The funniest text message to customers.

1, female to male: Look at your sly eyes and crooked sweet potato face. How can people fantasize about you? Man to woman: I only have a few G's in my eyes, and I know I can't save your face with dozens of G's.

2, Yue Yue's friends and women can say that selling the sun and the moon is a white sale, especially for the sun and the moon. I can't see the moon and the moon, I can't see the moon and the moon.

3. Boyfriend: You are as kind as a cat, as loyal as a dog, as lovely as a bird, as beautiful as a butterfly, as diligent as a bee and as smart as a donkey! So I love you! Girlfriend: God, you just don't love me!

4. A mosquito found a beautiful girl, so he stepped forward and bit her thigh. As a result, she took a sip of skin care products and came back. Finally, the mosquito sighed: "Hey, there are fewer and fewer green foods now!" " "

5. Teacher: When writing a character composition, we should highlight the key points. Xiao Ming: Teacher, I've made up my mind. I'll write about my grandmother. Teacher: Does your grandmother have any outstanding aspects? Xiaoming: My grandmother has a lumbar disc herniation.

When I have the right, let the National Grand Theatre be your practice room, the Water Cube your swimming pool, the museum your history book, the Great Wall your walking corridor and the Bird's Nest your home.

7. Mineral water loves instant noodles! Just summon up the courage to confess! Rejected, mineral water asked: Why? Instant noodles said: cut, you want to soak me with that heat!

8. "I wonder if I will be a painter or a poet in the future?" "A painter, of course." "Why? Have you seen my paintings? " "No. But I have read your poems. "

9. Go out of school and come to the society; No future, suffering; Busy outside, tired all day; Eating a good meal or wasting it; A little salary and tax.

10, the teacher found two students sleeping in class with books on their pillows, one with excellent grades and the other with poor grades. The teacher pulled the poor student up and said, you are a lazy boy. You sleep as soon as you read. Look at people reading when they sleep.

1 1, the first lovelorn: once the sea is difficult for water, it will always be amber; The second lovelorn: once the sea was water, except Wushan or clouds; The third lovelorn: once a drop in the ocean, except Wushan.

12, I'm not alone with you, dancing with you and taking you on the road of life. I can't help leaving you. I count the stars at night, look for you during the day and look for you in the crowd. So you are in the deepest part of the flock.

13, Wukong drew a circle, and Tang Priest was safe; Little Sage drew a circle and Pleasant Goat was saved. You drew a circle, you can't do anything. Although you are no longer a child, you still wet the bed. Happy holidays!

14, do you want the clouds in the sky or the gods on the earth? I do my best to prepare for you! Honey, I know, you only need my loyalty and love, and it can't cost you your heart! Wife-loving Day Vow: If you want to spend your heart, please be cautious.

15, the super action hero will teach me to use dynamic light waves tomorrow, and Altman will teach me to fight monsters the day after tomorrow ... Alas, every day will be very busy: Conan, Spider-Man and ... have a good rest today, and I will be a very busy person from tomorrow on.

16, how hard you work at ordinary times. When you get home, you want to sleep, and you feel haggard when you try to earn money. I advise you not to be too tired at work. The weekend has finally come again, and the lazy bed is really not much better. The mobile phone is not turned on, and the game is uncertain. In short, everything is fine at the weekend!

17, it's very kind of you, wife, just like our big cat; Wife, wife, you are so beautiful, just like the curved moon pouting! Wife, wife, you are really bad, just like a little slander; Wife, wife, you are really good, just like the heroine behind the pot!

As a professional goalkeeper, I really admire your professionalism. Yesterday at the class reunion, the old cow threw you a cigarette. I didn't expect you to kick it out with one foot, and it fell into the teacup in front of the old cow.

19, I am a wolf in the north. Gentle and kind since childhood. I only dare to watch my companions eat meat. Others think I'm a coward and dislike my wandering alone. Being single is really hard. I want a gentle sheep. You can spend the long mountain with me, and I will spend eternity with you.

20, I hope to have a pair of hands, can adjust the vibration of the earth into * * *; Let the smile of Mount Fuji replace the tears; Let north Africa no longer be filled with smoke; Let the supermarkets in China be filled with dazzling array of iodized salt.

