Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - I want someone to give me advice on picking up girls.
I want someone to give me advice on picking up girls.
The Unique Skill of Chasing Girls+February 65438, 2008+Saturday 03 1 1:40 Misunderstanding of his coyness-Andel Marville (a love letter that girls can learn from)
If we have enough time and world,
This shyness, madam, is not a crime.
We'll sit down and figure out how to go.
Take a walk and spend our long love day.
You are on the Ganges River in India.
The holy ruby should be found; I was drowned by the tide.
Humber will complain. I can
I loved you a few years before the flood,
You should refuse if you like.
Until the Jews converted.
My love for vegetables should grow.
Bigger and slower than the empire.
A hundred years should be praised.
Your eyes, staring at your forehead
200 worships every breast.
But 30 thousand goes to the rest;
At least every part of an age,
And in the end, show your heart.
Because, ma 'am, you deserve it,
I will not love at a lower speed.
But behind my back, I always hear
The winged chariot of time gallops;
Everything in front of us is a lie.
A vast and eternal desert.
Your beauty will cease to exist,
Or in your marble grave.
My echoing song; Then the worm will try
That long-preserved virginity,
Your eccentric honor will be reduced to ashes.
Turn all my desires into ashes.
The grave is a good private place,
But I don't think there is a hug.
Now, therefore, although the young tones
Stay on your skin like morning dew,
When your willing soul evaporates
In every instant burning pore,
Now let's enjoy ourselves.
Now, like a fierce raptor,
Our time was swallowed up immediately,
Than suffer from his slow power.
Let's go all out.
Our sweetness, together,
Tear our happiness with fierce fighting,
Through the iron gate of life.
So, although we can't make the sun
Stand still, we'll let him get away.
Teach you how to chase girls by SMS.
Teach you how to chase girls by SMS.
Lesson one:
Of course, the first thing to know is the girl's mobile phone number.
Secondly, you should be interested in her.
Send a short message: "I was very happy to chat with you last time." Can I invite you out to chat again? "
Note: If the girl agrees, the place she is looking for is a quiet bar, so don't go to the restaurant or D for the time being.
Lesson two:
Don't forget to send a short message when you get home from the date: nice talking to you and looking forward to seeing you again. Good night to you.
Let her know that you are a sweet person.
The next day, you can also send her an interesting message, such as:
1. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. When asked how they got together, the chimpanzee said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!
2. I am a bean. I fell down and was very discouraged. What can make me stand up again? The answer is-you. There is such a thing as "pig encouraging beans".
On the birthday of the giant panda, someone asked him what his wishes were. The giant panda said: I have two wishes in my life. One is to find a Chinese doctor to get rid of my dark circles, and the other is to take a color photo.
. . . . . .
Let her know that you are a humorous person.
Note: Never send pornographic jokes.
Lesson three:
When you get up in the morning, send her a message:
Good morning! The early bird catches the worm. How many did it catch today?
I remember a MM answered me like this:
The early worm is eaten by birds, hehe, I am more like a worm.
Answer: la la la. The late bird catches the worm. I eat, I eat, I eat. Wow, what a big beauty bug! Just right, full. Stay for lunch.
Note: it is a beautiful woman. Girls are vain. Usually, you can send a message like this:
1, I think what you are wearing today is very special and cute.
2. Seeing your beautiful skirt today will make my eyes fall. ~! ~
. . . . . .
Don't be stingy with your description of beauty, be as beautiful as you want.
Lesson four:
You'll get familiar with it after a while, and it's your turn to play tricks. In ancient Tang Dynasty, Xuanzong tried his best to transport fresh litchi to Chang 'an in order to make Bo Guifei smile. Now please please use your short message to please the girl you like.
1, suggest playing tricks: If there is an afterlife, let's be mice, love each other silly, live silly, and simply snuggle together silly. When the mountain is closed by snow and ice, we will nest in the warm haystack, I will hold you and feed you rat poison.
2. It's not bad to send an English short message: Hey, what are you doing now? Close your eyes, I will be by your side and miss you day and night!
