Humorous ancient classical Chinese

1. Classical Chinese shows the humorous quality of ancient people stealing meat. A man went to Beijing to sell meat, stopped to urinate in front of the roadside toilet, and then hung the meat outside.

Seeing this, the second man stole the meat. Before he went far, A came out of the toilet, grabbed B and asked B if he had seen anyone take his meat from the toilet.

B was afraid that A would see through, so he put the meat in his mouth early and said impatiently, "You are such an idiot! How to hang the meat outside the door without losing it? If you put meat in your mouth like me, is there any reason to lose it? " -Han Weiyuchun's "Laughing Forest" name game Xu Zhicai, the king of Xiyang in the Northern Qi Dynasty, is very eloquent, especially good at word games. When he is not the king, he tries to play with the king, a senior minister.

Wang laughed at the name and said, "Your name is Zhicai. What's the point? In my opinion, it is similar to call it' lack of talent'. " Hearing this, he immediately laughed at Wang's surname: "The word Wang is added to the left of the word, 呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄2157

Wang was tongue-tied and embarrassed. On another occasion, Xu Zhicai entertained guests, and Lu Yuanming was present.

During the dinner, Lu Yuanming made fun of his surname and said, "The word' Xu' means not entering the people (Wei added' Yu' and' Jin')." Immediately mocked Yuan Ming's surname-the word "Lu": "The word" Lu "means" An "printed a public character as" Lu ",and then matched it with a horse to make a donkey. "

Lu Yuanming was flushed and speechless, and the room was full of laughter. -Old title Sui Houbai's "Qi Yan Lu" Bird's Nest and Calf Hou Bai later became an official in the Tang Dynasty and often worked with people in solve riddles on the lanterns. Hou Baixian made three chapters for everyone: "What you guess must be a visible object; Second, you can't make empty explanations to confuse everyone; Third, if the explanation is finished, but you can't see this thing, you should be punished. "

Then he first made a riddle: "The back is as big as a house, the abdomen is as big as a pillow (the crossbar behind the car), and the mouth is as big as a cup." Everyone guessed for a long time, but no one guessed right. They all said, "Where is an object with a mouth as big as a cup and a back as big as a room?" There is no such thing. You must make a bet with all of us. "

Hou Bai finished gambling with everyone and explained, "This is the swallow's nest." They burst out laughing.

On another occasion, Hou Bai attended a large banquet. During the dinner, everyone asked him to make a riddle for entertainment.

What you guess can neither be strange nor difficult to understand, nor can it be abstract and untrue. Hou Bai replied, "There is something as big as a dog and looks like an ox.

What is this? "People are competing to guess, some people say it's a roe deer, others say it's a deer, but they all deny it. Let Hou Bai tell the answer.

Hou Bai laughed and said, "This is a calf." -The old title "Qi" by Sui Houbai asks for the name of Tianbao. In his early years, the famous secret supervisor He wrote to the court and wanted to retire to his hometown of Wuzhong.

Xuanzong Li Longji respected him very much and treated everything differently. When He Zhangzhi left, he said goodbye to Tang Xuanzong, and his eyes were full of tears.

Tang Xuanzong asked him what other requirements he had. Zhang Zhi said: "I know that Zhang Zhang has a son who hasn't been named yet. If your majesty gives it a name, I will be honored to return to China. "

Xuanzong said: "Faith is the core of Tao. Blessed people have faith. The son of Qing should be named Fu. "

Know the chapter and thank humbly. It took me a long time to realize. I thought to myself, "The emperor is so happy with me.

I'm from Wu, and the word' fu' is the word' claw' followed by the word' zi'. He named my son Fu, didn't he call my son's paw? -Gao Songyi's "Living in Groups" does not know what poetry is. Ai Zi likes to write poems.

One day, Ai Zi swam between Qi and Wei and stayed in a hotel. In the evening, he heard someone talking next door: "A song."

After a while, he said, "One more song." Ai Zi was baffled and sleepy all night.

Lying until dawn, * * * heard the man in the next room say about six or seven times, that is, six or seven songs. Ai Zi thought that the man in the next room must be a poet. He was quietly absorbed in poetry at the foot of the mountain, and he felt respect in his heart. He also liked this man's quick thinking and decided to get to know him.

Early in the morning, Ai Zi got dressed and got up, adjusted her crown belt and stood at the door to meet her. Soon, a peddler-like man came out of the next room, thin and ill.

Ai Zi was disappointed, thinking: With this respect, you look like a poet. Perhaps, people can't judge people by their appearances, and they can't guess blindly. He went up to him and asked, "I heard that Mr. Wang has many poems." Can I see them? "

The man said, "I'm a businessman and I never know what poetry is." Has refused to come up with poetry.