Neighbor: Is there something wrong with the car? Tommy: I bought a valve that saves 30% fuel, a carburetor that saves 40% fuel and a spark plug that saves 50% fuel. Neighbor: Tommy: After driving for 20 kilometers, the oil overflowed!

22. If you have a level in your heart and a diploma in your bag, you can rise or fall. I have no moral level, and the vault can fill it. I have a bottle in my left hand and a medicine bottle in my right. I have a vinegar bottle at home and a vase outside!

23. How can we live longer? B: Give up drinking. A: I don't drink. B: No color. A: I don't like women. B: Vegetarian. A: I don't eat meat! B exclaimed: Then why do you want to live long?

24. The furthest distance in the world is when I stand in front of you and you turn a blind eye. The most embarrassing thing in the world is to bring enough money to eat steamed buns, only to find that the price of steamed buns has just increased when checking out.

25, ancestral secret recipe, very effective: on the last night of the year, wrap three eggs in three layers of red cloth and put them on the pillow. Cooking it and eating it the next day will bring you good luck for a year. Don't miss the chance, try it quickly, fool!

26. Mid-Autumn Festival is coming. If it is sunny, the bright moon will send my regards. If the sky is cloudy, the wind will achieve my wish; If it rains, raindrops will send you my blessing. I wish you happiness no matter when, where or what the weather is!

27. The Mid-Autumn Festival is full moon, and my daughter misses her parents. Every holiday season, my daughter warmly wishes: Dear Mom and Dad, Mid-Autumn Festival is healthy and happy! Peace and happiness!

28, Mid-Autumn Festival Yuanmei, the breeze Xu Shui, the bright moon, Lang Lang Mid-Autumn Festival night; Soothing, clear, bright, refreshing and popular. On and off, ups and downs, joys and sorrows, silent unity.

29. Mid-Autumn Festival in May: Family cares about you, love nourishes you, God of Wealth cares for you, friends are loyal to you, I will bless you, and the star of luck will always shine on you.

30. Eat too many moon cakes in Mid-Autumn Festival, so be careful of indigestion. In order to ensure the appetite of the National Day and realize a sustainable holiday, I suggest that you fast for three days, only vegetarian and no meat, limit the time, and gradually widen your belt. You're done!

3 1, Mid-Autumn Festival, the moon is a poem and the starry sky is a painting. May all happiness accompany you, greeting is spring, caring is summer, all friends treat you sincerely, tenderness is autumn, romance is winter, and all happiness follows you. I wish you a happy Mid-Autumn Festival!

32. Mid-Autumn Festival 15, the world is peaceful; From June to Mid-Autumn Festival, the whole family is in Yue Bai; Pagoda lamp, according to heaven and earth; Lotus flower, lotus silk again and again; Red pomegranate, pomegranate opens; Reunion cake, jack shall have Jill, I wish you a happy Mid-Autumn Festival!

33. The full moon in Mid-Autumn Festival is a painting, and the lack of the moon is a poem. Picturesque and beautiful, dedicated to my beloved you. Looking up at the same beautiful moon under the distant starry sky is an agreement between you and me!

34. On the occasion of Mid-Autumn Festival, I don't want to give you too much, just give you 50 million: happy, healthy, safe and content, never forget me!

35. From the Mid-Autumn Festival to the Mid-Autumn Festival, I will send a short message worth 10 cents in advance to congratulate anyone who has a certain position in my heart, who is not tired of working, who counts money and who doesn't frown every day.

36. The Mid-Autumn Festival is coming, and I will send you a multifunctional full moon to help you get over your troubles, make you feel happy and tease with happiness! I wish your family health!

37, Mid-Autumn Festival Mid-Autumn Festival full moon, hometown is far away, relatives dream around the soul, lovers are concerned, friends are full of friendship. I wish this scene, infinite warmth in my heart!

38. The Mid-Autumn Festival is approaching, the moon cakes are sweet and the saliva is spinning; Take a walk and have a look. Who is romantic before the flowers and under the moon? Jade rabbit laughs, you laugh, its mouth is three petals, you are four petals; The full moon, you embrace together and roll happily. I wish you happiness!

