Funny stories to tell with girls

A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man walking towards her with open arms, making a hug, and then stepped forward and kicked her. The man fell to the ground and cried loudly, saying: It’s already the third piece, I’ll do it Who offended whom? Is it so difficult to bring a piece of glass home? Ge You went to the toilet once. Ge You invited a friend to eat and went to the toilet on the way. When he came back, his pants were wet. 62616964757a686964616fe78988e69d8331333335333063 Friend: Why are your pants wet? Ge You: This has often happened since I became famous. Friend: How often does this happen? Ge You: No! Often the person next to you is peeing and suddenly turns around and shouts: "Isn't this Ge You!" If you laugh, just accept it~ - Collection of Super Funny Jokes↘　1. Ghost: God, next time I am reincarnated, I want to be as white as an angel and have a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood. - God: Then reincarnate yourself as a Hushu Bao. -　2. A friend was selling popsicles in the park during his first work-study program, and he was too embarrassed to shout. Suddenly, someone shouted: "Selling popsicles~~~~Selling popsicles~~". When the friend heard this, he was very happy and shouted: "Me too~~~~Me too~~~~". - 3. Not long after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died. The ant cried bitterly while burying the elephant: "My dear, why did you go so early? I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life!" - 4. You, a boy, have a crush on a girl. You mustered up the courage to ask the girl what kind of boy she likes - the girl answered "the one you like". After asking the question several times, she got the same answer - the boy said in frustration: "Can a guy with a flat head be okay?" - 5. One day, I was out of breath and chasing the last bus. As I chased, I shouted: Master! Master, wait for me~- Suddenly a passenger poked his head out of the car window and said to me slowly: Wukong. Just stop chasing me - 6. One day I was taking a biology test, and one of the questions was to guess the name of the bird by looking at its legs. A certain student really didn't understand and angrily tore up the paper and prepared to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him: "Which class are you in and what is your name?" A certain student lifted up his trouser legs and said: "Guess, guess." - 7. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader came to the stage to receive her. He took her hand and asked her for warmth. He refused to let go for a long time, and asked kindly: What is your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Malegebi. Songshou" - 8. A man bought a parrot that could only say two words, "Who?". One day, the owner was not at home, and a gas man knocked on the door. - Parrot: Who is it? A: The gas changer - Parrot: Who is it? -Answer: The gas changer-……-The owner was lying down at the door of his house. The owner was wondering, who is this? - Inside the door: The gas changer-9. A man saw a pile of stuff on the road, squatted down and smelled it, and said it might be poop. He touched some of it with his hand, put it in his mouth and licked it, and said, it was really poop. Fortunately, he didn't step on it! ~-　10. The doctor asked the patient how he had broken the bone. He replied: I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes against the telephone pole. I shook and shook... Someone thought I had been electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave it to me. Two sticks. - 11. A professor was teaching in the field: "Scientific research must not be afraid of getting dirty..." Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate hurriedly said: "I'm not afraid of getting dirty..." Then he poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger and put it in his mouth to lick it clean. The professor said: "In addition, you must be good at observation. I just poked the dung with my middle finger, but I licked it." It’s the index finger.”-12. In a public toilet, Mr. A was constipated and couldn't pull it out for a long time. At this time, another man, Mr. B, rushed in. He just squatted down and started to poop so smoothly. After hearing this, Mr. A said: "Man, I really envy you." Yeah, it’s so fun.” Mr. B said, “What’s there to envy? I haven’t even taken off my pants yet…” - 13. A gentleman was practicing riding a bicycle when a pedestrian came in front of him. He panicked and shouted: "Stop! Stop!" The pedestrian stopped hurriedly. Unfortunately, a certain gentleman's riding skills were too poor and he still knocked down a pedestrian. The passerby got up and got angry: "You still told me to stop! You are aiming, right?" - 14. Beautiful sister, 2 years old. One day, I called her mother, and the little guy answered the phone. Out of politeness, I also wanted to say hello to her.

