Does anyone have short humorous jokes? Please tell me more. Thank you. Hey

★The female teacher drew an apple on the blackboard, and then asked: "Children, what is this?" The children replied in unison: "Butt!" The female teacher ran out of the classroom crying and looked for The principal complained: "Children are laughing at people." The principal walked into the classroom and said seriously: "Why did you make the teacher cry so angry? Ah! You even drew a butt on the blackboard!"

★一 The young woman coaxes the child: Sleep with your grandpa tonight. The child doesn't want to go. The young woman said: If you don't go, I will go. Grandpa said sternly from the side: Educate children to be honest. You can't coax children and old people at the same time.

★There was a man who was very greedy. The rich man said to him: "I will give you a thousand taels of silver for free. Let me beat you to death." The man pondered for a long time and replied: "Just beat me half to death." "How about giving me five hundred taels?"

★Both father and son are very stubborn. One day, a guest came to the house. My father said: "Xiao, I will stay at home and chat with the guests first, while you go buy a catty of donkey meat and entertain the guests." My son bought donkey meat and had to cross a single-plank bridge on the way back. A man on the other side was very stubborn and refused to give way to anyone, so he stood there until dark. The father waited left and didn't come, and waited right and didn't come, so he went to find his son. I found that my son and the man were looking at each other, not wanting to give in to each other, and standing straight. The father took the donkey meat and said to his son: "Xiao, you take the donkey meat back and drink with the guests while he and I continue to stand!"

★A man went to the hospital for a pedicure. Doctor: "Take off your shoes." The man had just taken off one of his feet, and the smell was so bad that it almost killed the doctor. The doctor said, "I bet this is the stinkiest foot in the city!" The man smiled and said, "Hey, hey, If you bet, you will lose. Look at this foot again!”

★A man was taking the oral test for his driver’s license. The examiner said: “When you see a man and a dog in front of a car! , Are you going to hit a dog or a person?" Man: "Of course it's a dog." The examiner shook his head: "You can come again next time." The man was unconvinced: "If I don't run over a dog, how can I run over a person?" Examiner: "You should brake!"

★Girls, don't say that*** A man said to a woman: "I'll treat you to dinner". The woman said: "Let's do it another day"

< p>★A large group of girls went to the farm for internship. The farm taught everyone how to milk cows. After the demonstration, everyone was asked to try it themselves. A girl was very puzzled when she saw that others had filled half of the bucket, but she only had a little bit. The farmer looked at it and said, "Miss, not only did you crowd the wrong place, but you also chose the wrong cow."

★Not asking for it. Barber: Oh, your hair is so ugly. Let me straighten it for you. Customer: Yes, you are really discerning and can tell the good from the bad at a glance. Barber: I specialize in this business, don’t you see? Customer: No, thank you, don’t you see, this was your last haircut.

★Police: "Why did you force other people's things?" Robber: "How can you say it was forceful? I just took the things back for use before I had time to discuss them with them."

★ "As more and more women advocate new simple clothing, such as miniskirts and cargo shorts," a wife was reading the news from the newspaper, "traffic accidents on the streets have been reduced by half according to statistics. "The husband on the side interjected: "Then why don't you think of ways to completely prevent traffic accidents?"

★A man kept farting in the office, and his colleagues couldn't help but say: Can you not say anything? Then I saw him sitting there shaking and shaking. Question: What to do? I set it to vibrate.

★Someone went to a friend's house as a guest. During lunch, the friend served a piece of peanuts, and then went to get tofu. When he returned, he found that he had finished eating the peanuts.

Then my friend went to get another portion of peanuts, only to find that he had finished eating the tofu. The friend asked in surprise: "You eat so fast, aren't you afraid of getting sick?"

The man replied: "You are already sick and are about to see a doctor." Friend: "What disease?" He replied: " I've had a bad appetite recently. "

★There is a custom in rural areas. When a son turns one year old, the family treats him to celebrate and arranges for the child to draw lots.

