Happy moment: 28 jokes suitable for men and women to tell in bed

1. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked: "Uncle, do you want side light, backlight, or full light?", the uncle said shyly: "I don't care, can I give it to you?" Auntie, leave a pair of underwear? "

2. Wife's Quotes: You are allowed to get drunk, and you are allowed to hook up with girls, but you must return to the team at night. If you dare to break my heart and hurt my lungs, I will definitely do it. Cripple your third leg and let your bird sleep forever.

3. Two dumplings got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was shocked and asked where the bride was. Meatballzi said shyly: "I hate it. You won't recognize me when I take off my clothes!"

4. Two old couples had a sudden idea while having dinner one day: eat naked! Find the feeling you had before! After taking off her clothes, the old woman said: I still have a reaction! My breasts are still as hot as when I was young! The old man glanced sideways and said, "It drooped into the soup!"

5. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: I don’t step on a mouse for a day and make my feet itchy; C: I don’t feel safe on the street only a few times a day; D : It’s getting late. Let’s go home and pick up the cat.

6. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and none of what a man says is true; love is eternal, blood is bright red, and a man cannot survive without fighting; if a man is rich, , and everyone is destined, a man can be relied upon, and a pig can climb a tree.

7. A group of ants climbed onto the elephant's back, but were shaken off. Only one ant held on to the elephant's neck tightly. The ants below shouted: strangle him to death. Choke him to death, little boy, and you fucking did it the other way!

8. A child stole a parrot raised in a brothel home. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot screamed: Moving! When he saw his mother, he yelled again: The boss has changed too! When he saw his sister, he shouted again: "The lady has changed too!" When he saw his father, he yelled again: We are still a regular customer!

9. Life is a long road, who can take a few steps! The family needs to be taken care of, and the lover needs to be taken care of! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a good-looking person sitting across the table, and someone I miss far away! Keep two, keep one, and develop three, four, five, six, seven!

10. A puppy climbed up on your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You said angrily: I will do whatever you dare to do to that roast chicken, but the result is small. The dog licked the chicken's butt and you fainted. The dog happily said: Let's see who is cruel.

11. Legend has it that tonight, the ghost is lingering, the dead light appears again, and the ghost is wandering around! May the ghost hear my call and come to celebrate your birthday in the middle of the night, with a pale face, green eyes, and dry hands touching your face, and say to you on my behalf: Good night!

12. A man always smiles and his eyes sparkle. He is either being mean or cheating! A woman with enlarged breasts and slim waist, who is slutty and coquettish, will either pick your pocket or put a black knife on you! These days, men, monsters, and witches, be careful!

13. You were walking on the road, and a female dog pounced on you, bit a piece of meat from your foot, and swallowed it quickly. When you stretched out your foot to kick her, the dog said with tears in her eyes: You Fight, I already have your flesh and blood in my belly anyway!

14. The mouse was very depressed when he didn’t have a girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of vision. Mouse: What do you know? She is a stewardess after all.

15. A friend asked a bat how he could marry a mouse. The bat had tears in his eyes and said meaningfully: Alas! That day he took Viagra, which gave him strong firepower and he jumped up to the ceiling, allowing him to take over.

16. I spent a dime to send you this text message to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime text message is my birthday gift to you.

17. The ant is lying lazily in the soil with one leg stretched out. Your friend asks you what you are doing? Ant: The elephant will come later, trip him up.

18. When a magpie comes, my mother says it is a happy bird and a guest; when a swallow comes, my mother says it is a beneficial bird and a guest; when a crow comes, my child asks, are you also a guest? The crow cries: Yes, I am a hacker!

19. A beautiful woman found that her lipstick was too heavy, so she wiped it with a wet paper towel and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly realized, he caught up and said: Girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off!

20. Cucumber cried out for love, and Eggplant comforted her: love is not just sweetness and intoxication, but also heartbreak and tears.

well! Who made you fall in love with onions?

21. Yesterday I dreamed that God said he could grant me a wish. I took out the globe and said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult to change to another one. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to become beautiful, and he After thinking for a while, he said, "I'll take a look at the globe."

22. A girl is so ugly that she cannot marry and hopes to be trafficked. My dream finally came true, but I couldn’t sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent her back, but she refused to get out of the car. The kidnappers gritted their teeth and stamped their feet: Let’s go, I don’t want the car.

23. Twenty years ago, your father held you while you waited for the car. People laughed at your child because he was ugly, and your father cried. An old man selling bananas patted my father and said, "Brother, don't cry. Give the monkey a banana to eat! It's so pitiful. He's so hungry that his hair is gone."

24. On the plane, a man A parrot said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The pig also imitated the parrot and said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw both the parrot and the pig off the plane. At this time, the parrot said to the pig: "You are stupid, I can fly."

25. An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew over and dropped some shit on the old farmer's face. On the street, the old farmer raised his head and yelled: "CAO, your mother! You don't even know how to wear underpants when you go out!" The crow said: "CAO! You are wearing underpants when you are shitting!" v

26. One day in a crowded street A conversation on the bus went as follows: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to her: "Don't you know I'm pregnant?" "(I want him to give up his seat...) The man said nervously: "The child is not mine! 』

27. It’s just a gust of wind, but it’s so eternal. It’s just a dream, but it’s so real. You lower your head and say nothing, but I can’t calm down. I finally can’t help but want to tell you. Say,: Next time you fart, say it!

28. A pair of lovers were caught by savages in the mountains and said: If you eat each other's poop, they will let you go. The lover did it, and the woman cried loudly on the way back. The man asked why, and the woman sadly said: You don't love me, otherwise you wouldn't poop so much!