"My dear, where is mom?" "Going to Huaguo Mountain!" "..." "My dear, what are you doing?" "Auntie, you are so funny, I wasn't calling you!" - Colleague’s son, 4 years old. Classic sentence: "When I was young..." - 15. There was a car accident on the road - a turtle trampled on a cow. The police are investigating the cause of the accident. Wo Niu: How did the turtle hit you? Wo Niu, who was hanging a cast, recalled in panic: I don't remember, he was too fast at that time! - 16． A polar bear stayed alone on the ice in a daze. When he was bored, he started to pluck out his own hair. One... two... three... Finally, when he pulled out no hair, he suddenly shouted... It's so cold. ah! ! ………………-17. My colleague's daughter is a little beauty. When she comes back from kindergarten, her mother will often ask her: "Beauty, has anyone called you that today?" The little girl actually sighed: "I guess they have seen me too much, that's all." I don’t think I’m beautiful anymore.”-18. A couple gave birth to a little boy after contraceptive failure. As soon as the child was born, he clenched his fists and laughed non-stop. The nurse opened his fist. He found a handful of contraceptive pills inside, and then the little boy spoke: "You two want to kill me, it's not that easy, hahahaha..." - 19. Two men went to play in the mountains. One of them accidentally slipped and fell off the cliff. The companion shouted anxiously: "Brother, how are you? Are you okay?". The man who fell only heard the reply: "I don't know. I’m still falling~~~~~”-20. I agree. A man was riding a bicycle without holding the handlebars. He had his hands folded in front of his chest. When a traffic policeman saw it, he said: Good hands! The man replied, Hello, comrades! - 21. The monkey asked the fox how to describe the elephant's fart in a song. The fox said: I miss Ku Juji so much. When the ant heard it, he said: "Fuck, I thought it was a power train." - 22. Two brothers were being chased by a tiger. The younger brother couldn't run anymore, so he said, "Brother, let's stop running and fight this beast to death." The older brother said, "Don't be ridiculous. I can't outrun it. As long as I can outrun you, that's fine." "-23. Noodles was beaten by a steamed bun, so he went to his cousin Instant Noodles to seek revenge. When Instant Noodles saw the bean buns, he beat him up. When he came back, he said to Noodles: Don't worry, I beat all the shit out of him. - twenty four. A fashionable woman walked onto the bus. When she saw an empty seat, she took out a tissue and wiped it violently. Just as she was about to sit down, she farted. A man next to her laughed and said, "I'm KAO, I'm **** clean, and I have to blow it after wiping it." -　25． The penguin was bored, so he wanted to go to the North Pole to play with the polar bear - he walked and walked, walked for many years, and when he was almost there, he suddenly remembered that the gas at home was not turned off - so he returned, and walked, and walked for many years, and turned off the gas. Set off again, walked and walked, and walked for many years - finally arrived at the door of the polar bear, knocked on the door: - - polar bear! Come out and play! -Polar Bear:-——Don’t play. -　26． In junior high school, a mathematics teacher was talking about equation transformations. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted loudly: Attention, students! I'm going to transform! ……-　27. A certain judge squinted and was trying three criminal suspects, A, B and C. - The judge said to A: "Did you steal the thing?" - B replied: "No" - The judge was furious: "I didn't ask you." - C Said: "I didn't say anything." - 28. On the plane, the crow said to the stewardess: "Bring me a glass of water." The pig heard this and said to the stewardess: "Give me a glass of water too!" After hearing this, the stewardess threw the crow and the pig off the plane together. The crow smiled. Said to the pig: "You are stupid, I can fly~~~~- 29. A rabbit walked into a store and asked the boss: Do you have carrots for sale here? My wife said: No. After a while, the rabbit came again and asked: Do you sell carrots here? The boss said impatiently! After a while, the rabbit came again and asked. The boss finally couldn't bear it anymore: If you make trouble again, I will cut off your ears with a pair of scissors! Lai: Do you sell scissors here? The boss said: No.

