What do you think of the increasingly fierce and staggering cost comparisons for “white things” in rural areas?

According to rural people, the three most important things in a person's life are birth, marriage and death. Therefore, the occurrence of these three events is a major event for rural people.

But no matter how much we pay attention to it, we can’t compare ourselves to others and be extravagant and wasteful, right? What's more, some peasant families are not rich. The reason why they are like this is because they are afraid that outsiders will laugh at them if they don't. Therefore, it is necessary to do everything in a big way.

Personally, I think this approach is undesirable. To respect the elderly, we still need to work hard on caring for them.

In the Shandong area, influenced by Confucius and Mencius' Confucianism, there are many rules for "white affairs". Judging from my hometown in Jiaodong, which I am most familiar with, etiquette must not be messed up. This is a rule passed down from our ancestors. But on the day of the burial, the meal was mainly about filling up, and nothing too exaggerated was found.

There is a rule in rural areas of Jiaodong, "When a red thing is called, a white thing comes." Once a person "turns his head", there is no need for help from his family at all. My uncles, brothers and sisters-in-law will soon arrive. Help arrange the funeral bed, make the bald cakes for the offering, notify the principal, and notify relatives and friends everywhere. Generally, a village has a responsible person who arranges who will report to relatives, who will dig graves, and who will contact what. All the arrangements are in order.

In my hometown in the countryside, the simplest meal more than 20 years ago was when the sisters-in-law came to help. They used a large iron pot to boil a large pot of cabbage, tofu and stewed vermicelli, and then simmered it. A big pot of rice or something, just enough to fill you up.

However, with the improvement of living standards in rural areas, the meals eaten by "white things" have gradually become more varied. From stewing a large pot of food, it turned into a large pot of stir-frying. The variety of dishes has also changed from one to eight (8 people per table).

However, the custom of uncles, brothers and sisters-in-law working together has not changed. Those who light the fire, set the dishes, dig the vegetables, serve the plates, pour tea, water and rice...all are from the same family.

This is a large stove set outside. The firewood at the bottom of the stove is burning brightly, and the rural chef is cooking cauliflower in a spoon. Because I came back late from the funeral, the cooking started at 2 p.m.

Put the chopped onions, ginger, garlic and coriander in a large basin.

After frying a large pot of cauliflower, the farmer chef quickly brought over a large pot of celery. On the table next to it is a pot of cucumbers that have been patted and will be mixed with minced garlic and pork head for salad later.

Beside, there were people watching the cooking and exchanging a few words.

My wives are helping to divide the big pot of food into plates. There are strict rules in the rural areas of Jiaodong. Even if you eat the simplest dishes, you have to put them in a good place and sit down at each table before you start eating.

Look, it’s such a simple dining table and simple stools. The tableware is also very simple, but there is no shortage of wine glasses, teapots, cups, cigarettes, wine, drinks, and napkins.

Mainly dishes, nothing too expensive. Stir-fried green vegetables, stir-fried green peppers, stir-fried jade gourds, stir-fried cauliflower, stewed tofu with cabbage, stir-fried bean sprouts, cold cucumbers, and the only meat dish, stir-fried chicken nuggets.

Eight people at a table, eating such a meal, is a medium standard among the "white things" in our rural areas. The most important days for funerals in Jiaodong rural areas are "May 7th" and "Three Years of Burning", when sacrifices and horses are held, and the ceremony is as grand as a wedding banquet.

Personally, I feel that this simple and frugal way of eating is not only respectful to the deceased, but also considerate of the grief of the host family. It is also in line with our Chinese nation. The tradition of thrift and diligence. People cannot be resurrected, and comparisons are not allowed. It is better to act within one's ability. What do you think?

Birth, old age, illness and death are inevitable in life, and it is also a fact to deal with trivial matters. For thousands of years, funerals have always been valued. Everyone hopes that the deceased can be buried in a beautiful way. Many people often regard it as a "measure" of filial piety for their children.

In recent years, funeral forms have also undergone great changes. As for "competition has become more and more intense and the cost is staggering", my opinion is: etiquette and rules are more important everywhere, and the "cost is staggering"

"The conclusion of the coffin" is that people come and go at the funeral, and it is well-known by everyone. It can reflect from one aspect the behavior of the deceased during his lifetime or his descendants. Therefore, whether you are in a city or a rural area, you will not rush the funeral, it will be simple. In fact, funerals for urban people are grander and more expensive than those in rural areas. Just for the banquet, the expenditure is several times that of rural people.