One day, there was a little guy who was very unusual on his birthday. He was not cooperative at all. Not only did he not choose, but he also threw all the more than 10 things that adults prepared for him under the table. Got it! Now, the adults are in trouble: What will this child do in the future? At this time, someone stood up and said something, which eased the awkward atmosphere at that time. He said: "This guy has personality, and he will definitely be a urban management material in the future!"

★A rich man boasted to others about his A cattail leaf fan that has been used for thirty years is still as good as new. If others don’t believe it, ask them how you use it? The rich man said: "I held the cattail leaf fan with my hand without moving, and shook my head in front of the cattail leaf fan."

★The daughter told her mother that because her mother opposed her relationship with her boyfriend, her boyfriend committed suicide by taking sleeping pills. The mother was shocked: "He committed suicide?" The daughter said, "Fortunately, he took the wrong medicine and did not die." The mother said, "I have said before that he is careless and careless, and he will not achieve anything big. Look, How can you commit yourself to a lifetime if you make such a mistake? ”

★A beautiful saleswoman came to sell detergents door-to-door and achieved great success. Someone asked her for advice on sales techniques, and she said with a twinkle in her eye: "It's very simple. I will visit the husband when both of them are at home, explain the purpose of the visit to the husband, and introduce the performance and features of the product in detail. Finally, I tell him, You don’t have to buy it right away, you can wait until the next time you come. At this time, the hostess next to me often shows a positive attitude and rushes to buy my things.” (Maybe you can find a woman who doesn’t eat, but you can never find one who doesn’t. Jealous woman. )

★Two women meet on the street. Person A said: "I received a summons from the court, saying that there is an important case that requires me to appear in court to testify tomorrow." Person B asked: "Are you feeling nervous?" Person A said: "Very nervous. I don't know what to wear." .” (Men regard their career as their life, and women regard their life as their career.)

★The woman has a son and a daughter, but she only buys new clothes for her daughter and lets her son wear old ones. Some people laughed at her for being biased, but she explained: "For export, you have to pay special attention to packaging."

★ Robber: "Tell me the password to the safe! I'll kill you if you don't tell me!" Female staff: "Kill. I won’t tell you if you ruined me!” The robber looked her up and down and said, “You think so!”

★A couple held hands for the first time, and the girl asked: “ Apart from me, how many other people have you led?" The boy was silent for a while. The girl urged: "Just tell me, I won't blame you." The boy smiled and said, I am counting.

★Daniu hurried over and said to Laifu: "You still want to play poker! Your wife is having an affair with your best friend!" After hearing this, Laifu was furious and quickly took his hand He handed the poker to Daniel and said, "I'm going to take a look. You can play a few games for me first!" After a while, Laifu came back and said to Daniel disdainfully: "You make such a fuss all day, that man!" I don’t know her at all!

★I went to the hospital today and at the door of the obstetrics and gynecology department, I heard a man look at a woman angrily and say: "My name is required in the father column, you fill in your father's name" What's the name for? ! ”

★An orthopedic surgeon had a patient who couldn’t remember his name. He came up with a clever idea and told the patient many times: “Mom, please eat every day. My surname is Fan, so just call me.” Doctor Xiaofan. "Many days later I saw the patient again and asked, "Mom, do you still remember me?" Just listen to the aunt muttering to herself: "Eat, you are the snack doctor." ”

★ My deskmate asked me how many people were working on the day of hoeing. I answered, one, that is, at noon. She said no, it was three, because the day of hoeing was at noon, and the sweat dripped down.

★ A man beat his daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law went back to her parents’ home to complain to her father. Her father slapped the daughter-in-law in the face and said, “He hit me. Daughter, I will beat his wife! "

★ At the end of the year, the teacher left the school and went home to celebrate the New Year. The wife accidentally mentioned that "sneeze makes the nose itchy, and someone is thinking about it behind her back." The husband said: "I often sneeze when I am teaching in the school. of. The wife said: "That's all because I miss you at home." "After the New Year, the school opened, but the husband still went to teach at the host school. After bidding farewell to his wife, he boarded the boat. The boatman was stimulated by the rising sun, his nose twitched a few times, and he sneezed several times in a row. Mr. He stamped his feet and said, "Oh no, I just left the house and this woman was thinking about the boatman.

