How to change introverts?

First of all, we should think about why a person is introverted and afraid of society. What is the reason?

The essence of introverted social phobia is that I am afraid that others will hurt me, and then I will become very concerned about what others think of me, and I am afraid that I will say something wrong, so I am afraid to speak in social life.

When talking to people, because our subconscious mind is afraid of others, we will put most of our brain resources into thinking: "What will he think of me if I say this?" Then it will be afraid to say it, and most of its brain resources will be spent on it, so little brain resources will be spent on our views on things during the chat, and then you won't know what to say.

A few years ago, I was introverted, and I was afraid to talk to a relative. I didn't expect her to call me a fool in front of me. I was angry and thought I was afraid of her. I didn't expect her to say I looked like a fool. Looking back on the performance of many people who saw me cringe before, I found that most of them thought I was quiet and a little stupid. At that moment, I realized: I can't be afraid of them anymore. They will only treat me like a fool. I can say whatever I want to them. They will think I am talkative and smart.

As long as I don't attack him, he won't attack me. If he attacks me, it is his fault. Just fight back. (except in special circumstances, such as ......................................................................................................................................................................

Others speak freely to me, and I will speak freely to others.

So the core method is that we are equal to others and everyone is equal. This is a fact. He is gentle with me, and I am gentle with him. If he is not gentle, then we can't be gentle, right? We are equal. Then you will become very relaxed. When you meet someone, you will think so, and gradually you will change from quantitative to qualitative.

In this process, the subconscious will naturally relax, so I won't waste my brain resources on whether I said something wrong. The subconscious will use the brain's resources in our views on things during the chat, which will make your thinking smooth and you can express your thoughts happily.

As you chat with others gradually becomes smooth, sometimes you will talk about topics of mutual interest, and it will give you great encouragement. As you chat smoothly again and again, it is equivalent to winning, and you will gradually indulge in this feeling, prompting you to do more. After you get into the habit, you will become an extrovert.

Extroverts speak simply. They only have a few ways of speaking. The first way is to reuse the same word, which is often used for greeting and chatting. For example, when you meet colleagues, you can say a few words or ask a few daily expressions, most of which are the same, which can save time in finding topics.

For example, if you meet a colleague and don't want to talk more, just say hello. If I want to say something, I will say, "Have you eaten?"

Colleague said, "Not yet."

I said, "Then go and eat."

I believe this is the most frequently used sentence, which is very simple and easy to use. What is the function of this greeting? The function is to show friendship to each other. We know each other is friendly, so we will feel very safe. )

Give a few more greetings and chats that most people use repeatedly:

When I met my colleague, I said, "Good morning."

Colleague said, "Good morning."

I said, "It's so cold today."

Colleague: "Yes, the temperature has dropped these days."

I said, "You don't seem to be wearing much."

Colleague: "Fortunately, these clothes are no longer cold."

Another example is meeting another colleague.

I asked, "Where did you go during the weekend holiday?"

Colleague: "I went out to play, and went to Jinshan Park to play."

I asked, "The scenery there should be very good."

Colleague: "not bad, the scenery inside is really good." We played in it all afternoon. "

For example, you can also praise each other:

I said, "The clothes you are wearing today are very nice."

The other party smiled and said, "Really."

I said, "This dress makes you look young."

Extroverts' second way of speaking is to ask questions related to each other, and they will be interested. People will always be interested in things related to themselves, and then you will get familiar with them.

For example, I said, "This dress of yours is really nice. Where did you buy it? "

……

For example, I said, "You have lost weight recently. What's the secret? "

……

Friend: "I recently bought a BYD car with xxx configuration and good performance, balabala."

I said, "I also want to buy a car recently. Is there any recommendation? "

……

Friend: "I have three dogs at home."

I said, "I have one at home. What is your third variety? "

……

Most introverts fall into a misunderstanding that speaking is only used to solve problems. Speech is not only used to solve problems, but also to communicate emotions. Each of us has the need to communicate our feelings. The third way for extroverts to speak is not to seek to solve any problems, but to share their experiences, feelings and opinions. They have no purpose in speaking, just want to say it and share what they are thinking with the people next to them. In a relaxed atmosphere, the distance between the two will naturally narrow.

Tell your own experiences and feelings:

For example, I said, "It's so hot today."

Friend: "Yes, 30 degrees."

I said, "I saw a news yesterday that Hunan was dry and there was not enough water for agriculture."

……

I said, "I heard someone gave birth to a son."

……

I said, "I won't stay up late to catch the play in the future." I watched TV series very late yesterday, and I got dizzy this morning. "

Friend: "really pay attention, lack of sleep time is very harmful to your health, and you will lose your hair."