Ai Zi stubbornly said, "I heard you say' one' in the house last night, and then you said' one'. Isn't that a poem? " Hearing this, the man couldn't help laughing: "You misunderstood. Last night, my stomach was upset. Every time I have diarrhea, I can't find toilet paper at night, so I wipe it with my hands.

Diarrhea lasted all night, and my hands were dyed almost six or seven times. When I say' hand', I don't mean the first poem. "

Ai Zi felt ashamed to hear that. -The Word Game of Lao Shi's Essays on Ai Zi Su Dongpo heard that Wang's Essays on Words had just been written, so he went to the office to congratulate him and joked: "In the masterpiece, it is said that' bamboo' whips and' horses' are' Benedict'.

But I still have a question: "I don't know what's so funny about whipping dogs with bamboo?" Gong Jing just laughed and asked, "What evidence is there to prove that the word' pigeon' is changed from the word' bird' to the word' nine'?" Dongpo immediately replied: "The Book of Songs says:' The dead pigeon is in mulberry, and his son is seven', plus their parents, it is exactly nine." Hearing Wang's words, he nodded happily.

It was a long time before I knew that Su Dongpo had played a big joke with him again. -Su Song Wang Shizhen's "Teasing" Three-point Poetry Seven-point Reading Qin once told a story that the poet Guo once passed by Hangzhou and gave Su Dongpo a volume of poetry he wrote for appreciation.

Before Dongpo could read the poem, he began to recite it vividly, until he read that his feelings were overflowing. After singing the poems, I asked Dongpo's opinion: "What can Zheng Xiang say about these poems?" Dongpo said without thinking, "Ten points."

Guo exultation, and asked why there can be very. Dongpo smiled and answered, "You just recite poems, seven points come from reading and three points come from poems. Isn't it ten o'clock? " -Su Song Shi Ming Wang Shizhen.

2. Humorous classical Chinese tells a new story. Xie Taifu is as cold as ice, telling the child the meaning of the paper.

Suddenly it began to snow, and Gong said cheerfully, "What is snow like?" ? "Brother Hu said," Sprinkling salt in the air can be simulated. Brother and daughter said that if catkins were not due to the wind.

"Laugh loudly. Compare spring catkins to winter snow ... If you are a girl, you have to take a nap today. If you don't leave me, fuck you, you will have no less than two or three sentences.

Anger also, people who take a nap, not only me, but also the focus. What's more, I haven't lost my mind, and I am very wronged. What can you do? If you really have the ability, why are more than half of the students lying on the chopping board? Six out of ten people hate you. Are you okay? Its number can be seen.

Let bygones be bygones, but today's events are hateful and make me angry. Mother is sincere, and mother is not happy.

A meat thief went to Beijing to sell meat, stopped to urinate in front of a toilet on the side of the road and hung the meat outside. A second saw this and stole the meat.

Before he went far, A came out of the toilet, grabbed B and asked B if he had seen anyone take his meat from the toilet. B was afraid that A would see through, so he put the meat in his mouth early and said impatiently, "You are such an idiot! How to hang the meat outside the door without losing it? If you put meat in your mouth like me, is there any reason to lose it? " -Han Weiyuchun's "Laughing Forest" name game Xu Zhicai, the king of Xiyang in the Northern Qi Dynasty, is very eloquent, especially good at word games.

When he is not the king, he tries to play with the king, a senior minister. Wang laughed at the name and said, "Your name is Zhicai. What's the point? In my opinion, it is similar to call it' lack of talent'. "

Hearing this, he immediately laughed at Wang's surname: "The word Wang is added to the left of the word, 呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄呄2157

On another occasion, Xu Zhicai entertained guests, and Lu Yuanming was present. During the dinner, Lu Yuanming made fun of his surname and said, "The word' Xu' means not entering the people (Wei added' Yu' and' Jin')."

He immediately mocked Yuan Ming's surname-the word "Lu": "The word" Lu "means that" An "prints a public character as" Lu ",and then matches it with a horse as a donkey." Lu Yuanming was flushed and speechless, and the people in the room laughed their heads off.

-Old title Sui Hou Bai's "Qi Yan Lu" Bird's Nest and calf Hou Bai later became an official of the Tang Dynasty, often with solve riddles on the lanterns. Hou Baixian made three chapters for everyone: "What you guess must be a visible object; Second, you can't make empty explanations to confuse everyone; Third, if the explanation is finished, but you can't see this thing, you should be punished. " Then he first made a riddle: "The back is as big as a house, the abdomen is as big as a pillow (the crossbar behind the car), and the mouth is as big as a cup."