3. Warm greetings: Are you busy? Nothing, I just want to tell you that I miss you in a way that doesn't bother you. I hope that when you receive my message, you will have a smile on your lips and let your friends around you know that you are happy.
4, teasing, deepening the impression: I said: "You are a pig."
You said, "I am a pig."
From then on, I called you "pig monster", and finally one day you couldn't stand it and shouted at me in public: "I'm not a pig."
5, or the implied trick is effective: Listen, I want to chase you! I thought you were! It is you that I have been looking for! I will seize this opportunity! I must catch up with you! Dead fly, I'll shoot you! )
6. The advantage of texting is that you can say things that you usually dare not say in person. Even if you are so sour and spiteful, girls like sweet talk and care about others:
If one day, you feel tired, as long as you turn around, my blessing will be by your side, no matter how far away, no matter how many years, this blessing will turn into a blue star, flashing in the morning, flashing in the sunset, flashing in every inch of your life.
Know what I'm doing? Give you five choices: A: I miss you, B: I miss you very much, C: I miss you very much, D: I can't live without you, E: All of the above.
Lesson five:
I'm depressed. I'm going on a business trip tomorrow, and I may not be able to exchange experiences with my friends for a few days. Thank you for your support and support. I also hope that friends who have experience in this field will follow suit.
This lesson is about the quantity and quality of texting:
1, the quantity is small. Girls shouldn't like boys who are full of mothers and fathers. Are you tired of chattering around all the time (catching up is another matter)?
2. Don't always send short messages copied online. Use your own thinking. Since you like her, use your brain and send text messages with your heart.
3, occasionally fishing for three days and drying the net for two days, so I am addicted to it. After repeated violent SMS attacks, I suddenly stopped texting for a day or two. When your message becomes a part of a girl's life, she will wonder why you didn't send me a message today. When she sends you a text message, no matter what she says, you're halfway there.
After giving you enough SMS care, the first message a girl sends you is often a complaint, such as "I'm bored to death" and "I'm about to collapse". Hey, hey, what are you waiting for? Girls are most likely to succeed when they need help most. Please encourage her quickly:
In fact, the sky is blue and the clouds will eventually disperse; In fact, the sea is not wide, and this shore is connected with the other; In fact, tears are sweet, when your heart has a wish; In fact, I hope you are happy every day.
You should stick to the direction of progress. No matter what happens, I will be with you. I hope to see a strong me and a strong you! ! !
It is necessary to give her a call after sending a text message.
Lesson 6
Care about the weather, care about mm Send a weather forecast to your MM every day:
The lowest temperature tomorrow 1 degree, and the highest temperature 13 degree. Let me tell you that caring about the weather means caring about you. Don't forget to add an extra dress. (XX, it's yourself)
Do not type the contents in parentheses in a text message. Don't copy mechanically in online short messages. Turn other people's things into your own. That's the highest level.
I found a few short messages at random. Use them if you like. Go to bed.
1, are you secretly thinking about me? Are you really thinking about me secretly? Tell me if you really miss me. I won't stop you from thinking about me. Be reasonable. I miss you too.
2. Are you at home? I'm bored, come on, smile, please see: if you are a flower, I'd like to be that cow dung; If you are cow dung, I would like to be that fly. If you were a fly, I would like to make an egg with a seam.
Whenever I am alone, whenever I am happy, I will think of you and want you to double my happiness.
4, some words don't need to be said, just want to tell you with deep eyes how difficult it is not to meet!
5. Did you miss me when I missed you? No matter how far apart we are and how long the road ahead is, I just want to say that it's good to know you.
6. Do you know who I am?
7. Send you a cup of morning tea: take fragrant blessings as leaves, gentle reminders as flowers, boiling enthusiasm as water, and generous tolerance as cups to drink up your good mood all day and happiness all your life!
A compulsory course for chasing girls-Love Letters Many people who want to find a girlfriend want to improve their English, (t&; f? ) In fact, this process will also benefit you a lot _
Classic love confession
1. If I say I don't love you, I'm a liar.
If I don't love you, I'm cheating on you.
