Tell me a few jokes and a few philosophical stories.

1. In the hospital, an electrician walked into the operating room and said to a dying patient wearing an oxygen mask, "Listen, take a deep breath, I need a power outage for five minutes!"

2. My son did something wrong and was scolded by his father and cried for a long time. His father ignored him. When he stopped crying, his father asked him, "You stopped crying?" The son replied, "No, I want to have a rest!" "

My deskmate has a cold and a runny nose, but I forgot to bring my handkerchief, so I have been sniffing hard. The Chinese teacher writing on the blackboard suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! Stop it! So noisy! " The whole class is quiet. Then, to be honest, he went on to say, "Who steals noodles in class and makes a noise?"

I met an awesome person in the subway in the morning. On the subway, a buddy's doorbell rang loudly, and all the passengers heard it: "Grandpa, that grandson called you again ... Grandpa, that grandson called you again ..." I saw that buddy slowly took out his mobile phone and answered it, saying, "Hey! Dad, what is it ... "

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, "I thought there was something in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole." Who knows that a fucking bastard passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two rolls. "

6. The elephant accidentally stepped on the ant's nest, and the ants climbed onto the elephant one by one. The elephant ran around and the ants fell down. At this time, an ant was wrapped around the elephant's neck, and the fallen ant shouted, "strangle him ... strangle him ..."

7. The blind man stuttered while riding a bicycle and sat in front to watch the road. Suddenly, he saw a deep ditch between Israel and Australia and stammered in a panic, "ditch ditch ditch!" " Hearing this, the blind man sang back: "Oh, oh, oh, oh!" " So they fell into a deep ditch to pull.

8. In the race between the tortoise and the hare, the hare ran to the front and the tortoise crawled behind. Seeing a snail crawling slowly, he said to the snail, "Come on up, I'll carry you." Then the snail climbed up. After a while, the tortoise saw another ant and said to him, "Come up, too!" " Even ants can crawl; When the ants go up, they see the snails on it and say hello to them. Do you know what the snail said? He said, "Hurry up, this turtle is so fast."

9. I drank with my friends two days ago and went to the restaurant bathroom to pee. When I saw a sentence written on the wall, I took a closer look. It said, "Stop looking and concentrate on peeing". After reading this sentence, I found that I peed my shoes.

10. A farmer drove his carriage to the market and met a hooligan at the market. The rogue said, "Hello!" The farmer replied, "Hello!" The rogue went on to say, "I said it to your horse." Then he smiled. Suddenly the farmer turned and patted his horse and said, "Bastard, don't tell me if you have relatives in the city!" "

1 1. Tortoise and snail live together. Once the tortoise was injured, he asked the snail to buy medicine for him. Two hours later, the snail didn't come back. The tortoise was in a hurry and shouted, "Shit, I'll die if I don't come back!" " At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: "You fucking said I wouldn't go!" " Ha ha laugh ... this snail is too slow.

1, blind people play lanterns?

A blind man went to a relative's house. After dark, his relatives kindly lit a lantern for him and said, "It's getting late. It's getting dark. Make a lantern and go home!" " The blind man said angrily, "You know I'm blind, but don't you laugh at me for lighting lanterns to show me the way?" His relatives said, "You made the mistake of limiting your thinking. When you walk on the road, many people walk on the road. If you hold a lantern, others can see you and won't hit you. "The blind man thought, yes! The first paragraph of the story tells us that limited thinking is thinking from your own point of view, and overall thinking is that you put yourself in the whole environment to consider. If you think about the problem systematically, you will find that your behavior will interact with others. ?

2. Columbus's egg?

After Columbus discovered America, many people thought that Columbus just happened to see it, and anyone else could do it by luck. So, at a grand banquet, a nobleman said to him, "Mr. Columbus, we all know where America is, and you just happened to go there first!" " If we go, we will find it. "In the face of criticism, Columbus was calm. He had a brainwave, picked up an egg on the table and said to everyone, "Ladies and gentlemen, who can stand the egg on the table? Which one of you can do it? "Everyone is eager to try, but they are defeated one by one. Columbus smiled, picked up the egg, patted it on the table and stood there. Columbus went on to say, "Yes, it's as simple as that. It is really not difficult to discover America, as easy as laying this egg. But, gentlemen, who did it before I set it up? "In essence, innovation is a welcome attitude towards new ideas, new perspectives and new changes, and it is also manifested as a new perspective. Many times, people will say, is this innovation? So I know! Innovation is that simple. The key is whether you dare to think or do.

3. Frog phenomenon?

Someone has done an experiment, put a frog in a pot of hot water, and when the frog encounters drastic changes, it will jump out immediately and react quickly. But put the frog in cold water and warm it slowly, and you will find that the frog will swim comfortably in the water at first. The temperature of the water in the pot is rising slowly. It doesn't notice it, but it still feels warm and happy. Once the temperature rises to 70 ~ 80 degrees, I feel threatened and want to jump out, but it is too late. Because its legs failed, it couldn't jump any more, and finally it had to be boiled to death. This is the story of a frog boiled in warm water. ?