The funeral of rural people, in our local area, generally lasts for five days. The old folk rules are complicated, and the funeral offerings are not "high-end". The coffin and clothing of the deceased are less than 10,000 yuan, and other The funeral costs about 20,000. Those with more than 40,000 to 50,000 are only those who are not rich or have public officials. The cap for ordinary people is only 20,000. I very much question the statement that "comparisons over rural funerals are getting more intense". This is not to say that all rural affairs are "compared with each other". Rural funeral arrangements may have their own "unspeakable secrets"

The formation of customs and habits. Life and hard work have given future generations hope to thrive. There is always a need to pay tribute to the deceased, thus forming a funeral culture. If there is a deceased person, they have to be confined there, and it gradually becomes a custom. And the fewer places there are, the easier and more consistent it is.

Nowadays, we advocate changing customs and doing things simply, but the results are very small. If there are no hard measures, it may take decades or even longer. It is because customs that are limited to a few villages can be formed within a few years, and then are recognized by everyone. They are "according to the script" and are considered to be "ancient" customs that cannot be changed and can only be passed on.

A way to "show" filial piety. Funeral etiquette requires the participation of the entire family members, not to mention the "support" of close relatives. Usually a highly respected person in the village holds the position of general manager. Then, the deputy general manager, book rites, serving dishes, boiling water, greeting (accompanying) guests, etc. will be "appointed" and a temporary "funeral deacon committee" will be "organized" to ensure that everyone has a clear division of labor and is responsible for all funeral affairs throughout the process.

This is why the funeral was so grand. All the tribesmen rushed back from all directions, and relatives and friends also arrived as promised. From the death to the burial, it lasts five days (sometimes seven days). We are busy with other things, recalling the deceased and remembering the kindness. At the same time, the victim has a banquet every day to thank his neighbors, relatives and friends. A big banquet is held the day before the funeral to express gratitude. Otherwise, how could there be a saying that "a dead man does not speak, but fights eight times a day". In fact, it refers to the funeral scene after someone dies. The lack of this "scene" is "unfilial" and will lead to ridicule from everyone.

The "hidden rules" of "compensation" and "filial piety". Comparing each other in organizing funerals is actually "poor support and rich burial". Some descendants feel guilty about the elderly and want to use this as "compensation". Regarding this point, there are two types:

One is knowing that there is a mistake and adding mistakes on top of mistakes. This kind of people usually ignore their parents, and some even abandon the elderly. The old people's life in old age is suffering in every possible way. They eat randomly as long as they are not hungry; After a hundred years of waiting for the elderly, their children are not having an attack of conscience, but are afraid of being known as unfilial, so they try to deceive others and pay to be mourned. This is an example of this.

Secondly, I owe a lot to my parents for making a living on my own. There is an abnormal phenomenon in rural areas today, which is the "hollow village". Where have all the people gone? A small number of people have lived in the city, and the vast majority have gone out to work to earn money. There are also "empty nesters" and "left-behind elders" who understand the difficulties of their children and make do with their own lives. Once an old man dies, the children feel they owe their parents a lot and have no choice but to devote their thoughts to the funeral to make up for it.

In a sense, farmers believe that funerals in rural areas also have an expression of kindness. After all, a person cannot be laid to rest quietly in the next life; funeral ceremonies are complicated and may not be completed satisfactorily by just one family, unless they are particularly wealthy. Basically, one family is holding a funeral and the whole village is busy. As for the high cost, this only shows the "out", and the money of the "in" elements has also increased. As long as the funeral is catered by oneself, most of the funerals can still break even. Speaking of comparison, this is only an isolated phenomenon, not all cases are like this. People feel that peace of mind is the highest state.

Nowadays, the trend of "white things" comparison in rural areas has become more and more intense. In my hometown, it has really reached the point of frightening people. The total number of hot dishes and cold dishes reaches ten or eight dishes, and there must be soft-shell turtles, bullfrogs, etc. It is really unimaginable and even unbelievable. After all, the current rural areas have not yet achieved widespread prosperity.

It is unclear or irrelevant as to when and why this trend of comparison originated, but I feel and believe that it is necessary to brake and cool down this trend of comparison. After all, This is already a burden that many farmers cannot bear. If it continues to blow like this, it may eventually blow the tiles on some families' houses into the sea.

It is not easy for people to come to this world. When bidding farewell to this world, it is not too much to be a little grand and lively. It is an expression of emotion for both the living and the dead. comfort. But there should be a level that does not overwhelm the person involved. Otherwise, if the deceased knew it in heaven, I am afraid they would not agree or approve it.

Being filial during one’s lifetime may be more humane and happiness than this kind of comparison.

