An absolutely funny joke

Jokes are short in length, simple and ingenious in story, often unexpected, giving people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. Below I brought you an absolutely hilarious joke, I hope you like it!

Absolutely hilarious joke 1 1, secretary, township head, office director, secretary plays mahjong, and the secretary wins money every time.

The director of the office asked his secretary, "What's your secret to winning every time you play cards? Teach me. "

"No, no, pure luck!"

"Brother! It doesn't matter if you tell me. I'll buy you a drink. I won't tell anyone! " The director of the office is seductive and swearing.

"Really?"

"That's for sure!"

"I tell you, the secretary is pockmarked and the steward is lame. Two people can't pee in one pot. Didn't you notice that they were playing cards? Even if the secretary doesn't listen to the cards, he will play seven cakes and call them "kidnappers", while the township head will play nine cakes and call them "pockmarked" every time. Don't listen to anything when you listen to cards, just listen to these two cards and make a card! "

2. Boyfriend: I heard that your mobile phone is broken. This is a new mobile phone I bought for you as a birthday present!

Girlfriend: Honey, you are the best. ...

Girlfriend: Honey, did you buy a set?

Boyfriend: I like your generous sister paper! I'll be right back. ...

five minutes later

Boyfriend: I bought a box of durex. ...

Girlfriend: I'm talking about the phone case!

It is said that once upon a time there was a rich man who gave birth to four silly daughters. He was afraid that others would laugh at his daughter's stupidity, so he asked Mr. Xue to teach poetry since he was a child. When I grow up, I want to marry my daughter. On this day, the matchmaker finally brought a scholar to propose marriage.

Hearing that the bearer was a scholar, the rich man said happily, Fate! Daughters have been familiar with poetry since childhood, but now they are all silent. In order to show off his daughter's cleverness, the rich man deliberately asked his servant to set the tables and chairs and invited four daughters to speak. Just like eating at ordinary times, write poems before eating.

Only listen to the eldest daughter; The table is square.

The second child said: There is a bowl of soup in the middle.

Third, say; Four sisters, one on each side.

Old four said; I'll have soup first.

The scholar smiled and said, Good! All right! All right! The rich man grinned happily.

The eldest daughter saw that her father and the scholar lived in peace and thought that this marriage might be completed, so she casually said, I want to get married today.

The second child said: I will be a mother when I get up tomorrow morning.

The third said: No matter he is 3728, go ahead.

Old four said; Who dares to rob?

The scholar was caught off guard and left a ridiculous remark. At first glance, the good things that the rich man finally did are yellow again. Roar: Shut up and go after the scholar.

Alas! The elder sister sighed and said that all four sisters are beautiful.

No one is in a hurry. Second sister said.

The third child said, Dad told us to be quiet.

Fourth, pick up; Fortunately, I was smart and didn't say anything.

4. In the Qing Palace, there was once a queen who created a unique tone, which was well received by everyone and widely circulated, especially by the vast rural women. This point is not Peking Opera, Anhui Opera or Kunqu Opera. Let's introduce it in an easy-to-understand term: sissy.

A patient just took a big bottle of medicine from the doctor and found that the shelf life of the medicine was only 4 days, so he ran to the doctor and asked.

The doctor smiled and said to the patient, "I know, but if you take it on time and in quantity, you can finish it in three days." Don't worry. "

6. Our figures have contributed to the math post, but my eight-character salary is the worst.

In the competition with the seven characters, people hope that the seven characters will win and the eight characters will lose. It is often said that seven wins and eight losses.

I always like to associate the eight characters with bad elements. The tortoise insisted that he was a bastard when he laid eggs, and the unlucky ghost also said that he had been broken for eight generations.

This is a very ugly gesture. I want to perform eight characters for people to see. A childlike heart makes me look stupid.

The reason for hopelessness is that the eight characters tell people that it is too simple for people to bully the eight characters.

Boring things are also expressed in eight characters. Everyone loves to gossip and have fun at will.

Ugly faces are strange to everyone, and people don't forget to embarrass the eight characters. Ugly just right.

7, allowed bad behavior

Plagiarism: Plagiarism is generally opposed, but bargain-hunting is a bold act worthy of recognition.

Stealing: Stealing is forbidden by moral law firms, but stealing everything is told as a story.

Chopping people: Chopping people is a violent injury and should be stopped, but bargaining is a compulsory course for consumers.

Killing: Killing is an evil act of sacrificing one's own life, and killing people pays for their lives, but online shopping often staged spikes.

Grab: grab is to destroy the order and get what you want, which is despised by people. However, the race for time was out of control.

8. Tigers chat with lions. At this time, the fox saw the tiger and the lion in low spirits and asked.

Why are the two big brothers, the BM, so glum?

The tiger replied that I was depressed. There is a tigress in my house.

The lion quickly replied, there is a Hedong division in my family.

Follow the tiger and lion to report a headache and cry.

Suddenly, the fox also cried.

The tiger and the lion asked the man, "Why are you crying?"

