Please tell me a joke, okay,

1. The priest was playing golf, and the nun was watching. The first shot missed, and the priest cursed: "TMD, missed the shot!" He hit again, and the priest cursed again: "TMD, missed the shot again! The nun said, "As a priest, God will punish you for swearing." As soon as she finished speaking, a thunderbolt struck the nun to death. The priest was puzzled: I was the one who cursed, why did I kill her? At this time, I only heard the voice of God coming from the sky: "TMD, I missed the target too!

2. A male classmate in college was living with his girlfriend outside and became pregnant unexpectedly. The male classmate panicked and asked for help. At home. He was so popular that he simply ignored him. On Father's Day, the male classmate thought this was a good opportunity, so he immediately wrote a text message to his father: "Happy Father's Day". Within 5 minutes, his father replied: "Have fun together"...

3. When the teacher saw Huoda, he asked him to go to the blackboard to solve the problem, and when he stood up, the teacher started to criticize him: "With such poor grades, I dare to sleep in class. I'm so shameless. I know how to sleep..." As a result, someone solved the problem beautifully. The teacher suddenly couldn't stand it. As a result, he walked back to his seat, sat down and said calmly, " I'll take a nap first, and you can ask me later if you have any questions...

4. A classmate fell asleep in class and was pulled into the corridor by the teacher to educate him. After talking back a few times, the angry teacher wanted to beat him. The classmate yelled: "How dare you hit someone?!" The teacher said: "What's wrong with hitting you? Does anyone know if I hit you? Does anyone know if I hit you?" The classmate thought about it... and then the teacher was sent to the hospital! ! !

5. The students at the same desk are always distracted during class. One day, he secretly played with his mobile phone again and was discovered by the head teacher who was patrolling outside the classroom. The class teacher took out his mobile phone and sent him a message: Why don't you pay attention to the class? The deskmate replied in confusion: Who are you? The head teacher sent him another text message: Look out the window. The deskmate glanced out the window and replied: Thank you for the reminder, we will chat later... The head teacher is petrified. . .

6. Wukong! Don't be rude! Old man, the poor monk came from the Eastern Tang Dynasty. Passing here, I wonder if I can open the door of convenience... Old man, please don't insult me. The poor monk apologizes for the eldest disciple... Old man, please don't drive the poor monk away with your stick... Old man, please calm down... Old...Old guy, would you like to touch me again? …oops**? Wukong! Cut him! Bajie Wujing, you guys also come up, your teeth are knocked out, your eyes are pierced, and your legs are broken! What a kindness!

7. At three quarters of noon, with the scorching sun in the sky, the beheading officer ordered: "Behead!" Suddenly the death row prisoner burst out laughing! ! ! The prison officer asked: "Why are you laughing?" The death row prisoner hesitated for a moment and said: "The experts are right, smiling can extend your life by 5 seconds!"

8. The official said: I am honest; a star Said: I am innocent; urban management said: I am kind; rich man said: I pay taxes; mistress said: I am self-reliant; director said: I am serious; teacher said: I am noble; *** said: I am impartial; mobile said: I am honest; bank said : I follow the rules; China Oil says: I lose money; the hospital says: I treat illnesses; the court says: I am fair; the people say: Oh. . .

9. The prisoner was executed. Due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. .... At this time, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said: Brother, strangle me to death! It's so damn scary...

10. Bin Laden said that China is the only country that cannot be messed with: The base once sent five terrorists to attack China, one bombed an overpass and knocked him unconscious; They failed to get on the bus; one person bombed a supermarket, but the bomb was stolen; one person bombed a train, but failed to buy a ticket; and the last person succeeded in bombing a mine, killing and injuring hundreds of people. After sneaking back to the base, he didn't see any news reports for half a year, and was executed by al-Qaeda for lying!

11. A little girl called the radio station to ask for a song for her mother. Host: Why do you want to order songs for your mother? Little girl: Mom works very hard every day and can’t take a good rest on Sundays. She has to find various exercise books for me. The host was very moved and said that she was very sensible and a good child of her mother. So I asked what song I wanted to order? Little girl: "Why bother women?"

12. This question has been asked as many times as there are girlfriends I have. A new girlfriend also asked me: "Your mother and I fell into the water, who do you save first?" I said: "I asked my mother to save you. When she was a child, she could swim back and forth on both sides of the Yangtze River." My girlfriend was a little uncomfortable. I was very happy and said: "Why don't you come down to save me?" I said: "If I come down, you will be dead, because I can't swim, my mother will definitely save me first."

13. One day some colleagues went to a restaurant for dinner. A buddy called the waiter: tea. Waiter: 1234567. : Pour tea. Waiter: 7654321. Dude: What are you counting? : I am a dog. : Call your manager. Manager: Hello. Buddy: What does your waiter count? Manager: I am a dog. Dude: Call your boss. Manager: The boss called her and she was also a dog. Dude...

14. Two hens were chatting and saw a rooster walking over listlessly. The hen asked: "What's wrong? No energy?" The rooster said: " Do some business!" The hen asked, "What kind of business is this tiring?" The rooster said sheepishly: "Well... sell some chicken essence..."