"

★ There was a monk who came back from a banquet and was asked which seat he was sitting at. The monk replied: "The first seat is from Du, the second seat is from Qi, and those below Du Qi are the poor. A monk. ”

★ A man took a knife to the bamboo garden to chop bamboo. Suddenly he felt abdominal pain and wanted to defecate, so he put the knife on the ground and defecated in the bamboo garden. Suddenly he looked up and saw the bamboo in the garden. He said: "I need bamboo at home, and there are a lot of good bamboos here, but it's a pity that I didn't bring a knife. "After he finished untying it, he saw the knife he had just placed on the ground and said happily: "As one wishes, I don't know who lost a knife here. "Having just chosen bamboo to chop, he saw his own feces on the ground, and cursed: "What the hell, there is so much pus and blood here, you almost stepped on me." "Not long after, he cut the bamboo and returned home. He wandered in front of his house and said, "Which family is this? "It happened that his wife saw him and knew that he had forgotten it for a while, so she started scolding him. The man was very sad and said: "This lady looks familiar, but I didn't offend you, why did I scold him? ”

★ There was a man who specialized in painting people’s portraits, but he never got any business. Someone advised him to post a portrait of his husband and wife, and when others saw it, they would come to you for the painting. The painter just pressed him It was done. One day, his father-in-law came to see him and saw the painting and asked, "Who is this woman?" ” replied: “It’s your daughter.” Then asked: "Why is she sitting with this stranger?" "

★ There were two soldiers, one in the south and one in the north. One day they both went home and met. One said: "It's so cold where I live. What I say will immediately freeze me. , can't hear it, you can hear it after frying it in a hot pan. Another said: "It's so hot in my place, the eggs laid by the chickens are all cooked."

★ A man lost his cow and appealed to the government. The official asked him: "When did you lose it?" The man replied: "Master, it won't be there tomorrow." A policeman next to him couldn't help laughing after hearing this. The official was furious and said, "You must have stolen it." The officer waved his sleeves and said, "You can search it, sir."

★ There was an official celebrating his birthday, and the historians heard that he belonged to Rat, he gathered gold and made a golden rat, which he presented to the official to celebrate his birthday. The official was very happy and said, "Did you know that my wife's birthday is also recently?" The officials replied, "I don't know. What is her zodiac?" The official said, "She is one year younger than me, and she is a ox."< /p>

★ There was a military attache patrolling at night. One person who violated the night rules claimed to be a scholar and said he came back late because he had classes. The military attache said: "Since you are a scholar, let me give you a test." The scholar asked the military attaché to come up with a question. The military attache thought for a long time but couldn't come up with a question, and shouted: "Count it on your luck. Fortunately, there is no question tonight."

★ A military attache went out to fight, and was about to fail. Suddenly, he encountered magical soldiers to help him, and he won a complete victory. The military attache kowtowed and asked the God's name. The God said, "I am the God of Archery." The military attaché said, "What merit do I have, young general, that I dare to ask the God of Archery to come to my rescue?" The God of Target replied, "I am thanking you for coming over. In the martial arts field, I have never been hurt by an arrow.”

★ A man who was recommended to take the imperial examination went to Kyoto to take the imperial examination, and the servant followed him with his luggage. Walking into the wilderness, suddenly a strong wind blew off the turban on the load. The servant shouted: "Landed." The master was very unhappy after hearing this and warned: "Don't say 'landing' from now on, only 'pass'." The servant agreed, then tied up the luggage and said: "Now if you run to heaven, you will never pass the exam again."

