Three jokes just graduated from college are

Nothing to do, write something interesting about the office to share. Just some morning flowers and rain, picking at will. Don't laugh.

(1) Xiangxiang is the front desk of our company. This girl is lively and simple, and she always speaks straight without thinking.

One day at lunch time, Xiangxiang saw her favorite fish in my lunch box and shouted excitedly, "Quick, quick, put your bowl on my plate!" " "

I was startled. "What do I eat with?"

Everyone spits.

(2) Xin Gang graduated from school and was still a little girl. She is a huge fan of Stephen Chow.

One day at lunch, only the two of us were eating quietly. Suddenly she looked up and asked me mysteriously, "Do you know what Dangdang is?"

I was puzzled and mused, "I don't know."

Smiling happily, she loudly said to me, "Only you, oh ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Pass out.

Some time ago, there were demonstrations and anti-Japanese activities on the streets of Shenzhen. Xin is a fanatical radical. He always sends me messages on weekend nights to lobby me to take part in the parade. One news after another, she was so bored that she had to reluctantly agree.

She immediately replied with a short message: "OK, at the gate of the gymnasium at ten o'clock tomorrow morning, be there or be square. The last sentence in the United Code is: People are born to their mothers. The next sentence is: Demons give birth to demons. "

I want to drop my phone on the spot.

(3) Meyer is from the northeast, and this person is very humorous.

Meyer wants to save money to buy a house in Shenzhen, so he is very frugal. He and I are in the same department and have a good relationship with each other.

One day, Meyer invited me to his house for dinner, and I pretended to refuse. "Stop it, I can eat so much that I won't eat you poor."

Meyer pondered for a long time, and then carefully asked me, "Can you drink?"

I shook my head: "I can't drink it, just a small cup will fall."

Meyer was very excited: "Nothing. As soon as we get to our house, we will drink. If we fill you with two bottles, you will fall down. What else do you eat? "

(4) The office is usually locked by Meyer. Therefore, wheat fields generally have to wait until they are finished. For this, he was scolded by his girlfriend.

One day, he Xin had to work overtime again. Meyer couldn't help it. He pleaded, "Can you do it again tomorrow?" If I go back late today, I will kneel on the washboard again. "

Qin Xiao said naughtily, "No, I haven't finished many things today. It seems that it will be nine o'clock today! " "

Meyer burst into tears, then turned grief into strength and clenched his fist: "Well, you can kill me, and I don't have to kneel on the washboard. Come on, come on, let the storm come more violently! ! ! "

(5) Business Qin Xiao is a native of Guizhou, tall and fat, with a loud voice. When he is angry, his eyes are dazzling and scary. The salespeople in the company are all afraid of her.

One day at lunch, Hai began to complain again: "That little Qin is so powerful that he can shake down the ceiling." . No wonder she has a big waist. "When everyone was laughing, I looked up and saw Sogeum standing at the door of the conference room, looking at the sea angrily. Busy winking at the sea. The sea is not the kui is a business, got the message, and immediately went on to say: "In fact, Qin Xiao has many advantages. Although stronger, it can also be called a beautiful pearl with a loud voice and a Hong Zhong. What a little girl like you, skinny, with no figure at all, speaks softly like a mosquito. "

All the girls fainted. After half a month, none of them ignored the sea, including Qin Xiao.

(6) All calls in our company must be transferred through the front desk. Our lunch time is from 12 to 1, but there are always calls coming in at this time. She is depressed because she wants to make an indirect phone call in the fragrant rice at the front desk.

One day at noon, the phone rang again. Xiang Xiang dropped her half-eaten meal and ran to answer the phone. When I came back, I looked ugly and muttered, "Really, dinner time always bothers people."

Meyer solemnly suggested to Xiang Xiang, "The next time you get a call at dinner time, you should say to the other party,' You want me to transfer the call for you, right? Ok, guess who I am first, and I'll transfer it to you when I get it right. Now start counting. One, two, three, please answer the question. "

Mix is an artist in our company. At an early age, I am eloquent and have a lot of feelings about life.

I didn't go to work until one day, and Sasha began to yawn.

