Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - My boyfriend is so vicious and keeps farting all day long. I really can’t stand it.
My boyfriend is so vicious and keeps farting all day long. I really can’t stand it.
Normal people fart about 10 to 15 times a day. People who fart a lot have abnormal digestive functions. Some people fart dozens of times a day or even every hour; others have constant "gas leaks" and fart countless times. It’s not that I can’t hold my shit in or that I lack moral integrity.
With prosperity and affluence, the Chinese people’s food has greatly increased in quantity and variety, exceeding the capacity of many people’s stomachs. First, one can afford meat for three meals a day, which is unprecedented in the history of human evolution. Second, industrialization produces many tempting foods that are harmful to the human body, such as ice cream, carbonated drinks, potato chips, etc. Third, fruits and vegetables grown out of season and transported across regions challenge and damage the human stomach. And these damages are additive, such as kebabs, fried chicken, ice-cold carbonated drinks, etc. As a result, there are more and more patients with gastrointestinal problems and excessive farting.
Excessive farting greatly reduces the patient's quality of life. This puts the patient's study, work and social life into embarrassment. What's more serious is that it will trouble the patient for the rest of his life, causing him to live in the shadow of excessive farting and depression for the rest of his life. Some single people may even be lonely for life.
Neither modern medicine nor traditional Chinese medicine regard farting as a disease. There are gaps in medical theory regarding excessive farting.
Modern medicine can’t do anything about excessive farting. First, the treatment triggers and disease mechanisms of excessive farting are still unclear. Second, there is no effective drug in the medical field to treat excessive farting.
Farting is often an incurable disease. Every senior person who farts a lot has taken indigestion medicines, gas smoothing medicines, flora-regulating medicines, enteritis medicines, antibiotics, etc. Not only are they ineffective, but they also burden the already fragile and abnormal digestive function. . I have indeed heard a famous old Chinese doctor admit that he cannot cure excessive farting. A group of people in Huaihua, Hunan Province fart hundreds of times a day, saying that "life is worse than death." I sought medical treatment everywhere, including traditional Chinese and Western medicine. I spent more than 100,000 yuan on examination alone, but still no cure. Failure to seek medical treatment is the greatest pain for patients.
As long as bowel cancer is confirmed to be ruled out through examination at a major hospital, self-care and dietary therapy are required to get rid of the embarrassment and trouble of excessive farting.
Practice in treating excessive farting has proven that the earlier it is treated, the easier it is to repair. The longer it goes on, the more times you fart every day, and the harder it is to recover. Early treatment is the right choice.
1. Drink barley kernel and red bean porridge
The intestines of patients with frequent farting are dominated by dampness and poison. Once they eat the diseased diet and get angry, they will become ill.
Eating barley kernel and red bean porridge for dinner every day can eliminate dampness toxins in the intestines and stomach, strengthen the spleen, infiltrate dampness, stop diarrhea, expel pus, and change the condition of the intestines dominated by dampness toxins. It can also help with bowel movements, weight loss, and moisturize the skin.
The purpose of drinking barley kernel and red bean porridge is to expel dampness and toxins from the intestines and bring the intestinal tract into an environment where the anti-fart phytochemicals can take effect.
Barley kernel and red bean porridge is a great way to maintain health. Patients with frequent farting need to eat it for a long time.
Preparation method: First, wash the red beans and coix kernels separately and soak them for a few hours in advance; second, add enough water to the pot and pour the soaked red beans and coix seeds into the pot together. Remember to add enough water at one time. , do not add water in the middle; third, bring to a boil over high heat, turn to low heat and cook slowly until the ingredients are cooked and blooming.
The quickest and easiest way is to use an electric pressure cooker, put the washed red beans and barley kernels into the pot, add water, adjust the timer to the maximum (30 minutes), and do it all at once.
The ratio of barley kernels and red bean porridge: 2 barley kernels: 1 red bean: 1 millet. Add millet (not rice) to make it more delicious.
2. Massage your belly in the morning and evening
The purpose of massaging your belly is to help the body repair itself, aid digestion, and eliminate gas.
Lie down on your back in bed every morning and evening, take off your clothes and expose your abdomen. If it’s cold, you can cover yourself with a quilt. Put the five fingers of your hands together, starting from the navel as the center of the circle. First, use the fingertips and the heel of the palm of your left hand to massage in a counterclockwise direction. 81 times; then use your right hand to massage in a clockwise direction 81 times. Finally, use your left hand to massage counterclockwise 100 times.
This is a wonderful way to strengthen the spleen and stomach. Some people can cure stomach problems that have lasted for more than 10 years within three months using this technique alone. Occasionally, there is food stagnation or general gastrointestinal discomfort.
You can get immediate results using this technique.
This method uses the counterclockwise direction as tonic and the clockwise direction as purging. The order of left-right-left mentioned above is the complement method. It is suitable for people who are old and weak, have loose stools all year round, and have long and clear urine.
If the stool is hard. If you are obese, have red face and ears, and often have dry mouth and tongue, you should use the purgative method, that is, change the order of right - left - right. What should be noted here is that the method of tonic is two tonic and one to relieve, that is, the order of left-right-left. Two diarrhea plus one supplement is the diarrhea method, that is, the order of right-left-right. It cannot be used as a supplement or a diarrhea alone.
People with normal spleen and stomach can use the method of flattening and flattening, that is, using the order of left first and then right or first right and then left.
3. Change eating habits
Most of the causes of illness are attributed to the consumption of disease-causing diet and drugs, so eating habits must be changed to avoid illness. Without taboos, excessive farting will not be cured.
The longer the disease-free period is, the better it is for the body’s self-repair. The process of healing is to stay disease-free for longer and longer periods of time.
Key points of taboos:
Absolutely not eat spoiled and rancid food.
Eat less food that is not easy to digest. Avoid red meat, especially fried and grilled meats. When eating meat, you can only eat minced meat and broth. Eat more vegetarian foods and replace meat with soy products, eggs, fish and shrimp. Avoid increasing the burden on the gastrointestinal tract and give the body a chance to repair, thereby promoting the recovery of the body's self-healing system.
Eat less raw and cold food, avoid cold drinks, iced beer, etc., eat less cold, cold and out-of-season fruits and vegetables, eat more warm and neutral fruits and vegetables, and avoid eating tropical fruits in severe cold. You can search online for cold and warm fruits and vegetables.
Avoid eating irritating foods, eat less spicy foods such as chilies and peppers, and drink less coffee.
Eat less gas-producing foods, such as carbonated drinks, beans, dairy products, potatoes, grapes, apples, etc. Search online for gas-causing foods.
Chew your meals slowly to prevent swallowing too much air. Chew each mouthful 28 times.
Eat meals at regular intervals to avoid overeating and overeating.
Take less medicine. It's three parts of medicine and poison. First, the gastrointestinal function of patients with gastrointestinal diseases is fragile. Taking medicine will cause damage to the diseased gastrointestinal tract and can easily induce illness. Second, whether it is the side effects of drugs or the body's drug resistance due to taking drugs, it will affect the body's self-healing ability. Therefore, patients with gastrointestinal diseases should not take medicine easily.
4. Doing Qigong
The abdominal breathing of Qigong can not only strengthen vitality, regulate the internal organs, and help the body's self-repair; it can also effectively solve abdominal distension, discharge sagittal qi, etc.; Treatment of comorbid depression is also effective.
Liu Zi Jue Nourishing Qigong is a technique that has been passed down through the ages to cure diseases and prolong life. You can focus on doing the "Hu" character exercise to nourish the spleen, strengthen the intestines and stomach, and expel qi.
Ma Litang’s videos teaching the Six-Character Qigong are available on all major video websites.
5. Insist on sports
Incorporate sports into daily life, mainly periodic sports, such as brisk walking, jogging, swimming, cycling, etc.
Through periodic exercise, you can exercise your internal organs, strengthen your physique, improve your immunity, relax your mood, and eliminate negative energy. Trotting and farting all the way, like a motorcycle.
Punch the navel with both fists in turn, gradually increasing the intensity, which can quickly discharge the sagittal energy and strengthen the internal organs and vitality.
Before social activities and sexual intercourse, you should exercise in advance to discharge the negative energy and avoid embarrassment. If you're pressed for time, tap your belly button. Don't let the fart king reveal his secrets.
Be careful not to catch a cold if your intestines and stomach are weak and cold, and be careful not to get angry if your intestines and stomach are damp and hot. We should start from every aspect of daily life, clothing and diet.
6. Avoid getting angry
Traditional Chinese medicine believes that poor emotions lead to excessive farting. In current terms, depression leads to excessive farting. In turn, excessive farting brings stress to people, leading to loneliness and depression. The result is a vicious cycle. Many senior people who fart a lot suffer from severe depression. Avoid mental stimulation, relieve tension and psychological burden, keep your mood comfortable, and have an optimistic and open-minded attitude. When something doesn't go your way, be open-minded and don't get angry, especially don't get angry.
Once angry, it will cause irritable bowel syndrome and gastrointestinal dysfunction, manifested as diarrhea, abdominal pain, etc. Once you get sick, the more you fart, the worse it will be. As long as you have a broad mind and control your emotions, as long as you don't get sick, it will be conducive to the self-healing of your intestines and stomach.
Do more things that make you feel good every day, such as listening to music, singing, dancing, listening to cross talk, reading jokes, etc.
7. Eating folk secret recipes
Care and treatment require both hands, and both hands must be strong. The above six items are maintenance. The key to recuperation: First, the patient's gastrointestinal function has been damaged and is very fragile. He must change his living habits, be cautious, and take care of himself slowly. If you can't change your living habits and keep getting sick, you won't be able to cure your excessive farting. Second, the intestines of people who fart a lot are dominated by dampness and poison. They can only drink barley kernel and red bean porridge for dinner every day for a week or two in advance. After the stool is basically normal, they can then take fart-removing phytochemicals to reverse the symptoms of excessive farting. This is effective. Then gradually restore and strengthen the digestive function through nursing care to prevent recurrence.
With light maintenance and no treatment, the symptoms of excessive farting will not be substantially improved. Once you eat the food that causes the disease, all your efforts will be in vain.
Fart-removing phytochemicals are China's first secret recipe for treating excessive flatulence. It is a pure natural food processed from trees and does not contain any Chinese or Western medicine ingredients. No side effects, children and pregnant women cannot use it. Featured products launched by Taobao and Rantang.
Taking the anti-fart phytonutrients will take effect on the same day. After taking it for a few days, symptoms such as excessive farting and mucus in the stool usually return to normal.
Fart-removing phytochemicals are the only secret medicine at home and abroad that has a specific effect on the root cause of farts. It is not a palliative medicine that treats the symptoms. If you stop taking it, you will return to the original illness. In the absence of effective Chinese and Western medicines for treating excessive farting on the market, anti-fart phytochemicals allow users to say goodbye to the embarrassment of excessive farting through green and healthy dietary therapy. It is actually the only choice for the "fart king".
If you have gastrointestinal disease, you cannot "rest in bed". If you don't eat carefully, you can easily get sick. Although after consuming fart-removing phytochemicals, the symptoms of excessive farting returned to normal. However, the stomach and intestines that are working while sick are prone to illness due to eating greasy, cold, irritating, and difficult-to-digest foods. Especially eating fried and barbecued meat is very easy to get sick. When you are sick, you need to take the anti-fart phytochemicals again. After eating it again, the period of illness will be extended and the digestive function will be further restored. After several courses of treatment, the user can take 1 small packet whenever large or excessive farts occur to control the farts to normal conditions without the need to take them continuously. After getting better, if you have meetings or social activities the next day, you can take 1 small packet the night before to prevent excessive farting.
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