★ A supervisor passed by a government-run school in Kyoto and heard that Jijiu was getting angry and wanted to punish two scholars, so he asked the school's supervisor People asked: "Should he be beaten or imprisoned?" The people in the school said: "Give him a topic for him to write an essay on." The prison student was displeased and immediately shouted: "Hey, the punishment should not reach this level!"

★ Someone sent a letter to a rich man to borrow cattle. The rich man happened to be receiving guests. He was afraid that he was illiterate, so he pretended to open the envelope and read the letter, and said to the person who sent the letter: "I know, I will go by myself in a while."< /p>

★ There was a deaf man who went to visit a friend. The friend’s dog saw him barking wildly, but the deaf man didn’t notice. He went into the back room and met the owner. After bowing to each other, he said to the owner: "Is the dog in the house not sleeping last night?" The owner asked: "How can you see that?" The deaf man said: "This dog keeps beating when he sees his little brother. Yawn.

”

★ There was a short-sighted man who lost his way. He saw a crow standing on a stone by the roadside. He thought it was a human, so he went up to ask for directions. He asked several times but got no answer. After a while, the crow flew away. Myopia said to himself: "Humph, if you didn't agree to my question just now, your hat was blown away by the wind, so I didn't tell you. "

★ Two people were together. The man without a beard asked the man with a beard: "What is the hardest thing in the world?" The bearded man said: "Stone and steel are the hardest." The man without a beard said: "No, stone can be broken and steel can be forged. How can it be said to be the hardest?" In my opinion, only the old man's beard is the hardest, neither stone nor steel is as hard as it. The bearded man asked: "Why?" "The man without a beard said, "Look at how thick-skinned this guy is, it's getting through him. "The bearded man also retorted: "I have a thicker skin, so I still can't get through such a tough beard. "

★ Several people were riding on a boat together. Someone farted. Everyone suspected that it was a child, so they all went to hit him on the head. The child cried: "Amitabha, if others hit me, forget it." Well, luckily that farting turtle bastard raised his hand and got in there to beat me. "

★ Two blind men walked together and said: "Only blind men are the best in the world. People with sight are busy all day long, and farmers are even worse. How can they catch up with us in leisure? "After hearing what they said, the farmers pretended to be officials and walked by. They said that it was rude for the blind man not to shy away. After beating each of them with a hoe, they told them to get out. Then they secretly listened to what they said. A blind man Said: "After all, it's better to be blind. If you had eyes, you would still have to answer questions after being beaten!" ”

★ Someone asked: “What is not afraid of cold in the world?” Another person replied: "The colder the nose, the more it flows out." He asked again: "What is the most afraid of the cold?" Then he replied: "Farts are most afraid of the cold. As soon as they come out of the butthole, they immediately go back through the nostrils." "

★ A blind man, a dwarf, and a hunchback all competed to sit on the seat while eating wine, and they agreed with each other that whoever can speak the most arrogant will sit on the seat. The blind man said: "I am arrogant, I should sit on the seat." The dwarf said: "I am not taller than Chang. I should sit in the upper position." The hunchback said, "There's no need to argue. After all, you are all straight-backed (nephews), so of course you should let me sit." "

★ There was a scholar who went to see the King of Hell after his death. The scholar claimed to be well-educated and knowledgeable. At this time, the King of Hell accidentally farted, and the scholar immediately wrote a lyric to flatter him: "Your Majesty Fu Wei, you have a towering golden buttocks. , Hong Xuanbao's fart, the sound is vaguely like the sound of silk and bamboo, as if it is the breath of musk orchid, Chen Lixiaofeng, the fragrance is overwhelming. "The King of Hell was very happy after hearing this. He ordered his subordinates to hold a banquet in honor of the scholar, and promised to extend the scholar's life for another twelve years. When the time comes, the scholar will come to report on his own, and no more little devils will be sent to catch him. After twelve years, The scholar came to the underworld again, and he said to the gatekeeper: "Please go to the king and inform him that the scholar who wrote the fart article twelve years ago is here again. ”

★ The mother of the boss’s wife died and they were going to pay homage. The boss asked Mr. Xueguan to write a memorial essay for him. So the gentleman copied one according to the sample in the ancient book, but it was wrong. It was copied into a memorial to his wife and father. When someone who understood it saw it, the owner blamed the husband and said, "This memorial is a sample published in an ancient book. How could it be wrong?" I'm just afraid that the wrong person died in his family. It's none of my business. "

★ There was a scholar who was about to take an exam. In the days before the exam, the scholar was depressed day and night. So his wife comforted him and said: "Look at your writing, why are you so embarrassed, as if I was giving birth to a child? Similar. The husband said, "It would be easier for you to give birth every time." The wife didn't understand and asked him: "How can you see it?" The husband replied: "After all, when you gave birth to a child, you had it in your belly, but I didn't have it in my belly." ”

★ Some henpecked people had been abused by their wives, so they gathered ten people and made a blood oath in one place, agreeing to support each other. Just as they were thanking the gods and drinking wine and swearing Unexpectedly, their wives heard this and came together to the place where they swore. Nine of them were so frightened that they hid everywhere. Only one person sat upright and did not move. The other nine people admired him very much. , privately said: "Who can be so calm? He should be the big brother. "After a while, after the wives left, everyone looked carefully and found that the man had been frightened to death.

★ A doctor treating adults stepped on a pediatrician and beat him severely. The people next to him persuaded him: "You are all colleagues, why do you have to do this?" The doctor treating adults said: "You guys have something to say. I don’t know, this guy is so disgusting. All the adults I treated were reincarnated as children for him to treat, but none of the children he treated came over to me.”

★ A doctor died. The son and father of the child wanted to go to the government to sue him, so the doctor had no choice but to compensate him for his son. Later, the doctor cured the servant's death and compensated the family's only servant. Late one night, someone knocked on the door again and said, "My wife is sick after giving birth to a baby. Please ask the doctor to check it out." After hearing this, the doctor said to his wife privately: "This is really annoying. That family must have taken a fancy to you. ”

★ There was a doctor who killed someone and was tied up with a rope by the patient. The doctor untied the knot in the middle of the night, quietly escaped to the river, and swam back home. Seeing his son reading a medical book under the lamp, he said to his son eagerly: "My son can slow down in studying, but it is more important to learn to swim."

★ There was a tailor who went to the toilet and inserted a ruler into the crack of the wall. , finished defecating and left. Later, a Manchu man went to the toilet and saw a ruler on the wall, so he hung his sword on the ruler. After a while, the tailor came back to get the ruler. When he saw the man and the knife hanging on the ruler, he was very frightened and did not dare to step forward to take the ruler. After standing for a long time, the Manchu asked: "Barbarian, what do you want?" The tailor replied: "The small one wants a ruler." The Manchu said: "You bastard, we haven't finished fucking yet, so you have to eat a ruler!"

★ There was a carpenter who was installing a door latch for someone else and mistakenly installed the latch on the outside of the door. The master called the carpenter a "blind thief." The carpenter replied: "You are the blind thief!" The master said angrily: "Why am I blind?" The carpenter said: "If you had eyes, you would not hire a carpenter like me."

★ The woodcutter was carrying firewood and accidentally bumped into the doctor. The doctor was furious and wanted to beat the woodcutter. The woodcutter said, "I'd rather be kicked than touched." The people next to him were puzzled and asked the woodcutter why. The woodcutter explained: "You may not die if kicked, but if it passes through his hands, you will definitely not survive."

★ There was a man who liked silence very much, but one of his neighbors was a coppersmith, One was a blacksmith, and the noise was piercing from morning to night, and he felt very miserable. Therefore, he often said: "If these two families are willing to move, I would rather host a banquet to thank them." One day, the coppersmith and the blacksmith came to his house together and said to him: "We are ready to move. You made a wish and said you were willing to help us move, so we came here to receive it today." The man was very happy and immediately prepared a sumptuous banquet to entertain the coppersmith and blacksmith. During the dinner, he asked the coppersmith and the blacksmith: "Where are you two going to move?" The coppersmith and the blacksmith replied: "If he moves to my house, I will move to his house."