The rabbit asked again: Do you have any carrots for sale here...-30. The devil caught the princess - the devil said: Just scream, no one will come to save you! - Princess: Broken throat, broken throat! - No one: Princess, I’m here to save you! - Demon King: If you say Cao Cao, Cao Cao will be here! -Cao Cao: Demon King, is your name ***? - Demon King: Wow, I saw a ghost! - Ghost: Damn! was discovered. - Damn: Nonsense, who discovered me? - Who: None of my business! - Demon King: Oh, my god! - God: Who called me? ! - Who: No one calls you! - No one: I don’t have one! ! ! - It is said that the devil has suffered from schizophrenia since then. - 31. A king wants to marry a princess and puts an apple on the princess's head. Whoever shoots it will have a chance to marry the princess. - The first man shot the apple and he said: "I'm Robin." - The second man also shot the apple and he said: "I'm Hou Yi." - The third man accidentally Shooting the princess to death, he said: "I'm sorry..." - 32. A man was an intern in a mental hospital. Suddenly, a mentally ill patient came after him with a kitchen knife. The man turned around and ran away until he reached a dead end. He thought it was over. The patient said: "I'll give you the knife. It's your turn to chase him." Me. --　33． The wolf had just fallen out of love and passed by a hut while foraging. He heard a man teach his child: "If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf. The child cried in the house all night, and the wolf stayed outside all night. When he got up in the morning, The wolf choked up and said: Men, men are all liars! ! There are many kinds of humorous stories. There are also funny stories. During the winter, the red pepper trees in the vegetable field are beautiful. When the peppers are ripe, I have to pick them once every two or three days. The red ones are picked again, and the red ones are picked again. They are all dried in one step to remove the moisture on the surface. Cut off the moisture from the peppers at night and cut them off at night. Chili pepper sticks, if I love you so much, I will never regret it. The neon lights of my eternal life begin to flash, the streets begin to show off, and the whole city becomes mysterious and sad against the backdrop of the night sky. In a corner of the city, there is a "Seven Years" bar. , the boss is a girl from the south, people here call her "Ah Qi". I like Seven Years and the boss Ah Qi, so I will definitely check in there once a week. Seven Years is different from other bars. They are all travelers returning at night, and there are the most touching stories there. I dragged my tired body into seven years, and Ah Qi called me over at the bar and asked me to try her new wine. The wine was different from the past. , there is no bitterness of the past, like self-salvation, like a kind of relief. Ah Qi calls it "oasis", she said that the oasis is the hope of the desert, and green is rebirth. She said she is leaving to find it. The oasis that belonged to her. When I first met Ah Qi, I was in a state of embarrassment due to lovelorn, but she was so radiant. At that time, I thought how could there be such a good person in this world, and I wondered which young man would be lucky enough to take her. Go home. But later I realized that underneath her brilliance was a lot of scars. I liked listening to her stories while drinking Ah Qi’s wine, and her stories were as mellow and moving as the wine. Qi and C met at that party ten years ago. Since then, C has launched a strong pursuit of Ah Qi. C appears at the door of the bank where Ah Qi works at a fixed time every morning. My bank often does publicity in shopping malls, and Mr. C will also appear. He often buys a few extra cups of milk tea to share with Ah Qi’s colleagues. The colleagues also have a good impression of Mr. C, and they often secretly talk about Mr. C behind the scenes. After the event, he would take the initiative to send Ah Qi home. He would also greet Ah Qi and learn about every detail of Ah Qi's life. Over time, Ah Qi fell in love with C, a girl from the south of the Yangtze River. She is cute and has the boldness of a northern girl, and it is hard not to be moved. C planned to give Ah Qi a surprise one month before her birthday, and took this opportunity to confess to Ah Qi on her birthday. On that day, C booked a luxury box at the KTV in advance and arranged and rehearsed it with his friends for the whole day. At about 6 o'clock in the evening, Ah Qi entered the box under the guidance of his best friend.

The moment Ah Qi took off her blindfold, the whole room was filled with red balloons, the walls were covered with hearts and love stickers, and a huge heart shape was placed on the ground with candles, connected to a red carpet. Ah Qi saw everything so incredible and dreamy. C took the microphone and confessed to Ah Qi: I don't believe in love at first sight, but when I met you, your smile made me dream about you. It was then that I realized that this was my heartbeat. When I can't see you, I feel like there are only two colors left in the world, black and white. Only you, and only you, have the magic power to turn my world into a colorful one. So, please agree to be my girlfriend, and I will be with you thousands of times for the rest of my life. ? Ah Qi was in an atmosphere of love, listening to the sensational confession, shedding tears of emotion, and accepted it happily. A month later, in order to be with C every day, Ah Qi moved out of the home where she had lived with her parents for more than 20 years and chose to live with C in a rental house. Housing prices in first-tier cities are very high. C’s rental house is in a simple private house. The toilet and kitchen are shared, and the people sharing the house are all kinds of people. Ah Qi said it was a lie if he said he wasn't used to it. Every time he passed by the kitchen, he could always smell a sour smell. Shoes and socks