Beg a joke! I'm going to tell my girlfriend a joke every day. I hope everyone can help me collect it. Thank you!

Zhengtai naively said, Ma Ma, what are we doing here?

Ma Ma: An injection ~

Zhengtai: Why do you need an injection? Did the needle do something wrong? Does the needle not hurt?

After five minutes, Zhengtai began to growl: This is a needle hitting me ~ This is a needle hitting me ...

A kid was playing while eating baked sausages on the roadside, and accidentally dropped the sausages. Passers-by comforted him and said, Give your intestines a bath quickly!

My daughter in primary school gave me ten questions, and all of them were wrong. What a shame! One of the questions is, which three animals add up to be the highest? I said: elephants, giraffes, Yao Ming. Daughter says people don't count. I said that with boa constrictors, these three species stand very high. The standard answer turned out to be: pig, female wolf, wasp. Connected is the mother pig, the wolf and the wasp-Mount Everest!

I had a dream this morning, in which several friends and I were kidnapped. When everyone was thinking about how to get out, the alarm clock rang. I got up and was about to get dressed. It suddenly occurred to me that if I slip away, will the rest of my buddies be killed? Brothers are like brothers, so I can't leave my brothers behind, so I lie down and go to sleep ...

Gourmet User Status: I have spent a lot of money these days, and I accidentally used up my living expenses, but there are still more than 2 days before the end of the month. I am going to please my father and cook noodles for my family for breakfast in the morning. My father looked at me warily with chopsticks and asked, how much is this bowl?

My buddy's screen name is "Because the egg hurts, so", and then when he gets off the line, the system prompts me that your friend is off the line because of the egg pain.

In summer, the situation on campus is basically: girls dress in nightclubs, while boys dress in migrant workers. . . Schools with many girls follow the kiln in summer, and schools with many men follow the men's bathhouse in summer!

Today, I went to repair my headphones. After customer service MM pulled out my ears, I felt that the sound quality was much better ~

When I was on the bus, a young mother took two little girls with her. As soon as I got on the bus, the two little girls kept talking in balabala. It was lovely. One of them said, "If I have magic, I will turn my parents into monsters. "I was wondering how this little girl looked so cute, only to hear the little girl say later," Then I'll catch the Tang Priest for them to eat, and they won't be old.

"Niang, I'll borrow 2 silver for the time being." "What's the use?" "Kill people." "What? ! Who! ？” "Your grandson!"

The mother taught her daughter, "Choosing a husband is a life-long event, so how long it takes. Look at your dad, he can fix everything: cars, appliances and faucets are all fixed by himself, and even if the wardrobe is broken, he can fix it himself ... "My daughter interrupted," I see. " "Understand your younger sister, if you also find a husband like your dad, you don't want to use new things for a lifetime. . 。”

"Brother, please do something." My brother was confused and dragged into the house by my sister. My sister blushed and said, "Brother, give this love letter to your deskmate for me." When I arrived at school the next morning, my brother gave the pink letter to my deskmate, and my hand under the desk was pulled in class. My brother looked at his deskmate in amazement, blushed at him and whispered, "I like you, too."

A group of engineering male discussed their graduation trip, so they talked about Phoenix in western Hunan and Shen Congwen and his Border Town. At this moment, a merchant looked puzzled and said, "Nani, does Shen Congwen still know C language?" Holy shit ...

I'm bored during recess, playing with questions. Who is Shi Xian? A: Li Bai. Who is the poet saint? A: Du Fu. What about Shi Gui? A: Li He. What about the poem king? Everyone was silent ... A passer-by blurted out: Simba!

If a girl is suddenly enthusiastic about you, congratulations ... She must have a computer problem, or have difficulty writing a paper, or her resume needs to be changed ... In short, you are a good person ~~

A netizen wrote on a glutton: Whenever I caught a cold when I was a child, my mother would make me a cup of coffee. She said softly, "Foreigners are always like this." But I'm always afraid of the taste of coffee, and so is life. Now I have traveled all over the Taiwan Strait, Shanghai and Starbucks, but I can't see the brand I drank when I was a child. I still vaguely remember that it has a very foreign name: Banlangen!

Xiaoming was dumped by his girlfriend and was heartbroken. My friend comforted me by saying, Forget it, forget her, it's no big deal! Xiao Ming cried: I can't forget it. I bought her many things, all of which were paid by installments. WTF .....

Our company has a rich and handsome man, a farm and pasture with a fixed income, a Scottish shepherd to look after the farm, and a witch to look after the ranch, 1 Ferrari sports cars and a few slaves. I am also worth a lot. I have my own restaurant and a supermarket, which is also a high income. However, since his QQ was stolen, he has nothing ...

Zhan Zhao told Mahan his heroic story: "I visited Xiaoyao Building that day and got important information, but I was mistakenly caught in the office and was seriously injured. I strongly carry a mouthful of true qi, support to Kaifeng, suddenly black at the moment. "Mahan asked with concern," Did you faint? "Zhan Zhao:" No, it's Lord Bao coming out.

please list the differences between "law" and "law" in the word "law". Jane doe student: Of course not. If I tell my mother that my boyfriend is a "lawyer", she will be very happy. If I say my boyfriend is a "mage", she will definitely beat me to death!