39. The Mid-Autumn Festival is coming: send a wishful cake and everything goes well; Send you a happy cake and be happy forever; Send you a childlike innocence cake, the boy is on earth; Send you a reunion cake, family reunion!

40. I invited Jesus to drink, and I got him drunk with all my money. Then I stole his mobile phone and sent an order to Cupid: Happy life, sweet love, successful career and Happy New Year to those who received this message!

4 1, I asked the air as a postman, bound my fiery greetings into a package, postmarked them, and delivered them at constant temperature, and the recipient was you. Wish you a happy Spring Festival!

42. I feel, think, see, smell, listen, people feel, hands feel, feet feel, say, do, get, time is up, your gift has not arrived, only my blessing has arrived.

43. Take off the tired coat of one year, bathe in the sky of our friendship, shake off the dust of running around and unload the fatigue in your heart. I wish you all the best tomorrow and great achievements in the new year!

44. On New Year's Eve, I suddenly saw a magical cow descending from the earth, with wishful head, auspicious mouth, happy horns, healthy legs, prosperous feet, developed ribs, happy chest, safe back, prosperous belly and smooth tail. I wish you sweet and beautiful.

45. I heard that you changed your surname? Why didn't you tell me? At least we are friends. I know, you changed your last name to "Tiger". Hehe, I will call you "tiger" from now on. The Year of the Tiger is here, I wish you happiness!

46, you are a fox, because you can fake the fox's "blessing"; You are a cow because you can be a cow for a long time and be "blessed"; You know there are tigers in the mountains, and you tend to be blessed in the mountains. In the Year of the Tiger, you will be very lucky. In the Year of the Tiger, "Wisdom Fofo Agbo" will flourish. Good luck in the Year of the Tiger!

47. The Spring Festival is coming. Congratulations on your sunny road. Happy and wonderful 20 10. Let's dance and sing tiger and dragon. Happy spring. I wish long live the motherland.

48. Don't say I'm heartless. At least I sent a short message with a dime, which wasted the battery power and risked my life to be radiated by electromagnetic radiation, so I will give you a New Year greeting without considering the consequences! Happy new year!

49, imperial edict: Fengtian freight, the emperor called: Because you owe me 30 cents last year, you are not allowed to shit for three days, and you are not allowed to take paper when you shit, and the paper is only three feet until you die! A Cheng, get the newspaper!

50. I really want to dial your number and listen to your nonsense. Unfortunately, you have too much money. Fortunately, text messages can be replied. Send a warm message to a fool. I hope I won't make him angry, let alone choose to commit suicide heroically.

5 1, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny; Miss you, insomnia; See you, too far; What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls! Happy spring festival!

52. I hold Harry R26 Potter's wand in my hand and sincerely pray: I will turn all my happiness into cream, all my blessings into chocolate, and make a cake that will be happy forever ... and smash you! Happy new year!

53. In the new year, I am determined to do three major things for the people of the whole country: 1 Building an elevator for Mount Everest; 2 Tile the Great Wall; 3. Put the plane into reverse gear; Do three little things: 1 put gloves on flies; 2 wear an anti-mosquito mask; Hey, you.

54. There are big gifts and surprises waiting for you in the Spring Festival. Edit the message "I want to invite you to dinner" to 138XXXXXXXX (the number of the guy who sent the message, of course), and you will have the opportunity to get the autograph of the genius and take a group photo as a souvenir. The opportunity is rare, so act quickly!

55. The Spring Festival is coming, and the State Council has issued five bans: no pretending to be busy and ignoring me, no forgetting me if you have money, no not helping me when you are in trouble, no calling me for dinner, and no thinking of me when you are free! Happy Chinese New Year

56. You have had a good life recently. You are enthusiastic about your work, friendly to your colleagues, active in life, respecting the old and caring for the young, but you have little contact with me. Now I'll give you a chance to make amends. Please treat me to dinner as soon as possible!

57. The wind is not blowing casually, the rain is not raining casually, the mountains are not climbing casually, the flowers are not pinched casually, the hands are not pulled casually, and the text messages are not sent casually! As long as you are single, I will make you dizzy!

58. Good news and bad news: It's good that someone fell off the plane. His parachute is broken, and it doesn't open properly. There is a haystack on the ground with a fork in it. Good: He didn't fall on the fork. Not good: he didn't fall on the haystack either.

59. A miser caught a cold and was unwilling to buy medicine for fear of spending money, let alone go to the hospital. So I went to my neighbor's house to borrow medicine, took a pair of medicine, and heard that my neighbor said that I didn't have to return it, so I said, one more pair!

60. oh, my god. Please send me a big watermelon to those who forget me, don't contact me, don't call me, don't send me a message, don't miss me! I wish them enough to eat, and then go out and step on watermelon skin!

6 1. A beautiful young woman asked the fireman, "You must have worked hard to save me from danger, didn't you?" "yes! I beat back three firefighters, and they all rushed to save you! "

62. The society is too complicated now. I have asked Ping An to be your bodyguard, health as a shield, good luck as an assistant, happiness as a partner, success as a backup and success as a striker. Don't worry!

63, full of personality, the coolest in the world: drinking Lushan Waterfall and sleeping in Cao Cao's tomb; Put onions in your nostrils and dog teeth in your mouth; Brawly, with branches tied to her waist, walked with light crane steps; Children cry when they see it, and they are called interstellar monsters!

64. I really envy you. My heart is full of envy for you, because I have such a good friend. Even in the most ordinary moment, I will not forget to give you my blessing to make you happy! Just accept your fate and continue to be jealous of me!

65. A person who lives and dies with me is a lover; A person who is affectionate with me is a lover; Those whose blood is thicker than water with me are relatives; One kind of person is my descendant, who is a clansman; The people who fight with me are friends; There is also a kind of person who is born with a bodhisattva heart. Others say he lacks a tendon. He always loathes to give up when he sees my stomach is flat. He stayed with me and cooked me a seafood dinner. Finally, he didn't forget to pay me, and the money in his pocket dried up. Forget it, this person is you!

66. Text messages are really rare, three sentences and four sentences are just right, ten sentences and eight sentences are too noisy, and too many sentences become trouble. This short message is just right, and three greetings are put together: winter is getting cold, good health, wonderful health!

67. Your kindness has been rewarded, and I call you a good man; You are kind and caring, I call you a good person; Your ability is superior, I call you an able person; Your talent is extraordinary, I call you talent; You are healthy and safe. Can I call you * * *?

68. If a drop of water symbolizes blessing, then I will send you a South China Sea; If a star contains a happiness, then I will send you a galaxy; If a spoonful of honey implies a kind of yearning, then I will give you a hornet's nest, so I can't believe I can't stab you. Hehe, I wish you a happy day ~

69. Reading today, I was depressed to see that Emperor Kangxi became the king of a country at the age of 23. But I saw that Emperor Tongzhi had been dead for four years when he was twenty-three. Twenty-three years old, psychologically balanced.

70, send you a happy number, smile secretly at the corner of your mouth, and immediately report a lucky; The mood is quietly beautiful, and the numbers will definitely fly forward; After the blessing words are collected, you are the number one. Happiness!

7 1. When the crab saw the rabbit on the beach, he laughed at it and said, You are drunk and your eyes are red. The rabbit roared, you are drunk. Your mouth is full of foam. What did you vomit? You walk sideways!

72. Ha ha is a happy smile, ha ha is a knowing smile, hee hee is a snicker, hum is a sneer, ha ha is a sly smile, and roar is a skin-to-skin smile. SMS is just to make you laugh, I hope to be happy!

73, nothing to contact, normal people can't do such a thing; Sending a text message and not returning it, normal people can't do such a thing; Reading text messages without laughing, normal people can't do such a thing. Hey, what are you looking for everywhere? It is you!

74. One day, I had dinner with a friend and talked about basketball. I wanted to praise him: "Your performance in our unit is the best and very enjoyable, but you scored less." Ha ha laugh

75. Love for no reason, money without love, the right to have no money without heart, and I, a friend with only "heart", sincerely wish you good food, good drink and good health!

76. God said, if you don't bless you, the rooster will lay eggs, the tiger will start eating noodles, the sun will turn black, and the earth will stop turning soon! In order to prevent chaos in the world, I made a special trip to send a text message to wish you money, health and peace today!

77. I heard that you have insomnia and dreaminess recently. I know it's all about money. In order to let you have a good sleep, the best way is to let me keep your savings. Please let me help you suffer!

