I want a collection of jokes, plus a slip of the tongue.

1.

A: How much is your annual salary?

B: 10 million.

A: That’s more than 800,000 a month Oh!

B: Yes, this is the basic salary.

A: Not bad, what do you do?

B: Dreaming...

3.

What is a white-collar worker?

Today I got my salary, paid off the loan, paid the rent, water, electricity and gas bills, bought oil, rice and instant noodles, touched the remaining money in my

bag, and sighed. One voice: This month’s salary is white again.

What is blue-collar?

The foreman said that it was almost time to pay wages. After calculating his accommodation expenses, food expenses, lost wages, and medical expenses, he still owed his boss more than 100 yuan, so he didn't bother to go. If you get it, it’s called blue collar~.

Four

One day the geography teacher asked the students, where does the river flow?

A student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward.

The teacher ignored him and continued, how many stars are there in the sky?

The classmate sang again: The stars in the sky are in the Big Dipper.

The teacher was furious: Get out of here!

Student: Let’s go if we say so.

The teacher said helplessly: Are you sick?

Student: You have it, I have it all!

Teacher: Please say one more thing...

Student: When there is injustice on the road, let’s roar!

Teacher: Do you believe that I will beat you?

Student: Take action when it’s time to take action...

Teacher is angry: I will let you drop out of school!

Student: Traveling to Kyushu!

五

MM got out of the taxi and left the camera on the back seat.

Seeing this, the driver hurriedly put his head out of the window,

He shouted at MM: "Little sister, your camera!"

MM blushed. He turned around and cursed: "You are like a duck!"

Then the taxi left...

Then mm chased the car and shouted: Master, I have a camera~~ ~~! My camera~~~~~~~

六

Xiao Wang works in the human resources department on the 10th floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administrative department on the 9th floor.... ..

Today, classmate Xiao Wang called the human resources department to ask him: "Is Xiao Wang here?"

The colleague who answered the phone said: "Xiao Wang is no longer in the human resources department."

Classmate Xiao Wang: "Ah!?, when did it happen? Why didn't I know? I haven't had time to send him off yet?"

"It doesn't matter, you can go Find him below"

Q: What is the antonym of mobile phone

ANSWER: Feet

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Xiao Ming's father has three sons. The eldest is called Da Mao, the second is called Ermao, what is the name of the third?

My name is Sanmao. ........Because Xiao Ming is a woman.

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How many brothers does Aladdin have?

3. Ala Jia, Ala Yi, Ala B.

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Xiaohua Mei Tell your mother, "Mom, I don't feel well today and don't want to go to school... Mom said it doesn't feel good there?"

Xiaohuamei said, "I don't know why I always feel sore all over my body.

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A couple went to die for love together, but they only had enough money to buy A bottle of pesticide, and the amount of pesticide in this bottle was only enough to kill one person, but in the end both of them died. Why is this? Answer: They bought this bottle of pesticide, opened the cap, and it said: Another bottle.

(Hahaha~)

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There is a grenade, and it eats it in one day After eating, I cleaned its teeth and suddenly found a thorn in the middle of the tooth. It pulled it out with force, and it exploded...

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Q: Where do users like to shut down their phones the most?

Answer: Ningbo

Q: Why?

Answer: "Sorry, the user you dialed has shut down"...

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A Chinese student was involved in a car accident on a highway abroad. The person and the car fell off a cliff. When the traffic police arrived, they shouted: How are you?

The international student answered: i'm fine, thank you.

Then the traffic police left and the international student died.

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A group of great scientists played hide-and-seek in heaven after death. It was Einstein's turn to catch people. He counted to 100 and opened his eyes and saw that everyone was hiding. Only Newton was still standing there.

Einstein walked over and said: "Newton, I caught you."

Newton: "No, you didn't catch Newton."

Einstein: "You are not Newton, who are you?"

Newton: "Look what is under my feet?"

Einstein looked down and saw Newton standing on a long and wide They are all one meter square on the floor tiles, I don’t understand.

Newton: "This is a square meter of one square meter under my feet, and it is Newton/square meter when I stand on it, so what you grasp is not Newton, what you grasp is Pascal." (This is more important. , hahahaha)

When Pascal heard this, he became anxious and ran out with a square meter of floor tiles in his arms and said: "Newton is here, Newton is here"

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Create a sentence using Kuangqieqie

Children: A train passed by, Kuangjiajiajiaji

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Tell you a funny story~~A chicken slid down the mountain. ......

This is a funny story

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There is a prince who is cursed and can only speak one word a year, but he likes a princess very much, so you endure it without speaking for five years. After you have saved five words, you come to the princess and say: " Please marry me!" The princess said in shock: "What?"

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One day, a fire broke out in the house. Both parents escaped, except for one son who was still inside.

My mother was very nervous and shouted outside the house: "Son...what are you doing...it's already on fire and you still can't come out..."

The son replied: "I am wearing socks..."

The mother said again, "Why should I wear socks if there is a fire..."

After five Minutes later, my son hasn’t come out yet.

The mother shouted nervously, "Son, what are you doing? Come out quickly, it's on fire, and you're still in there."