Meyer saw this and asked Mix, "Why do you still want to sleep at work? Did you become a thief last night? "

Mix retorted, "If I really wanted to be a thief, I wouldn't have to come to work. I just need to steal a whole family, so I don't have to worry about it for the rest of my life. "

Meyer said seriously, "that's right. You really don't have to worry about being a thief for the rest of your life. People are in prison. What are you worried about? If you eat and live in prison, will the state give it back to you? "

At noon one day, everyone was discussing the names of boyfriends and girlfriends.

As a result of the discussion, people usually call each other by their first names or nicknames.

Only Meyer kept silent and buried himself in eating.

I was surprised: "Meyer, why don't you talk today?" What do you usually call your girlfriend? "

Meyer was embarrassed: "I can't say."

"Come, let's share good things." I coerced and lured.

"Then I said, don't you laugh at me!"

"Well, promise not to laugh."

Meyer said slowly, "I call her madam, and she calls me xianggong!" "

The audience burst into laughter, and Meyer said aggrieved, "I knew you would laugh at me, really." Do you think I want to? My girlfriend only gave me two names to choose from, lady and beauty. If I call her anything else, I will easily get a scolding, but it will be a beating. "

Everyone laughed more happily.

I only heard Meyer say, "Is it that funny? I think it's good for a lady to be a "xianggong" It's quite old. I want to start my own company in the future. The girls in the company are all called Li, Wang and Tian, and the boys are all called Tian Xiong. Is this cool? "

Once my roommate went downtown. Entering a boutique house, a buddy pointed to a space cup and asked: How much is this cup? The waitress smiled politely and said, This cup is not for sale, but for drinking water. Take a closer look, damn it, there is still half a glass of water missing.

Speaking of mice, a man in our dormitory rolled over in the middle of the night and killed one. When I got up in the morning, I found that he said that he felt a little wet in the middle of the night, thinking that the mutton string that had been eaten late at night was not digested and he spit it out.

Once, one MM(A) in my dormitory had oral inflammation because of the dry climate, and another MM(B) in my dormitory took out a box of Dyclonine, saying that it could relieve inflammation. A was overjoyed and smeared, and it festered badly.

A brother in my dormitory once came back from playing basketball and was very thirsty. He saw a pot of water on the table, as if he had soaked some honey, and thought, who knows me so well? Gollum ... drink first, and then wonder, damn it, why are there bubbles in this water? Later, another brother came back and shouted over there, who is so kind to help me wash the rice cooker? I also added a little detergent to it. .........................................................................................................................................................................

Even the two strongmen in the same building of GG dormitory are drunk all day, and the road is unstable. One of them wakes up a little and says to the other-buddy, okay? No, can I help you?

I saw the guy who had turned into a pool of mud lying on the ground doing a step, walking-nothing ~ ~ ~! I ~ ~ hold the wall ~ ~ and walk steadily! !

When I was a freshman, I didn't know whose cup was soaked in toilet paper. Everyone was disgusted, so no one cared about the cup and put it on the windowsill. It turns yellow after a long time. One afternoon, a day student went to our dormitory to find water to drink after playing football. As soon as I entered the door, I saw the cup of water soaked in toilet paper. Pick it up and ask, "Whose chrysanthemum tea?" We didn't even say not to drink, but he drank it all at once, including the soaked toilet paper, of course. (Khan ...) After drinking, he pouted and said "it's quite sweet" and ran away. As soon as he got out of the dormitory, we couldn't help playing for several days. He doesn't know yet!

At the beginning of the high school basketball game, a brother went to the dining hall to eat, and stood on the sidelines watching the ball fascinated. Suddenly, the ball flew in his direction, and his instinctive reaction was to throw a bowl-hold his head-turn around. Who knows this is a good goal, but it was intercepted by the players on the field and scored 3 points. Then everyone laughed wildly, and he wanted to clean up his upside-down job. . . It's gone. . . .

