Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Story
Story
Since the machinery factory became a machinery company, the economic benefits are really changing with each passing day. In the past, the large machinery factory was deserted except for a few people who could see it after work. Every day, it was lifeless and dilapidated.
Now it is booming, and countless businesses have sprung up at once. Employees must be tired if they have endless work to do. But after a few months, the considerable wage income has made those employees who used to work and play secretly feel like they have been beaten with chicken blood.
Lao Zhao and Xiao Zhao in the maintenance class are the most representative employees. Both of them are surnamed Zhao, twenty-five years old. They all like fishing. In the past, when the company was in recession, both of them were holding the idea of muddling along. Doing work has always been "waist and legs don't come, legs don't come." A job can never be completed unless it is delayed for ten and a half days until the leader makes a hullabaloo about. It's just that the master and the apprentice have similar tempers and personalities, and everything is very tacit. What they say and do is a perfect match, especially when dealing with leaders. One look and one action is really watertight. Everyone saw that they were so in tune, so they jokingly called them "two generals."
Lao Zhao and Xiao Zhao, no matter what you think or say, are as close as relatives, telling everyone that they are father and daughter.
In the age of muddling along, Lao Zhao and Xiao Zhao tried their best to work less. They usually think about it when they sit together and drink. The whole thing is that they are "proficient in all kinds of martial arts", and even the Art of War can be applied to make others look envious. As for hate, that's impossible, because they are both warm-hearted. As long as they want something, they are always duty-bound to run before and after.
"Be happy when you are poor!" This is Lao Zhao's spoken language. The unit is depressed and the salary is pitiful. When Lao Zhao was free, he called Xiao Zhao and went fishing by the Yellow River a few kilometers away. Every time, he got something. In addition to improving the lives of the two families, he can also give the rest to his colleagues, so that everyone can eat fat yellow river fish every once in a while and solve their problems.
Xiao Zhao is very clever and likes to study machinery. Over the years, he and Lao Zhao have practiced hard work together. Don't look lazy at ordinary times, once you encounter hard work, you can always finish it beautifully under the "strict supervision" of the director.
Lao Zhao and Xiao Zhao became the "big winners" of the unit business. For such a business backbone, the director can't be so strict. In addition to pretending to reprimand other employees in front of them, he will also get on well with them in private. Because sometimes colleagues will ask him for help to solve mechanical problems. These things are all technical work, and it is impossible without him. Leading them out to help with those "arduous tasks" can earn more or less money besides saving face among peers and friends, eating and drinking without saying anything.
"Don't sleep, I seldom rest at home today. I go to the market to buy food, so that we can improve our lives ... "
"You are quick to get up and help my son with his homework. My math teacher called me back last week. Can't you get up? Why don't you go shopping and I'll tutor the children! " Early in the morning of the weekend, Xiao Zhao's daughter-in-law got up. First, she woke her son up and told him to study early. While Xiao Zhao was at home, she asked him to help her children with their studies.
"Well, get up, first-grade children have nothing to tutor, math? You go, I'll come, what's the big deal. " Xiao Zhao rolled over and sat up and promised to come down. Wave your hand and let your daughter-in-law buy food quickly. There is nothing new if it is late.
"What grade one? Your son is in Grade Two. How can I be a teacher? Thanks to these years didn't let you take the son, otherwise ... "
"ah? It's the second grade, so soon! My son has grown up! Hey! Don't say that our unit is less than really lost a son. " As soon as Xiao Zhao said this, he was in high spirits. No matter whether his daughter-in-law wanted to listen or not, he would get it off his chest first.
"The last time we finished drinking, he went to school to pick up the children, and then he was connected. He walked in front and the children followed, less than 700 meters away from home. When he got home, he pushed the door in and lay down on the sofa. The daughter-in-law didn't see the child, so she asked him, where is the child? He said it was in the back, and his wife went out to see it. There's nobody there! Wake him up quickly and go to find him together. After searching for a long time, the child wandered around the supermarket by himself! Haha! "
"You are like this, really speechless." Daughter-in-law grumpily answered, ignoring Xiao Zhao's smirk, turned and went out to buy food.
After brushing his teeth and washing his face, Xiao Zhao walked into his son's room while eating the fried dough sticks in his hand. The little guy is quite obedient and doing his math homework.