★ There was a man who stole someone else's cow and was put in shackles and chained in public. A relative and friend saw it and asked him: "What crime have you committed to get to this point?" The man who stole the cow said: " I was walking on the street and accidentally saw a straw rope on the ground. I thought it was a useless thing, so I picked it up and took it home. I didn't expect that this kind of disaster would happen. "A passerby heard this. Liao said: "I accidentally picked up a straw rope. What crime did I commit?" The cattle thief said: "Because there is something on the rope." The passerby asked him what it was. The man who stole the cow replied: "It's a small working cow."

★ There was an old bachelor in Suzhou. Someone asked him: "Do you have a son?" The old bachelor replied: " When it comes to children, it is really sad. At first, my wife's grandfather arranged for my father-in-law to be engaged, but it was ruined by a damn bastard's plan. As a result, my husband-in-law did not marry my mother-in-law. Therefore, my wife was not born, and to this day, my son is still missing.”

★ When a man was admitted to the imperial examination, he prayed in a dream: “I wonder if I will pass the exam?” God asked. He asked, "Was your grandfather born in Kejia?" He replied, "No." He also asked, "Is your family rich?" He replied, "Not rich." The god smiled and said, "If that's the case, what are you dreaming about?" < /p>

★ There was a teacher who slept during the day and did not allow students to nap. The student asked him why he slept during the day, and he lied and said, "I dreamed of Duke Zhou." The next day, his disciple also followed the example of his master and slept during the day. The master hit the student awake with his ruler and said, "Why are you like this?" The disciple said : "I'm also going to see Duke Zhou.

The gentleman said, "What did Duke Zhou say?" The disciple replied: "Duke Zhou said that he did not meet with his revered master yesterday." "

★ There was a teacher who took his students for an outing in the countryside after school during the Qingming Festival. The teacher was walking in front and accidentally farted. The disciple said: "Sir, the Qingming ghost screamed." The husband said: "That's bullshit." "

★ The student asked his teacher: "How to write the word 'Shit'? The gentleman forgot for a moment and couldn't answer. He pondered for a moment and said, "Hey, I was just speaking, but why couldn't I say it?" ”

★ A few blind men went together to buy fish. They had little money and could only buy very small fish, and there were a lot of little fish, so they had to use a big pot to make soup for everyone to taste. The blind man didn’t eat. After passing the fish, if it was still alive, he threw it into the pot, and the little fish jumped out of the pot, but the blind man didn't know it. Everyone gathered around the pot and praised it: "This soup is so delicious!" This soup is so delicious! "Unexpectedly, the fish jumped on the ground and jumped on the feet of a blind man. The blind man shouted: "The fish has not been put in the pot yet. Several blind men sighed and said, "Amitabha, fortunately the fish is outside the pot. If it had been inside the pot, everyone would have died." "

★ One person was very hot-tempered and the other was very slow-tempered. They were drinking around the stove in winter. The clothes of the fast-tempered man were burned by the fire. The slow-tempered man saw it and said calmly: "There is just one person. I've seen it for a long time. If I want to say it, I'm afraid you'll be impatient, but if I don't say it, it might be detrimental to you. So should I say it or not? "The impatient person asked him what happened, and the slow-tempered person said, "The fire has burned your clothes." "The impatient man pulled up his clothes and said angrily: "If that's the case, why didn't you tell me earlier? "The slow-tempered person said: "Outsiders say you are impatient, and it is true. "

★ There was a man who was unfilial and often beat his father, but his father never left his grandson and loved him even more. Others asked, "Your son is unfilial, but you love your grandson. Why?" The old man replied: "For no other reason than to bring him up so that he can vent my anger." ”