Everyone guessed for a long time, but no one guessed right. They all said, "Where is an object with a mouth as big as a cup and a back as big as a room?" There is no such thing. You must make a bet with all of us. Hou Bai finished gambling with everyone and explained, "This is a swallow's nest. "

They burst out laughing. On another occasion, Hou Bai attended a large banquet.

During the dinner, everyone asked him to make a riddle for entertainment. What you guess can neither be strange nor difficult to understand, nor can it be abstract and untrue.

Hou Bai replied, "There is something as big as a dog and looks like an ox. What is this? " Everyone has been speculating, some say it's roe deer, others say it's deer, but they are all denied.

Let Hou Bai tell the answer. Hou Bai laughed and said, "This is a calf."

-The old title "Qi" by Sui Houbai asks for the name of Tianbao. In his early years, the famous secret supervisor He wrote to the court and wanted to retire to his hometown of Wuzhong. Xuanzong Li Longji respected him very much and treated everything differently.

When He Zhangzhi left, he said goodbye to Tang Xuanzong, and his eyes were full of tears. Tang Xuanzong asked him what other requirements he had.

Zhang Zhi said: "I know that Zhang Zhang has a son who hasn't been named yet. If your majesty gives it a name, I will be honored to return to China. " Xuanzong said: "Faith is the core of Tao. Blessed people have faith.

Qing's son should be called Fu. "Know chapter thank humbly.

It took me a long time to realize. I thought to myself, "The emperor is so happy with me. I'm from Wu, and the word' fu' is the word' claw' followed by the word' zi'.

He named my son Fu, didn't he call my son's paw? -Gao Songyi's "Living in Groups" does not know what poetry is. Ai Zi likes to write poems. One day, Ai Zi swam between Qi and Wei and stayed in a hotel.

In the evening, he heard someone talking next door: "A song." After a while, he said, "One more song."

Ai Zi was baffled and sleepy all night. Lying until dawn, * * * heard the man in the next room say about six or seven times, that is, six or seven songs.

Ai Zi thought that the man in the next room must be a poet. He was quietly absorbed in poetry at the foot of the mountain, and he felt respect in his heart. He also liked this man's quick thinking and decided to get to know him. Early in the morning, Ai Zi got dressed and got up, adjusted her crown belt and stood at the door to meet her.

Soon, a peddler-like man came out of the next room, thin and ill. Ai Zi was disappointed, thinking: With this respect, you look like a poet. Perhaps, people can't judge people by their appearances, and they can't guess blindly.

He went up to him and asked, "I heard that Mr. Wang has many poems." Can I see them? " The man said, "I'm a businessman and I never know what poetry is."

Has refused to come up with poetry. Ai Zi stubbornly said, "I heard you say' one' in the house last night, and then you said' one'. Isn't that a poem? " Hearing this, the man couldn't help laughing: "You misunderstood.

Last night, my stomach was upset. Every time I have diarrhea, I can't find toilet paper at night, so I wipe it with my hands. Diarrhea lasted all night, and my hands were dyed almost six or seven times.

When I say' hand', I don't mean the first poem. "Ziyi listened, ashamed.

-The Word Game of Lao Shi's Essays on Ai Zi Su Dongpo heard that Wang's Essays on Words had just been written, so he went to the office to congratulate him and joked: "In the masterpiece, it is said that' bamboo' whips and' horses' are' Benedict'. But I still have a question: "I don't know what's so funny about whipping dogs with bamboo?" Gong Jing just laughed and asked, "Is there any evidence that the word' pigeon' is changed from' bird' to' nine'? Dongpo immediately replied, "The Book of Songs says,' The dead pigeon is in mulberry, and his son is seven'. Together with their parents, it is exactly nine. "

3. Improper selection of paragraphs in ancient classical Chinese.

Online and in bookstores. For example, the joke is that a scholar will be seventy years old and suddenly gave birth to a son.

Born in age, that is, named age. A little later, I gave birth to another son, who seems to be able to read and learn by name.

The next year, another son was born. Smile: 62616964757a68696416fe58685e5aeb931333656461"It's a joke to have children at such an old age."

Because of the name "joke". When they were old and had nothing to do, they all ordered to go to the mountains to collect firewood and go home. The husband asked, "Who has more firewood for the third son?" The wife said, "As you get older, you have no knowledge at all, but you have the burden of jokes."

There is a scholar who is nearly seventy years old. His wife suddenly gave birth to a son. She named him "Age" because she was old enough to have a son. Before long, another son was born. He looks like a scholar, so he named him "Xue Xue".

In the third year, another son was born. The scholar smiled and said, "It's a joke to have a son at such a big age." So he named it "Joke".

The three sons had nothing to do when they grew up, so the scholar asked them to go into the mountains to get firewood. When they came back, the husband asked his wife, "Which of the three people has more firewood?" The wife said, "When I am old, I have no knowledge at all, but jokes are a burden." Avoid the original snobs and avoid them every time you come out.

The fellow traveler asked him why, and replied, "Give up my relatives." So many times, colleagues are tired.

Even if I meet a beggar, I will try to avoid him and say, "Give up my relatives." Q: "Why are there such relatives?" He said, "But all the good ones are recognized by you."

There was a vain man who met a passing dignitary when he went out and avoided it. People in the same trade asked him why he did this, and he said, "That's my relative."

This has happened many times, and every time he does this, people in the same industry feel very annoyed. Later, on the road, I suddenly met a beggar, and the people in the same trade also learned to hide from him and said, "That beggar is my relative."

The vain man asked, "Why do you have such poor relatives?" People in the same trade said, "Because all the good things are recognized by you." Villagers who eat olives go to town to drink, and there are olives at the banquet.

The villagers took the spit, which was astringent and tasteless, because they asked the people at the table, "What is this?" The deskmate scorned them with their village spirit: "vulgar." In the name of "vulgarity", the villagers kept it in mind and said, "Today, if you taste the strange things in the city, it is called" vulgarity "."

Everyone didn't believe it, but the man opened his mouth and gasped, "You don't believe it, but now you are full of swearing." A farmer went to a party in town, and there were olives at the party.

The farmer took it to his mouth, which was astringent and not delicious, and asked the person at the same table, "What is this?" Everyone at the same table thought he was vulgar and said contemptuously, "vulgar." The farmer thinks "vulgarity" is an olive name, so he keeps it in mind. When he got home, he said to people, "I ate a strange fruit in the city today, called' vulgar'."

Everyone didn't believe it. The farmer gasped with an open mouth and said, "You don't believe it. Now my mouth is full of swearing. " A person stayed for lunch, and the guest had vomited a bowl, but he didn't add any more rice.

The guest wanted to let the host know, but pretended to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell." Therefore, he said to his master, "The rafters are so big."

The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl and asked the boy to add it. Because he asked the guest, "Does he want geometry?" The guest said, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it."

A man left a guest for lunch. The guest has finished a bowl, and no one has given him more rice. The guest wants to let the host know, so he pretends to say, "So-and-so has a house to sell."

Then he deliberately pointed the bowl mouth at the owner and said, "The rafters are as thick as the bowl mouth." The host saw that there was no rice in the bowl, so he quickly called the servant to add rice to him.

Immediately ask the guest, "How much does he sell?" The guest replied, "Since we have food to eat, we won't sell it." Some people are used to telling lies.

Every generation of his servants is round. One day, he said to a man, "My well was blown to the house next door by the strong wind yesterday."

People think that there has been nothing since ancient times. The servant Yuan said, "It's true.

My well is near the neighbor's fence. Last night, it was windy. I saw the fence blowing to the well, but it went to my neighbor's house like a well. One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head."

The public was surprised. The servant Yuan said, "So it is.

My master was eating noodle soup in the yard when a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it a wild goose with noodle soup? "One day.

He also said to others, "the cold family has a warm weather account, which covers the world tightly without gaps." The servant frowned and said, "Master, how can I hide this lie?"

There is a man who is used to telling lies. His servants always lie for him. One day, he said to a man, "Yesterday, a well in my house was blown to the house next door by the strong wind."

Everyone thinks that such a thing has never happened since ancient times. His servant lied for him and said, "My well is really close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was very strong last night, and the fence was blown to the side of the well, just like the well was blown to the neighbor's house. "

One day, he said to people, "Someone shot down a wild goose and put a bowl of noodle soup on his head." Everyone was surprised and didn't believe what he said.

His servant lied for him again, saying, "It happened. My master is eating noodle soup in the yard. Suddenly, a wild goose fell and its head fell into the bowl. Isn't it covered with noodle soup? " Another day, he said to others: "The cold family has a top temperature account, which covers the world tightly without any gap." Hearing this, the servant frowned awkwardly and said, "The master has gone too far. How can I tell such a big lie to cover it up? "

The scholar peed on the doll for a long time and was frightened. He said, "The school is coming." The doll peed immediately.

The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I think you scholars are scared to pee when they get off the stage." The scholar sighed: "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's legacy and be elegant;" I didn't expect this school to be so small that it can pass two stools. "

The servant of the scholar's family held the doll to pee, but the child didn't pee for a long time. The servant startled him and said, "Here comes the learning platform."

The doll peed immediately. The scholar asked him why, and replied, "I saw your scholar come to the learning platform, and he was scared to pee, so I scared him like this."

The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect this doll to inherit his father's wishes and continue studying;" Even more unexpected.