Seeing his father come in, Xiao Zhao's son immediately asked, "Dad, how to do this problem?"
"This is subtraction, haven't you learned it?"
"I have learned, I don't understand, and I dare not ask the teacher."
"The subtraction of more than ten digits, if one digit cannot be subtracted, is to borrow one digit from ten digits, you see ..."
"What if you don't lend one of the ten?"
Little Zhao Gang wants to teach his son an exercise book. Hearing his son's words, he immediately jumped up, raised his hand to hit his son, but immediately put down his arm. With a bang, he struck the table with his big hand and said loudly, "You tell ten people that Zhao, your father's surname is Zhao, has to borrow it today, or you have to borrow it!" " Say that finish, I held back my anger and went to the living room. I lit a cigarette and took a drag.
After calming down his anger, Xiao Zhao went in again and asked his son, "Did you borrow it?"
The son pouted and said, "I borrowed it!" " "
"In this way, I can't believe it. Hey? What's going on here? Why are there fifteen-meter pencils? " Xiao Zhao's smiling face was pulled down again, and he patted the table and said loudly, "Where's the fifteen-meter pencil? Believe it or not, I took out a 40-meter machete and hacked you to death! "
Taking his word, Xiao Zhao's son immediately replied, "Your 40m machete just sharpened my15m pencil!" "
"I let you sharpen a fifteen-meter pencil! I told you to cut it off! Let you cut! " Xiao Zhao gave his son a few slaps.
"Wow!" My son began to cry.
Just when Xiao Zhao was at his wit's end, his daughter-in-law came back from the shopping mall, heard her son crying, and looked at Xiao Zhao's angry and helpless appearance. She threw the food in the kitchen, washed her hands and shouted, "Don't cry, you too. When I don't tutor homework, I am convinced when I tutor homework. "
"Mom, dad hit me, we don't want him!"
"No, who does he want?"
"I went to the supermarket at the school gate and found seven or eight people younger than him to be my father! Replace him! Whoops! "
The child here is still crying, and Xiao Zhao and his wife over there are laughing their heads off. Mom went on to say, "That won't do. Your father is the best man, I won't change! " "
Hearing this, the son cried and said, "So you two are a group, whoops!" " "
Lao Zhao is warm-hearted, and his neighbors always take the initiative to run before and after to help. Because he is a maintenance expert, he can repair all kinds of water, electricity and heating, and he is also very good at it. In his house, it takes two hands to make a sound. However, this time it made a joke. However, all this is because of his wife's jealousy.
On this day, the daughter-in-law went shopping with her children, and Lao Zhao was alone at home. Neighbor widow knocked at the door and wanted Lao Zhao to help change the faucet that had been leaking for a long time. Widows have a bad reputation. Only serious people call her Lee Li Liang. Generally look down on her, people who have other ideas call her "Fengxian Xiao".
Lao Zhao hesitated. He is worried that others will misunderstand him. I can't hold on to Li's complaining and pleading. What orphans and widows are always bullied, what life is too hard, and what neighbors look down on her and don't help. I bought all the faucets, but I just didn't change them. Let Lao Zhao help her for the sake of her neighbors for many years. Finally, Lao Zhao kindly asked her if she had any tools at home, that is, pipe wrenches, and said that it would be difficult to do without tools at hand. There is absolutely no widow's house. Lao Zhao sighed, found the toolbox and followed Liang Lili with a pipe wrench to help change the faucet.
Out of the door, I met my colleague, an idiot. Looking at the rash fellow's strange eyes, Lao Zhao quickly greeted him and waved the pipe wrench in his hand, saying that he would help Liang Lili change the faucet. The rash fellow smiled and said nothing, just staring at Li, the fiery and towering pride chest, watching people turn around, staring at his back waist and his chubby ass again, and his eyes are about to ignite.
When he arrived at Liang Lili's house, Lao Zhao looked at it carefully. It is so convenient and easy. It turns out that after every household is connected with tap water, almost all of them are modified by themselves, and the water cut-off valve at the door and the water pipe more than one meter high are changed to underground, so that the space in the house is large. Li, a widow, was exposed without any help. Lao Zhao turned off the water first, turned and walked to the faucet, and quickly put on a new one. After changing it, he came out to open the valve and let the water out to see if it was leaking.
