Daily joke: Divorce with you

The wife was lying in her husband's arms and asked, "Husband, the stock goes up every day! Your account is about to rise to 6,543,800+million. What is the first thing you want to do? "

"Take you away." My husband blurted it out (I didn't think it was a good thing at the time).

The wife was slightly angry: "What about the second thing?"

"Marry you back!" Husband said.

"Why?" The wife is very confused.

"When I married you before, it was too simple, so I will do it again to make your marriage better."

"Husband, that's very kind of you!" The wife looks very moved.

At that time, my husband really wanted to say to himself, "I was so smart that I didn't get beaten."

Ask your girlfriend to watch Speed and furious 7.

I asked my girlfriend to watch Speed and furious 7, but I didn't get a ticket. My girlfriend said shyly, it doesn't matter whether I watch a movie or not. We can go straight to the next step. I shook my head in dismay and said, "The next film hasn't been filmed yet.

3. A witty interviewer

If a company wants to be unmarried, I will change my resume to unmarried, submit it, and let me go for an interview a few days later.

The interviewer looked at my resume and said, sing a little swallow's nursery rhyme.

Ah! How can you interview people like this? Let's sing, but fortunately, I can!

Swallow, dressed in gorgeous clothes ..., sang vigorously. The interviewer said, OK, OK, you can go. It's time to pick up the children from the kindergarten!

Me: Why? I'm unmarried!

Interviewer: unmarried? Can you sing swallows so well without marriage? !

4. Birthday was beaten.

A friend who works in the south called me in a very sad tone. As soon as I heard something wrong, I asked, "What's the matter?"

Friend: "I have been to my birthday. When the birthday girl ate longevity noodles, I chatted with others and was beaten. "

Me: "This host family is so unreasonable. What did you say? "

Friend: "I told a fact that the noodles he ate were called dried noodles in my hometown ..."

5. Donate sperm before marriage

A: I have to donate sperm.

B: Does your daughter-in-law agree?

A: So donate before you get married.

B: Why?

A: So when a pregnant woman came to see me after marriage, I pretended to be innocent and said that it was probably artificial insemination.

B: Not good! ! !

6. I'm crazy.

When I was looking at the space, there were photos of the goddess traveling, and I habitually sent a sentence "already". . . Five minutes later, the goddess asked: What does "exhausted" mean? My fucking face is white. This is not a forum. Fortunately, Ben is very witty.

Answer: Wrong hand, wrong number, have a good trip! The goddess gave me a lovely expression.

7, the road is one foot high and the magic is one foot high.

On the bus, I stood next to a couple. The girl is wearing a short skirt and has a very good figure. I heard them chatting in a low voice. The girl said, "I went out in a hurry today and forgot to put it on." As soon as I heard this, I quickly threw down a dollar and prepared to squat down and pick it up. An uncle nearby pulled me to his seat and said, "Let me help you pick it up." Uncle Wocao is really a fucking living Lei Feng!

8. Sell my kiss

A sister in the sister group said, "If only I could sell kisses and earn a lot of money without going to work?" Sisters don't understand: "Even if you can sell it, how much can a kiss give you?" She: "How much depends on where you kiss!" " "

9. Words are too powerful

I think some words are too powerful. The loneliest word-the most adventurous word-the most comfortable word-the most direct word-Kun's most ideal word-the most basic word-the most ambitious word-Hao's most awesome word

10, and later became my girlfriend.

While cooking in the canteen, the sister in front was fighting all the time, and one accidentally met my second brother. I immediately fell to the ground and made a painful movement. Later this sister invited me to dinner and apologized to me. Later, she became my girlfriend, and my schoolmates admired my excellent acting skills. In fact, only my heart knows best that some things depend on strength.