Draw a sword joke

1. A dying man made a will to his wife: "When I die, I hope you can marry our neighbor Mr. Ed." The wife was puzzled, so she explained, "Two years ago, the cow that this bastard sold me couldn't milk at all. Now I want him to feel cheated!"

Dad told the fish that he was often hungry when he was a child. Fish and fish had tears in their eyes: "Well, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have food?"

3. A train passed a mountainous area, and farmers came to watch along the way. A female guest on the bus had a holiday and went out of the window after changing the paper.

Flying head-on in a farmer's face, the farmer took it off and said, "Wow! ! ! The train is fast, and a piece of paper can make my nose bleed.

My three-year-old daughter often says to me, "Dad, don't you understand what you are planting?" I said, "Yes, you reap what you sow." The daughter said happily, "Then I grow jelly. I want a lot of jelly."

The two fathers and sons are violent and never let people down. One day, the father ordered his son to buy meat to entertain guests. When I came back, I met a man who refused to give way at the city gate. After standing for a long time, my father ran over: "Good son, you take the meat first, and I will stand next to you!" "

A joke may be just a phrase, a short story or a series of words, which makes the speaker and communicator feel funny or humorous. The difference between action jokes and oral jokes is that action jokes affect people's vision and make people feel funny.

6. One day, there were many people on a bus. When the conductor was buying a ticket, suddenly a person farted, and everyone on the bus felt uncomfortable breathing and scolded the uncivilized man.

At this time, the conductor shouted, "Who didn't buy a ticket?"

A passenger replied, "The man who farted just now didn't buy a ticket!" " "

Then a man stood up and shouted, "Who said I didn't buy a ticket!" " "

7. Mom told Xiao Shuang to get up: "Get up quickly! The rooster has crowed several times! "

Xiao Shuang said, "What does a cock crow have to do with me? I am not a hen! "

Give a few examples:

Bush visited the nursing home.

One day, Bush decided to go to a local nursing home in Washington.

The president went in from the lobby of the nursing home, and a little old man came face to face, who didn't seem to notice him.

Unhappy, Bush turned to catch up with the little old man and asked, "Do you know me?"

The little old man looked at Bush and said, "I don't know you. You can go to the nursing station and they will tell you who it is. "

Lawyers and pickpockets

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a pickpocket?

A: Once you are dead, pickpockets will stop staring at you.

3 the difference between opportunities and opportunities

Teacher: ~ ~ ~, what's the difference between chance and opportunity? ~~~~

Student: ~ ~ ~

Your family is really poor.

Your family is too poor. I just stepped out a cigarette and entered your house when your father shouted, "Hey, who turned off the heating?"

five

Idiot, this is not for him.

An old lady was walking on the road, a pigeon flew by, and a pool of pigeon droppings fell on her head.

The old lady said, "Quick, get a piece of toilet paper."

"Why? Now he is at least half a kilometer away from us. "

6 childbirth

A little boy wants to finish the homework left by his teacher and write a composition about "childbirth".

He asked his mother, "How was I born?"

Mother said a little uneasily, "dear, our ancestors brought you to us."

"Oh, then how were you and dad born?"

"Well, our ancestors gave birth to us."

"Well, how were grandparents born?"

"Well, dear, they are also Mr. Zu's."

The little boy seems to understand.

A few days later, the little boy handed in his composition. The teacher looked at it and couldn't understand the first sentence. "This composition is not easy to write, because none of our three generations was born."

7 college students' graduation self-evaluation

Hurry, hurry, time really runs faster than rabbits. I can still remember the scene when I was wearing a green military uniform in the sun when I was a freshman, and I soon arrived at the third year of high school. Looking back on the road we have traveled in the past four years, I feel that I have gained a lot. These four years have not been wasted. Now I summarize as follows.

Politically, I am actively close to the party organization. I have reported my thoughts to party member, the only student in my class, and Li Xiaohua, secretary of the Communist Youth League, many times in written or oral form. Although she has been maliciously thinking that I am up to no good and pursuing her, she refused my single date and let it go without reading the written report I gave her. Heaven and earth conscience, from the heart, I do have a good impression on Li Xiaohua, but I will never confuse my great personal beliefs with my children's affair. Although my pursuit has been hit again and again, it can't shake my belief in joining * * *.