Note: subjunctive mood+double negation is a typical listening problem. See if you can respond to this sentence in 2 seconds.
The word means "I love you".
Similar sentence:
I love you because of you. I love you or I love you as a person (not your money or status)
You make me the happiest person in the world.
You make me the happiest person in the world.
It's so simple, but I put it in the most romantic five sentences! ! ! electron volt
Every woman likes to think that she makes her man happy.
This sentence is simple, but I list it as one of the five most romantic sweet words. Every woman wants to be successful.
Happy people. )
Your love makes me happy, my love. Your love is better than wine; your
Perfume that smells better than any perfume.
My darling, how sweet your love is, your love is sweeter than wine, and your fragrance is better than any spice.
This is so romantic and touching, but it reminds me of a child's company.
I have heard of it. The little boy embraced his mother with sticky hands.
Id "I love you very much, mom. I love you more than ever ... ice cream!" ! ! "
This passage is so romantic and touching! However, it reminds me of what I once heard from a little boy. The little boy
Hug his mother with two sticky hands and say, "Mom, I love you so much!" " ! ! I love you more than ice.
Spray! ! ! ")
There is a special place for you in my heart.
A place with nothing.
A quiet place where love grows.
A place full of happiness and ecstasy.
I have a pure land specially prepared for you in my heart.
Nothing can occupy it,
In this pure land, love is growing,
The ecstasy of happiness is rippling.
There are not enough words to tell you that I love you.
There are not enough ways to express my concern to you,
Not enough laughter and good times to bless you,
There are not enough wonderful moments to share.
A million bright mornings are not too many,
There are still too few nights that are always warm-
I want you so much and need you so much that I don't seem to have enough days.
Spend my life with you.
There are not enough words to express my love for you, not enough ways to express my concern for you, and not enough laughter.
And happiness can make you enjoy it, and there are not enough beautiful moments to spend with you. A million bright mornings can never be too many and will never end.
There are still too few warm nights-I want you and I need you! ! ! I still feel that spending my life with you is not enough. What a big row!
Contrast! )
I can hardly speak to these beautiful words! ! ! If you have a boyfriend,
You'd better practice your English with these materials.
Be careful, or you will find yourself getting married earlier than expected.
Should! ! ! ! ! !
I was almost speechless by these sweet words! ! ! If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, use this.
Be careful when practicing English with sweet words, or you may find yourself entering the marriage hall ahead of time.
Attached is a poem by Shakespeare.
Can I compare you to summer?
(william shakespeare)
Can I compare you to summer?
You are more lovely and gentle. (You, you = you)
The wind shook the lovely buds of May,
The lease in summer is too short.
Sometimes the eye of heaven shines too hot,
His golden complexion often darkens.
Every market sometimes declines,
Accidental or natural process of change, untrimmed.
But your eternal summer will not disappear,
And you won't lose the beauty you have.
Death will not boast that you wander in his shadow.
When you grow up in eternal time.
As long as human beings can breathe and see,
This is eternal, which gives you life.
The last two lines are famous sentences that can be used to please girls! )
A complete collection of tips for picking up girls
1) chasing girls who are silent and arrogant.
At first glance, this seems to be tricky. In fact, these girls are indifferent in appearance and often fanatical in heart. They generally like boys who are a little wild. If you are the kind of gentle boy, with long differences and little possibility, you'd better choose another beautiful woman. If someone says, "How cool!" Then you hope big! If your first invitation is not rejected, then you must not miss the opportunity! They may be extremely careless about you at first. Don't be discouraged at this time.
Be sure to persist, even if it is repeated. Watching movies, dancing, skating and going to her usual study room are all good strategies. Be sure to find more opportunities to express yourself, more and more (of course, I love you until the last time, hehe) ... For this type of girl, your true feelings are very attractive.
This kind of girl usually has to chase for a long time. If you are about to graduate or leave school now, it seems best not to start. So as not to waste ... hehe. However, after catching up, she will generally be dead set, and you will be on cloud nine and feel that you are the happiest BF in the world! Ha ha.
(2) Girls who pursue romantic fantasies
If you really like such a girl, let me remind you first-you are going to taste the ups and downs! This kind of girl seems to pursue spirit more than material, but in fact it is just the opposite. Romance needs money to build. If you don't have enough financial resources, I hope you'd better reconsider. Because she likes romantic things, flowers and chocolates, you can touch her heartstrings most by giving more gifts.
If you want to catch up with this kind of girl, don't be stingy with your little money. There is nothing in the sky except the moon ... (What? As long as she wants it, you should try your best to get it without hesitation. And ordinary roses and snacks are also subtle spirits ... In short, if you want to chase such girls, you must cultivate the ability to read girls' minds at ordinary times. Don't forget to bribe the roommates of the girls around you.
They will tell you a lot of useful information. And you must think more about your dress, and don't be rustic all day. After catching up with a girl, you can safely show your true colors, because in her eyes, you are no longer rustic. Haha)
If you want to play with her, you should also go to romantic places, such as spring outing, dance and reading love stories ... she will gradually be inseparable from your care, haha! Although such a girl costs you a lot of money, it will also bring you a lot of wonderful fun. As long as you really like it, you can still live happily.
(3) Chasing tender and considerate girls
This kind of girl is dedicated. Once she becomes your GF, she will take good care of you, be gentle and amiable, and let you feel the warmth and reliability of love. If you can catch up with this kind of girl, theoretically you will become the most comfortable man. This kind of girl should be easy to chase (also suitable for all kinds of boys), as long as she doesn't hate you, you deserve her. Now let's discuss the means.
First of all, you should pay more attention to her in life and study. She doesn't need any material things, but needs a heartfelt concern to appear in front of her when she needs help. (Reminder, you must observe more at ordinary times to find a good opportunity to start. Of course, if you are a romantic, it is foolproof to send flowers and gifts on holidays.
At first, you can send something friendly, and when you feel you can express it (for example, she looks at you differently from others or seems a little overwhelmed in front of you), you can send roses! If you don't want to be so extravagant, you can reveal some in the chat after self-study on weekdays. When the time is right, you will suddenly say something like "It's good to be with you". If she doesn't hide, you can strike while the iron is hot and say what you have long wanted to say. The best time is at night: people's defense ability is weak at night. If she starts to avoid, don't force her, you can care silently until she is moved.
If you don't have much contact with her at ordinary times and have a goal when she doesn't know you, you can pretend to meet her by chance through friends, and then deepen your impression through several "encounters" in the same study room, and then you can start. Don't think that this kind of girl is honest and safe to catch up with. Actually, it depends on someone. Some people won't let her leave you in an emergency. If you can't, you should always write and call.
4) Chasing lively and lovely girls
This kind of girl seems to like a lot of people. In the new environment, boyfriends often come first. Not because they are easy to chase, but because they often have to take the initiative. If you like this kind of girl, if she likes you, it will be easy. Get in touch with her more, occasionally show your affection for her, and she will be close to your goal at the same time.
If she doesn't like you (worse, she likes another person), don't lose heart. As long as you still have a chance, you should fight for it (of course, you are just so-so to her, so you don't have to). You can first exist in the form of friendship with her and try to cultivate a hobby similar to her. In the meantime, your humor and openness are very important, so that she can still think of you on her way back. If the person she likes is not interested in her, then you can take your time until she takes the initiative to you.
At this time, you can take obvious strategies to make her really become your girlfriend. If she and he like each other, if you think she deserves to be accused of stealing others' love, you can give them a final blow before they talk to each other. At this time, opportunities are very important.
You should observe carefully, when they have contradictions and misunderstandings, use them and take the lead, and the victory is likely to belong to you in the end! (Generally, girls don't have other ideas after catching up, haha) This kind of girl may be liked by unsuspecting people after having BF. You should inform "Please! She already belongs to me! " The result should be optimistic.