It took three days to attend to the funeral in eastern Henan. The helpers and my family members all ate at home. On the third day, most of the funeral friends left after paying their condolences. It felt like the cost was not very high! The real money spent was on the third and sixth anniversary: ??there was a performance on the first night, with two stations facing each other, and the next day all relatives and friends came over for business! At the end of 2016, a friend gave his grandma a three-year stay. They had 86 tables, 16 dishes, and Lotus King! Personally, I felt it was a serious waste, with two-thirds of the food left!

In fact, it is not just "frivolous things". In recent years, the expenditure on "red and white events" in rural areas has become more and more intense. In the final analysis, the most important reason is - vanity.

A luxurious feast in the countryside

To be honest, I sometimes go back to my hometown in the countryside to attend some red and white wine banquets, and in the end, I look at the big table without finishing the food. , The packed dishes for each person are quite distressing. In recent years, the comparison between people in rural areas has become more and more intense, and the costs are astonishing. This is all due to vanity. Seeing how many banquets and dishes were served at other people's houses, wouldn't it be very shameful if you had fewer than others?

If we say that people’s vanity has always existed, then why has comparison with others become more and more intense in recent years? In fact, this also reflects from one aspect that the economic level of rural people is better than before. In the past, everyone was very poor, so how much money did they have to throw a big feast? In recent years, famous farmers have worked in cities and saved some money. In addition, the circle of rural people is small. As long as a few families are extravagant and wasteful, others will see it and naturally compare themselves to each other.

To say that rural people have managed to save some money over the years, there is really no need to compare blindly in trivial matters and spend as they please. Spend more time with your parents.

Today’s New Farmer - Dahei Niu

In the northern Henan area, a good cigarette costs more than 10 yuan, there is constant drinking and meat every day, and some band of trumpeters are invited, and the cremation is completed. Buried in a good coffin. These are all made for living people to see. (Those neighbors) If you have brothers or sisters at home, you must spend a lot of money. If you don’t, the neighbors will say you are stingy. In fact, it is much better to spend more time with your parents when your parents are alive or to take them on vacations than to be buried in a grand ceremony after death. Some family members have never been there when they were alive, and they are reluctant to eat. After working hard all your life, you will have no regrets as a child.

A small cadre and a big village chief give a brief talk

In response to the work arrangements of the town government, our village has just established the "Village Red and White Events Council", with the village secretary as the chairman and the village director as the deputy The president and members are served by the "prime minister" who often asks questions in the village. The original intention of its establishment was to guide the villagers into a new trend of frugality and to "bury the elderly lightly and raise them well".

It has become a norm to organize weddings and funerals in rural areas, and to compare and follow the trend. The reason for this situation should be analyzed from many aspects:

First, people have money in their hands.

With the development of the country's economy and the tilt towards rural policies, rural people are becoming more and more prosperous, and they have already evolved from filling their stomachs to eating quality and healthy food. The material foundation determines the superstructure. If you have money in your hands, you will not be afraid of spending it, and you can spend it wisely. This will lead to a situation where weddings and funerals in rural areas will be organized in a grand manner.

Second, the psychology of comparison is at work. Rural society is a relatively concentrated and relatively closed small circle. Unlike the high mobility of people in cities, this often leads to a comparison mentality. If your family has something to do with ten dishes to entertain friends, I will order fifteen dishes next time; if your family has something to do with a pack of cigarettes worth ten yuan, I will order twenty yuan next time; your family has prepared good wine, and my family is not far behind. . If things go on like this, layer upon layer of extravagance is added, and one gains face but loses face.

Thirdly, rural consumption is “increasingly intense” and it depends on how it compares. If compared with previous years, the cost is indeed increasing. However, prices in rural areas are relatively low, and a dish costing RMB 3,500 may be more affordable than a banquet priced at RMB 1,000 in the city.

What do you think of the grand celebration of weddings and funerals in rural areas?

This is a bad habit, caused by the tendency of comparison. Rich people have done it, but poor people have to do it, otherwise it will cause gossip, and some people have just improved their lives and become poor again. In order to stop the tendency of extravagant affairs, the village established a Red and White Council, which set specific standards for the organization of weddings and weddings, and the Red and White Council supervised and implemented them. It was quite effective. Nowadays, it usually costs no more than 10,000 yuan, and the villagers agree.

If you live unfilially and die, you will cry like a wolf. What you seek is vanity rather than face. With all this extravagant and wasted money, it is better to be more filial and filial while alive. No matter how much money you spend, you will die. The deceased did not enjoy it either.

I feel that the more you enjoy living, the simpler it is to stop causing trouble to the living when you die, the better.