I am honest and humble. The road is bumpy, draw your sword to help. When I was at home, I saw a big cock always bullying the little hen. I tried to climb on the back of the little hen several times and pecked the little hen's shallow red comb with my mouth. Isn't this bullying the weak? I was so angry that I picked up a hoe and smashed the rooster into a comminuted fracture. Another time at school, I checked the information online at 3 o'clock in the middle of the night and went back to the dormitory. In the bushes not far from the dormitory, there was a painful voice of a girl whining. I ran over without thinking and found a boy riding on a girl. How dare you arrest our girl at midnight and fight? At that time, I knocked the man out and rescued the lovely unkempt little girl. Although I spent more than 4000 yuan to see a doctor afterwards, I always thought it was worthwhile and was often moved by my heroic behavior. There are also problems such as eating flies in school canteens and charging too much for school textbooks, all of which have been exposed on TV and newspapers. I reported them. Although no one has come to reward me, I think a person should be an upright person.

I treat people warmly. Last time Li Xiaohua's father came to school, I got the news in advance and sent him to school from the railway station. I saw that her father had no place to live, so I took the initiative to vacate the bed. Although Li Xiaohua didn't accept my kindness, my faith in others' enthusiasm hasn't changed. I am convinced that as long as everyone gives a little love, the world will become a beautiful world. I am willing to help others. In order to help students with financial difficulties, I gave up the opportunity to clean the classroom and dormitory and gave it to a poor student in my class in the form of money, which is far better than just donating money to him, that is, taking care of the poor student's face and cultivating his concept of self-reliance.

I love my Chinese major and strive to cultivate my profound literary foundation. In the past four years, I watched more than12,000 discs day and night on the computer in the Internet cafe, and got a comprehensive understanding of the world film and television art. I am also familiar with the works of modern famous writers such as Jin Yong, Gu Long, Wen Ruian and Liang Yusheng, and have learned them by heart. In order to improve my observation ability, I specially bought a telescope to secretly observe the life of the girl in the opposite building. My accumulation has greatly improved my literary accomplishment and writing level. More than 300 literary works such as poems, essays, novels and jingles have been published on desks, toilet boards and dormitory walls.

In order to improve my quality in an all-round way to meet the needs of society, I taught myself mahjong, poker, table tennis, dancing, drinking and other skills needed by modern society, and they were almost perfect. I have also tasted the sweetness from these skills, and I can basically support myself. Last New Year's Day, I didn't go home. In just two days, I earned a year's tuition and three months' living expenses by mahjong. I like music and singing is very powerful. Students can often hear my loud and clear singing in the bathroom, bathhouse and corridor in the middle of the night. The whole building is sleepless for me.

A joke network/joke;

I love sports to the point of madness. I often miss the three major leagues in Europe. My table tennis level is the highest in my class. When I was a sophomore, our class organized a table tennis match for men and women. Although we boys lost, in terms of losing points, I was the least. I am also good at boxing, diving and swimming. Because there is no venue and opponents, my level can't be played.

In a word, the university gave me a lot, but I got very little in return. The four-year tuition fee is 20 thousand yuan, and I haven't paid a penny yet! I'm ashamed of it! Really ashamed!

1- Teacher: Xiao Xin, please use "dilemma" to make a sentence. Xiao Xin: I was in a dilemma during the exam. Teacher: Are you in a dilemma because you can't answer the question? Xiao Xin: No, left and right students have different answers, which puts me in a dilemma.

2- A college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, where are you from? I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted. He said, I'm from TV University!

3- Sister: "Little sister, what are you doing?"

Sister: "I am writing to my good friend Dawa."

Sister: "Can you write before school?"

Sister: "It doesn't matter, because Dawa can't read."

4- A hunter went hunting in the jungle with his wife and mother-in-law, walked all day, and camped in the depths of the jungle that night. The next morning, my wife woke up and found her mother gone. She quickly woke the hunter and went out to find someone together. As a result, in the open space not far from the camp, they saw a shocking scene: the mother-in-law and a fierce lion were deadlocked face to face. "What shall we do?" The wife asked in panic. "No need!" Mr. Wang replied: "This lion has provoked the wrong person himself, let it find a way to solve it!" " "

5- Reporter Interview with Panda: What are your wishes in this life? Panda said: Two ideals. First, I have time to see Chinese medicine to cure my dark circles. Second, I just want to take a color photo.

