Cold jokes about traditional Chinese medicine

"Doctor, I can't sleep well. What do you suggest? " "You can drink a glass of milk or eat an apple before going to bed."

"But didn't you tell me not to eat before going to bed six months ago?" "Yes, I did, but medicine has taken a big step forward since then!"

2, tooth extraction

Sam: "Dad, that doctor didn't pull out his teeth painlessly as reported in the newspaper."

Dad: "Do you feel pain?"

Sam: "No. However, when I bit his thumb, he screamed like other dentists. "

3. Cure white hair

"Excuse me, doctor, is there any way to prevent white hair?"

"The cure for white hair is complete baldness." When taking medicine, "doctor, I can't take the medicine you prescribed for me."

Eat it. "

"Why can't I eat?" The doctor was very surprised.

"I feel sick and uncomfortable at the sight of medicine! What should I do? "

"That's not easy! Look elsewhere when taking medicine! "

4. Good prescription

Patient: "Doctor, what is the best way to lose weight?"

Doctor: "Turn your head from right to left, then from left to right, and shake your head like this."

Patient: "When have you ever exercised like this?"

Doctor: "When someone treats you."

5. What subject do you study?

Medical student: "Dad, I want to specialize in heart surgery."

Sophisticated father: "How many hearts does a person have?"

Student: "Only one."

Father: "How many teeth are there?"

Student: "32."

6. Love letters

A girl walked into the drugstore with a letter and said shyly to the pharmacist, "Please take a look at this letter for me!" " "The pharmacist asked curiously," didn't you go to school? The girl replied, "Why didn't I go to school?" I graduated from technical secondary school. This letter is from my boyfriend. He is a doctor and only a pharmacist can recognize his handwriting. "

7. I noticed

The municipal health inspection team is coming, but the only toilet in a street has not been cleaned, and it stinks. Lao Li, the street director, saw that time was running out and it was too late to send someone. He had a brainwave, found a piece of paper and wrote the following words:

"This toilet is going to be demolished, and it is forbidden to use it!" Then stick it on the toilet door.

After the inspection team arrived, they praised the street sanitation, but when the city leaders left, they said, "There is only one toilet in such a big street. Why should it be demolished?"

Old Harry bent down and said over and over again, "Oh, we noticed, we noticed!" " "

8. I can't think of any medicine

The young doctor cured the patient, but he still looked sad.

The old doctor asked, "didn't you cure the patient?" What are you worried about? "

Young doctor: "But I can't figure out which medicine I used to cure his illness."

9. be broad-minded

I had a toothache for two nights at the weekend, and went to the dentist early on Sunday, but there was a beautiful woman who was earlier than me. She accidentally fell and knocked out two front teeth, trembling with anxiety.

The dentist tried his best to reassure her and said, "I can fix it for about 20 years, and I can make another pair later." Your appearance will never be damaged or hurt. "

But it is no use letting him comfort her. The girl is still very nervous. I think he needs to sedate her. I saw the dentist leaning down and whispering in her ear, "Even if he kissed you, he wouldn't notice."

Her whole body relaxed at once, because she finally heard something that really reassured her.

10, new therapy

The patient complained to the doctor, "I am in too much pain." I always see groups of ghosts squatting on my fence in my dreams, which is inevitable every night. What should I do? "

The doctor asked, "Is your fence made of wood?"

The patient nodded.

The doctor simply said, "Hurry back and sharpen the fence!" "

1 1. Prescription

Sister Liu, the doctor's neighbor, said softly, "doctor, my fat pig hasn't eaten for days." Please prescribe a dose of medicine! " "

"Whose name should I write?"

Liu Sao said without hesitation: "The child is his father."

12, sweating

A medical college student suffered from exams, and many problems made him unable to cope. One of the questions is: How do you make patients sweat?

He replied, "I can make him sweat a lot as long as he is admitted to our college."

13, medical humpback

There is a doctor who specializes in humpback whales. He said, "Even if it is bent like a bow and shrimp, as long as it is cured by me, it will be straight immediately."

A hunchback believed it and went to the door for help.

The doctor brought two boards, one on the ground, and let the hunchback lie on it; The other piece is pressed on him, tied tightly with a rope, and trampled hard with your feet.

