Are there any good songs and super funny jokes?

Song: gala gala Happy Joke: Female Physical Fitness Test 1, Breathing Frequency Test: Please completely immerse your boyfriend or husband's head in clear water for ten minutes, then lie flat on the floor and give him artificial respiration quickly. If you wake it up within five minutes, your breathing rate is good; If you wake up within ten minutes, your breathing frequency is average; If you don't wake him up within 30 minutes, please call 120. 2, vital capacity test: in a crowded place, throw a smelly fart, and then quickly squat down and take a deep breath. If there is no one around to cover your nose, it means that your lung capacity is good; If someone covers your nose, you should quickly escape from the scene and practice your vital capacity in the above way where no one is around. 3. Neighborhood friendliness test: Please open all the windows at 4: 00 a.m., turn the stereo to a medium volume, and sing "Scream at the Top" by karaoke. If the neighbors have no adverse reactions, the neighbor friendliness is100; If you hear the echo of "nervous, abnormal, xxxx", the neighbor friendliness is 50; If you hear the siren of 1 10 from far to near, you need to turn off the stereo quickly and get into bed. Accordingly, your friendship with your neighbors is 0. 4. Self-charm test: Please shout three times in the busy street: I am single! If more than five men come to make an inquiry, your charm is100; If more than five men laugh at you, it means that your charm is 50; If no one cares, I suggest you reduce the number of appearances. 5. Skin elasticity test: Please put a flea on the skin. After the flea jumps, measure its jumping height every day and make statistics. If the jumping height of fleas is increasing day by day, your skin is elastic; If the jumping height decreases day by day, it means that your skin elasticity is poor; If a flea falls dead, it means that your skin is not elastic. 6. Method of judging the freshness of eggs: Please hold the eggs to be judged in your arms, and under no circumstances should the surface temperature of eggs be lower than 30 degrees Celsius. /kloc-after 0/5 days, if the egg has been covered by chicks, it means that the egg is fresh; If the chicken is not enough, it means that the eggs are not fresh; If the egg is broken, please eat it. 7. lazy self-test: please drink ten liters of pure water at a time before going to bed. In the early morning of the next day, if you find no water stains on the mattress, it means that you are diligent; If there are water stains below the three beaches, it means that you are generally diligent; If you have more than three beaches, you are lazy. 8. Tooth strength test: Please bite your boyfriend or husband's arm with your teeth and gradually exert yourself. When your boyfriend or husband is yelling, quickly measure the decibel of his yelling with a noise meter. If the measured value is higher than 100 decibel, your tooth strength is100; If the measured value is between 50 and 80, it means that your tooth strength is 50; If the measured value is 0, please take your boyfriend or husband to the hospital to check his pain nerve. 9. Excretion function test: When going out to participate in large-scale ceremonies, please bring a set of local newspapers with editions 2 and 32. When you finish reading a third of the newspaper and go to the toilet, the excretion function will be fine; When you finish reading half of the newspaper and go to the toilet, your excretion function will be average; When you have read all the contents of the newspaper over and over for three times, and haven't finished reading Toilet, I suggest you re-judge whether you have a desire to go to the toilet ... ※ The original post is from a hilarious entertainment network in Fukushima, http://www.laifu.org.