The fox replied, there is a fox in my house!

9. When I first joined the company, the first boss said that my ability was good and XXX was not as good as me. So I worked hard for n years.

When I was disheartened, my second boss told me that a certain seat would be mine in the future. So he worked hard for n years.

The third boss came before he sat in that seat. He told me rudely that if you can't do it well, others will do it well. I have to go on working in fear.

Love hurts the workplace, don't follow suit!

10, a classmate often makes excuses to ask the teacher for leave.

The first time I asked for leave because of a friend's party. "Teacher, I have a headache."

The second time, because the canteen was not full, I sulked and asked for leave. "Teacher, I have a stomachache."

The third time, I asked for leave because the trees in the neighboring village were full of fruits. "Teacher, my hand hurts."

The fourth time, I asked for leave because I love playing basketball. "Teacher, my feet hurt."

A few days later, the teacher wrote a poem for him in front of the whole class: "Headache without fever, stomachache without food, hand pain can climb trees, foot pain can run." After reading it, he said to his classmates, "What about this poem? Very suitable for your situation. " The classmate replied, "The poem is good and rhymes."

Absolutely hilarious joke 2 1. You are my job for the rest of my life.

Elephant: I said mosquito, I am stupid and stupid. I really don't know what you see in me.

Mosquito: Don't say that. I'm too young to fly!

Elephant: Yes, I will be your support for the rest of your life!

Mosquito: Only half right. Mainly for the rest of my life.

2. Mr. Han named the child.

Mr. Han looks up the dictionary whenever he has time, trying to give the baby a good name. His colleagues gave him various suggestions, but Mr. Han was not satisfied.

A few days later, my colleague asked Mr. Han with concern, "Have you thought about the baby's name?"

Mr. Han: "Yes, your name is Han Jinliang and your nickname is 999."

3. Birds also need to be repaired.

The director went to the zoo to make a film, and went to the park to record birds. He was recognized by the park leader, frightened and asked for a news investigation. He was very nervous and said today was maintenance. Our explanation was that it was just bird watching.

The leader said that birds should also be repaired.

Step 4 feel

Calendar and time sighed, "the status of time is changing with each passing day, unlike my old routine." Time was in the sky before, then on the wall, then on the hand, and now on the waist. "

5. sour people

The tiger said to the tiger, "I went out of the mountain today and caught a man to eat." It tastes strange. " The upper part is sour and the lower part stinks. I don't know who it is after all. "

The tiger said, "This must be a scholar who invested in a Guo Jianzi."

6. The Tang Priest's Creativity

Father Tang: Disciples, we have also encountered economic crisis recently, so I decided that we should hold a song and dance performance!

Wukong: What should Master do?

Tang Priest: I am responsible for singing, and you are responsible for being beaten by Bajie!

Wukong: Shit, Master, what's wrong with your head? Everyone knows that I always beat Bajie!

Tang Priest: Just because everyone knows that you beat Bajie, there is nothing new! I have made up my mind. All you have to do is follow my arrangement!

7. Just came from Africa

Last time I went to my cousin's house, a guest came to my cousin's house.

He's dark. The guest asked his cousin if he was good-looking.

Cousin said it looks good. The man asked again, like a princess?

Cousin said: I like Snow White, but Snow White is from Africa.

Absolutely hilarious joke 3 1. Oh, I forgot to mix the wine.

A salesman knocked wearily at the restaurant on the corner and asked for a glass of wine. He just took a sip and suddenly froze: "Why, isn't this a cup of boiled water?"

"Oh," said the shopkeeper, "Oh, no, I forgot to mix the wine."

2. A lumberjack applied for a job.

A lumberjack went to apply for a job. Foreman: Try the forest ahead and see how many trees you can cut in a minute.

After a minute, the foreman: Wow! 20 trees a minute, amazing! Where did you work before?

Worker: Sahara forest. Foreman: No, I've only heard of the Sahara Desert! Worker: Yes, I changed my name later!

The nurse and another nurse said, the bed is too tight.

One day, a nurse in charge of the intensive care unit and another nurse said: The beds are too tight to be arranged outside.

The other said, don't worry, look at this, that and that over there. Almost. There will be a place after tonight.

4. What is the basis for identifying the age of hens?

In a primary school, the teacher asked, "Mardin, can you tell me what people use to identify the age of hens?"

"Use your teeth, teacher!"

"But the hen has no teeth."

"Hens may not have teeth, but I do. If the hen's meat is tender, she is young; You will be old if you can't bite! "

I used to suck milk.

The little tiger blushed and asked the little squirrel, can I eat you?

The little squirrel thinks this is an interesting joke. He said, is this the first time you have eaten animals?

Little tiger was even more embarrassed and said, yes, mom is not at home. I used to suck milk.

6. What has two heads, six legs and 1 tail?

A little boy asked his father, "Do you know what has two heads, six legs and 1 tail?"

Dad thought for a moment and said, "I don't know." What is this? My dear child? "

"A man on horseback."

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