Birds tell jokes to flowers and guess a dish.

1. A fat man jumped to his death. What happened to him? A: Fat bastard.

You dropped your mobile phone and wallet. What should you do? A: Tie it up.

3. An ant fell from an altitude of 8000 meters. How did you die? A: It's so high!

Eat ~

The fly husband took the fly wife to the toilet to eat, and the fly mother asked, "Why does the husband always eat shit and urine?" Why not have some rice for a change? "The male fly said angrily," when you fucking eat, can you stop asking such disgusting questions and eat while it's hot? "

Poor monkey

One day, Nini went to the zoo to feed the monkeys ... threw peanuts to the monkeys ... but one monkey always put peanuts in his ass first ... and then took them out ... Nini felt sick and ran to ask the administrator ... why did the monkey behave so strangely? ... the administrator explained: because someone threw him a big peach last year ... as a result, the seeds of that big peach could not be discharged from his ass smoothly ... and he died miserably.

Blodpalt

Xiaomei especially likes to eat pig blood cake. Every time I see a stall selling pig blood cakes on the roadside, she will definitely buy them. One day, she saw a woman in her sixties selling on the road and went to buy food. After eating, she found that the pig blood cake was extremely delicious, so she wanted to pay her highest respects to her grandmother.

(Answer in Taiwanese)

May: "Grandma, why does your pig blood cake smell so good?" 」

Grandma: "the materials are very expensive, and they can only be sold for a few days a month." 」

America: "Wow! Where did you get such precious materials? 」

Grandma: "Alas, mine has been used for decades, and now it's old and gone." Now it's my daughter's turn. 」

Beauty: "*&; %@」

Please eat, it's fresh.

At noon, an impatient person went to the noodle restaurant to eat and ordered a bowl of Lamian Noodles. Waiting left and right, I was a little anxious before the noodles came, and then the two MMS next to me ate them. He asked the man, "Why hasn't my face been served yet?" The man said, "Don't worry, don't worry, the master is pulling!" " "Just then, the master came with hot noodles and said enthusiastically," Just pulled it! It's still steaming. Please eat! "

What do you have in your hand?

A well-dressed man went to the bar and ordered a martini. He found a disheveled drunk sitting next to him, mumbling and studying what he was holding. When the drunk took what he was holding under the lamp, the man couldn't help but look around. The drunk muttered, "Well, it looks like plastic." Then he rubbed it with his fingers and said, "But it feels like rubber." A curious man sitting next to him asked, "What do you have?" The drunk replied, "Damn, I know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The man then said, "May I have a look?" The drunk showed him something. The man turned this thing over with his thumb and forefinger and studied it carefully: "Yes, it does look like plastic but feels like rubber, but I don't know what it is." Where did you get this thing? " The drunk replied, "It's in my nostrils.

I have principles.

In the cold winter, two beggars wandered in the street.

"I'm so hungry, I feel like I can eat a cow now!" Beggar a said.

"Me too. I'm starving. If the pole in front of us can eat, I can definitely eat from the root to the top. " Beggar b is not to be outdone.

They passed a pub, and I don't know who was drunk in the pub. Maybe the wind cooled the stomach and left vomit in front of the pub. Two beggars stared blankly at the vomit.

"To tell you the truth, I really want to eat this vomit." Beggar A just said.

"I'm hungry too, but that's someone else's vomit. It's disgusting. " Beggar b is a little embarrassed.

"I don't care, do you eat or not?" , a beggar asked.

"It's disgusting. If you don't eat, you will be a beggar! " Beggar b is righteous and upright.

"Can I eat alone? ! "After that, Beggar A leaned down and began to eat vomit.

After a while, beggar A finished eating, and the two continued to stroll forward.

It may be the winter. The vomit is too cold. Beggar A's stomach seemed a little overwhelmed, but he still held back, but it was vomit after all. Beggar a can't help feeling sick at the thought. Beggar B is even more hungry and has some regrets.

After a while, beggar A couldn't help it. "Wow ... wow ..." Beggar A also vomited.