★ There was an old man who gave his grandson two cents to buy soy sauce and vinegar. After his grandson left, he came back and asked, “How much money can I buy soy sauce?” Which money to buy vinegar? Grandpa said: "One money buys soy sauce and one money buys vinegar." Do we still need to ask this? "Not long after the grandson left, he came back again and asked: "Which bowl contains soy sauce? Which bowl holds the vinegar? "When the grandfather heard this, he was angry that his grandson was too stupid, so he punished him. He happened to catch up with his son and asked what was the reason. The old man told the truth. When the son heard this, he took off his hat, grabbed his hair and beat him. The old man said: " Are you crazy? The son replied: "I'm not a madman. You can beat my son, but I can't beat your son?" ”

★ There was a man who was sleeping in bed and suffered from back pain when lying on his back, stomach pain when lying on his stomach, waist pain when lying on his side, and buttock pain when sitting up. He sought treatment several times but failed. Someone advised him to turn over the bed. When he turned over the bed, he found that There was a weight under the mattress.

★ Someone accidentally fell down and fell down again when he got up. If I had known I was going to fall again, I wouldn't have gotten up! "

★ There was a man who always believed in yin and yang. One day, a wall fell down on him. His family wanted to rescue him quickly. The man stretched out his head and said, "Wait a minute, I'll endure it for now, you go." I would like to ask Mr. Yin Yang, if we can break ground today? ”

★ There were two people playing chess, and one of the bystanders taught him non-stop. One of the chess players was very angry, so he punched the man who was watching the teaching. The man was beaten very painfully, and he continued to teach. He stepped back, covering his face with his right hand, gesturing with his left hand and saying, "Hurry up, sergeant!" "

★ A local official visited a temple and saw a monk and asked him if he ate meat. The monk said: "Not much, just a little bit when going to banquets and drinking. The magistrate said: "So, you still drink?" The monk added: "I don't drink much. I just drink a little with my wife's uncle when he comes." When the magistrate heard this, he was furious and said, "You still have a wife. You don't look like a monk at all. I will tell the magistrate tomorrow to take your documents back." The monk said: "Don't worry, I was caught as a thief three years ago and I took it back long ago." ”

★ A monk wanted to save a person from death. He needed three coins from the cashier to deliver it to the Paradise of Paradise in the West. A woman asked to save her husband and gave him two coins. The monk then wished to go there. The woman was not happy about going east, and the monk blamed him for not giving him enough money. The woman immediately gave him another coin with a smile on her face, and the monk changed his mind and went west.

The woman cried and said: "My God, just for these few cents of money, you are so tired that you run here and there. It's so hard!"

★A thief entered a poor house and killed At home, there is only a jar of rice stored in front of the bed. The thief took off his skirt and spread it on the ground. Just as he was about to move the urn and pour rice, the owner of the bed secretly saw him. The owner quietly took the skirt away and screamed that there was a thief. The thief responded and said: "There is really a thief. A skirt was here just now, but it was stolen by the thief in the blink of an eye."

★A keeper who loved to flatter his master said to his master: " I dreamed last night that you would live for a thousand years. "The master said, "I'm afraid it's unlucky to dream of dying." The man quickly changed his mind and said, "Bah, I was wrong. I dreamed that you would die of old age." Thousands of years."

★There was an idle man who went out after eating chaff. Suddenly he met the old official, who left the idle man at home to have breakfast. The idle man replied: "I was so full of dog meat just now that I can't eat anymore. If you have wine, you can drink a few glasses." After drinking, he suddenly vomited and spit out the chaff. Seeing this, the owner was surprised and asked: "You said that after eating dog meat, why did you spit out the chaff?" The idle man looked at it for a long time and replied: "Hey, I ate dog meat myself. I think the dog must have eaten the chaff."