A brother in my dormitory got drunk one night and stood under a street lamp to drain water. He also wiped his sweat and sighed, "This big sun is really killing me!" "

Once a dormitory buddy had a dinner party, and he drank too much beer. I didn't go to the toilet here, but an empty bottle came. At this time, a buddy just came back from the toilet. Surprise and a bottle of beer, shout, dry this bottle, drink it if it exceeds the bottle. I waited until he finished drinking, but I was too surprised to close my mouth. The children didn't say anything. I paid the bill quickly and left.

My brother likes to jump on the stool every time he sleeps (on the upper bunk). One day, the two brothers in the lower bunk couldn't say anything because of their good relationship. One day, this gentleman will jump. The lower berth hurriedly avoided, only to see this gentleman fly to bed with a bang.

Suddenly, with a bang, the bed collapsed and he fell directly from the top to the lower berth. We all laughed to death, only his brother in the lower bunk silently chanted: Fortunately, I went to the temple yesterday and asked for a sign saying that I was robbed today, which was really clever.

Everyone fainted ~ ~ ~

When I was in college, both my sisters in the dormitory went to take the self-taught exam. Lao Liu asked the boss: What does this word mean? The boss scratched his head and said, I forgot what I just saw yesterday. Please hit me! Then Liu hit the boss and told her the meaning of the word. A few days later, they went to study by themselves again. Lao Liu asked the boss what the same word meant. Only the boss scratched his head and said, I only remember that you hit me!

A Fujian resident in the dormitory has a hobby of nocturia; A Guizhou brother also has a hobby of nocturia. We often go together, the lower berth in Guizhou and the upper berth in Fujian. Every time Guizhou comes back quickly (Xi 'an in winter), Fujian comes back late. Guizhou people lock the door, Fujian people slam the door. Wait for 2 minutes, pour cold water from the cup outside the door, open the door and let people go to bed. . . . Fujian people shouted. . . . .

This Guizhou native also has a bad hobby. . . . Xi 'an (for others) It's still winter, and the ground is easy to freeze. One night, the man couldn't sleep, so he took a washbasin and splashed it on the stairs downstairs. Get up early in the morning and count how many people slipped. . . . Be strong! !

I can't hold my breath today after years of diving. . . .

I remember a super KL chased my roommate's classmate Y, who got good grades. February 14KL asked Y to go shopping. Y is so angry with KY that it has reached its limit. He asked KL, "Don't you call me after shopping?" KL: "Yeah!" You went out with KL. When 1 visited the flower shop, Y couldn't stand it any longer. At this time, KLMM asked Y to buy her a rose. Y asked helplessly, "Doesn't it bother me to buy a rose?" KLMM said yes, and Y resolutely walked into the flower shop and asked the boss loudly, "Boss, what kind of roses are the cheapest!" " "The boss pointed to the leftover flowers sold in the bucket: a better 6 yuan 1 flower" Y: "Is there the cheapest one?"

The boss was depressed and speechless on the spot, and KLMM's expression was quite shocking! Seeing that the boss didn't answer, Y picked out all the candidates and asked, "How many?" When the boss saw that it was a flower to throw away, someone immediately replied, "2 pieces!" " Y2 didn't say anything, but put down two copper coins and returned the flowers to MM: I bought them, and I'm leaving. Say that finish quickly flash, it is said that MM stare blankly there for 5 minutes.

It is difficult to buy train tickets during the school summer vacation. A MM in the dormitory is anxious to go home to the station to buy a ticket. I was instructed to pay more for scalpers if I couldn't buy them.

MM came back soon and looked depressed. We asked what happened. She said there were no tickets in the ticket booth, and she turned around and didn't see the scalper. Then she went straight to a policeman next to her and innocently asked a person: Uncle, do you know where there is a ticket scalping place? I want to buy their tickets!

The police uncle fainted for a long time, looked at her coldly and said, look, I still want to see it! Let me know when you find it.

At that time, we were shocked to hear this.

I'm going too. Once, two roommates and I challenged six people in the dormitory across the hall to drink. Finally, the brother across the hall walked from the third floor to the fourth floor for more than two hours. I really don't know how he got there. The other party just didn't find the dormitory and spent the night outside.