At this time, Beggar B quickly leaned down and began to eat Beggar A's vomit.

"Hey, hey, aren't you sick? Why do you also eat vomit? " Beggar a asked puzzled.

"Idiot, I have principles. I only eat spicy food. Besides, isn't this stall more than that just now? " ,

Beggar b said without looking up.

Sweet circle

Xiaoming was eating the bread he just bought, and suddenly he ate a hair. Xiao Ming was furious. He took the bread to the boss to argue ... when he went to the bakery, he happened to meet the boss making bread and hid behind the door and took a look. I want to say that there is any way to make bread with a hair in it ... I watched the boss prepare flour until it was made into dough ... and then the boss held a dough in his left hand. Raise your right hand to reveal his croaking nest ... and then put the dough into the croaking nest, just ... sandwich a piece of bread, sandwich a piece of bread, sandwich a piece of bread ... Xiaoming rushed in to talk to the boss on the spot ... Xiaoming said, how could you do this, boss? Bread is actually ... the boss said indignantly, I'm fine like this ... you haven't seen the bakery opposite. ......

go shopping

A man saw a store having a big sale and went in.

"What do you want?"

"I want to buy dog food."

"We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog."

"Where is such a rule?"

"This is the case with goods on sale."

The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him.

No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food.

A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food.

"Give me two boxes of cat food."

"We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat."

It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food.

A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman.

"What do you want?"

"Just put your hand in and you'll know."

The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. "

"I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

thermal insulation

A couple went to a restaurant for dinner. They ordered two bowls of noodles. When the waiter brought noodles, the couple found the waiter's fingers soaked in the noodle soup and wrapped in gauze. So the couple asked: Why did you put your finger on my face? Answer: I hurt my finger. I want to keep warm. The couple were furious: then why don't you put it in your ass to keep warm? The waiter said shyly, yes, sir, I always put it in my ass before I end my face.

The story of toothpick

On this day, a restaurant owner was about to go out. Just as he walked to the door, a beggar came over and said, "hello boss, do you have a toothpick?" Give me one. " Yes, the boss brought him one.

The boss wants to know why beggars don't want money. Then another beggar came up and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" "Yes, the boss gave the beggar another toothpick, but the boss couldn't figure it out. What happened today? Why do beggars only need toothpicks? Then another beggar came forward.

The boss quickly asked, "Do you want a toothpick, too?"

The third beggar said, "I don't want toothpicks, I want straws."

"Why?" The boss asked, "They all want toothpicks."

The beggar said, "In the pile of things that a drunk vomited just now, they both ate all the food with toothpicks, so I had to drink some soup with a straw." ……

rolled oats

When I got up in the morning, my brother saw a bottle on the table with "cereal" in it, so he ate it for breakfast. At this time, my brother came back from morning exercise, washed and combed, sat at the table for pedicure, and suddenly asked my brother, have you seen the bottle I put on the table, and where is the foot I saved? ...

retaliate

A restaurant. One day, the guest found a fly in the dish and said with a smile, "Boss, it seems that this meal is on you." The boss kept smiling.

A few days later, these guys came again.

I ate almost all the food, but I found a fly. I frowned and called my boss. The boss patted him on the back of the head: "It is obviously five, why is there only one?"

Ruminate

One person likes the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man felt that the gentleman was a waste, so he went up to the gentleman, pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and asked politely, "Sir, do you want more?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down.

After a while, he has swallowed most of it. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said:

"It's disgusting, isn't it? I was like this ... "

Eldest brother and second child fly, and second child gets airsick and keeps vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half a bag and throw up."

One day, the eldest brother and the second brother went to the theater to see the play again. When they saw that they were in the middle of an argument about the plot development, they made a bet. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss lost and took a sip with a frown. The two then bet on the following plot. This time, the second child lost. I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and drank fifteen gulps. Surprised and envious, the boss said to the second child, "You are so amazing that you can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "The second one shook his head." No, I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! " "