(5) Chasing hysterical girls
The typical feature of this kind of girl is emotional exposure. She can cry whenever she wants, smile happily, which often makes people feel a little ridiculous. This kind of girl is also pursued. Crazy girls are like wild horses. If you don't think you have enough ability to control them, you don't have to consider chasing them. Choose another one. If you feel good about yourself, you can have a try.
First of all, you should give her the impression that you are awesome (whether he is a T or an F, haha) and make her worship you. You'd better sum up your own specialty before chasing, and design the time of the exhibition so that she can look up to you unconsciously. After a good start, we can launch a full-scale attack. You don't have to be ashamed of your knees at all. Just go out with her a few times more (you can choose a friend who is not handsome or stronger than you, haha) and show her style more, and her heart will slowly move closer to you.
Don't catch up with her at once, or you will come and go quickly. You should play hard to get and let her fall into the trap. Your task is to create as many opportunities as possible to contact and show your talents. Wait until she is completely convinced of you, and then make it clear slowly-oh, so you like her, too. Ha ha!
(6) Chasing girls older than themselves
The girl you like is older than yourself, which is a common problem in our school. And women are older than men, which is a fine tradition of lovers in our school. For beginners who have just entered love, there is no need to panic in this situation. Go ahead, too! But in the process of pursuing, we must pay attention to the following points:
Never act like a little boy. Even a truly mature woman wants to be spoiled rather than spoiled. When you encounter difficulties or problems, you must take the lead, but don't ask her to protect you. Your own subjective judgment is very important. Don't parrot in front of the girl you like.
B: "I am mentally older than you" should be your mantra when she has an idea. Make her feel that this is really more real than her biological age.
You must not think that she is older than me. And I forgot this when I was chasing her.
The secret of chasing girls 2
Matters needing attention when dining with women:
A: I invited her to dinner because most girls don't want to say that they are hungry.
B. Ask her what she wants to eat first. If she doesn't comment, you can decide the menu yourself. Don't push it around, because you think being polite to each other will actually embarrass them. Be careful not to touch your teeth when ordering, because it will spoil the atmosphere.
C. Try not to make any noise while eating. You should talk to your heart while eating.
D. You can eat as much as you want. Girls usually like boys with big appetites.
Precautions for drinking:
A. Never force your girlfriend to drink on the first date, which will make her unhappy. She can also refuse to date you again on the pretext that you force her to drink.
B. Don't pretend to be fat whether you like it or not.
C. If she blushes after drinking, you should praise her.
If you are late for an appointment:
I rushed to the appointment place, gasped and sincerely apologized to the other party, and then naturally made an excuse, such as "Zhongshan Road was caught in traffic, so I jumped out of the car and ran there, out of breath." Or: "I want to find you a gift that you like, so that I can't catch up with the time ..." In short, be reasonable and don't let her know that you are late because of your carelessness, which has nothing to do with any car or gift. This kind of commitment helps to dispel his girlfriend's dissatisfaction, and the motive is good, so it can't be regarded as malicious deception. However, this kind of thing must not happen again. If you tell too many lies, the stuffing will eventually come out.
Say goodbye to her skills:
It's best to say goodbye to her at the right station, wait with her until the bus comes, and then leave after she gets on the bus. So that women won't feel that you are not tightly entangled. If she is willing to let you take her home, it means that she has a little mutual affinity for you. At this time, the time must be separated, that is to say, the first date should end when the girl still wants to get along with you. This is the trick to make her look forward to her next date. At the same time, you should use the following invitation skills. For example, while waiting for the bus, you ask her, "Today is the summer solstice. Do you know what the summer solstice means? " She said she didn't know, and then the car came. You said, "Well, I'll tell you on our next date."
Repeat the next time and place, and then send her to the car. Or, when she was about to break up, she said, "I am very happy with you." You must stop at once and say, "Great. I will make you happier next time. " Then repeat the time and place of the next appointment as appropriate.
