Let me tell a joke. Why doesn't anyone laugh?

1. A teacher gave an example when explaining the word "miracle": a man jumped from the eighth floor and escaped unscathed. He hoped that the students would work miracles.

But a classmate replied: lucky.

The teacher was disappointed and said that the man climbed to the eighth floor and jumped down, but he was still not injured.

A classmate replied: by chance.

The teacher was very angry and had to say, that man climbed the eighth floor again and jumped down again.

Before the teacher finished speaking, a classmate replied: He is used to it.

2. Teacher: "Xiao Ming, you use the word' sure enough' to make a sentence."

Xiao Ming: "Drink water first, then soda ..."

Teacher: "No, no, you can't separate' fruit' from' natural'!"

Xiao Ming: "Don't worry, teacher, I'm not finished yet. The whole sentence is-eat fruit first.

And then drink soda. It's really diarrhea. "

3. Take one English class at a time

I'm half asleep.

The teacher asked me:

"Are tomatoes fruits or vegetables?"

Oh, how should I know? I have to guess one.

"Well, fruit ..."

The teacher's voice is eight octaves high.

"What?"

Thanks to my cleverness, I quickly have my cake and eat it.

"It's vegetables, vegetables!"

The teacher finally unbearable:

"I asked you to translate this sentence!"

4. 20 classic messages in the canteen

(1) Even if we learn chemical drip, we can still tell the taste of drip from detergent. tnnd in the canteen uses drip!

(2) Cucumber with prickly skin is very different from cucumber with prickly skin.

(3) There are caterpillars in vegetables and barbed wire in vermicelli. Is this fishing? Or feed the fish?

(4) There are too few stones in the rice. Can you add some more?

(5) The laver egg and mouse soup is good tonight-a classmate ate a mouse message from the soup.

Next time, can you not hide my change on the plate?

(7) Once my classmate went to eat noodles, and when he was halfway through, he seemed to get a piece of meat. He was very happy (because he ordered vegetarian noodles), but he didn't bite it for a long time. He took it out and saw that it was a band-aid, but it was still used. After listening to him, I have to turn over the noodles two or three times every time before I dare to eat them. In order to avoid worrying about pesticide residues, all the vegetables in the canteen are proved to be absolutely green vegetables. There are little caterpillars in spinach!

(8) When the stockings were eaten in sticky soup, the boss responded sensitively: "How can kelp not be cut!"

(9) Every time I cook a four-wool meal, you don't have to add another wool of sand to me.

(10) Although I like money. But you don't have to always bring me food with your money-exhausted hand.

(1 1) Speaking of it, being underweight is really a cold thing. It is common that a dish can only cover the bottom of the bowl. Another time, Xiao Qiang in my dish was missing a leg, so cold ~ ~ ~

(12) Generally, the price should be reduced by at least 1 yuan. I can recite the menu. Anyway, I have eaten glass slag, broken iron pieces, stones, disks and sold rice. ...

(13) What I spit out after eating too much is fresher than what they just cooked.

(14) flies don't fry. Remember to sprinkle more salt in the caterpillar soup.

(15) Can you not drown the flies in the tomato soup! !

(16) canteen = chemistry laboratory

(17) Can the stewed beef with potatoes be replaced with stewed beef with clods?

(18) We are not chickens, so we don't need to eat sand to help digestion!

(19) With the renovation of the canteen, there is no shortage of nails on my bookshelf. I won't be unhappy if the canteen is disinfected. If the canteen is reformed, my wallet will be hungry. Every day when the canteen opens, the flies and cockroaches around you will face extinction. The canteen is very good, and what is lacking is provided. Hehehehehehehehehe, I'm not afraid to play basketball without a band-aid, because garlic moss must be hurt, too, and it's wrapped in a band-aid.

I ate another fly today, so high.

