Ask a few jokes.

Last week, someone bought a can of good wine and put it in the corridor. The next day, I found that it was one fifth less, so I posted the words "No stealing wine" on the barrel.

On the third day, the wine was two-fifths less. He was very angry and posted the words "heavy punishment for stealing wine"

On the fourth day, the wine was still stolen, only one-fifth of it was left, and my lungs were almost mad. When his friend knew it, he said to him, "Idiot! You won't stick the word' urine bucket' on the bucket to see who steals it, will you? " He felt reasonable and did it.

On the fifth day, he cried: the bucket was full. ...

The neighbor saw a little boy sitting on the steps crying.

"What's the matter, dear?" She asked.

"It's my dad." The child said, "He hit his finger with a hammer."

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because I just laughed."

3. Gastrointestinal diseases

An old man went to see a doctor and told him that there was something wrong with his stomach.

The doctor asked him, "Is your stool regular?"

"Very regular, defecate on time at eight o'clock every morning."

"Then what's your question?"

"The problem is that I don't get up until nine o'clock every morning."

Doctor: "..."

4, owe a beating

The barber shop met a buddy. After sitting down, the master asked him if he could wash his hair. He hesitated, agreed and chose shampoo. Master carefully washed his hair twice. Back in his seat, the master wiped his head and asked, "What are you doing?" This guy looked in the mirror for a long time and said, "I want to shave my head ..."

When you are in a bad mood, go to the supermarket to knead instant noodles, eat melon seeds, eat a few slices, crispy rice and French fries, then throw a lot of things at the cashier and come out empty-handed.

6. The customer was surprised and said, "Your thumb is in my soup."

The waiter said, "Nothing, I'm used to it. Not hot. "

7. There are three people in the family, called robbers and kitchen knives respectively, which is troublesome.

One day, the trouble disappeared. The robber came to the public security bureau with a kitchen knife.

Say to the police: "hello, I'm a robber." I brought a kitchen knife to make trouble. "

Eight or seven dollars

A woman took counterfeit money to buy breakfast. The stall owner was annoyed: "Elder sister, even if you give counterfeit money, at least it is printed. You actually took this money! " Forget drawing, to say the least. You can draw ten pieces, five pieces or seven pieces! "

9. Before marriage:

He: Long live, finally! I can't wait!

She: May I leave?

He: No! Don't even think about it!

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Will you betray me?

He: No, why do you think so?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: Anyway!

She: Can I trust you?

Read from bottom to top after marriage!

10, that's the smell.

Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it.

But no matter how good his daughter-in-law makes it, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the taste, you can make such terrible soup!" " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner.

She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! "

Once upon a time, Americans went sightseeing in Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel, and dig a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 』

12, school booking office: tickets are particularly tight now. If the train ticket you want is gone, will you obey the adjustment?

Me: Obey.

After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! !

School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment?