Happy and humorous jokes in September

1. I save myself three times a day, so I save some food, buy and use.

2. I know why I'm single. I glanced at the people around me, and none of them can cheer me up!

3. I quarreled with my wife and regretted not letting her go afterwards. I wanted to give her a necklace to coax her, but I didn't know how long to buy it. So, at night, when my wife was asleep, she secretly took a rope around her neck. As a result, she woke up ... The moon is so round tonight!

4. What is loneliness? That is, the phone bill of 5 yuan has been used for three months and has not been used up ... three months!

5. My hands and feet are always cold recently, and it is said on the Internet that it is caused by kidney deficiency. Insist on fitness. Drinking Lycium barbarum and making tea for a while still didn't work, so I gritted my teeth and paid the heating bill, and I got better.

6. When I accompanied my wife back to my mother's house and saw that my father-in-law had raised a large pot of lotus, I lost no time in saying, "Wife, you are like this lotus without being stained by mud." Mother-in-law: "Watch your mouth! Are you saying that I am sludge? "

7. What makes you lose your passion for a long time? It's all an excuse. If you don't have passion, why are you so excited about quarreling?

8. In the past, a relationship was like a physical store. And a fixed address. Talking about love now is similar to online shopping. At best, flirting on the mobile phone.

9. In the middle of the night, a fire alarm suddenly sounded, and my husband rushed out with a pillow in his arms! I calmly got up and said to my daughter, "Turn off the fire alarm of your mobile phone. I already know where your father's money is hidden."

1. Look at the girlfriends around you. When you are unfamiliar, it is innocent girl, and when you are familiar with it, Dapeng spreads her wings!

11. For women, impulsive consumption means buying a necklace in a hot head; Rational consumption is after careful consideration, and this necklace is equipped with a suitable ring.

12. It is reported that 2% of people in the world die of obesity. This means that 8% people die of being thin. It is clear at a glance what body shape is the least likely to die.

13. You still have to dream, or you will talk to others after drinking too much.

14. Love always begins with "Never change", then progresses to "You must change" and finally ends with "You have changed".

15. Ma Yun once said: A man's career is inversely proportional to his appearance. I couldn't bear to look in the mirror. It seems that I am doomed to accomplish nothing in my life.

16. Some people are just not satisfied. They already have double chins and want double eyelids.

17. I'm not good at getting pregnant. I'm good at getting pregnant myself!

18. Be kind to your wife, because one day, when you are lying in a hospital bed, it's not necessarily the doctor who dominates your life, nor your buddies who are drinking and drinking, nor those three children and four children, but your wife, and only she has the right to sign "continue to rescue" or "give up treatment"!

19. From scanning code payment to brushing face payment, it is not our IQ that improves, but our spending speed.

2. I have a colleague who is allergic to mutton, and his face is swollen when he eats mutton, so everyone takes him with him every time he eats kebabs. The more swollen his face is, the more authentic the mutton in that family is.

21. What is the generation gap? Just put on new clothes, walked around in front of my mother and said, mom, is there a model? Mom gave me a look and said, yes, in the pot, help yourself.

22. Money is really something outside the body. It's all in other people's pockets.

23. We work so hard to make our boss live a better life.

24. When I went to the supermarket with my dad, I saw a man and a woman begging for food on the roadside. We went around and dad sighed: Even beggars have wives. I smiled and answered: he should have a wife before he went begging.

25. Women often say that they are miserable when comforting women; When men comfort men, they often say that another man is miserable.

26. When I went to the bank to get a card for the first time in my life, the counter gave me a list. The type of certificate I filled in was rectangular.

27. I just went to the bathroom in the mall and sat on the toilet. I found that there was still the residual temperature of the last person on the toilet seat. I couldn't help crying. This is the first time I feel warm in this city.

28. Women feel that men are playboy only when they are not attractive, and men feel that women are realistic only when they are not powerful!

29. I asked my dad, "Why do you have my brother when you have me?" My dad: "The tuba is useless, so practice a trumpet."

3. Don't let life exhaust your patience and yearning. You still have poems and distant places, ribs and soup, shrimp and crab roe, fried chicken and crispy sausage.