100 points kneel for classic funny humorous short messages.

1. Once a second-class bus, a BMW passed by, and a tall man next to it said to the people around him, "Look, that's IBM."

2. A friend of mine is an intern in Unicom. One day, an old man came up and said, "Can I have a mobile card?" Then the friend said without looking up, "Master, someone is coming to smash the venue!" " "

3. Colleagues may be nervous when they meet customers. As soon as they opened their mouths, they said, "Hello, Miss Liu, what's your name?" Sweating.

4. In the past, the geography teacher was a man, which was particularly violent. Whoever talks and is distracted is punched, but he didn't hit the girl. A new girl doesn't know equality between men and women. Once, she stole cartoons in class, was found by the geography teacher, and came forward without warning. The girl turned pale with fear and shouted: indecent assault. Our geography teacher waterfall Khan.

5. My classmate said: I put too much washing powder. The other asked: What? Your brother has too many wives?

6. On a windy day, the bicycle fell down one after another. I only heard a classmate say while helping the car: whose Mercedes-Benz crushed my BMW?

7. I used to call my boyfriend's dormitory, but he didn't answer. I was a little embarrassed, so I made up a name and said, "Is XX there?" If you want to pretend to be the wrong person, it's over ~ ~ The other person hesitated and said, wait, I'll call you. I was stupid at that time! Hang up the phone in a hurry Later, I asked my boyfriend, and he said that a boy in the dormitory opposite them asked me to make up that name.

8. Last time I was abroad, I saw a handsome guy selling cakes in the street. I told my friend that he looked like Elvis when we bought it. When he heard us talking about him, he asked us what to say. I thought for a long time: "kingofmiaomiao."

9. The girlfriend in the dormitory chatted with the net friend. She was obviously excited: Hello, I'm Wang Xiaoliang. Guess who I am? Can't faint ...

10, learned a sentence from a friend: I'll give you ten words-get the fuck out of here. I remember when he said this sentence to a group of us for the first time, he saw all the people pointing at the bottom to see if it was ten words ... What's more, I told N friends with this sentence that basically more than 90% would hesitate for a moment, meditate or move their fingers slightly, and then smiled and said, Shit, it's really ten words. It always works, hehe!

1 1. One day, the monitor told me what to do on Saturday (there were many things that week). After that, my deskmate shook my arm violently. Come on, tell me, what day is Saturday?

12, I am a female colleague, very strong (with weight and strength), and I often work hard in the workshop to compare with a bunch of male compatriots. One day, I saw Mr. A who couldn't move anything. He skillfully moved a box of goods and laughed at Mr. A's face while moving. It was too weak. A gentleman held his breath for three minutes and said, No matter how fat your woman is, there must always be a man who can carry you to bed. ...

13, when I was in middle school, the mid-term Chinese test paper was translated as "tyranny is fiercer than tigers" in classical Chinese, and occasionally translated as "exorbitant taxes and levies are fiercer than teachers!" I didn't find sweat until I handed out the paper! The head teacher drew a big red circle on the word "teacher". I got 2 points for that question and deducted 5 points.

14, power failure, my dad's mobile phone is still charging. He looked for something with a candle. I asked him what you were looking for, and when he said how to charge, the green light went out.

15, hehe, the ward building of the Second Hospital of Shanda, without the square of the house, has become a corpse building until now. ...

16, we slept with a junior who came to chat with her. Junior classmate asked her: I always heard that Prince Frog, Prince Frog, why not a frog? We were cheated at that time, and the junior explained it to her because a fairy tale was called the frog prince. The classmate said: Oh, then, are frogs and toads the same thing? Hey, is that called toad or Khan? The younger generation sighed and said: Khan Bai, toad is the tribal leader of ancient ethnic minorities. At that time, we were all blue with anger.

17, once I went to dinner with a friend of mine, and the clerk in that shop was very dragging and rolled his eyes and asked, what do you eat? My friend said that you have any specialties here, and the clerk said that you have everything.

My friend was anxious and said, then give me a plate of tomatoes and stir-fried tomatoes.

18, I called my dad's office once to find him. I didn't think it over because I was in a hurry. I got up and shouted: Dad, are you xxx (Dad's name)? As a result, I couldn't say anything with a smile on my face.

19 another time, a friend asked me, which man do I think is the most handsome in history? I said Pan An, but he despises Yang Zongbao. I asked why? He said proudly, "You don't know that Mulan fell in love with him at first sight?"

20. One of my good classmates is a little black, and her bf is a little too white. One day, the poisonous queen in the dormitory suddenly said to her, "You can't do this, you'll have zebras ..."

2 1, the same poisonous queen, met a brother in his early 30 s one day and graduated from our department. At present, my brother is most concerned about grasping the tail of youth. This time, the queen of poison tongue really wanted to praise others, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she said, "What a young middle-aged man!" "

22. One of my classmates may be nervous for the first time. I may want to ask the patient's life span and surname, and the result is: Grandpa, what's your surname? The whole house is in a coma.

23. The meals in our school canteen are divided into soft meals and hard meals. One day in the canteen, a boy in front of me said after careful consideration: I'd better eat soft rice. ...

24. When I was in college, I took an experimental course of analog electricity and observed the waveform of rectifier circuit with an oscilloscope. After I finished, I wandered around the lab. A beautiful girl pulled me and said, "Do you see my waves?" I immediately blushed, only to find out that she was referring to the sine wave on the oscilloscope. I said in a panic, "Your waves are good, but not smooth enough." I adjusted it for her conveniently. Who knew it was a triangle wave? Meimei immediately became anxious: "You accompany me to surf, you accompany me to surf …" I ran away.

25, my classmate's friend, relatively dull, may have a good face. A few years ago, I went to the North Film Examination and was admitted. What shall we ask him when I come back? He said that the examiner pretended to be an idiot and they all pretended to be the same. We said, "How do you pretend?" He said, "I'm not pretending. I just walked around and was chosen. ...

Mother often tells the sheep: "Don't sway when wearing a skirt;" Or the little boy will see the underwear inside! "

One day, Yangyang said happily to his mother, "Today I played on the swing with Xiaoming, and I won!" "

Mother said angrily, "didn't I tell you?" Don't put on a skirt! "

Yang Yang proudly said, "But I'm so smart! I took off my underwear so that he couldn't see my underwear! "

Melon vendor: "Come and eat watermelon, it's free if it's not sweet!" " "

Hungry Niu Niu: "Wow! Great, boss, have a sweet one! "

Mom told Shuangshuang to get up: "Get up quickly! The rooster has crowed several times! "

Both of them said, "What does a cock crow have to do with me? I am not a hen! "

On the bus, crab crab said, "I want to sleep with my mother tonight!"

Mother asked, "Did you sleep with your mother when you married your daughter-in-law?"

Crab crab said without thinking, "Hmm!"

Mom asked again, "What about your daughter-in-law?"

Crab crab thought for a long time and said, "It's very simple. Let her sleep with her father!"

Mom: "! @#$%^&*(……—"

Look at dad again, tears are already in my eyes!

Curious about navel everywhere, ask dad.

Dad simply explained the reason why the umbilical cord connects the fetus and the mother, saying, "After the baby left the mother, the doctor cut off the umbilical cord and tied it in a knot, which later became the navel."

Everywhere: "Why doesn't the doctor tie a bow?"

Father said to Tian Tian, "Don't go to school today. Last night ... your mother gave birth to two brothers for you. Just tell the teacher. "

Every day I answer: "Dad, I only said I gave birth to one; The other one, I want to stay until next week when I don't want to go to school! "

The scorpion was bitten by a mosquito as soon as it fell asleep.

He got up to catch mosquitoes, but he couldn't get out. No way, he pointed to the mosquito and said, "well, I'll go out if you don't go out!" "

As he spoke, he left the room, slammed the door hard and said proudly, "Hum! If I don't come in tonight, I will starve you to death! "

One day, Jiejie and her mother went shopping together. Walking on the road, it suddenly began to rain.

Mother took Jie Jie's little hand and said, "It's raining, run!" " "

Jie Jie asked slowly, "Then it won't rain ahead!" ? "

Aquarius asks his mother, "What do you mean by saying that Mr. Jiang is an ancestor?"

Mother said, "Because' ancestor' is the name of the deceased."

Bottles and jars said, "Should the deceased grandmother be called' fresh milk'?"

Dad told the fish that he often went hungry when he was a child.

Fish and fish had tears in their eyes after listening, and asked sympathetically, "Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have food?"