Know her skills:
Generally, women don't hate hitting on strange men, because they subconsciously think it's because they have enough power to attract men. But if you use the wrong words and look unnatural, they won't stop to strike up a conversation with you, so you should think about the content of the conversation before you strike up a conversation and use the following questions appropriately.
Suitable for confident women with heavy makeup: Can I buy you a cup of coffee?
Miss, you are so beautiful. Miss, your hair is so elegant and charming!
Miss, your temperament is really charming. Can we make friends?
Miss, this dress of yours is really nice. Where did you buy it? I want to tell my cousin.
Miss, are you a fashion model? Please sign ... what? Aren't you?
Isn't it? I don't believe it. You are so beautiful. Please sign your name. "
(2) The opening nouns that are more suitable for ordinary girls must be humorous.
The scenery of the sea ahead is really beautiful. Shall we go to see the sea together?
I like your dress style. Can you talk to me? I want my sister to learn.
-I really want to buy you a drink. Do you want to join us?
-I know a restaurant with good style and atmosphere. Let's enjoy it together
Matters needing attention in implementation:
Don't talk to strange women from behind.
When eyes are opposite, a natural smile should appear on your face.
Don't look at each other from top to bottom.
Be natural and don't let the other person think that you are hitting on her on purpose.
Don't touch anyone in a hurry.
Don't give up when the other party refuses, you need to make persistent efforts. Invited at least five times.
⑦ Don't pester each other, let alone get in each other's way, and follow closely. Even if it fails, it's no big deal.
This way of meeting today can enjoy the pleasure of getting along with her briefly. If we can arrange the next meeting with her, it will be a complete success. Know how to end this first contact at the right time.
Pet-name ruby If the woman reacts enthusiastically, you don't need to stick to the above practice, but you should "pursue the victory".
Contact her skills:
For lovers, the most difficult thing is not knowing how to start this procedure. Men will worry that their behavior is abrupt, and women will worry that men regard themselves as false blessings. In the final analysis, it is the man who should start the procedure. Please refer to the specific skills listed below: ① When crossing the road, say "Hurry up, the red light is on, and then naturally take her hand to cross the road."
(2) When getting off the boat or walking on a bumpy road, naturally reach out and say to her, "Come, it's dangerous here, please hold my hand." (3) When people are crowded, say to her, "Hold my hand, or I will part." If she is shy, grab her hand. If she really likes you, It was just a few posturing struggles, and then I obeyed.
If she really doesn't want to, she will "see and feel" to break free. At this time, don't force it. This is a respect for her wishes, not a sign of cowardice.
(4) When she wants to talk, naturally say "Come, I'll help you up".
5 compare the palm size with her: "Come, let's compare whose hand is bigger. Hey, your hands are so cute. " 6. Try your wrist: Can you resist her hand?
7 Palmreading: This method is very old, but it is very effective. If you really learn palm reading, you can talk for five minutes, which will greatly increase her interest.
Her shoulders touch other parts;
(1) When a car comes from behind; Say to her, "Here comes the bus". So I easily put my shoulder on her and drew her closer.
② When you swing in autumn, say "Come, I'll help you push". Hands push shoulders naturally.
(3) When I walked to the door of the meal, I patted her on the shoulder and said, "What about this room?" If she agrees, gently hold her shoulder and walk in together.
(4) When the wind suddenly turns cold or suddenly rains, take off your coat and put it on her body, then gently floor her shoulders.
⑤ When introducing buildings or places of interest: put your left hand on her shoulder from behind, and point to the buildings or places of interest with your right hand: "Where is that building?" .
⑥ When riding the Ferris wheel or entering the haunted house of amusement park: hold her hand or hug her shoulder.
As soon as she stood on the grass, you said, "Oh, it's so dirty here." . Pat her on the ass a few times.
Remember, the touch should be natural and gentle, the tone should be more relaxed and natural, and there should be no tension, because women are already very nervous when they first contact the opposite sex. In her mind, if she likes you, not only will she not mind you touching her, but she will also be eager for you to do so. But your movements. Expression and intonation will affect her mood.
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