Who has the most jokes? Introduce me to a few

1. Once upon a time, Americans visited Russia. One day I saw two Russian workers on the road in Russia. One was digging holes beside the road with a shovel, and he was digging a hole every three meters. The other worker was immediately backfilling the hole that the previous worker had just dug. The Americans were curious and asked the first Russian worker: "Why did the man behind you fill the hole as soon as you dug it?" ” The Russian worker replied: “We are greening the road. I dig holes, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills in the soil. But the second person asked for leave today and didn't come. 』 2. Booking Office: Tickets are extremely tight now. If the train ticket you want is not available, will you accept the adjustment? Me: obey. When I got the ticket the next day, I was angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did they give me a ticket to Shanxi? ! ! Booking and Editing Office: Didn’t you say that you should obey the adjustment? 3. X, an employee in the human resources department of a company, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X here?" X's colleague replied: "He is no longer in the human resources department." Friend: "Ah? When did he... go there?" Colleague: "Part 1 Week." Friend: "I don't know anything about it... and I didn't give him a ride..." Colleague: "It's okay, why don't you just go down and find him?" Friend: Ah, you really know how to joke. Colleague: You're not joking. , he said when he left, if anyone misses him, he is welcome to go down there and play with him at any time. friend:. . . . This is inconvenient. . . . Colleague: Well, it’s really inconvenient during the day, so I’ll let him find you at night! ! 4. When I woke up in the morning, I saw a NetEase comment. Floor 1: Everyone, calm down. Come over and listen to what Floor 5 has to say? Second Floor: I think what Floor 5 said makes sense. Third floor: The fifth floor speaks the voice of the people! The fourth floor: The fifth floor really speaks well! Fifth floor: Everyone upstairs is SB! ! 5. A customer walks up to the front desk. Customer: "Give me a small bowl." Me: "Huh?" The customer pointed to the menu and I realized that I wanted a sundae. Me: "Sundae, right? What flavor do you want?" Customer: "Apple." Me: "Huh? I'm sorry I've never sold apples." Customer: "What's that green one?" Me: "Oh , that’s aloe flavored.” Customer: “Aloe vera? Isn’t it edible?” Customer: “Forget it, I don’t eat it blindly.” (Bewildered) "Sorry, I've never sold coffee flavored ones." Customer: "What's that black one?" Me: "That's chocolate." Customer: "Forget it, chocolate is too sweet, I I want the red one. It’s the strawberry one.” Me: (I’m super happy that I guessed it right.) “Yes, how many do you want?” Customer: “But I don’t eat sesame seeds, so you can take all the strawberry seeds.” Help me pick them out.” Me: !@~#$^amp;amp;**~!@#$^amp;* 6. Two children talking: A said: Our whole family likes animals, and my mother likes cats. , my brother likes dogs, and my sister likes little white rabbits. B said: What about your father? A said: I like vixens. 7. One time when the bell rang after class and everyone had to go home, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot when he was going down the stairs, and he fell in the middle of the road with a big "pop"... He thought at that time: No, this is embarrassing. If you are older, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the classmate next to him saw that the boy was motionless, so he quickly helped him up, and then slapped him wildly... 8. Is this the taste? 0? 2 Once upon a time, there was an old man who liked to drink the soup his wife cooked for him. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel sick all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink that kind of soup. He was very sad, so he started asking his wife to cook it. ?0?2 But no matter how well his wife cooked it, he always threw it aside and said, "If it doesn't taste like this, you can make such a terrible soup!" At first, his wife always swallowed it. , but the days passed day by day, and she still couldn't cook it. Finally she had the murderous intention to kill her father-in-law.

