Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Three? Father's sister
Three? Father's sister
Mom said Third Aunt was thirteen when she came to our house. That year, my father died of illness, and my mother gave birth to me that year.
In my impression, my third aunt always wears a blue coat and black trousers, dragging a thick, long and black big braid on her back, knitting a red Suu bow and dancing around her ass. Mom also said that Third Aunt was a thin, weak and dirty little girl when she came, but she didn't expect to become a big girl with big breasts and fat hips. She is incapable of raising a good child. I can't say for sure what role Third Aunt plays in our family. Anyway, all ages are willing to listen to her, inside and out, up and down. Maybe it's because she doesn't talk much but often laughs? Mom said that Sanyi is kind-hearted and popular.
We are eight brothers and sisters. I am a redundant old student and my father's disaster. Plus thin and sick, always crying, making the whole family unhappy. Mom said I didn't die because I had my third aunt, who was my half-brother.
After my father died, my mother became the top leader inside and outside. Things to arrange outside, a lot of housework to take care of. So I'm so tired and bored all day, where can I worry? And the busier my mother is, the more I stumble with her and cry with a runny nose and tears. Only the third aunt will put down her work and take me over. She untied her big breasts and put me in her arms. I patted my back and hummed, "Oh, oh! Little Bayer is asleep. " Because I always follow them around, my third aunt calls me Xiao Baer. ) My cold little hand will be immediately inserted into her warm armpit, and my purple little face will be buried in the canyon between her two peaks. A warm current spread all over my body, and soon I fell asleep in my third aunt's arms. Snuff and tears had to flow in the canyon.
Mother and third aunt stayed up all night. There are no ready-made clothing stores in the country, and the clothes of adults and children are sewn and mended at night. Especially the kind of shoes that crop after crop, from the collection of soles to the completion, who meets who is in a hurry. But I have never seen my third aunt frown. Mother also often praises Third Aunt for her strong hands and tight needles and a pair of shoes to wear. One night in the middle of the night, I was awakened by urine. The third aunt under the oil lamp heard that I had to pee, so she quickly put down her needle and thread and dragged me naked out of bed and into the yard. Take me back to the kang after urinating. At this time, Sanyi tugged at my penis with two fingers and pretended to make a fuss: "Come and see, Xiao Baer has grown into a big man!" " "My mother and I are very confused. Suddenly I saw Third Aunt magically pull out a blue cloth belt bigger than her slap from behind and waved it in front of me. " Don't be shameless! Wear it and get married! "Then he dressed me, patted my crotch and said," Will you stop pulling my crotch naked? "Since then, I have been surrounded by the protection of three aunts, and this line of defense has not yet withdrawn from the position.
The end of the old calendar that year, as Lu Xun said, was like the end of the old calendar after all. The taste of the year is strong. The most active people are children, who not only look forward to lighting noisy fireworks, but also want to wear bright new clothes for the New Year. However, I counted the new clothes and shoes piled up on the kang table countless times, and none of them were mine. My heart suddenly sank to the bottom, and at night I clamored for them to buy me new clothes. Mother refused to take care of it, and Third Aunt just giggled. I cried, rolled on the kang and cried. My third aunt was so anxious that she quickly pulled me up to comfort me and said, "What's the hurry? This is your new dress, made by a fairy in the sky. Don't you believe it? Don't sleep tonight, wait for the fairy to send it to you, this is the most beautiful new dress! " Lying under the covers, I really can't sleep. I always look at doors and windows, expecting the arrival of fairies. However, the fairy just didn't come, only saw Sanyi flying around under the oil lamp, and the limited aperture was full of brilliance, gradually turning her beautiful image into a fairy. Fine jade hands weave beautiful rosy clouds. With the sunlight shining, I entered a colorful dream.