on the floor filled the walkway leading to the room, and the air was filled with strong foot odor. Even when I want to go to the toilet in bed at night, I have to wrap myself up tightly. When I get to the toilet, I look at the toilet that always turns back to the original filth easily every time I flush it, so I have to patiently clean it again. Ah Qi felt that all this could be overcome, as long as she could be with C. C saw it in his eyes and was very touched by what Ah Qi did for him, and he was even more in love with Ah Qi. C is busy at work and often needs to work overtime, so Ah Qi can only buy groceries alone and take them home. C liked Ah Qi's cooking skills very much. Ah Qi saw that he cleaned up the dishes every time, so he went to wash the dishes with satisfaction. In fact, Ah Qi didn’t know how to cook at first! I am at home alone, watching videos online and practicing. The problems and details of each dish as well as the finished product after DIY are summarized and recorded in the notebook. Especially for the dishes that C likes to eat, the notes are more detailed. Ah Qi's dedication to C reminds me of Meng Po Sanqi's love for Chang Sheng in the movie "Soul Ferry: Huangquan": A wishful man, I really need to like him, and I only wish him well. When he is good, I am happy; when I am good and he is not good, I am unhappy; as long as he is good, I am happy whether I am good or not, then I truly like and love someone. I think this is how Changsheng is. No matter if he lies to me, I only want him to be good. If he is happy, I will be happy. ? As Ah Qi spoke eloquently, I couldn't help but wonder, you have done so many things for him, which shows that you love him very much. Based on this development, you should be very happy! Ah Qi smiled bitterly and said, I thought so too at the time, but this happiness quietly dissipated with the advent of marriage. Ah Qi and C have been together for three years. Ah Qi's parents wanted them to get married. Ah Qi felt that it was about the same, so she discussed the matter with C. After hearing this, C agreed. So, C told his parents that he planned to get married. His father had no objection, but his mother was quite critical of Ah Qi. After the future mother-in-law met Ah Qi for the first time, she felt that Ah Qi was not suitable to be her son's wife. After several meetings, even though Ah Qi enthusiastically tried to please her, she still did not change her mind and often ignored Ah Qi. C has nothing to do about his mother's behavior. I persuaded my mother every day to get her to agree to the marriage, but finally relented. You can get married, but there is no bride price. Your eldest brother has been married for three years and is planning to buy a house recently! You also know the situation at home, and you have also lent money to your eldest brother everywhere to prepare for the down payment. After hearing this, C stopped talking and told Ah Qi the truth about the conversation between himself and his mother. Although Ah Qi hated her mother-in-law's favoritism, she didn't complain when she thought that she could marry C as she wished. But Ah Qi's mother did not agree. She was distressed that her daughter had such an attitude even before she got married. If she did get married, she would have to suffer all kinds of grievances. Ah Qi and C were also troubled by the tough attitudes of both mothers. Ah Qi asked C to discuss it with his mother again, and both parties could take a step back and take less, even if it was a lucky draw. C’s mother insisted on doing so.

I still remember the way Ah Qi looked when she talked about this past incident. She looked up into the void. The camellia in her hand seemed to burn faster to enhance the atmosphere. The pale smoke surrounded her, and the glistening in the corners of her eyes finally betrayed her. After nearly a month of unsuccessful negotiations between the two families, C and Ah Qi broke up, which was something Ah Qi could never have imagined. She said his words, "We're done," were the cruelest words she had ever heard. She tossed and turned for countless nights, soaking her pillow with tears for him. She said that for a period of time, she would dream about him every night, which made her afraid to close her eyes for fear of feeling lost without him when she woke up. So much so that she started to numb herself with alcohol and cigarettes, trying to forget him, but she still couldn't forget him in the end. She couldn't understand that three years of tenderness, just because of the bride price, not only lost to her own naivety, but also to C's cowardice and determination. Later, Ah Qi gave up her high-paying job and opened a bar. Ah Qi said that she made an agreement with herself that she would spend seven years not only to heal herself better, but also to completely cut off her past life. Only then did I know the origin of "seven years". Every time Ah Qi mentioned C, stars were shining in her eyes, even though her brows were filled with sadness. This is the seventh year, and it’s time for her to fulfill her promise. She said she planned to travel and see the outside world. She said it was time to let herself go. Such a life was too bitter. She wanted to be happy, like an "oasis", ushering in her new life. And I choose to bless her, even if the years do not promise her love in the end, I think that time will not fail her in the end, it will give her love in another way and heal her scars. My dear girl, may you be passionate about life, may you take off your chains and be reborn. Search the official account "Wangsilu" to see more real and touching love stories. Our love is like a fingerprint that never changes. She was born in a noble family. At the age of eighteen, she is as delicate as a rose and as lovable as a butterfly. A large group of children from aristocratic families surrounded her, obsessed with her smile. All she had to do was reach out and hold one of