★A man ate a big fish himself, but made small fish for his guests. He accidentally left the eyes of the big fish on the plate, which was discovered by the guests. The guest joked: "I want to grow fish and put them in the fish pond." The host said modestly: "This is a small fish, what is it worth asking for?" The guest said: "Although the fish is small, it is rare to have such big eyes."

★ There was a man who was extremely stingy and never entertained guests. Occasionally, the servant boy at home took a basket of bowls to the river to wash. Someone asked: "Does your family have to treat guests today?" The servant boy replied: "My master will treat guests, except in the next life." The master knew about this. He scolded: "Who made you agree to live with him so easily?"

★ There was a person who had the most stingy temperament and suddenly contracted tuberculosis (zhài): tuberculosis. Commonly known as tuberculosis. , the doctor diagnosed: "The pulse is weak, it is best to use ginseng to replenish the body." The patient was very surprised, looked at the doctor and said: "The body is weak, so I have to resign myself to fate." The doctor said: "If ginseng is not used, it must be replaced with rehmannia glutinosa. The price is very cheap." The patient shook his head and said, "It's too much money. I'm willing to die." The doctor knew that he was stingy, so he deceived him and said, "There is also a prescription that can be taken with one or two dollars of dried dog feces and brown sugar. It can also replenish the body. "The patient asked excitedly: "I don't know, can it be used alone?"

★ The two sons of the miser had a meal together and asked their father what to eat. The father said: "The ancients looked at the plum blossoms to quench their thirst. , you can take a look at the dried salted fish hanging on the wall and take a bite, then it will be ready for dinner." The two sons did as they were told. Suddenly the youngest son shouted: "Brother took another look." The father replied: "You'll kill him."

★The father and son were carrying a jar of wine. The road slipped and fell over. The father was furious. The son was lying on the ground and drank the wine that had been spilled on the ground. He raised his head and said to his father: "Get down and drink quickly. Do you want any more food?"

★There was a guest who was greedy for the banquet and refused to get up. . The host happened to see a big bird on the tree, so he said to the guest: "We have been feasting for a long time, and there is no food on the plate. Wait until I chop down the big tree, catch the bird, and cook it." How about a drink?" The guest said, "I'm afraid the bird will fly when the tree falls." The host said, "This is a stupid bird, and it won't move until it dies."

★There is one. A person who likes to drink gets good wine in a dream and plans to drink it after it is warmed up. Suddenly he is awakened, so he regrets it and says: "I had known this, so I might as well have drank it while it was cold."

★ When the servant boy was dissatisfied with the wine, the guest raised his glass, looked at it for a long time, and said, "This glass is too deep. It should be cut off." The host said, "Why?" The guest said, "The upper half cannot hold the wine, so I want it." What's the use?"

★ There was a family who was afraid of people peeing at the foot of the wall, so they drew a turtle on the wall and wrote a line on the back: "This is the person who urinates." I don’t know, but I still go there to pee. The owner scolded: "I'm blind and can't even look." The peeing man said: "I didn't know you were here, sir."

★ Customer: "Boss, this dish doesn't have enough salt and oil." "Too little."

Boss: "Do you know that too much salt damages the kidneys and too much oil damages the liver?"

Customer: "But I ordered oil." Fried steak!”

★ There are two neighbors, one named Sato and the other named Aoki.

One day Sato asked his servant to borrow a hammer from Aoki’s house.

The servant came to the Aoki house next door: "Excuse me, my master would like to borrow a hammer from you to knock in some nails."

"Okay, okay, are the nails made of iron or wood?"< /p>

"It's an iron nail."

As soon as he heard the iron nail, Aoki hummed and said, "What a coincidence, someone just borrowed the hammer."

The servant returned empty-handed and told his master what had happened. Sato shouted loudly: "There is such a miser in the world! I have no choice but to use my own hammer."

★ Saving Measures Someone asked the miser: "What are you doing? ?"

"I'm learning Braille."

"Why do you want to learn Braille?"

"That's not true. I just want to save some electricity while reading at night.”