I woke up from my dream and heard sparrows making noises on the eaves and hens flapping their wings in the yard. A ray of morning light fell on the kang through the lattice window lattice. I suddenly found my dream new suit next to my pillow. Third aunt sat wearily on the edge of the kang and smiled mysteriously at me: "I didn't lie to you, did I?" Get up and put it on quickly, so that you can go out to pay a New Year call! "New shoes and pants, and a brand-new blue robe. This is the most fashionable, beautiful and satisfying gown I wear for the first time and for the last time in my life. I danced with joy and had an epiphany at the same time: the immortal is the third aunt, and the third aunt is the immortal. I was so excited that I suddenly kissed my third aunt on the face. I only heard my mother shouting behind me, "I forgot my nose again!" " "I hurried back, and I saw a snot sticking to my aunt's cheek. Third aunt wiped it and held out her hand to show it to her mother: "What a sticky paste!" " "Then my mother and I laughed together. This is the first time I have heard such a hearty and happy laugh. Really, I will never forget it.
At the end of summer, there are often some black cylindrical insect excrement fragments under the old locust tree in front of the door. At the same time, you will find many green insects hanging on the tree with silver wires, hanging in mid-air and fluttering in the wind. It is really a beautiful wonder. At this time, a group of children cheered under the tree, tied silver wires with hemp poles, and hung green bugs in their hands to play. At the same time, they shouted in unison: "Eat food!" Who would have thought, just as we were having fun, suddenly Third Aunt came running angrily and shouted at the children, "Go away! Get out! " He grabbed the hemp stalk from my hand, swept the caterpillars hanging under the tree, and dragged me home until all the caterpillars landed. Scold all the way: "damn it, it's disgusting!" Mom didn't give me a good look either, saying, "It's time to fight!" " I've never seen my third aunt get angry. I'm really scared. But I want to know where we are wrong. I dare not ask questions, so I have to stay on the kang honestly for a day.
Later mom made it clear. Third aunt has an aunt. One evening in the winter when she was fifteen, her grandfather went to the "leisure city" in front of the king's temple as usual. While the idle men were talking nonsense, a woman called the dog home: "Dog-oh-oh-! Dog-oh oh-!" This is a common dog barking in a small village every evening, but it is discussed by idle China people, and the banter is mixed with obscenity. Third aunt's grandfather said, "Do you understand? This is a code word, not a dog, but a person! " Unexpectedly, the angry husband who scolded the dog turned and pointed to the nose of his third aunt and said, "What is that?" A half-baked wife is not afraid of jokes! How dare you talk about me? Who hasn't seen your daughter Huang Hua seduce a vendor of Dongtuan under an old locust tree in broad daylight? Well done, clean up your shameful roots before talking about others! "Say that finish, bitterly left. Grandpa San Gu stood there, choked to death. And the country's idle Han took the opportunity to boo, a lewd laugh, dispersed in a hubbub. Third aunt's grandfather came home and saw a piece of red cloth on the kang. In fact, my third aunt bought it in the street, which has nothing to do with her daughter. However, the defender, who has always been proud of his innocence, was furious when he saw the flower cloth, grabbed his daughter and beat her indiscriminately. Let your wife explain. It's no use begging on your knees. Finally, I threw a rope in front of my daughter and left home.
Before dawn, someone knocked at the door of Dongtuan vendor's house, and a person threw the things on his shoulder into the yard and slipped away quietly. When the vendor lit the lamp, he saw a female corpse lying across the yard with a rope around her neck. Scared the vendors out of their wits. It is said that the peddler has lost all his money and left home, and has never been heard from again. And this terrible, tragic, sad shadow, as well as the immoral behavior of framing others, has been pressing the third aunt's house. To this end, my third aunt and father, our second master, rushed to Kanto from an early age and didn't go home to marry a daughter-in-law until we dug up an old man's ginseng. The shadow naturally oppresses Third Aunt's sisters, so it is understandable that she turns pale when she hears the word "foodie".