5. One day in Chinese class, after teaching Wang Bo's metrical poem Ren Zhou Shu by Du Shaofu, the Chinese teacher asked, "Who can tell me what other forms of ancient poetry are besides metrical poetry?" A classmate raised his hand without hesitation and replied, "Teachers, besides lawyers, there are also judges and defendants …" The audience burst into laughter.

6. An ancient poem entitled "Wochun" by Lu You requires students to dictate.

The Chinese teacher read aloud as follows. A student dictated the following.

Wochun | I am stupid

Mume smells the flowers, | I have no culture.

Lying on a branch hurts my ass. | I have a low IQ.

Far away, lying like water, ask me who I am,

Eduardo Chun Lv. | A big donkey.

The coast is green, | I am a donkey,

The coast seems to be green, | I am a donkey,

The coast is like a dark green. | I am an ass.

7. Wei Xiaobao went to the school cafeteria to eat and found that pork chops were not very fresh. He went to the cook and said, "Master, I found that this week's pork chops are not as delicious as last week." The master said, "nonsense, this is last week's pork chop!" " "

8. A student in a school often climbed over the wall and was once caught by the headmaster. The headmaster asked, "Why did you climb over the wall?" The student pointed to his coat and said, "Mi Bang Wei, don't take the usual road!" The headmaster asked again, "How did you get over such a high wall?" The student pointed to his trousers and said, "Li Ning, anything is possible!" The headmaster said angrily, "What's the smell of climbing over the wall?" The student pointed to the shoes: "Xtep, it feels like flying!" "

The next day, the students came out of the main entrance, met the headmaster and asked, "Why didn't you turn it over today?" The student pointed to the whole body and said, "Anta, I choose what I like!" " "This angered the headmaster:" I want to remember you! ""The student asked discontentedly, "Why? I'm not mistaken! "The headmaster sneered:" M-Zone, I am the owner of my site! "

9.( 1). In high school, the whole school should wear school uniforms, and some repeat students never wear them. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the classmate didn't wear a school uniform and asked him why he didn't wear it. This classmate was furious and said, my mother is not dead. Why should I wear mourning clothes?

(2) An art teacher is very famous. A newspaper has a big report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, some classmates always told me that you are really good, and you even published photos in the newspaper ..." A student: "Looking for you?" From then on, the art teacher refused the student to take art classes.

(3) In Chinese class, the teacher asked a sleepy classmate to answer the question, and the classmate was speechless. The teacher said helplessly, "Will you?" I won't scream either! Classmate: "Cheep." "The teacher is sweating.

(4) The senior high school entrance examination is coming soon. One day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name on it. Let's answer the local minerals. After talking about many places, the teacher suddenly asked, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class said in unison: "Jiangnan produces beautiful women!"

(5) In junior high school, a biology teacher talked about the ecological environment on the African grassland. When no one in the class listened, he became angry and said, "You all look at me! If you don't look at me, how do you know what African wildcats look like? "

(6) In an advanced mathematics class, the teacher asked my brother, "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is the goal of our study of calculus? " The man deserted at that time. Without thinking, he shouted, "No cavities!" " "The whole class burst into laughter.

(7) In biology class, the teacher said, "In fact, weasels don't eat chickens. Scientists have done an experiment, once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what the next day is? " The classmate chimed in: "Is the chicken pregnant?"

(8). In the third year of high school, the geometry teacher is an old lady who loves to brag and is particularly annoying. One day in class, he said, "I am highly valued by the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study the problem together, and I pick up the car every time. " I accidentally asked, "Three rounds?" As a result, I was banned from geometry class for a week.

10. medical college GG: studying medicine is hard and tiring, and the cost of studying medicine is quite expensive; All cells and tissues should be memorized, and everyone should be able to dissect and kill people. One hand and one knife, whoever refuses me is disabled. Not afraid of zombies, it doesn't matter how much the dead watch. Sleeping at night without a wife and body, eating more human brains can appetize! The waterfall is very cold ...