What's the good joke?

1 A man just closed the door when he went to the toilet and heard the next door ask, are you there? He said, yes, but he thought, who is next door? Do I know him? Strange! Then the next door asked, what are you doing here? He said angrily, damn it What can you do here? ! The next door asked, when are you leaving? He thought: this person is probably a mental derangement! He said with chagrin, just pull and go! ! At this time, the next door asked again, will you come to me later? The man was surprised: Cao! So it's gay! He cursed: Fuck you, pervert! The next door said, well, hang up first and call you back. There is an idiot next to me! Always fucking talk to me! ! A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms, gave a hug and stepped forward. The man fell to the ground crying and said, it's the third piece. Who did I piss off? Is it so difficult to take a piece of glass home? Ge You once went to the toilet, and Ge You invited a friend to dinner. He went to the toilet on the way, and his pants were wet when he came back. Friend: Why are your pants wet? Ge You: It has been like this ever since I became famous. Friend: Often? Ge You: Yes! It is often that the people next to him suddenly turn around and shout, "Isn't this Ge You?" 4 Lucky 52' s true joke made Li Yong laugh himself down! PART 1: A couple, guessing the name of food, the wife gesturing to guess her husband. The word "steamed bread" popped up on the big screen. Wife's description: round, white, edible husband: ..........................................................................................................................................'s husband seemed anxious and blurted out: "Mimi!" " Li Yong laughed himself down. . . . . Once I asked for money to go home by bus. When I got on the bus, I found that there was no one yuan change in my wallet. When I was in a hurry, I took out a ten-dollar bill and put it in the slot. Later, the more I thought about it, the more I felt timid. I discussed with the driver whether I could stay at the door and keep the money that the next passenger should have put in the slot for myself. The driver agreed. The bus soon reached the next stop, and many people scrambled to get on. I stopped at the door and said to the first passenger, "Give me the money." The other party was stunned: "Why?" I didn't explain it clearly in a few words. I said, "Just give it to me, and don't worry about anything else." The other party stared at the driver, and the driver nodded by default. So, I got a dollar. According to the law, and soon received eight Zhang Yiyuan money. At this time, a big man came over, hunched back, shaved, and tattooed. Seeing that I stopped him, I said angrily, "Why? Dude? " I said, "Talk to you later. Give me the money first. " The other person's eyes are round: "What are you talking about?" I said, "Give me the money!" Another man opened his mouth and asked the driver, "What does this kid do?" The man was blocked at the door, and the people behind him couldn't get on, but the people in the carriage were anxious to start, so everyone shouted, "What are you busy with?" Give the money quickly! "The big fellow soon fell. I saw that he took out his wallet from his pocket and handed it to him. He said with a sad face, "Boss, that's all I have on me. There are many of you, so I have no doubt. I was chatting with a group of female colleagues this afternoon, and suddenly someone said that I am not a man. I am very angry. I said, you said I'm not. I showed it to you, and the girls laughed. One of them is the best, saying, I took out my ID card and finished reading it. "Hearing the good news! I worked hard today and ran a dozen customers! Back to the company. It is three o'clock in the afternoon. When I went to the canteen, I found only one miserable dish and one soup, three beans fried with meat (fried soybeans, green beans and peas) and radish soup. No way, after running all morning, the customer's stomach was growling, so he had to order a big plate of fried three beans with meat and a big pot of radish soup to eat! Unexpectedly, after work, my stomach is like the engine of a cross-country jeep! -The intense piston movement started! In a flash, puffs of gas rushed out of my body! I rushed to a place where no one was there, and my stomach began to sing softly in embarrassment, but immediately it became a rapid-fire puff! My stomach is so swollen! Just then, my girlfriend called and said that she had arrived home, and asked me to go home quickly. Alas! I have no choice but to go home. I hope she won't see my embarrassment! ..... On the way home, I deliberately tried to fart a lot. Almost home, my stomach feels much better. I think there should be no more problems. I saw my girlfriend waiting at the door from a distance. She looks a little excited. She shouted, "honey, I have prepared a wonderful gift for you tonight, which will definitely surprise