The back is straight, but people are also pinched to death.

Everyone went to the doctor to reason, and the doctor said, "I cured my hunchback." I don't care if people are straight! " "

14, dead angle

Once upon a time, there was a Confucian scholar who wanted to be a doctor. He often treats people without medicine boxes, with empty hands and hazy eyes. After taking the pulse, ask the owner for paper, ink, pen and inkstone, make a list, and then ask the patient to take medicine and decoct medicine. As a result, Confucian scholars prescribed several prescriptions and several patients were executed. People angrily asked him what prescription he had prescribed, and Confucian scholars said, "Your generation doesn't know. I am driving the same kind of death. "

15, the emperor is like a god.

There was a doctor named Chen in the Ming Dynasty, who often went in and out of the palace gate because of the war with Zhu Yuanzhang. Zhu Yuanzhang trusted and cared about him very much, and often talked with him about the hardships and obstacles of leading troops to fight and capture mountains and rivers. One day, Zhu Yuanzhang asked him, "Who am I like the previous generation?" Chen replied: "Like Shennong." Zhu Yuanzhang asked him why, and Chen said, "If you are not like Shennong, how can you taste a hundred herbs?" Zhu Yuanzhang suddenly realized this. It turned out that during the war years, when the army ran out of food and grass, the soldiers had to dig some weeds and wild vegetables to satisfy their hunger. Zhu Yuanzhang shares weal and woe with everyone. Today's emperor is Long Fu. Zhu Yuanzhang thought of this and nodded and laughed.

16

Once upon a time, a child was ill. His father asked the doctor for a prescription and went back to cook soup for the child. Half an hour later, the child said that his stomach hurt badly. Father hurriedly told the doctor to see if there was any way to save it. The doctor said, "Don't be busy, it's a disease in which you are struggling with medicine." Half an hour later, his father hurriedly told the doctor that the child was dead. Hearing this, the doctor quickly applauded and said, "What do you think? After all, my medicine is brilliant, and your son can't beat it. "

17, county magistrate of drug abuse

There is a county magistrate in Qichun County, Hubei Province, who is bullying in the countryside, killing people like hemp, and people's grievances are boiling. In order to prolong life, one day, he invited Li Shizhen, a famous doctor in this county, and asked him to prescribe a nourishing prescription. Li Shizhen knew that he was greedy for money and violent, so he took advantage of the situation to write a prescription: Semen Platycladi 3 money, Fructus Chaenomelis 2 money, laurel 3 money, Radix Bupleuri 3 money, Fructus Alpiniae Oxyphyllae 2 money, Radix Aconiti lateralis 3 money, octagonal 2 money, Ginseng 1 money, Taiwan sugar 3 money, Shangdang 3 money and Yam 2 money. Write a prescription and leave. Because the county magistrate was very happy to get the prescription and didn't care about etiquette, he sent someone to get the medicine. The official knows a thing or two about writing and ink. When he saw the prescription, he knew the mystery and said to the county magistrate, "Your Excellency was scolded by the doctor." "This is obviously a prescription. How do you scold this official? " "You see, this is a Tibetan head square, which connects the names of every Chinese doctor:' A pair of cypress coffins (with official firewood), and eight people carry (Taiwan) up the mountain. ""Hearing this, the corrupt official paused and fainted to the ground.

18, determined to come today.

A foreign medical delegation visited China. One day I visited Shanghai and was received by a cadre who started from rebellion. The head of the delegation said: "Your country's Li Shizhen's contribution to Chinese medicine is really remarkable ..." The cadre immediately got up and asked the translator: "Is Comrade Li Shizhen there?" The translator got a fright and quickly waved to him, meaning that Li Shizhen was an ancient man who had already died, and told him to stop talking. But the cadre said knowingly: "Didn't come? Pick it up with a car! " The translator was so anxious that he scratched his scalp and had a brainwave that he had to interrupt and say, "Oh, he is having a haircut. Stop screaming. " But this ignorant cadre said majestically, "No, tell him to come at once." Helpless, the translator leaned down and whispered, "Li Shizhen belongs to the Ming Dynasty ..." Before the translator finished, the cadre was in a hurry to say, "The Ming Dynasty can't do it, so he must come today!"