……

I said, "You know, there is a dress I like very much. I've watched it several times, waiting for a discount. But not today. Too depressing. "

Friend: "Really? What does that dress look like and why do you like it so much? "

I said, "The black jacket suits me very well, and it goes well with the pants I bought last time."

Friend: "You were dressed in black last week, too. You look and feel elegant. Is there any difference between this dress and last week's? "

……

Give your opinion:

For example, I was walking down the street with a friend and I said, "These two cars look good. Silver has a luxurious feeling. I will buy a silver car in the future. "

Friend: "It is better to buy a car by bus. Do you know how much it will cost to buy a car? "

I said, "I have to pay the insurance premium every year to buy a car, and the other is the gas fee." I heard that oil prices have risen a lot recently. "

……

I said, "Documentaries in Chai Jing are quite popular recently. I feel quite good. "

Friend: "I saw it too. It's so touching, Barabara .................... "

As can be seen from the above examples, extroverts do not seek to solve any problems, but only share their experiences, feelings and opinions. They speak without a purpose, just want to speak out and share their thoughts with the people next to them. In a relaxed atmosphere, the distance between the two will naturally narrow.

For example, when I see a car, I can say what I think of these two cars;

Seeing this tree, I can say what I think of it.

Think of the story I heard the other day, and you can talk about it with your friends.

When I think of my opinion on an event, I can talk about my opinion on this event.

The fourth way for extroverts to speak is to communicate while chatting. For example, if I see a pen, how can I keep chatting through it? First of all, I can talk about the pen itself, refill, price and beauty. Then we can think of it. Don't just say this pen, think about something else. For example, I can think of what a pen is for. A pen can write or talk about writing. You can also talk about writing as a child, practicing calligraphy as a child, and talking about childhood memories. There are many topics to talk about.

It doesn't matter if I forget what happened when I was a child. What else can I do with a pen? I can also write novels. Novels can be online novels, masterpieces, and any plot details can be discussed. Novels can also be adapted into TV series, such as My Husband by Guo Qilin. He is a crosstalk performer, and his father is Degang Guo. We can also talk about interesting things, cross talk, comedies and talk shows. Speaking of comedy, natural entertainment variety shows come out. So some new works and interesting stories by artists like Jia Ling and Shen Teng can also be told. So you see, the source is just a pen, but we can talk about so many things through conversation and association.

Me: Have you eaten?

Sister: Yes.

Me: I just finished eating, too. What did you eat?

Sister: egg noodles

Me: Egg noodles are good. I usually like them too. Did you make it yourself?

Sister: I can't cook. I bought it.

Me: Cooking, very simple, is to cook or fry the dishes, and then add a little soy sauce and seasoning. (I never know how to cook, but I can cook)

Sister: I don't want to do it. My mother used to cook.

Me: I used to be. If you can't cook and your future husband can't cook, you can only order takeout or go to a restaurant every day. (From the past to the future)

Sister: I haven't decided to get married yet.

Me: Your mother loves you very much. (related to mom)

Sister: My mother loves me very much. I am the youngest. Of course it will hurt me.

Me: Are you the youngest? Do you have any brothers or sisters? (From the youngest, think of brothers and sisters)

Sister: My sister, blablabla…… ... ...

Me: Then your sister is also excellent, with such good grades. blablabla…… ...

At this point, we can go back to the "marriage" in the previous conversation and chat. I said, haven't you decided what kind of person you want to marry?

Sister: I haven't decided yet, blablabla…… ... ...

Me: What's your standard? I haven't decided what the standard is.

Sister: My standard is blablabla…… ... ...

Me: Your standards are not low. Most people are afraid that it will be difficult to meet your standards, blabla…… ... ...

At this time, if I find that what she said can't be related to anything, it doesn't matter. I can go back to the previous chat and tell her that "egg noodles are for sale" and start chatting.

Me: Do you like shopping? Do you like shopping?

Sister: Yes, I like it very much.

Me: I seldom go out shopping. I like playing games online at home, blabla…… ... ...

Me: What else do you like?

Sister: I like singing, swimming and traveling.

Me: Oh, you like singing. Whose song do you like to sing?

Sister: blablabla…… ... ...

Me: I like Vae songs, too. My favorite song in high school is Vae, blabla…… ... ...

Me: You like swimming. How is your swimming skill?

Sister: blablabla…… ... ...

Me: Then you learn quickly. I just learned to swim in junior high school and suffered a lot, blabla…… ... ...

Me: You like traveling. Where have you traveled?

Sister: blablabla…… ... ...

Me: I've been to the seaside, too. It is comfortable to play on the beach by the sea. The sand is so soft that you can roll or lie on it at will, blablabla…… ... ...

You will find that during the whole chat, you have not prepared any topics, because the chat itself will bring you countless topics. You don't need to prepare, you can start chatting anytime and anywhere.