6- When a swimming pool is built in one place, the staff will mobilize everyone to donate. The staff said to an old farmer, what are you going to donate to this swimming pool? The old farmer said, "I donate two buckets of water!" " "

7- Kitten: My mother is a master and my father is a doctor. Xiao Xin: What's the big deal! Kitten: Who are your parents? Xiao Xin: My father is a man and my mother is a woman.

A gecko got lost in front of the securities company. At this time, a big crocodile just crawled over and prepared to eat it in one bite. In desperation, the little gecko hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted, "Mom!" " The crocodile was shocked and then burst into tears: "Son, you just lost half a month in stock trading!" "

9- something seems to be wrong. I lost three wives in three months. "

"What's the matter?"

"The first lady died after eating poisonous straw mushroom."

"What about the second wife?"

"I also ate poisonous straw mushrooms and died."

"What about the three?"

"She refused to eat the poisonous straw mushroom, and died of a broken skull."

10-The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"

"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "

1 1- four nuns

After the death of four nuns, God has to decide whether to go to heaven or hell. So four people lined up for God's interrogation. First, God asked the first nun if she had done anything wrong to God before she died, so the first nun said that she had seen a boy's penis. God said, "It doesn't matter. Just wash her eyes with this basin of holy water, so she went to heaven after washing. " The second nun said that she touched the boy's penis, and God told her to wash her hands with this holy water, so she also went to heaven. When the third nun was about to say, the fourth nun asked God if he could interrogate her first. God asked her why she did this, and she said, "I don't want to rinse my mouth with the water she washed her ass!" " "

12- There are two good friends who are inseparable at ordinary times. They should wear the same clothes to show their friendship. One day, they came to a restaurant for dinner, and the waiter brought them two plates of soup. One plate was embarrassed by a dead fly, and the other plate shouted at the waiter, "Why are the two plates of soup different?" We want exactly the same thing. "

13- The professor in the law class assigned everyone to read articles about civil rights. The next day, the professor asked Tom to say 10 civil rights. Tom didn't answer. The professor said, "OK, say five!" "Tom still didn't make any noise, so the professor had to say helplessly," All you have to do is say 1, and you will pass. " Tom replied, "I have the right to remain silent! " "

14-One day, 0 and 8, 6 and 9 met in the street. 0 disdainfully looked at 8 and said: Fat is fat. Why wear a belt! 6 without looking at 9, he said: Cool is cool, don't stand upside down!

15- The husband didn't come home for another night, and the wife couldn't stand it anymore. Early in the morning, the husband pushed the door into the house, and his wife knocked him unconscious with a wooden stick that had already been prepared. When he woke up, he said apologetically, "honey, I'm sorry, I forgot you were working the night shift!" " "

Jokes don't care about the length, sometimes just a few words can make everyone laugh, such as:

1A: My two marriages failed.

B: What's the matter?

The first wife left.

How about the second one?

She won't leave.

Jokes are made up of words. Most of them are short, and people will laugh.

1 day, DH meets MK and says, "Shorty." MK got angry and used "God came to earth". When he grew taller, he said to DH, "Shorty." DH becomes a demon and flies (screen effect) and says, "Shorty." MK was speechless and walked away in confusion.

1 day, MK saw the knight on horseback, taller than him, and said (read in Japanese), "You land and dismount." The knight dismounted, MK 1. Look, the knight got off the horse and was taller than him. He said, "You, get down."

1 day, the prophet saw the blade master using the blade master storm at the orc base and asked, "blade master, what are you doing?" There are no enemies here! " The blade master ignored him. At the meeting of 1, the blade master stopped, holding a long stick with clothes on it. The Prophet 1 looked silly, and the blade master said, "Finally." The prophet fell.

The story of the death knight

The death knight went to the mercenary camp to recruit mercenaries, and wanted to go to the bathroom halfway. I don't know where is convenient.

But I can't hold it any longer, alas, this is urgent.

Finally, there is no way out ... alas, there is! ? The death knight's hand is the sadness of ice, so he pulls it on the sword, then throws it up, and whoosh-throws it up the tree.

Just then, an elf came to hire him and looked up, huh?

Embarrassed, the death knight quickly pulled the elf aside, took out a heavy gold coin of Warcraft and whispered, "I'll give you a gold coin." Don't tell anyone about it. "

The genie also whispered, "I'll give you ten gold coins, and you tell me how to pull them up."