you." "Before I entered the door, my girlfriend covered my eyes tightly with a piece of cloth and said that she would give me a surprise! He took me to a chair in front of the dining table and made me swear not to peek. Suddenly, I want to fart again. Just then, my girlfriend's cell phone rang. This saved my life! I made an excuse that it was too messy and asked her to answer the phone in the other room! She insisted that I couldn't open the blindfold and made me swear! Then I ran to the other room to answer the phone. As soon as she left, I seized the opportunity, put all my weight on one leg and let my fart out. This fart not only rings, but also smells like rotten eggs. I could hardly breathe, so I touched the chair cushion and fanned it hard to get rid of the bad smell. Just when my mood improved, another fart came again. I raised my leg again and started to release it! It sounds like the rapid rotation of a diesel engine, and the smell is even worse this time. In order not to suffocate myself, I fanned the chair cushion with my arm, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible. When everything is about to return to normal, another fart can't wait to come. So I stood up, bent down, pursed my ass and leaned back! Let it out. This fart is really first-class Even the newspaper behind me was blown to the ground in 1998 in ............ I listened to my girlfriend's voice in the other room. I dare not open the blindfold because I have to keep my promise not to peek. I can only keep farting in the dark, in order to quickly discharge all the gas in my stomach without making the room more smelly! I unbuttoned my trousers, took off my underwear and pants below my stomach, exposed my ass, groped for the door of the balcony behind me, almost extended my whole ass to the balcony, and began to fart wildly ..., ah! Much better! After that, I danced and fanned the chair cushions all over the room, praying that the stench would dissipate quickly ... In this way, I kept farting and fanning the chair cushions for the next ten minutes. Finally, when I heard her say goodbye on the phone, the air in the room and my stomach were much better! I quickly tied my pants and arranged my hair, and began to wait for my dear girl to give me an elegant smile. When she approached, I had a satisfied smile and warm eyes on my face. My girlfriend first apologized for taking so long to call me, and then asked me if I had secretly opened the cloth. After I assured her that I didn't peek, my girlfriend took off the cloth that covered my eyes and said to me, "What a surprise! My girlfriend insisted that I bring them to see you today. They say you are very graceful and handsome in the photo! Here! You see, the five people sitting at the table are my good sisters, and the six people standing on the balcony are my best friends at school! "At this time, I was extremely shocked and horrified to find that there were a lot of girls sitting on the table opposite me, and there was another pile standing on the balcony behind me. They all came to this birthday party that surprised me very much. Now, every one of them looks at me with an indescribable expression on his face, just like finding a Martian … So the puppy licks the chicken's ass. 9. The female colleague in our unit went to the bank by bus yesterday. There is a young woman in the car, dressed very brightly. A pervert passed by and stood behind her, touching her back and forth. The woman was furious, turned around and swore: You squeeze J8! ! At this time, the car was quiet. Dull for a few seconds, the color man replied: 1 j8 was laughing in the car. Our colleague said that several boys wanted to help the girl, but they were all too happy. Later, as soon as they arrived at the station, the pervert got off at 10. When I was shopping, I suddenly felt a stomachache, so I went into the hot pot restaurant on the corner 199 and wanted to borrow a toilet, but I couldn't find the first floor, so I ran to the second floor, which was still under renovation and was empty. But I found a toilet door stuck. There is something wrong to be repaired. Please don't use it. I really can't help it. I don't care about this. There's nobody around anyway. I took off my pants and squatted down to go to the toilet. That was a loud noise ... so cool! ! When I finished, I went downstairs and found no one there. Strangely, it's dinner time. Just now, I said downstairs at the wedding, why did you go to the building all at once? Even the waiter and receptionist were gone ... so I approached the bar and asked, "Is anyone there?" "Why no one? At this moment, I saw a waiter coming out from under the bar and saying, *! ..... weren't you there when shit fell from the ceiling and hit the electric fan just now? Lucky for you, 1 1 escaped from the prison where he was held for fifteen years. He broke into a house looking for food and money, only to find a young couple lying in bed. So he ordered her husband to get out of bed and tied him to a chair. Then he tied his wife to the bed, kissed her on the neck for a long time, and then went into the toilet. When the fugitive went to the toilet, the husband said to his wife, "Listen, this man must be a fugitive. You can tell by his clothes. "He must have stayed in prison for too long. He hasn't seen a woman for years. I can see it from the way he kissed your neck. If he wants to sleep with you, don't resist, don't complain, do as he says, and meet his demands no matter how much he abuses you. He must be dangerous. If he gets angry, he may kill us all. You must hold on, baby, I love you. " The wife said, "He didn't kiss my neck, he just whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, he thought you were cute, and asked me if I had vaseline at home. I told him it was in the toilet. You must hold on, baby, I love you too! " Why don't you die? "On the morning of computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon was all dead." At this time, many students said, "We are dead, too." Then the teacher asked, "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up and said, "I'm not dead yet!" " "The teacher said strangely," the whole class is dead. Why don't you die? " "Touching the wrong chest" A woman went to an obstetrician with her baby in her arms and asked her: Does the baby eat breast milk or milk? Woman: Breastfeeding! Doctor: Then please take off your clothes. Woman: Ah! ? Why? Doctor: Please don't be nervous. This is obstetrics and gynecology. The woman who would never invade you took off her coat with a grain of salt. The doctor touched the woman's chest with his hand, touched it down and rubbed it left and right. Say to this woman: No wonder the baby is malnourished. You don't have breast milk! Woman: Nonsense! Of course I don't have breast milk; I am his aunt! "You are worse than animals. "A boyfriend and a girlfriend are sleeping in the same room. A woman drew a line and said," It's animals that cross the border. "I woke up and found that the man really didn't cross the line. The woman slapped the man hard: "You are worse than an animal. "The next day, the woman who slept with a man still drew a cordon. The man took the last lesson and planned to cross the line late at night, but he didn't succeed because of nervousness. After dawn, the woman slapped the man and said, "I didn't expect you to be worse than an animal." "A patient came to see a psychiatrist. Patient: I always thought I was a bird. Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start? Patient: Because I am a bird. (2) The doctor in the mental hospital asked the patient: What would happen if I cut off one of your ears? The patient replied, then I can't hear you. The doctor listened: mm-hmm. It is normal. The doctor asked again, what if I cut off your other ear again? The patient replied, then I can't see it. The doctor is getting nervous. How could I not see it? The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off. (3) Two mental patients escaped from the hospital. Two of them ran and climbed a tree. One of them jumped from the tree and rolled and rolled. Then he looked up and said to the man above, hey-why don't you come down? The man above answered him: No-well-ah-I'm not familiar with it yet (4). There is an old lady in a mental hospital. Every day, she wears black clothes and carries a black umbrella. She squatted at the gate of the mental hospital. The doctor thinks that to cure her, we must start with understanding her. So doctors also wear black clothes and carry black umbrellas. They squatted there with her. They haven't said a word for a month. The old lady finally said to the doctor, I'm sorry. (5) A mental hospital heard that the leader would come to the hospital to inspect the situation, and the dean called the patients in the hospital for a meeting. At the meeting, the dean said: "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and all the people will go to the door to meet them. When welcoming, all patients should stand on both sides of the hospital gate and stand neatly. When I cough, everyone should clap together. The warmer the better; When I stamp my foot, I have to stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready, I can give you meat buns tonight. As long as one person screws up, no one will eat steamed buns, remember? " The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember! "This afternoon, the leadership arrived on time. When he stepped into the gate, the welcoming patient was already standing at the door. At this time, with the cough of the hospital dean, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm. The visiting leader was infected by the warm atmosphere, smiled and applauded with everyone and entered the hospital. Seeing the leader in the hospital, the president stamped his foot and the applause stopped. Very neat. Only the leader is still smiling and clapping, and the dean is very satisfied. Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger walked out of the welcome crowd, strode to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face and shouted angrily, "You don't want to eat steamed bread? " ! ! !" (6) Mental patient A stole the phone book from the nurse's office and brought it back to the ward. He asked B, "What do you think of the novel I recently finished?" ? B looked at it and replied, "Not bad, but there are a little more people." At this time, the nurse in the mental hospital came in and said, "You put the phone book back for me!" " The doctor in the mental hospital wants to talk to a mental patient who is about to leave the hospital to confirm whether the patient has fully recovered. Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital? Patient: smash all the windows in your hospital with stones. After hearing this, the doctor found that the patient had not fully recovered, so he decided to continue the treatment. After a few months, the doctor felt that the patient seemed to be able to leave the hospital, so he decided to talk to him again. Doctor: What are you going to do after you leave the hospital? Patient: Get a job. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Making money. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Save money. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Marry a wife. Doctor: Then what? Patient: The bridal chamber. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Take off her clothes. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Take off her pants. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Take off her underwear. Doctor: Then what? Patient: Take out the rubber band on your underwear, make a slingshot, and then find some stones to smash all the windows in your hospital. (8) Two mental patients, A Jun and B Jun, recovered at the same time. Their attending doctor said to them, "If one of you is ill, the other one will take him to the hospital at once." Suddenly, the doctor's phone rang. It turned out to be Mr. A: "Oh, no! A gentleman was silent for a moment: "So ... I don't have a toilet? "(9) In a mental hospital, a mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day. One day, a nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?" The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, "What's the matter with you? Can't you see that this is an empty fish tank? "(10) There is a mental hospital where many mental patients live. One day, the dean there thought of a way to see the patient's recovery. He said to these patients, come here and draw a door on the wall, saying, "Today, whoever opens this door can go home." Hearing this, the mental patient swarmed. He looked at the dean and said something, which made the dean laugh and cry. The patient secretly told the dean, "I have the key here." (1 1) Mental patients in hospitals often have a complex of worshipping doctors or nurses. One day, a female patient came to see a male doctor ... Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you love me? Dr. Lan thought for a long time, ie in order not to hurt the patient so as not to get worse. Dr. Lan: We have a doctor-patient relationship. Because you are ill, I must take good care of you ... (In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished). Female patient: Dr. Lan, you mean you don't love me anymore? Dr. Lan (brooding): Hmm ... hmm (expressing hesitation, etc.) ... Patient: Never mind ... I love Dr. Chen ... Come on up! Husband is not at home, come on up! After the festival, the unit issued a box of oranges and 50 kilograms of rice. The female colleague is too weak to move. Ask a male colleague to take it back downstairs for her. She said to her male colleague, you wait for me downstairs, and I'll go up and have a look. If my husband were here, I would ask him to come down and move. If he is not here, you have to help me take it up. After a while, MM stood on her balcony and shouted: Come on up! Husband is not at home, come on up! The words shocked the neighbors and everyone ran to the balcony to watch. It is not good to let male colleagues go to school in public, and it is not good to leave. MM thought that the other party didn't hear clearly, so she made a trumpet with her hand and put it in her mouth and shouted: Did you hear it? Husband is not at home, come on up! Hearing this, the male colleague suddenly flushed and wanted to call MM on the balcony. Just took out his mobile phone, MM's hand was on fire again: You don't need to call your wife, I'll open the door, and I'll let you go when it's over. Hurry up! At that time, I was so ashamed that I ran to the stairs as soon as I mentioned the rice. At the last moment when I entered the corridor, I heard MM shouting upstairs, and immediately fainted: Remember that the bedroom is on the right and the kitchen is on the left when entering the door. Don't make mistakes!