But she didn't know how to start. She was thinking and thinking, and suddenly she found a rusty can of insecticide in the corner. ?0?2 She sprayed pesticide into the soup, and then worked up the courage to give it to her father-in-law to drink. Her father-in-law shouted, "This is the taste! This is the taste!" ?0?2 9. There was a person While adventuring alone in the forest, he suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky: "I'm dead, God, save me!" I saw a light appear in the sky and a voice came: "Not sure yet, you pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader. Die." So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, killing him. The tribesmen were all stunned for a moment, and then looked at each other angrily. At this time, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead." 10. The essay question for the 2010 Liaoning College Entrance Examination: "Happiness is" - Happiness is from childhood I haven’t drank Sanlu milk powder, I haven’t been injected with the Shanxi vaccine, I haven’t encountered a strange squid in kindergarten and hacked me with a knife; my happiness is that I haven’t been slapped by the teacher in school, I haven’t danced for the leader in the rain on Children’s Day, and I haven’t been allowed to attend the Youth Generation meeting. Say something against your will that is inconsistent with your age; happiness is not getting hit by a BMW when you go out to work, the company is not Foxconn, and the leader is not Song Shanmu; happiness is having Mengba capsules to take when you are not feeling well. 11. Examiner: What is the retail price of Windows 7 Professional in mainland China? Me: 5 yuan Examiner: Go out, the next person to give up. These two words have never appeared in my dictionary. I voted and voted, and finally got the opportunity to interview with Google. However, when I went to Google for the interview, I only answered one question. I was kicked out again... Examiner: Where did you get the news about the Google interview? Me: Baidu Examiner: Go out, the next guy is depressed, but he still has to support himself first. Dragging a friend to find a job at McDonald's. . But the other party was very perverted and asked me to sing a McDonald's song. I laughed at that time. I have known McDonald's songs since I was a child. So I opened my mouth and said: With KFC, life is great! Examiner: Get out~~~~~~~~~ The McDonald’s interview failed. My mother asked someone to find a mobile customer service job. She said no technical skills were required and you should try it first. I agreed without even thinking about it. The interview went very well, and the other person appreciated me very much. Finally, the examiner said to me: You are very good. Please leave your phone number so that we can notify you to work. Me: "132......" Examiner: Get out. . . . My heart is broken. . . I have been unemployed for so long, eating and drinking from home. My family looked at me with a little helplessness. I walked to a shopping mall and saw Adi looking for a clerk. I thought it would be okay if I gave it a try. Examiner: Please tell me our slogan. Me: just do it. Examiner: Go out, next one. The repeated failures did not dampen my confidence, so I calmed down, studied hard, and finally got admitted to our local civil servants with excellent results. However, TMD still has to interview. During the interview, I answered questions well, and when I saw the examiner’s face, I felt that there would be no problem with this job. When I am happy. The examiner asked me: Young man, which historical figure do you like best? I answered without thinking: Heshen! Examiner: Get out. This failure made me think very important about life. Looking back on the past, I finally discovered that the most important thing is that I answered some questions incorrectly. But for this interview, I was fully prepared. NOKIA's product department notified me, and I spent a week doing all the work. Even the slogan is correct: technology is people-oriented. The examiner was very satisfied and said: If nothing happens, you can come to work tomorrow. At this time, the phone rang, and a discordant voice appeared: "HELLO MOTO".

12. One day, the teacher walked into the classroom, and the students stood up and shouted: "Good morning, teacher!" The teacher said angrily: "Just good morning? What about me in the afternoon? Isn't it bad?" So the students all stood up and shouted again: Shouting: "Teacher, good afternoon!" The teacher said angrily: "What about me tonight?" The students shouted together: "Teacher, good evening!" The teacher nodded and said, "That's all, let's say it again now!" The students shouted together: "Teacher, good morning, good afternoon, and good evening!" The teacher said: "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. I will say one thing and you will say the antonyms loudly. Start now." Teacher : "The weather is very good today." Student: "The weather is very bad today." Teacher: "The sun is shining everywhere." Student: "It is cloudy everywhere." Teacher: "The road is crowded with people." Student: "The road is empty." Teacher: "Young." Student: "Old." Teacher: "Stand." Student: "Lie down." Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road." Student: "There is a young man lying on the road." Teacher: "I picked up a dollar." Student: "I lost a dollar." Teacher: "I picked up a dollar and gave it to the teacher." Student: "I lost a dollar and stole it from the teacher." Teacher: "Wrong, you can't say it like this!" Student: "Correct, you should say it like this!" Teacher: "Wrong." Student: "Correct." Teacher: "This is not okay, this is illegal!" Student: "This is okay, this is Legal behavior!" Teacher: "I said it was wrong." Student: "We said it is correct." Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher says is wrong!" Teacher: "You are stupid." Student: "We are smart." Teacher: "Stop!" Student: "Continue!" Teacher: "Stop now! Stop talking!" Student: "Let's continue now! Keep talking!" Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop!" Students: "We are all geniuses, we said continue!" Teacher: "You listen to the teacher!" Students: "Teacher listen to us!" Teacher: "Students all have to Listen to the teacher!" Student: "Teachers have to listen to the students!" Teacher: "Now let's continue practicing!" Teacher: "Are you done? "Yeah!" Teacher: "Stop it! You stupid pig!" Student: "Then we should continue!" ...Then the teacher walked out of the classroom angrily.