78. A sweaty nervous man rushed into the taxi, threw a handful of money and said, "Go to the airport at a red light." The driver whistled, "Well, did you just kill someone?" The nervous man said anxiously, "If you go on nagging, you will die soon!" " "

79. You have Wei Zi's cleverness, but pretend to be an ignorant swallow; Have the great ambition of the queen, but can only be driven like a mother. Holding the salary of a little eunuch, I wonder why I don't have an emperor Amar!

80. After getting along for so long, I finally know that you are a very straightforward person! Laugh when you are happy, man show when you are frustrated, and sneak away in tears when you are sad. Only I have the unique skill to deal with you, a lollipop, which will make you smile through tears immediately!

8 1, Fengtian freight, Zhao Di said that although it is early summer, the climate is changeable, and it is cold and hot, and this order is issued. Ai Qing needs to be kind to herself, add clothes in time to prevent colds, stay happy at any time, and don't disobey orders!

82. Oh, no, I can't find out until I turn over my mobile phone. We haven't been in touch for days. Forget it. I'm not stingy. I forgive you and give you a little surprise. This is a super invincible little scissors 8.

83. The boss didn't get a raise for two years. I can sing and leave my boss's business card to the girls in the glee club. Go to the bar and leave the boss's business card with the barmaid. Pass by the red light district and give your business card to the girl who is pestering you. After sweeping pornography this year, I found that my boss often went to the police station.

84. Funny quotations: Know what you know, but don't know what Baidu knows; Listen to you and leave me ten books; Li Bai was about to go by boat when he heard the sound of diving. A dive tied it down and picked it up. It was Wang Lun; Hold the child's hand and you will know that the child is ugly!

85. The best friend is the one who dares to give you silence on any occasion, stays up with you when you are tired and sleepy, cheers for you when you are sad, and laughs at you when you kick you. Friend, I'm upset. Do you want to laugh?

86. Do you want clouds in the sky or something on the ground? I do my best to prepare for you! Honey, I know, you only need my loyalty and love, and it can't cost you your heart! Wife-loving Day Vow: If you want to spend your heart, please be cautious. Boys send short messages to girls they like: Without you, it's like a rabbit without legs, a horse without hooves, a pot without a lid, and a flower without petals. I will receive a reply later: I regard you as an umbrella for fish, a camel with a saddle, a sheep with a coat, a train with an anchor, and no electricity!

87. Hua went home by train, a beautiful woman from Lu Yu, so she accosted: Which university did you go to? Woman: I'm from medical university. Ahuaxi: So you are angels in white, so I will come to see you after seeing the doctor. Beauty: I'm a forensic doctor …

Manager: Hua, you are late for work in the morning and leave early after work. Is this not good? Hua: The road conditions are not good now, and there are always traffic jams. I'm late for work. I can't be late for home from work, or my wife will criticize me!

89, low-carbon life is a compliment, no car, no house is not ugly. Without a car, we are emission reduction people, without a house, we don't occupy land. Insisting on environmental protection has many advantages, and everyone who knows it is a fool. Men are more responsible for the low-carbon theory of SMS communication.

90. Going to bed when you meet is a transaction; It is snobbish to see the house when you meet; Paying the bill when you meet is casting a net; It is a girl who blushes when she meets; Meet and talk about ideals as lovers; Making eyes at each other is appreciation; Hold hands when you meet, and eat candy early!

9 1. How many people in China suffer from hypertension because of the Japanese nuclear crisis? They are all fighting for salt. I'm thinking, if nuclear radiation really reaches us, should we eat it in a whole bag or before meals three times a day, and should we apply it externally?

92. Brothers and sisters who plan to celebrate the festival today must live in a 100% black world! Wear black clothes, black hat, black shoes, black bean noodles and black coffee. Get black and get High!

93, dating for half an hour, 1 minute scratching your head for 2 minutes, picking your nose for 3 minutes, wandering for 4 minutes, looking at the ground for 5 minutes, shaking your feet for 6 minutes, glaring for 7 minutes and being angry for 8 minutes! 3 1 min, overtime 1 min, running done!

