Word Learning Tips 002: Experience in writing lyrics for "Dianjiang Lip"

Teacher Nalan assigned a new homework, using Feng Yansi's poem "Dian Crimson Lips·Shadow Green Surrounding Red" as the main body, with 41 characters in double tone, four sentences in the first paragraph and three oblique rhymes, and five sentences in the second paragraph with four rhymes. Oblique rhyme.

Pink lips, green and red

Feiqiong’s family lives in Taoyuan, surrounded by green and red. Paint bridges as roads, and open red doors near the water.

Flat, flat, flat, flat, flat.

Zhongqi, Zhongping, Zhongping, Zhongping, Zhongping. Zhongping Zhongqi, Zhongqi Zhongqi.

The willow path is deep in spring, and you reach a place of love. He frowned and said nothing, letting the wind blow him towards Lang Bian.

廄廄平平, 平廄平平廄. Ping, level, level, level, level, level.

Zhongqi Zhongping, Zhongqi Zhongping. Zhongzhongqi, Zhongzhongzhongqi, Zhongzhongzhongqi.

I think some positions in the word score can be interchanged between straight and oblique, but I think it is better for beginners to strictly follow the formal style, because the word is derived from rhymed poetry, and various sentence patterns have standard basic formats. Only by mastering the basic format can you develop a good sense of language and then use it flexibly. Of course, when you really can’t think of something, the idea should come first. For this reason, I have listed both kinds of word scores.

Teacher Nalan said that this song is easier than "Drunk and Singing", but I find it more difficult. My imagination is poor and I don't know how to invent a vivid scene. When writing lyrics, you must first have an idea, otherwise it will be a word combination game, but for me, I can only start with word combination.

After spending a whole day and night, I finally pieced together a song.

Red lips? Sad parting

Soft words, peach blossoms dancing to welcome the fairy couple. Combing your fingers and combing your eyes, we walk together on the road to the end of the world.

The ambition is high, but the hard work is divided into hardships. Do you know? The water is flowing away, and the catkins are like rain.

Teacher Nalan pointed out three problems: First, there is inconsistency, suggesting that "complaining with fingers" should be changed to "complaining lightly"; second, the last sentence is not good, with four out of five words. The words have the same rhyme part; the third part is "finger combing the eyes and complaining", combing and suing are both in the fourth part, and "fingertips lightly complaining" is better.

It took me a whole day to revise the last sentence. The modification is as follows:

The soft words are charming, and the peach blossoms dance to welcome the fairy couple. I once complained softly and walked together on the road to the end of the world.

The ambitions are as high as the clouds, and the hard work is divided into hardships. Do you know? The water flows away, spring comes and winter passes.

After reading it, Teacher Nalan said that the word "sudden" is a bit unfamiliar, and I promised to think about it again.

Then I read the words I filled in over and over again. The more I read, the more awkward I felt. I couldn’t change it, so I decided to give up and redefine the content framework and write a new song.

Another whole day has passed, and the new words are as follows:

Red lips? Sad parting

Kushibi Western-style building, long flute and thousands of boats crossing. Guests come and go, scolding peers for being jealous.

Sober and lonely, there is a tree in front of the window in the cold moon. It’s hard to think about it anymore. A pair of magpies danced among the wisteria flowers.

Teacher Nalan said it was okay, and then asked me why I changed so much. I told the truth, and she smiled and said, "This means you have made progress." Then she said from her own experience that when writing lyrics, she should "read it again and change it, read it again and change it again." Teacher, you are constantly trying to improve. We, the idiots like us, can only jump around more.

Teacher Nalan suggested that I start with buying rhyme first, and sent me Jian You’s work "Three Parts" by "Xiu Xiu" as a reference sample. After reading it, I understood what Bu Yun meant.

Teacher Nalan asked me to start with Bu rhyme a long time ago. I didn’t know how to pretend to understand, and thought that the fourth part of Ci Lin Zhengyun was named after the word "Bu". So the words filled in twice before and after were all in four-part rhyme, which was really a big joke.