "Later, everyone called the girl and said sincerely," You know, I lied to you. Actually, I am a pig. "On one occasion, a gentleman's class teacher called to congratulate him on winning the' Miyoshi Student' and just said XXX, you know? The girl said impatiently, "I know, you are a pig, and you are a complete idiot!" " " 5。 The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two! 6。 . A Chinese teacher with a strong local accent read an ancient poem named "Wochun" by Lu You to the students and asked them to dictate. The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows. A student dictated the following: I am stupid in spring sleep. I have no education and hate the bottom. My IQ is very low. If you want to ask who I am, I can easily get in touch with Chun Lv.

A big donkey. The shore is green, I am a donkey, the shore is green, I am a donkey, and the shore is dark green.

I am a stupid donkey.