The funniest set of jokes

1. A fat man and a thin man are driving through the mountains. The car broke down and no one came to repair it until this afternoon. Two hungry people climbed two mountains and finally found a remote town. There is a small restaurant in the town, but they walked into one, came out, walked into another and came out again ... Finally, they were so hungry that the thin man begged: "Director, no invoice, no invoice!" "

Xiao Li of the hospital came to the dean with a sad face. Xiao Li said, "Dean, I want to resign. I can't stand it. "

Dean: "What's the matter, young man? You did a good job in the urine test department. Why did you resign? "

Xiao Li: "As you know, I just changed my job, and my previous professional habits made me unsuitable for a urine test!" " "

Dean: "What did you do?"

Xiao Li: "wine taster"

Dean: "Ouch ~"

3. Talk to my colleagues. The photos taken before were beautiful, but now they are getting uglier and uglier. Colleagues simply said: Now the pixels are getting higher and higher.

Water has been cut off for several days, and everyone can only use bottled water for everything. A female colleague thought bottled water was expensive and useless, and said, "I just opened a bucket to wash my face, and there was only half a bucket left!" " Another colleague said, "water is still very useful, but your face is big!" " "

5. Me: "Waiter, the steak I ordered has been over half an hour, and it's not ready yet? It's already midnight 1 1 point! "

Attendant: "Don't worry, sir. Our store is open 24 hours a day. "

I ...

I went to the bank to withdraw money. After a limited operation time, my bank card was swallowed. I was in a state of ignorance at that time. The staff told me: beauty, you can just go to the counter tomorrow ... I said: it swallowed my card, and there is not much money in it. I will wait, maybe it will dislike having no money and spit it out for me ...?

The staff said: it has a good appetite and is not picky about food. It tastes great! Don't worry, you can never eat too little meat!

7. In high school, my deskmate was a beautiful sister paper, and my hands were frostbitten and festered in winter. At that time, the school brought its own lunch box to cook and washed it after eating. I think her hands are poor. I washed her lunch boxes for two winters.

One night when she was studying by herself, she whispered in my ear, "Would you like to wash my lunch box for life?" As soon as I heard it, I got angry: "It was agreed that I would wash it in winter, you would wash it in summer, and you would wash it? Still want to lie to me to wash for a lifetime, dreaming!

8. Before Mulan joined the army for her father, she bought horses in Dongshi, saddles in Xishi, reins in Heather and whips in Beishi. Hearing this, the general asked, "Mulan, are you disguised as a man?" Mulan asked in surprise, "How does the general know?" The general said, "Men don't go to four markets in a row to buy this."

9. When I came back from the night shift and stopped at the first floor, I heard a child crying in the room, and his mother lied to him that there was a ghost outside. In the spirit of helping others, I screamed in horror and both of them cried.

10, Male A: My blood type is B, so is my wife's blood type, and I gave birth to a baby. Man b: the child won't be type 2 b.