Two-part allegorical sayings humorous jokes stories ancient and modern jokes

Two-part allegorical sayings humorous jokes stories ancient and modern jokes

If you want to read a joke story, come to the joke column.

Tu Fang Jiliang

The quack is mediocre, but he has a hobby. Every time he hears or sees a good prescription, he likes to write it down.

Once, I saw a group of robbers on the road and hid in the Woods and grass to peek. Soon, a man came along, and the robbers squeezed out, robbed them of their belongings, stripped them naked and killed them. The victim happened to have intestinal gas, and after his head was cut off, his gas left.

The quack seemed to have discovered a secret, took out a pen and paper from his pocket and wrote: big doctor is experienced.

Ventilation for others

Someone is sick, and the doctor feels the pulse and says, you take my medicine, your stomach rings first, then your stool will be smooth, at least you can fart. Not long after I finished, I suddenly heard a fart. The doctor proudly said, What's the matter? Right?

The patient told him, "My brother put it there." .

The doctor's pride was swept away, so he had to falter and say, all right! All right!

Hell crime

Someone came back from the dead and said, "He entered the underworld and saw the prince interrogating Ji's family." He said, "When the Qi people invaded one year, you only sent 10,000 people to respond, and they were outnumbered, causing human lives. Another year of famine, you don't open the granary, you starve to death; You can't adjust well. There have been many floods and droughts, and many people have suffered. You should be convicted and put in prison. ? Ji kowtowed and pleaded guilty. Yan Luowang immediately sent the little devil to hell.

Hearing this, Mr. Wu sighed, If that's the case, then the underworld will create more hell!

Poems mocking myopia

Someone wrote a poem mocking myopia: Xiao Jun's eyes are too strange, so Gigi Lai asked who it was. The sun shone marbles through the window lattice, and the moon moved to pick up sticks.

I looked at the painted wall, black and blue, locked the book box and twisted my eyebrows. It's even more ridiculous. Blowing a lamp will burn the skin of your lips.

Tofu xiansheng

An owner is rich but stingy. He supplies tofu to his teacher for three meals a day and never changes his mind all year round.

At the expiration date, Mr. Wang filled in Linjiang Fairy and left it as a gift: countless fat chickens, countless fat geese and countless fat sheep. A few times, my eyes were full and my stomach was hungry. How can I survive? Eat tofu in the morning, tofu in the afternoon and tofu in the evening. If you want to invite a gentleman next year, unless you go to Pu 'an.

Lazy learning in four seasons

In the past, someone wrote a poem mocking lazy scholars. I didn't expect this poem to spread immediately, and it has been circulated until now.

The poem says: spring outing is not a study day, summer is just a hot day to sleep, autumn is bleak and boring, it is better to laugh till you are old.

Don't know the level

Someone gave a banquet in honor of Mr. Xue, who has been drinking heavily. When his wife was in a hurry, she took care of the waiter and held the bottle horizontally in front of the guests to show that he had finished drinking and told him not to drink.

This private school gentleman is in full swing, and he doesn't realize it at all. His wife was impatient and shouted in the back room, don't invite this gentleman, she doesn't even know the side of the bottle.

Poetry and ridicule each other.

A pedant teaches a master's child, and the master treats him badly. He wrote a poem and sneered, "It's my fault to come here this year. If you hang yourself, you have to find a big tree. The host family is as poor as lice, and the students are too lazy to be like snakes. " . Three meals of porridge are called rice, and four seasons clear soup is used as tea. Only in this way can teachers grow up, and the village is full of officials.

The shopkeeper retorted: It's my fault to hire a teacher at this age. Poetry is like a mouthful. Tao is to draw a tiger into a dog and a child into a snake. People who don't know astronomy and geography, only drink a cup of wine and a cup of tea, even those who do something wrong, miss it more or less.

Ignorance of book etiquette

There was a mediocre scholar by the sea who complained about family affairs when he met the county magistrate and pretended to be a Confucian disciple. Seeing his poor manners, the county magistrate reprimanded him and said, since you are a Confucian disciple, why don't you understand manners?

I grew up by the sea. How could I not even know about carp? Carp has the Big Dipper, and people who believe in Taoism don't eat it.

The magistrate said, I'm talking about the gift in the book. Who asked you about carp? Angrily want to whip the scholar.

The scholar recognized that the book was a beard again, and quickly argued, Your Excellency made a mistake. We need catfish, not carp!

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