No sooner had Chao Po-tao said there was no problem than his daughter-in-law came in. Lao Zhao's daughter-in-law looked unhappy and opened her mouth and asked, "Have you changed?"
"changed!" Lao Zhao replied smoothly.
"Good worry, haven't you heard of' widow's affairs'? Go! " Say that finish, I took a contemptuous look at Liang Lili and left with Lao Zhao.
It turned out that when Lao Zhao's daughter-in-law came back from shopping with her children, she happened to meet an idle idiot wandering around the room. When she met Lao Zhao's daughter-in-law, she added to the story that Lao Zhao had been called away by his widow "Fengxian Xiao" and said strangely, "It's a plumber. Who knows what she will do! Sister-in-law, there is no cat that doesn't cheat! " Lao Zhao's daughter-in-law happens to be the kind of person who believes that "there is no cat that doesn't cheat." Hearing this, she was in a hurry and ran to the widow's house to call Lao Zhao's house.
Seeing the water pipe changed, Lao Zhao's daughter-in-law took Lao Zhao in a rage and left. Lao Zhao's pipe wrench is still at the faucet, so he wants to get rid of his daughter-in-law and get it. One arm of Lao Zhao was dragged by his daughter-in-law, and the other hand subconsciously grabbed the water pipe at the door. It happened that the daughter-in-law was angry and gave Lao Zhao a hard hand. The water pipes in Lao Zhao's hand were in disrepair for a long time, so they couldn't stand pulling and broke at once.
It was hilarious, and the water sprayed from the water pipe splashed all over the room. The main valve is still in the street, so it is impossible to leave it open. Lao Zhao severely scolded his daughter-in-law, and ran out to close the main valve. Two women here quickly drew water and held pots and pans, and then you covered me, and my clothes were wet and busy. When Lao Zhao came back, he found a new pipe and put it on for the widow. At this time, the husband and wife came home angrily.
It was all right, but the rash fellow saw it, and for some unknown purpose, he spread rumors everywhere, saying that Lao Zhao's daughter-in-law arrested him and took Lao Zhao home. Lao Zhao is reluctant to part with "Fengxian Xiao" and insists on not breaking the water pipe of "Fengxian Xiao".
There was nothing in the world, and it was the little guy who gossiped, but people still like to listen to this kind of story. Soon, Lao Zhao got a nickname. He called "Broken Water Pipe". Now, how can Lao Zhao stand it? He told me everything in front of the director at work. Angry Xiao Zhao and several young people were going to beat up a rash fellow at that time. Thanks to the director's appeasement, they didn't do anything impulsive. But later, the director bravely forced the rash fellow to make an inspection at the whole unit meeting, and the matter slowly subsided.
Lao Zhao, nicknamed "broken water pipe", is occasionally called by people who like to joke.
The director came back from the head office meeting and conveyed the spirit of the meeting to the maintenance class. Looking at the director's cheerful posture, Lao Zhao and his staff felt that there was a good show.
It really is a good thing. While gesturing, the director said loudly, "The head office has decided to select the best one by the end of the year. On the basis of the previous one, many awards have been added, especially the safety award and the Courageous Help Award, which are not bad for money and reward everyone. Moreover, I calculated that most of our employees can win prizes except for muddling along and working badly. "
At this point, the director looked around and then continued: "This is different from the past. Before, what was advanced? Wear a red flower, sit in the front row, issue a certificate, and have a meal with the leader. No one looks down on it and there is no economic benefit at all. " Now, whatever the prize is, this number! "The director held out a finger.
Next to a young employee whispered, "one hundred dollars? This is not much! "
"One hundred yuan? A thousand! Top your salary for two months! " The director's ears are so good that he hears the atmosphere.
"ah!"
"hey!"
Everyone was shocked, this is the first time in history!
Now employees have a lot of energy to work. Xiao Zhao is working outside the operating room today. Usually, the workload of ten days and a half months has been completed by this afternoon. According to this speed and working attitude, he is an advanced worker at the end of the year.