them, and she would firmly hold on to wealth and glory in her life. However, there are hidden thoughts in the girl's heart that are ready to move. Without the nourishment of emotion, no matter how good the years are, there will only be a sigh. It's a pity that none of the young masters around her can settle in her heart. She met him when she went to a jewelry store to pick up jewelry. Her beauty and elegance were engraved in his heart with just one glance. He was like receiving a goddess, carefully helping her try on and package the items, and carefully telling her what to pay attention to. He was just a craftsman, but his handsomeness, politeness and erudition made her heart as soft as a flower tremble slightly. From then on, she became a regular visitor to the jewelry store, and she would spend the whole day sitting next to him. Holding her chin in her hands, with a smile in her eyes, she patiently watched him turn a piece of gold into a beautiful ring, as if he were appreciating the greatest performance in the world. He would stay up for several nights, with the oil lamp always on, and he would frown and think hard under the lamp, just to get a butterfly earring that she liked. Their relationship is natural and sweet, just like butterflies falling in love with flowers. Where there are flowers, there are butterflies. Where there are butterflies, you will see flowers. They agreed that they would hold each other's hands for the rest of their lives and never abandon each other. A noble lady and a poor boy, how can worldly eyes allow them to stay together forever? She held his hand and promised: "No one can separate us. I will show my cards to my family. You must believe me!" Of course he believed her, so he looked at the direction she left every day, hoping Her elegant figure suddenly appeared at the end of the road, bringing him the joy of "the bond between life and death, holding his hand". Day after day, peach blossoms fell to the ground underfoot, but she never appeared again. At this time, she was about to marry someone else. When she was determined to fight for love with the idea of ??breaking up with her family, misfortune hit her like a huge wave on the bow of a ship. The brutal war caused her family to decline overnight, and the family may have been displaced forever. And the only person who can save her family is a general with a promising future. In an instant, fate placed a heavy burden on her delicate shoulders. Should she strive for love and selfishly be happy alone, or should she save her family and sacrifice herself for the whole family? In the end, she chose the latter.

Boys often want to accompany her in the rain, but they are stopped by girls. The boy always asked with doubts: "Why don't you let me get wet with you in the rain?" The girl replied with a smile: "Because I'm afraid you will get sick!" The boy often asked her: "What will happen if you get wet in the rain?" Why do you have to go out in the rain if you are sick?" But the girl always smiled and didn't answer. In the end, it is often the boy who cannot defeat the girl and agrees to her request. Because boys are happy as long as they see girls happy. But the happy time is always short-lived. The boy likes another girl, and he likes her even more than the girl. One day when the boy and the girl were having dinner together, he made a request to break up, and the girl silently accepted it. Because she knows that boys are like the wind, and the wind will not stay for anyone. That night, the girl knew that this was the last time the boy would take her home, so she reluctantly said, "You usually drive me, this time let me take you on a motorcycle!" The boy agreed guiltily, And whispered: "I'm really sorry to let you down! But the moment in the rain with you is my happiest time!" After hearing this, the girl began to sob, and the boy hugged her behind her back. After a long time, the boy said to the girl: "There is a question I have wanted to ask you for a long time! Why don't you let me accompany you every time you get wet in the rain?" After a long time, the girl said slowly: "Because I don't want you to find out... I'm crying!" The motorcycle drove faster and faster, already speeding. The boy felt that the girl was venting herself in this way, so he hesitated and said in the girl's ear. : "I know you feel uncomfortable, but you shouldn't make fun of your life. Slow down!" The girl shouted loudly: "Okay, then you can say it one last time, you love me..." The boy thought to himself finally Satisfy her one more time, and then said: "Okay... I love you... Can you slow down now?" The girl heard this sentence as she wished, and said with contentment: "You Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It makes me feel uncomfortable and interferes with my driving." The boy was confused, but he did it. Just as the boy was putting the helmet on, someone suddenly jumped up in front of him. A white car came out, and the girl crashed into a building on the side of the road to avoid it. The boy woke up in the hospital the next day, and the police told him: "The girl died on the way to the hospital, and you only survived by wearing a helmet. The main cause of this traffic accident was the white car overtaking in the wrong direction. In addition, we Check your motorcycle as well. It was the brakes that failed that caused it to hit the building." The boy burst into tears and fell into endless regret. He whispered to himself: "So, she has known it for a long time. She has known it for a long time. ..." When a person loves someone so much that he is willing to sacrifice everything for him or her, even to die for the other person, what kind of relationship is this? The greatest regret in life is to mistakenly insist on what you shouldn't insist on, and give up easily on what you shouldn't give up... Search the official account "Wang Si Lu" to see more real and touching love stories. . . . . . . . . . .