The funniest thing about the lower berth MM is that one day our dormitory went out for dinner. She drank so much that when the boys sent us back to the dormitory downstairs, she suddenly said, "You smelly men, don't step into our dormitory!" " Then use that clever gesture to drive it away from your back. What's even more amazing is that after she returned to the dormitory, she poured ink, spread rice paper, and began to write calligraphy majestically, sighing: Look at this word of mine, I haven't practiced it for many years! !

The height of my dormitory is 1 MM, 158, but I have a boyfriend who is 192. One day, it was raining, and I was depressed after coming out of the library. Everyone asks what's going on. MM said gloomily, when I left the library, it was raining and there was water outside. A couple in front of me, the man held the woman through the puddle, but he looked at me, thought for a moment and used his armpit. . . . . . . . . . . . . . The bedroom is hilarious!

My dormitory is another MM, and I live in the upper bunk. I like saying idioms very much, but they are often inconsistent with words. One day, I was reciting words in bed with the lower berth MM, and suddenly the lower berth MM stretched out her feet and kicked the bed board, and the upper berth MM shouted-Ah! You are pursuing your own heart! . . . . . . . . . .

A buddy in my dormitory often does something shocking. Before class, he suddenly felt anxious and asked another brother in the dormitory to get some toilet paper. Who knows that this brother was born with a bad memory and forgot it. After half a class, my buddy came into the classroom. After coming in, he scolded the brother for a while. I asked him how to solve his ass. He smoothed his pants, damn it, the socks are gone!

I went to buy apples, tossed and turned and finally picked them out and told my aunt who sold apples; You have to give it enough weight! Aunt didn't lift her eyelids and said; I must give you enough weight. You didn't bargain! i was frustrated ...

A brother in my dormitory is very strong.

A cockroach was found on the floor during a cleaning. I thought he was going to throw it outside, but he grabbed the cockroach and put it in the bucket, saying that he would throw it later. A few days later, I found that the cockroach had starved to death. Full-band radio was the standard configuration of college students at that time, such as listening to BBC. So, a man came to the counter of a shopping mall and asked the salesgirl, "Where can I sell radios?" But his dialect sounds like "where can I sell masturbation machines?" . The salesgirl was a little surprised and hesitant, pointing to the adult products counter behind the man. ....

Let me tell a story about my classmate's classmate. His classmate and his girlfriend quarreled on the playground. He and a group of classmates were about to go up to stop the fight when they heard the girl say, "You hit me, you hit me!" " The boy said affectionately, "I can't bear it!" "Well, guess what happened to the girl. She patted the boy with her hand and said, "I am willing to give up." The boy was stunned and ran away crying! My classmates are also very stupid. I can only sigh, what a strong girl! !

Last semester in my sophomore year, when I got a scholarship in my freshman year, half of my brothers got a bonus, so I invited them to dinner and gave all the money to the boss of the dormitory (the boss was more cautious). After three rounds of drinking, everyone was a little drunk, especially when the boss started talking about wine unconsciously. I decided to pay the bill and leave. As soon as I touched my pocket, I almost didn't bring any money, so I asked my boss to pay. The boss refused, touched his pocket and asked him to pay. After pulling the boss out of the restaurant, the breeze blew, and the boss didn't leave, saying, "What are you doing? My brother is still eating ... "We advised him that it was time to go back to school, some holding hands, others holding their arms around their waist. At this time, the boss said something I will never forget: "Robbery, robbing people, killing money, brothers come quickly." ! ! Rob people, kill money! ! ! "After a hard battle, the boss was finally put to bed. He is still talking. At this time, we found the place where the boss put the money. It turned out that he had it in his hand all the time. It is about 500 meters from the restaurant to the school dormitory. The boss just kept holding on and didn't give up. Our brother sighed: First, we must not let the boss drink too much in the future, and second, the boss will still be in charge of the money in the future! ! !

There is no heating in the dormitory in winter In the middle of the night, the mm on the upper berth has to go to the toilet and turn over to get up. The mm in the lower berth said, wait for me, I'll go, and the mm in the upper berth will wait. It's very cold. . . . After a while, nothing happened. The boss across the street said in a daze, go by yourself. She is talking in her sleep.