The son said, "I'm taking off my socks. Ah..."

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"I can't see things that are too far away. ," the patient said to the ophthalmologist. "Please come with me," the doctor took the patient outside, pointed at the sun in the sky, and asked, "What do you think that is?" "The sun," the patient replied. "Then how far do you want to see!"

On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river, but didn't catch anything and went home.

The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but still didn’t catch anything and went home.

On the third day, as soon as the little white rabbit arrived at the river, a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:

If you dare to use the fucking method again, If you use a radish as bait, I will crush you to death!

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One day a little white rabbit came to a store and asked the boss : "Boss, are there any carrots?"

The boss shook his head: "No."

The little white rabbit ran away after hearing this.

The next day, the little white rabbit came to the store again and asked: "Boss, are there any carrots?"

The boss shook his head angrily: "No."

After hearing this, the little white rabbit ran away with a "whoosh".

On the third day, the little white rabbit came to the store again and asked: "Boss, are there any carrots?"

The boss shouted angrily: "No, no! If you ask me again, I will Use pliers to pull out your teeth!"

The little white rabbit ran away after hearing this.

On the fourth day, the little white rabbit came to the store again and asked timidly: "Boss, do you have any pliers?"

The boss said: "No."

The little white rabbit then asked: "Are there any carrots?"

I don't know how many days later, a little black rabbit came to the store and asked the boss: "Boss, are there any carrots?"

The boss shook his head angrily: "No."

The little black rabbit ran away after hearing this.

The next day the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked: "Boss, are there any carrots?"

The boss was very angry: "No! If you ask again, I will use pliers." Pull out your teeth!"

After hearing this, the little black rabbit ran away.

On the third day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked timidly: "Boss, do you have any pliers?"

The boss said angrily: "No."

The little black rabbit then asked: "Are there any carrots?"

The boss was angry, caught the little black rabbit, took out a small hammer, and knocked out the little black rabbit's teeth. .

On the fourth day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked vaguely: "Boss, is there any carrot juice?"

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The giraffe said: "Little rabbit, I really hope you can know how good it is to have a long neck. No matter what delicious things , when I eat, it will pass through my long neck slowly, and the delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time. "

The rabbit looked at him expressionlessly.

"And, in the summer, rabbit, the cool water slowly flowing over my long neck is so delicious. It's great to have a long neck! Rabbit, can you imagine?"

The rabbit said slowly: "Have you ever vomited?"

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Mother Tofu came to the kindergarten to pick up her child and chatted with the teacher. The teacher asked:

"Mrs. Tofu, do you like hot pot?"

"Special I like it!"

"That's great! Actually...your child hid in the refrigerator while playing hide and seek in the afternoon.

”

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According to legend,

there is A killer,

The heart is cold,

The sword is cold,

The hands are also cold!

So...

He's freezing!

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A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze.

It started to pull out its own fur when it was bored

One...two...three...the last one... There was no trace left,

He suddenly yelled...

It's so cold!...

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One day, there was a gummy walking on the street.

As she walked, Suddenly said: "Oh, my legs are so weak!"

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There is a cute pony, which is tied to a cute little pine tree. The pony pulls and pulls, and it turns into a marathon....

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A butterfly broke its wings, but it still flew away. Why?

…………

…………

Because it is strong

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One day, an eggplant was walking on the street and suddenly sneezed hard. He wiped his nose and said angrily: They are taking a group photo again!

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Who is the most devoted in fairy tales? Answer: The mermaid, because she can’t cheat

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Guess a drink...

Coffee.

Because... (Car) (fly)

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How many letters are left after removing e and t?

24

Correct answer: 21, because ET. We took a UFO ride.

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Why can't you be cold at the beach? A joke?

Should cause the sea to laugh (howl)

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Sichuan people always look at a small animal before eating spicy food, and then they are no longer afraid of spicy food. What small animal is it?

Because there is a lyrics. : "When I see a cockroach, I am not afraid of the spicy food~".

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There was a pig, it walked and walked, and it came Britain, what did he become?

Pig.

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A turtle walked over a pile of poop, but There are only 3 footprints left on it, why?

One foot is holding the nose.

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Which one has the longer legs among metal, wood, water, fire and earth?

Ham sausage.

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A boss of society B met a young man in the alley. ,

Ask him: What is one plus one?

The young man was very scared and thought for a long time and said: It is equal to two.

The social boss B quickly took out his pistol and killed him. When I left, I left behind a sentence: You know too much.

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Shit and piss are good brothers. One day, shit crossed the road. After being hit by a car, he said while urinating: I really want to poop...

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There was a person who liked to make phone calls. One day, he hung up

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There was a hedgehog who was rowing in a rubber boat and drowned.

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Jin Yong’s 14 books can be connected into a poem: Flying The snow-covered sky shoots the white deer, and the laughing book hero relies on the green mandarin duck

JK Rowling's seven books can also be one sentence: Hahahahahahaha

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There are two monsters, one red monster and one green monster. It takes 3 bullets to kill a red monster, and only 1 bullet to kill a green monster. Now you have a pistol in your hand with only 2 bullets in it. How do you kill two monsters?