? In the past two years, every spring season, my foreign cousin always comes to my house for a few days, which is a happy time for me. My uncle will take me to the market. Besides buying some sugar balls, I will also buy some gadgets I like. Sometimes my third aunt and I take them to the West Garden to enjoy flowers for a walk. In the evening, we all sat on the kang and listened to my uncle's story about his trip to the East. Everyone was fascinated. Especially the third aunt sighed when she heard her uncle's troubles, and was in high spirits when she heard his uncle's achievements. Mother jokingly said to her uncle, "His third aunt is fascinated by you. As long as you come, her cheeks will be red with red clouds and her dimples will sink deeper. The almond eyes are clear and charming and affectionate ... "Third aunt hit her mother, grabbed her hand and covered her face. Uncle hurried to clear the way and said, "You really don't understand good words! It turns out that my sister-in-law is still a great poet! " Everyone laughed and the room was full of warmth.
One noon, I was training my sparrows on the kang. Unexpectedly, the old black cat suddenly jumped up and took my beloved baby away. I gave a cry. The old black cat didn't leave the sparrow, but fled to the house with the sparrow in her mouth. I quickly got off the kang, picked up the fire stick in front of the stove and chased it to the West Garden. The old black cat turned over the peony flowers and got into the bamboo forest. I followed. Through the cracks in the bamboo leaves, I was stunned by a scene: deep in the bamboo forest, my chubby third aunt was snuggling in the arms of the tall uncle, lifting her face and kissing him. My aunt's aunt has been lifted up, and my uncle's big hand is pressed on the snow-covered canyon I am familiar with ... I don't know why, I suddenly feel that I have been robbed of something more precious than a sparrow, and two lines of tears burst into my eyes. Forget black cats and sparrows, the atmosphere dare not leave the bamboo forest.
When I got home, I told my mother about the discovery of Xiyuan. Unexpectedly, the words changed hands before they were finished: "You have sharp eyes and a long mouth. Forget it, if you make a big mistake, I'll kill you! " I dare not reply again, because I cried because of injustice. At this time, Sanyi and her uncle entered the village together. Third aunt said to her mother, "Don't hit the child, I dare to do something." Even if my father finds out, I'm not afraid. I won't hang myself like my aunt. "Mom smiled:" That's good! So, you are' thieves don't fight, but they recruit themselves in three years'? "
The next day, my mother took me to Mr. Zhong's house to protect my third aunt in front of Mr. Zhong and his mistress. On the morning of the tenth day, my mother took out a brand-new dress and dressed up her third aunt beautifully: sky-blue Ren Dan Shilin cloth coat, turtleneck coat, blue muslin trousers, wide-angle stitching, red satin shoes, and embroidered while running. Look at the third aunt dressed up and say, "Don't forget your sister-in-law!" Mother said to her uncle, "What a beautiful daughter-in-law! Are you satisfied? I promise first. I won't forgive you for bullying Third Sister! " Uncle quickly said, "No,no." "
Sent to the village head, mother took the third aunt's hand and put a pair of glittering king bracelets on her, saying, "Keep it as a souvenir and think of my sister-in-law!" " I shed tears first, and a pool of clear water swirled in my aunt's eyes. I suddenly hugged my third aunt's leg and cried and said, "I don't want my third aunt to go!" " I won't let my third aunt go! "Three aunts from mother's hand, squatted down to hold my face. The clear spring in her eyes poured out, filled the dimples and dripped on my face. She held my head and the girls cried together. Or did my mother pull my third aunt up to my uncle and really let my uncle take her away?
Tears blurred my eyes, and I only saw the back of my third aunt who had gone away. Also, a red butterfly is flying under the blue sky.
Auxiliary redundancy:
Last autumn, I went to the northeast to do grain business. When I came back, I passed by the big city and went to visit my third aunt specially. She is an old lady with a full house of children and grandchildren. She is still fat and laughs so often. She is the real Nile Buddha. To tell the truth, I stared at the canyon between the two peaks at the top of her potbellied belly for a long time. I finally understood what I was robbed of in the bamboo forest: the nest of chicks, the cradle of children, the love of mothers and the dreams of children.
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