94. Japan's seven-day tour is a popular special tour: watching the tsunami, watching the nuclear waterfall, enjoying the beauty of the earthquake, experiencing nuclear radiation and feeling the doomsday style! The whole game is purely fun, not in the store, no extra points. One-way ticket, take care of yourself when you go back, whether you go back or not! Special offer: 20 15 yuan

95. God gave you wisdom, but you put it in an empty bottle; God gave you sunny weather, but you condemned it; Open your heart and let go of your mood. Everyone is a happy elf. World Autism Day, send this message to make autistic mineral water fall in love with instant noodles! Just summon up the courage to confess! Rejected, mineral water asked: Why? Instant noodles said: cut, you want to soak me with that heat!

96. The elephant and the ant divorced after two days of marriage. The judge asked why, and the ant said, Can you be together? It takes 20 minutes to get a kiss! Elephant airway: Leave! You have to find a kiss with a magnifying glass for a long time, and you can't breathe.

97. When I was taking out the garbage, I accidentally fell into the garbage dump. Just as I was about to get up, the old rag picker pulled it up and held it in his arms. The old man thinks: people in the city are really wasted. Such a nice woman said no!

98. Dad: Son, you are four years old. I want to send you to kindergarten full-time care. Son: No way. Dad: Why? Son: I am shy. Besides, if I take it off completely, it's easy to catch a cold.

99. Don't blame me for not contacting you. I am short of funds. I eat pickles steamed bread every day. If I want to eat cake, I'll pat the steamed bread flat. If you want to eat steamed bread, dig your eyes and put pickles. When I miss you, I pinch steamed bread into a pig.

100, daughter is 4 years old. A few days ago, I taught her to draw on the computer. She scribbled with the mouse. I said it was my turn to smoke. My daughter turned to me and said, Stop painting, and we will run out of gas soon!

10 1. An African went to China Hotel to stay. In the middle of the night, the hotel caught fire and the man rushed out. A fireman who was putting out the fire saw it and said loudly, Mom, it's burnt, and you still run so fast!

102, my friend wants to talk about the field of "cards". I wish you: love is like a heart, career is like plum blossom, peace is like a square, wealth is like spades, and good luck holds hands with Jun Jun. May happiness be infinite.

103, you stood on the street with a happy face, happy and crazy. When someone asks you what's wrong, you burst into tears and mumble. I'm so lucky. I finally-stepped in shit.

104. Give you a parrot. When you are tired, it will say: rest, rest early. When you are sick, it will say: health, pay attention to your health. If you lose weight, it will say: nutrition, increase nutrition. When you get fat, it will say: imperial concubine, it's time to take a bath!

105, may your life be as colorful as tango samba, may your career be successful, may your body be stronger than the Bundesliga in the Premier League, may your luck continue to surpass Messi Kaka, and may your mood be as happy as old Bailey's horse.

106, I told you not to mess around and not listen at ordinary times. Great, there are a group of people asking about you everywhere. One of them is called God of Wealth, the other is called Li Shun, and the leader is called Happiness! I asked my trouble, it doesn't love you at all, it is healthy. Let me bring you a letter. It has a crush on you for a long time, and it will remain unchanged for life! You will have a beautiful love this autumn.

107, I admire your natural and unrestrained expression and calm eyes, I am infatuated with your lofty demeanor, I admire your broad mind and generosity, I admire your heroism and courage, and I prefer your roar and madness when you chase Lv Dongbin!

108, I recently hit a big luck and won the lottery. I'm going to give you some, just 40 million. Must be safe, happy, healthy and happy. I have helped you deposit your money in the "Jixing Zhao Gao" bank, and the password is: 13 14. You can take it anytime!

109, I had a dream last night: God told me that this life is doomed to loneliness. There is only one way to crack it-send text messages to ten idiots. I cried at that time: God, I only know this one who reads text messages. I'm finished.

1 10 I'll teach you a method to improve the computer network speed. First, open any dialog box, then select sogou input method, and then enter the following letters: wozhenben (I am so stupid). Give it a try!

1 1 1. In summer, I invited small animals to have a love trip. The wet nurse gave you the problem vaccine, Miss Mosquito gave you a red envelope, and the frog prince croaked for you. SMS blessing received, please reply loudly: received! Got it!

Finishing: zhl20 1702