A: Use 1 bullet to kill the green monster first. The red monster turns blue with fright, then use the remaining 1 bullet to kill it.

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One day Jesus had nothing to do, so he ran to the entrance of heaven Wandering there~ Walking and walking,

I saw an old man queuing there who looked very familiar. He seemed to be his father, Joseph~

But he was not sure. ~So Jesus decided to go over and talk to him.

"Hello, old gentleman, what is your name?"

The old gentleman said, "My name is Joseph."

Jesus Think, huh? My father’s name is also Joseph~

But he still wasn’t sure~~ So Jesus asked again: “Old sir, what did you do when you were alive?”

“I He's a carpenter," the old gentleman replied.

Jesus was surprised and thought what a coincidence! My father is also a carpenter.

Jesus continued to ask: "Excuse me, old gentleman, has your son's hands and feet been nailed with nails?"

The old gentleman looked at him in surprise and said, "Why did you I know."

Jesus had tears streaming down his face. He knelt down and cried, "Oh, Father, because I am your son!"

The old gentleman also He started to shed tears, looked at Jesus and said:

.

.

.

"So it's you... little puppet~~ ~"

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Two explorers in the tropical jungle of central Africa They met in front of the tent and talked to each other.

"I came here," one said, "I was born to like adventure. I am tired of city life, the stench of exhaust fumes from cars, the mud on the road after melting snow, it is simply terrible, I like to listen to the chirping of birds; I like to put my feet in places where no one has ever been. Brother, how did you get here?

>"I'm here," said another, "because my son has been practicing his saxophone all day."

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A Scotsman went to London to visit a man who wanted to An old friend, but I forgot his address.

He sent a telegram home to his brother: "Do you know Thomas's address?" The brother immediately responded with an urgent telegram: "Yes."

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A first-year medical student wants to read " Handbook of Practical Anatomy.

The volume on the head and neck was difficult to obtain, so he sent a telegram to his father, a doctor, saying: "Send Cunningham Head and Neck quickly."

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Wife: You care about the football game more than you care about me and the children.

Husband: Who said that?

Wife: Still don’t admit it? Let me ask you, when was our little baby born?

Husband: The day of the match between Liaoning team and Bayi team!

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One day A picked up a mirror and looked in it Said: The people here look familiar

B said: Really? Let me take a look (took the mirror), oh me! You don’t even recognize me?

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Tomato A and Tomato B go shopping.

B asked A: Where are we going?

A does not answer.

B asked again: Where are we going?

A still doesn’t answer.

B asked again.

Tomato A turned to Tomato B and said: Aren’t we from tomatoes? Why do we talk?

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A: "You know what I did in the Internet cafe last night "

B: "What are you doing?"

A: "Go online;"

B: ". p>---------------------

In a Grass Boat

Lu Su: "It's true Can I borrow an arrow?"

Zhuge Liang: "Trust me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still a little worried..."

Zhuge Liang: "That's not necessary."

Lu Su: "But, don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?"

Zhuge Liang: "It's a bit awkward to say that... Is there anything wrong?"

Lu Su: "Yeah, I'm worried that the enemy is shooting rockets..."

Zhuge Liang: "Hey! Zijing￣￣You can swim?" ￣￣￣I can’t ￣￣￣”

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一Before monkeys eat peanuts, they have to stuff them into their butts and then take them out to eat.

The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey was frightened. Now it must be measured before eating.

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Little Rabbit said: "My mother calls me Little Rabbit. , sounds good!”

The little pig said: “My mother calls me Little Piggy, which sounds good too!”

The puppy said: “My mother calls me Little Dog, which sounds good too. Sounds good!”

The chicken said: “You guys chat, I’ll leave first!”

The little rabbit said: “I was raised by a rabbit mother!”

The little pig said: "I was raised by a pig mother!"

The chicken said: "I was raised by a hen mother!"

The puppy said: "You guys talk, I Let’s go first!”

The rogue said: “People call me rogue, and it sounds nice!”

The samurai said: “People call me warrior, and it sounds nice!”

The master said: "People call me Gaoren, and it sounds nice! 1"

The swordsman said: "You guys chat, I'll leave first!"

General Li Zongren said: I This man is kind!

General Fu Zuoyi said: I am a man of justice!

General Zuo Quan said: I am powerful!

Huo Qubing The general said: You guys chat, I'm leaving first!

White Jade said: My name is Bai Yu.

The green jade said: My name is Biyu.

Red Jade said: My name is Hongyu.

Apricot-colored jade said: You guys chat, I’ll leave first!

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Once upon a time, there was a bun who felt hungry and ate himself while walking on the road

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Fish says, "I open my eyes all the time in order to be by your side and not leave."

Water says, "I flow tirelessly all day long in order to be around you." Pick you up nicely.

Guo said: "You are so damn stubborn now that you are almost done."

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A one-eyed man accidentally swallowed his prosthetic eyeball. The prosthetic eye got stuck in his anus and could not be removed, so he went to the hospital. The doctor was frightened and fainted during the examination. When he woke up, he said: I have been looking at the butthole all my life, but I didn't expect that I got a look at the butthole today.