Thought of here, Xiao Zhao can't help but be happy. When he was excited, the long round steel that had not been put down in his hand began to dance. The length and thickness of this round steel is just like the whistle stick described in Water Margin. It was danced by Xiao Zhao, and the employees and colleagues at work stopped to watch and cheered loudly. Xiao Zhao became more "crazy" and danced more and more vigorously. Zhao Botao also watched with great interest. Suddenly, he seemed to remember something and suddenly shouted, "Stop! Can't play! "
Xiao Zhao was startled by Lao Zhao's binge drinking, but he didn't put the wine away in a hurry. Round steel turned around and hit him on the forehead. Xiao Zhao threw away the round steel and lay on the ground. It seems that he fainted. No wonder Xiao Zhao hasn't been working hard. Today, he suddenly exerted his strength, and his health was too much for him. Plus, he just played "Gunshot" for a while and was very excited. At this time, he just didn't faint and had to lie on the ground slowly.
Lao Zhao tried to stop Xiao Zhao, for fear of a safety accident, safety award couldn't get it off. Unexpectedly, a loud drink really made Xiao Zhao lose his mind. When he missed, he hit himself and fell to the ground. At this time, everyone was shouting around Xiao Zhao, and there was chaos.
Lao Zhao was suddenly inspired and suddenly separated from the crowd. Without saying anything, he picked up Xiao Zhao and ran to the infirmary. Although Lao Zhao is a little old, he is hale and hearty There is always a distance of more than 800 meters from the entrance of Xiao Zhao's injured workshop to the infirmary. In an instant, Lao Zhao ran more than 200 meters behind Xiao Zhao.
"Chen, what are you doing? Put me down quickly, I have nothing! " Xiao Zhao suddenly spoke in Lao Zhao's ear.
"It doesn't matter if you have something. Since you are injured, I must carry you back to the infirmary. The doctor said nothing, then it's really nothing! " Lao Zhao said breathlessly.
Xiao Zhao listened to Lao Zhao and understood that Lao Zhao wanted to do good deeds, which was for the reward of being brave. Thought of here, Xiao Zhao simply didn't struggle, but lay helplessly on Lao Zhao's back and asked Lao Zhao to carry him to the infirmary. He thought, anyway, he was fine, so he fulfilled Lao Zhao and won the courageous award.
Just walked into the infirmary door, Xiao Zhao suddenly responded. I can't! Doesn't that mean I had a safety accident at work? I helped Lao Zhao, but I didn't get the safety reward myself. No, I have to pretend that there is nothing wrong before I see a doctor. I can't let the doctor say I'm hurt. While Xiao Zhao was thinking about safety award, he grabbed Lao Zhao by the neck and jumped off his back. At this time, a group of people, including the director, heard that Xiao Zhao was injured and rushed over. Everyone is particularly concerned about the safety of Xiao Zhao.
"Xiao Zhao, what's the matter with you? Did you get hit by a round steel? "
"Director, no! I'm just a little tired. I am lying on the ground to have a rest. Who said I was hit by a round bar? I am always accurate in my work. How did it happen? Don't worry, boss! Thank you for your concern, thank you! " Xiao Zhao said, and made a beautiful bow and kept winking at everyone, as before.
"What's the matter with you, boy?" Director also see clearly that Xiao Zhao's forehead was flushed and his skin was not broken. He knew that Xiao Zhao was all right. Although he asked angrily, he finally put his hanging heart down.
"Chen! Lao Zhao! What's wrong with you? "
Suddenly, there was an urgent cry from behind, and everyone quickly looked back. It turned out that when Lao Zhao carried Xiao Zhao, he trotted all the way and used too much force, and was strangled by Xiao Zhao. By this time, he was out of breath. The director, who had just breathed a sigh of relief, became nervous again. He quickly separated the people around Lao Zhao and reached over to check. I saw Lao Zhao lying on the ground, clutching his collar with both hands, looking pale, as if he had inhaled the air but didn't exhale it.
At the critical moment, the doctor pushed everyone away, looked at Lao Zhao and asked, "What's the matter, can you still breathe?" Do you know who I am? "
"Know, know, you, you are a doctor!"
"all right! Nothing, help him up quickly! "
Lao Zhao was helped up by everyone and said awkwardly, "Nothing, nothing, alas! I can't accept being old! " After that, his face turned red.
Angry and wanting to laugh, the director said, "Look at you, you are still saving lives. They're fine. You are almost finished saving people! " So desperate, do you want to win the courageous award? "
"Ha ha!" Everyone laughed.
Lao Zhao blushed and didn't say a word. Surrounded by everyone, he left the infirmary together and walked to the maintenance room. ...
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